Cancer Support thread 88 - virtual rage room currently empty, virtual collective afternoon tea - all welcome!

[LemonDrizzle10]

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quite fancy a cruise up the West coast of Canada if I can persuade DH off his bike!

I did this on a whale watching cruise. It was very nice. I thoroughly enjoyed it even though it was a 3 week trip but I much prefer traveling alone so didn’t let the 3 weeks put me off. I used to spot so many of the Whales and got quite a reputation on board for seeing so many and spotting them long before everyone else but that’s the beauty of solo travel - I didn’t miss many opportunities because I was talking to anyone with me.

I do enjoy a good adventure and in about 7 weeks it will be whale shark season and many an hour will be spent going over the side of my sons boat and swimming in amongst these gentle giants - no touching them though. And not much swimming either - it’s more like treading water and just marveling at them all around you.

I've just had my appointment through for my CT scan - 6:40pm at a hospital 1.5hrs away by bus & the last bus from there back to our town centre at about 6pm...that's never going to work 🤷‍♀️ The woman I spoke to to rearrange was lovely & has booked me for 11am at our local hospital on the same day instead.

I do keep asking for notes to be put on stuff for day time appointments it they want me to go further afield - instead I get some very shocked responses that I'm using public transport rather than being in a car 🙄

Hello all!

Very impressed at all this duolingo-ing through chemo. I thought I was doing good doing my puzzler book! I have noticed I now have a tendency to just 'zone out' on conversations.

I'm a week out of treatment now and doing ok I think. Been to the gym a couple of times - I can now cycle for around half an hour with my heart rate staying at a reasonable level and have been doing yoga and weights. Looking forward to being able to swim again!

Still need the odd nap or at least a period of quiet time in bed during the day but generally the fatigue is lessening.

Emotionally I'm a bit all over the place. I absolutely lost my shit over something I would have shrugged off last Wednesday - I was just so full of rage I could have smashed a whole cupboard full of plates and spit in the eye of the devil to boot. It scared me a little, both how angry I got and how long I was angry for, it was totally out of proportion and very unlike me. I've also found myself moved to tears on a few occasions which is highly unusual for me. I think I've cried more in the last week than I have in the last three years - a period of time that included.my husbands brutal fight with cancer and subsequent death and of course my own diagnosis and treatment. I don't know if it's just part of coming out of treatment after just getting my head down and going through it or a sign of my menopause starting.

Maybe it's both?

I have recently started crying at clips of Say Yes to the Dress on YouTube. My family would think I've been abducted by aliens and replaced with an imposter if they knew.

@TopOfTheCliff yay! Are you going to have half a cake?? Assuming guys are back to normal…

Guts, not guys…

@dotty2 i found some festering bananas at DMs house so today I made a Banana and chocolate loaf. Yum!

@ClashCityRocker I’m so jealous of you being able to start the slow climb back to fitness. I’m sure it’s healthy to let out the rage and grief you have been suppressing while you get through chemotherapy. I know I have a deep well of suppressed rage but the lid is tightly screwed on till I am free of the hospital. Last time round I considered some counselling but actually yoga and sailing and cycling sorted my head out. You will know what you need to do. Rage cycling is a cool way to go.

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips that made me laugh! I don’t think we come out of this process the same as we went in.

You all sound more physically/mentally active than me and I'm not going through chemo/don't have a definite cancer diagnosis. I do have 2 DC under 5 though in my defence 😅

Managed to change my MRI date to one 5 days later. Figured if I'm going to spend the foreseeable future ill or dying, I wanna have a good weekend while I can. Mentally a bit all over the place but I made the decision that was right at that moment so now I'm going to make peace with it.

@Crimsonbow do what feels right for you. This is a marathon not a sprint

That's what I decided I'd do @Crimsonbow if anything comes through for me end of next week when I'm due to be away. I've got nothing planned for the rest of the year.

Is there a thing called cancer scurryfunging? Cause that's what I'm doing.

More the anticipation of going headlong into menopause from quite a lot of hrt - I know how exhausting it is already!

Except I'm over doing it I think. I'm a teacher and school is winding up. My job is quite unique and I need to do some getting ducks in a row. But I also have to at home - piles of shit that need clearing or a cupboard that needs sorting before I'm incapacitated for a while.

Surgery etc isn't for a month but I have to start dialling down the hrt. Also entertain the kids during the holiday. I've put them in a few clubs but had planned all sorts of things to do with them.

Crimson I have a 10 yr old and a 5 yr old and no, I'm not as physically or mentally active as I should be. Young children interrupt mental flow I find and I've got used to existing like that! 😂

Im very tempted by du lingo. I hate languages but had to teach mfl last year. It was painful.

What I can't decide is whether to do the language we seem to do at work (though this is potentially changing) or the one my kids are both learning at school. I also need to really brush up on makaton so that may be a good option too (sadly duo lingo don't do that!)

Do the one that most interests you @Ikeameatballlunch which might be neither of those! I must admit I don't get the Duolingo love, I find it and dull, I don't know if I'm missing something or I don't know whether it's that I'm learning languages that I already know bits of so it's difficult to get the right level.

@TopOfTheCliff before this shit show I loved kayaking - something about being out on the water with just the rhythm of the paddles is inherently soul soothing. My club members are keen to get me out on a flat paddle as soon as I'm fit enough so that's something to aim for.

