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Original poster

Anyone have OCD?

82 replies

tammylove · 08/12/2004 16:41

I have obsessive complusive disorder and im having a rough time with it at the moment.

i am feeling highly stressed and anxious and im feeling low.

Anyone else suffer so we can chat, i really need a friend on some common ground.

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 09/12/2004 14:40

You're very welcome

Caribbeanqueen · 09/12/2004 14:47

Had to contribute as this sounds quite a lot like me, particularly what WWB says. It's only recently that I have realised that it must be OCD, as I always thought it was just me being pathetic and superstitious. I'm not sure what steps to take now, but may try and find a book, as I feel it does hold me back a bit.

Thanks for starting the thread tammylove.

Caribbeanqueen · 09/12/2004 14:49

WigWamBam - Imp of the Mind is available on Amazon.

WigWamBam · 09/12/2004 14:50

Thanks cq

Original poster

tammylove · 09/12/2004 14:55

Cqueen, people suffer in silence with this condition and its wrong. My rituals are my way of keeping me safe, if that makes sense?

The counting and checking is part of me and i deal with it, its the intrusive thoughts and thinking that every bump or mark is serious and im going to die. I spend more time with my GP, who is the best i add, than i do anywhere else.

Its worse at night when you get that im all alone feeling and many a time i spend stressing or crying.

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 09/12/2004 15:05

People suffer in silence because there is such a stigma attached to any mental illness, but this is one that other people find particularly strange because there is no apparent reason for it. And apart from which, whenever I've actually spoken about the problem, it just sounds as if I'm crazy - which I'm not - and people don't understand how apparently "normal" people can think/behave this way. Sometimes I think other people believe that we have control over it, because it's hard for them to imagine not being in control of their actions.

FeastofStevenmom · 09/12/2004 18:57

Thomcat - i am so sorry that your sister and family are suffering like this. What sort of support (if any!) are your sister and mum getting from mental health/social services? does your sister have a CPN coming out to see her? does your mum go to any carers groups/OCD relatives support groups?

FeastofStevenmom · 09/12/2004 19:24

Horseshoe - everyone gets unpleasant thoughts of some description from time to time - just with an anxiety disorder like OCD it is almost like you are "allergic" to the thoughts - that instead of just briefly passing through your mind, they lodge in your mind, and you can't get them out of your mind/feel bad about them, and some people, as in your case, have a particular "ritual"/"compulsion" for dealing with them - like the way you have to apologise to God for them. Obviously only a qualified professional can definitely 100% diagnose that your thoughts are due to OCD, rather than being, say part of depression, or caused by anything else, but what you have described does sound consistent with OCD symptoms.

Having intrusive unpleasant thoughts doesn't mean you are a bad person - it's like the disease deliberately challenges you by throwing into your mind things that you would find abhorrent. Look at all these successful horror writers, like Steven King, and James Herbert - they have obviously had some very unpleasant violent thoughts in their mind whilst creating their fiction; and that doesn't mean that they are bad, dangerous people!

I think it is very helpful if you are suffering from intrusive thoughts to read more about this on the internet and self-help books - IME one stage in coming to terms with it and getting better is reading enough to understand that you aren't thinking these thoughts because you are a bad person. Good OCD self-help books will provide ideas as to useful CBT techniques that you can use by yourself at home to try and help get rid of the thoughts.

In general, has anything stressful happened lately, as it sounds like you have been feeling worse of late. Anxiety disorders really do feed off high stress levels, so if you can generally get your stress levels down, do relaxation/breathing that should help with distressing thoughts.

ThomCatsAreNotJustForXmas · 09/12/2004 19:25

Thank you so much FeastofStevenMom. I burst in tears when I saw your post, I guess I really need to vent my feelings and get it off my chest a bit, but don't want to take over this thread with my woes about my beautiful baby sister. Thank you for acknowledging my post. Just quickly so as to hijack, we're not getting any help, yet, been down so many avenues and don't know where to turn next. Appt with GP has been made to start us off on another path. Just wish we believed it'll do any good. In 17 years it's just only ever got worse. OCD is evil and I hate it and I cry everytime I think about it too much. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

NoMoomAtTheInn · 09/12/2004 21:33

Thomcat, just wanted to add my support for you too. It is just such an awful illness, for those who are suffering personally and for those who are trying to care for them and love them throughout all the destruction it can cause.

I sometimes feel I am doing more harm than good with my mum but I plod on, trying to be supportive, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing miserably. You are right - OCD is evil. I know rationally that we used to be a happy family but I can't remember when that was.

Sorry for hijack, tammylove. It's bizarrely reassuring to see so many posts on this thread.

WigWamBam · 09/12/2004 22:27

I would think if you want to get it off your chest and vent your feelings, here is as good a place as any, and I'm sure tammylove won't mind if this thread ends up as general support for those of us with OCD. Rant away, there are people here listening.

ThomCatsAreNotJustForXmas · 09/12/2004 22:46

Thanks girls, and maybe I will vent some more, I certainly need to, just hard to, it's the one thing that makes me cry every time I discuss it.

i hope that whoever discusses OCD here that others can take comfort and find support in it.

