Cancer Support thread 88 - virtual rage room currently empty, virtual collective afternoon tea - all welcome!

[LemonDrizzle10]

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How the hell are you all doing this 🤣🤣 I read all these posts of so many of you living your best life and I just am in awe!!

DH is overworked and burnt out, I'm .. I guess just burnt out... right now we're both flaked out on the bed while the DC thankfully are happily playing together. But we are good for nothing at the moment, least of all the kind of "spitting in cancer's face and having fun anyway" attitude that so many seem to have. And we get to the end of each day, sigh briefly with relief and then realise we have to do it again tomorrow!

@TopOfTheCliff sorry for your loss 💐 and I hope Barbie is good though xx

I think it helps a lot to have older kids or even better kids that have left home AllotmentTime 😂Mine are now 16 and 17 and its gone from having 2 hyperactive constantly talking to one sloth and one hyper still but self sufficient. Though its funny I wouldn't consider myself living my best life at all but somebody on MN said to me the other day all your days sound lovely Silkie and I did think yes actually now I am travelled, swimming, very fit, gardening, going out, just organising a MN social weekend for SN Mums atm. And the biggest issue now is DS not cancer by far.

Very impressed by all that kayaking Lis I love kayaking

I think Copenhagen is lovely Dotty Not been for 20 odd years and weather forecast isn't great but I would much prefer that to be in 40C heat and fires. We loved Tivoli and the boats, gosh my kids were 1 and 2 at the time

Sorry for your loss Top

Just off swimming.

Sorry for your loss Top 💐

@AllotmentTime We're usually the same as you and your DH. My kids are 5 and 4 so very full on.

Must be the week of losing friends. I lost my gbf on Tuesday he was my bestie from college at 16 so many many years.. there were three of us young ladies and him. Such a handsome devil. Of course we all loved the Smiths then in 1985. Then he ran off to seek his fortune in that there London. We kept intouch many years. He lived in LA for afew years and we used to go to the Chateau Marmont pretending like we belonged there😀 sadly, he had his demons and the drink got the better of him. Him and Sinéad O Conner within a day. God, how we loved her. Ive being playing her with the volume turned right up. The angry songs especially have motivated me. I will not follow him. I never even told him. I dont think it wouldve made any difference.

My appointment is the 9th im praying its gone nowhere else. The lump is still there and quite achy but much smaller.

@EachandEveryone so sorry to hear about your friend.

And yes, in terms of energy, older teens are much easier. Mine made us all vegan peanut noodles for lunch one day this week when I felt rough. Sending strength!

@EachandEveryone sorry to hear about your friend.

Yes went swimming today and can confirm after a lady came in with a screaming baby and a screaming 6 year old for 20 minutes solid that older kids are a lot less work. One has been at work doing punting tours today and made 250 pounds and the other took a bath and changed clothes whilst we were swimming. I do miss the younger years though but the double screaming snapped me out of my rose tinted memories.

Definitely easier doing all this with older kids. Mine are 17 & 15. Although I did get the call through the bathroom door from DD at 5pm last night when her period came on unexpectedly and grocery shopping was planned for today so there were no pads in the house. I jumped in the car to go and buy some and halfway there thought wow I’ve just hopped in the car without a thought. A week ago I would have been asleep on the couch and going out into the cold night air would have made me wheeze. Baby steps.

@EachandEveryone sorry to see about your friend 💐

@AllotmentTime I forgot to post pics of Hansel and Gretel once they were finished 🙈 I've done it now 🙂 The lollipops are annoying me a bit but otherwise I'm really happy with them.

I agree with those saying this is all easier with older kids. I can't imagine doing it all when the girls were smaller! They both chip in when needed & are fairly self sufficient. Although dd1 has had many a moment of "I won't be doing any of this when I'm at college" 🤔 I think she'll find, she will be!

I'm just debating whether to get the girls up for a mooch to a local shopping outlet. Sensible me is saying no, have a day off & go tomorrow. But it's forecasting rain alllll day tomorrow atm & I don't really want to be out in the rain. I don't really want to go through town today either though, instead of bus straight there like we could on a weekday 🤷‍♀️. Neither of them has answered my "are you up?" text yet to see what they want to do either.

The Barbie film was lovely. I did cry a bit though. There’s some lovely stuff about mothers inspiring their daughters. Good fun with DD eating posh chocolates too surrounded by the real life Barbies in our town with their fake lashes and bold eyebrows and dramatic make up. We are very drab in comparison.
This morning I didn’t want to wake up though. DH was waving a cup of tea at me and I was still in a dream state telling him there were holes in the wall needing filling in. He got quite worried when I wouldn’t open my eyes. I’ve stayed in bed all morning.
Have a good Sunday folks x

I loved Barbie and we all had a little cry. Im going to Openheimer this afternoon. Im not terribly looking forward to it. I didnt sleep at all last night amd my heart rate seems to have gone up. I took a sleeping tablet at 5am. I shpuldnt have watched the Sixth Commandment before I went to bed it was so distressing. I think from now on Im just going to watch comedies and soaps until I get over this bit.

Oh @EachandEveryone I’ve quite given up thrillers and violence and murder and war as entertainment. I don’t think it is just cancer that has done this but the overall state of the world. My MIL passes me on her charity shop books which are detective stories and dramas and are so bloodthirsty! Half are sent straight back to the charity shop. I think my DH it right when he says he votes at elections then gets his head down and ignores the outside world. He is much happier as a result. Our house is warm and friendly and peaceful and why would we want to bring in war and malevolence?