I need to get to grips with pacing myself. I'm just getting myself frustrated that I can't do all the things I used to do. Logically I know I've just been through a gruelling treatment and my body needs time to recover. Also the lack of structure to my days needs to be addressed. I've gone from having daily hospital trips to now having oodles of free time and it's a bit like 'now what?'.

It feels very isolating too. All my friends and family are at work full time so it feels like I'm going days where the only person I speak to face to face is my partner. I guess my life used to feel so full and now it feels so empty other than bloody cancer shite.

It doesn't interest me

You can learn languages from the CoffeeBreak website. Either free with Ads, or you can pay. I’ve been doing CoffeeBreakItalian for a while.

Theres also Babbel - can’t remember if it’s an App or Website. Been a while, and my brain ain’t working just now.

@Ikeameatballlunch definitely do something else then 😁

@ClashCityRocker I think I've overdone it. I carried on at the gym all the way through as I love exercise, but I've gone back to doing more walking rather than the higher intensity stuff. Had a few nice trips to the lido, but it's too far away for regular swimming. I'm not good at doing quieter things at home, I keep thinking I need to start playing music again, and maybe crafting. I'm working (self-employed) but I go out to a cafe quite often with my laptop where my DD used to work to get some company as after Covid I realised that I was just stuck in the house all day everyday on my own (sometimes DD was around) and not seeing my friends in the week, only weekends. Just getting out makes a big difference.

@ClashCityRocker I totally understand. I have been out in a double canoe with DH making him do the work and it’s lovely! On my first time round the cancer triathlon I was frantic about my fitness after surgery. I was doing at least two activities a day, maybe an online weights session with Macmillan then a Pilates class or a bike ride. Due to my broken leg it took about a year to get fit and strong again and I still have an arthritic hip that needs replacing. I was in pain most of the time due to widespread arthritis pains but I rode a 200km Audax in December 2021. This time due to Capecitabine I am being forced to continue resting and my joints are much more comfortable at the moment. I think I shall try to get my hip fixed around Christmas then start the campaign in the New Year if I can wangle it. When physical activity is your life it is so hard to sit back and rest.

Got my full results this morning following MDT meeting. It is BC which was expected. Grade 2 invasive ducal cancer, oestrogen receptive positive, HER2 negative. Don’t want to google but they said that is most common and should be treatable, I will have wide local excision and they will take a couple of lymph nodes too although they looked fine on ultrasound. 5 days of radiotherapy and tamoxifen tablets. Surgery should be within month.

I knew it was coming and am glad for something definite as was so out of the blue - just routine mammogram. Any advice on keeping sane gratefully received!

@craggyrat sorry it’s not better news but at least you now know for sure and have a treatment plan.

I am a week post surgery and have developed swelling around the lymph node biopsy site overnight - I don’t think it’s infected, it’s not red and is more uncomfortable than painful due to location. This is completely normal, right?

Thanks @bringonyourwreckingball - have no advice am afraid! Am hoping work will be supportive re time off...

@craggyrat so sorry to hear you have a confirmed cancer. In the rubbish lottery that is cancer you have a slightly better outlook than many. Your cancer is grade 2 so not as aggressive as some, and you are negative for her2 receptors (which are a sign of an aggressive cancer). Being ER positive is good because it means the hormone blockers like tamoxifen will block growth of the cancer. Also no sign of spread to the lymph nodes. All good news in a crappy situation. Did they think you will get away with surgery and radiotherapy and hormone blockers and no chemotherapy? Obviously subject to the results of surgery. I hope so.
I found while waiting it helped to keep busy. I tidied my house, turned out cupboards, weeded the allotment and planned easy meals with some in the freezer. Do you have DC to organise? Friends will want to help so let them do school runs or shopping or provide meals if that works for you. After surgery you won’t be able to do heavy housework for at least 4 weeks so think about a cleaner. You will be fine and it will all pass. Ask anything you like. Someone will know the answer.

I have been pestering the hip surgeons to see what the timing is currently for replacement at the Nuffield. I’m too early to book yet for the winter so will sit on my hands for a few more weeks. I’ve been waiting 35 years for a new hip since I smashed it up in a car crash so can wait a bit longer.

Today DH and I are going on a much awaited trip to London. Boat trip on the Thames and tea at Harrods booked up so far but I don’t have enough energy for much more. I am mainly excited to see DS and his new house.
Sending strength and patience to all
Top

@bringonyourwreckingball sorry your wound is swelling. It might just be post op inflammation but sometimes you can get a fluid collection called a seroma from the lymph fluid that has nowhere to go. Also the nerves start pricking and jangling with numb patches and sore patches. This is when the heart cushion is helpful, and maybe heat or cold packs to reduce inflammation. If it gets tight and sore then ring the BCNs as they can drain the fluid. Don’t overdo it like I did. I went walking and chafed the wound under my arm. Rest is the best treatment

@craggyrat sorry to hear it's official now but can understand the relief in knowing and having a plan in place.

@TopOfTheCliff you are a genius! I hadn't even thought of the double canoes - we have a few in the boathouse but they don't get used that often as most just kayak. However I'm sure I can persuade someone to come out with me in one. Thank you!

@TopOfTheCliff thanks that's really helpful. Hopefully no chemo but nothing guaranteed I guess. DS is home from uni first year and I work part time. DH retired v early (we are 55) so does most of the housework anyway. Have a lovely day in London