Thank you for being there if I need you.

So Tammylove, how was your day today? Did you have a good or bad day?

Original poster

tammylove · 10/12/2004 09:06

Thom, thanks for asking, ive had a bad day. I go through spouts, good days bad days. They dont even follow a pattern. Its usually to do with illness. i.e if i find a problem, it plays on my mind.

And BTW of course i dont mind others coming on here to share their feelings, it all helps and its very supportive. xx

OP posts:

miam · 10/12/2004 09:15

Hi everyone. I just wanted to say that I am so glad that you are able to help each other with your experiences of OCD - I feel that it is something that is kept quiet (stigma?) which is very sad as it is obviously something that has to be dealt with openly. I have not posted before with any help/advice as I have no experience of OCD myself, but have been following the thread and send all my support and hugs to you all.xx

ThomCatsAreNotJustForXmas · 10/12/2004 10:09

Oh babes, sorry it was a bad day, I was so hoping it wouldn't have been.

I think my sister might have had a slightly better day yesterday as i actually saw her. I was hoping the same might be true of you.

Hope today is better. If only every day was a good day aye. I don't get how there doesn't seem to be anyway of making it better, we can't even control my sisters slightly, have triesd so many things in 17 yeears, all to no avail

Thinking of all OCD sufferes and hoping today is a better day for you. TC xx

WigWamBam · 11/12/2004 21:59

Tammylove, how have you been today? Sorry I couldn't get back to you last night.

Original poster

tammylove · 11/12/2004 22:28

not too bad honey, wwb, thanks. Ive felt a bit better today, we will see wot 2 moro brings xx

OP posts:

fruitcake · 11/12/2004 22:48

So sorry about your OCD troubles. Have you tried Prozac? I'm on it & have been for years. No more OCD (well, maybe a little but definitely bearable) and my chronic depression (since childhood) is under control. Am also in therapy, which is very, very helpful and necessary. It's good to talk about it. I send you many hugs and xxs.

Gilli · 12/12/2004 21:09

Tammylove - all your obsessions were mine except my safe number was 12! Would it help to tell you that after many years of suffering it eventually faded away as I got more control over my life? It could come back, I know, but so far I have been more or less free for 3 years, athough I have to remind myself that I'm tired when I try and slip back. There IS an end to it, it is NOT a life sentence: you just need to keep looking for the solution. IMHO drugs do nothing at all to help> I f i can help more I'm happy to chat. You are not alone, and not mad: it is a straightforward condition and it can go away.

fruitcake · 12/12/2004 21:13

Yes, I agree. It can go away; you might even be able to control it eventually by refusing to give in? It's such a compulsion, tho, and I would feel so anxious if I didn't give in to it. Try anything you think might help. We're all here, anyway, ready to chat.

NoMoomAtTheInn · 12/12/2004 21:23

Can I just ask - of those here who have had CBT - how long did you have it for, how long did it take to start seeing an improvement, etc? Did you get referred through the NHS and did you have to wait a long time for it?

Sorry for all the questions, but I am convinced that CBT has to be the way forward for us - difficulty is convincing my mum.

feastofstevenmom · 12/12/2004 21:48

Hi NoMoom.
I had 10 weekly sessions. Hard to say how much of the improvement was down to the CBT, and how much was down to the Prozac tbh. I think that the Prozac sort of kickstarted off my recovery, and the CBT built on that. The CBT is also meant to be more permanent a solution (i.e. better at preventing relapse than meds alone). I certainly think the CBT has been beneficial. The good thing about the CBT is it makes you look critically at your thought processes/attitudes towards responsibility etc - and you get to deal with someone who really understands the tortuous logic you are applying to everything.

Didn't wait for an NHS referral. Would probably have taken over a year. The guy I saw said that an urgent priority case in his trust would take a few months for a referral to him.

NoMoomAtTheInn · 12/12/2004 21:56

Thanks mts. I really think this is what she needs - 'torturous logic' and destructive thought processes are exactly what we're dealing with.

The other day she rang me at work in a complete panic asking me if I had put a toothbrush in the dining room, as she'd found it on the floor. When I said 'no', she immediately told me that she must have had an 'absence' and put it there herself without knowing - 'I don't remember doing it but I must have gone unconscious for a while and put it there'. She started crying, etc etc, I'm trying to calm her down with customers staring at me.

She would not take my explanation that, just perhaps, it was more likely the work of my very mischievious 18-month-old ds, who is currently obsessed with my electric toothbrush...

feastofstevenmom · 12/12/2004 22:04

oh dear - the whole asking for reassurance thing does nobody any good - only temporarily makes the OCD sufferer feel better, till they find the next thing to worry about, and drives the family member/friend round the bend!

one of the ground rules set by my CBT guy was that I wasn't allowed to ask for reassurance, and if I did, DH wasn't to give it. once I stopped asking for reassurance, my relationship with DH improved enormously, as he wasn't being dragged into my problems so much

WigWamBam · 13/12/2004 22:38

Gilli, can I ask how you managed to take control of your OCD? I've had it for ten years and it seems to get more out of control as time goes by! ADs are suppressing it a bit, but not enough.

Tammylove, how are you doing today?

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