@AllotmentTime just realised I did not attach pictures...not doing well today! Good job we didn't go out really 🤣

@AllotmentTime it is okay to just survive! If all you can manage is lying in the bed that’s fine. You just have to keep going until it’s done.
I’m grimly plodding onward fed up with everything cancer related and convinced I’m going to get a recurrence and die but I’m still trying to find even small gains to make the life I’ve got worth living. it’s bloody hard some days. Today I did the washing up twice. Go me! And DH brought me flowers. And another day draws to an end a little bit closer to the end of treatment.

Just as I was feeling a bit more energetic I’ve been grounded by my chemo nurse to protect my feet. I now have bright red baby soft skin on the soles of my feet which is at risk of blistering and splitting. So it’s feet up on the couch. I have a friend coming over this afternoon and the house looks like a disaster zone so it’s hard to resist the urge to tidy up.

I totally get all of the comments about avoiding the darker things in life. We watched Oppenheimer on Saturday, tough viewing but thought it was a very good film. Then yesterday made the mistake of watching a Louis Thoreau (sp) documentary on end of life care in America.
One guy was unresponsive after a heroin overdose and they were preparing the family to the fact he was unlikely to ever respond. But he did, he was the miracle…

I don’t even know how to process everything that has happened to me in the last year. I simultaneously want to do everything and hide in a darkened room because I’m scared of everything.

Just keep putting on foot in front of the other.

It’s good to know I’m not alone.

I think it may be because I’m very unlikely to die but I actually feel OK with the prospect. With the collapse of my career I feel there’s nothing I’m going to achieve and there’s nothing I’m really looking forward to.
I feel bad not to be there for my husband and son, but on the plus side my son will inherit a house deposit and not have to look after me in declining old age. And I won’t get Alzheimer’s.

@Florabritannica I'm sorry about your career, but in long run your husband and son matter so much more. You are still achieving (possibly in tiny ways) just by being here for them.

Im just conscious that how I react to this now might cast a shade over my children’s’ lives - I don’t want them to be grieving for me for ever. That sounds silly - but some people can get stuck in grief. I want them to remember the good times, and be stronger because of the bad.

I just think you should be proud of what yo are achieving- it’s not measured by todays standards - but ultimately all people die and what’s actually important in life can get missed.

I don’t know if that makes sense or helps. I just don’t want you to feel not having your career means you’re not achieving or don’t count.
Maybe it’s your son that’s destined to achieve great things because of what you’re going through now. Bit sugary sweet! Just chill. This is the real world, and you are doing plenty

I’m also feeling that at least I won’t get Alzheimer’s. Just brain fog from chemo. I called a face cloth kitchen roll the other day 🤣

I also consoled myself that DD would inherit enough money to buy a house and have some left over as it’s just us two @Florabritannica - I am at a bit of a crossroads career-wise, deciding between going all at it to pivot my business into an area that I think there is great need in, but will require a lot of energy and being “out there”, or just getting a job and prioritising other things. I’m finding that my work has always been central to my life, probably too much, and I’m not quite sure how to get fulfilment in other ways. And of course there’s always the financial aspect, a job with no responsibility wouldn’t pay me enough for the hours that I’d want to work to be able to travel and enjoy myself.

@SierraSapphire @RedRosesPinkLilies Thank you for your kind words!
There are certainly different ways of finding fulfilment: I have a voluntary role which I enjoy and find very worthwhile, and as my career disappeared I was looking forward to being able to give more to that - but now I’m not at all sure how involved I’ll be able to be over the next six months.
I just can’t shake off the feeling that this is a good moment to make a tidy exit.
Not helped by being on family holiday and DSD inviting me to admire her recent tummy tuck and boob job within hours of learning that I had cancer.

I had my seventh of eight chemo sessions last week. Have been lying pretty low during treatment but last week was determined to make it to my friend’s wedding which I did. Just found out someone I spent lots of time with there has got covid 😬. I don’t have any symptoms yet (I had the 4th jab before I started chemo) but if I do get it, I presume I would have to delay my final chemo? Does anyone know by how much?

@OrangePippa if you get symptoms and test positive they will want to give you a course of Paxlovid tablets which reduce the symptoms instantly. If your chemo is three weekly you have two weeks to find out whether you have caught Covid or not. They won’t cancel if you are still testing negative. Have you got a box of tests at home? Fingers crossed for you.

Thanks. Yes I have a box of tests so will test if I get symptoms. Chemo is fortnightly so only nine days til the next one. Will keep everything crossed!

@Florabritannica
i had a tummy tuck a few years ago - after four kids and no core. It’s about to be ripped to shreads (hope not!) by massive surgery. Which won’t even cure this cancer.
Very insensitive of your DSD. But we all think we are in charge of our lives - till we aren’t!

I think you’ve been used to being in control of decisions and being ‘someone’. You need to put yourself and your family first.

I’d step back from the role just now, but with no expectations either way long term. You will definitely help if you can, but not just now.

If I get through this - even for a while, I’d like to do some charity work too - but I’m not even considering it just now. And I bet my role would be a lot more lowly than yours.

Be kind to yourself - this is the biggest thing most of us have come up against

During my first round of chemo for cancer no 1 I helped fund a local cycle CIC which has taken off and is doing very well. They use repairing bikes to empower people, combat loneliness and supply cheap bikes to local people to commute to work. Ultimately DH and I will get stuck in helping regularly but currently I am their fairy godmother and just waft in and out drinking their coffee. I am really looking forward to being able to help out properly but hey maybe next year? It’s nice to have positives to look forward to.