This may sound bonkers

[stillvicarinatutu]

I'm 50 . Haven't been able to exercise properly for around a year due to athritis.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up because of crushing pain in my upper chest . I could hardly breathe . I laid for around 30 mins. Hardly breathing! Then the pain subsided. Thought nothing more of it . Since then I've felt palpitations several times. No pain or anything- just a fluttering heart while resting . Didn't last long . Few mins maybe ? On and off ?

All fine again . I have slightly high blood pressure, take a low dose ramipril (when I remember to )

I'm slightly freaked out because tonight I saw a post on fb from a colleague who is a couple of years younger than me- she had a fluttery heart - had an ecg - called straight to a&e ! She's had a heart attack!

Am I being a bit paranoid? I've been fine . Just palpitations. No pain . I'm always tired and out that down to menopause and I'm unfit now as can't run as I used to do for exercise.

I'm being daft and paranoid aren't I ?

Medical review ASAP.

50, central crushing chest pain/tightness and shortness of breath plus a cardiac risk factor (hypertension) for me would mean cardiac cause needs to be ruled out.

Could be first sign of angina or something else entirely.

You could mess about with GP appointments unless you know you can get one quickly, but you probably need an ECG and a Troponin level taking as a minimum which means a hospital trip in most places, there's normally a rapid access cardiology clinic in most big hospitals, and your GP, or ED would normally be able to refer you in.

Oh ffs .

Can't my go just do an ecg ?

I'm being daft and paranoid aren't I ? Er, no.

You need to get it checked.

You're on Ramipril for a reason. Start taking it every day, not just when you remember.

You had serious chest pain for a reason . Healthy hearts don't hurt.

I'd stop being so casual about your health, take it seriously and get fully checked out.

You really need to get checked out, a bit shocked you haven’t.

I'm a bit like - if I calk it - I calk it . My family would be provided for and I'm not really living life to the max these days . Ex hubby would have mortgage paid , he'd have 120k life insurance, plus my pension, kids would have 20k each .... cash now - house later .

Does that sound really bad ? I'm a single lonely person not exactly living a good life - I've always thought I'm worth more dead tbh !

I'll take my blood pressure in the morning. I know I've got a bit blase. I'm just genuinely not that fussed if I go and it's quick ....family would be way way better off financially. I've got no one who's miss me Cept the dogs ! My dd would take them I'm sure . I'll speak to the gp I think . I'm sure it was reflux or something. I'll see what doc says . I hate our local hospital with a passion. Don't fancy it much .

Op please do speak to your GP about your physical symptoms but also how you feel. You seem depressed to me. It's not normal for a 50 year to think that it would be no big deal if they died.

Good luck.

Also after seeing to the very immediate issue also have a chat to your gp about all those feelings too as you may be depressed.

Oh I know I'm depressed- take sertraline for that but never made much difference. My circs are what depress me and I can't change those . I'm pretty pragmatic. I aren't crying all day . I'm just not that fussed if I die . Sounds awful but it wouldn't half solve the rest of the families financial situations. I don't see them anyway . Ds is abroad . Dd has her own life now , she's buying a house . Ex hub is seeing someone. Like I say I'm fine - just not overly fussed and I know it would definitely solve a few financial issues for the rest of the family cos I'm worth wayyyyy more dead than alive ! I don't like hospitals at all . I'll see . I'll take my blood pressure when I get up . I don't sleep in case you wondered ! Meant to
Start work at 9 . Haven't been to bed yet . I'm like a bloody student .

I am absolutely fine btw . Absolutely fine . Just alright with whatever happens . As long as I do t have a stroke and end up a vegetable 🥕. Anything else I'm fine with . I think my life was always to make other peoples better . I've done that for most of it and I'm so well insured if I did keel over a fair few people would benefit!
I aren't sad or lonely . I'm just not overly bothered about stuff anymore . And it feels alright actually!
Shall do blood pressure after a sleep .

I’m really sorry you feel like that. I know from how you speak on here that you seem a really practical person but I wonder if, and I’m sorry if this is far off the mark, that you’re using that practicality to negate / paper over any emotions that might be easier denied. I’m not putting this very well sorry. Look. You can try other antidepressants, they all work a little differently. You can get your heart checked (please do)!

If this was your child what would you want them to do. Hell, I hear you show so much compassion on here to people and know you must in your job daily, based on that, so what would you want anyone to do if they were you? I have a feeling it would be very different to what you’re suggesting for yourself.

Just based on your interactions here you’re worth the money you mention many times over.

Also, you created this post for a reason, I would listen to that reason, nurture it a bit.

Overarmour

Bless you that's really lovely. I do appreciate that .
I'm just not feeling much really at min - menopause maybe . But I messed my life up about 8 years ago and in that period nothing much has changed. I am really fine in myself . I function absolutely normally. Yep you're right I do care lots about people and I continue to do that.

I just can't change how I feel in myself and I do know my family would appreciate the help financially if anything were to happen to me .

My ex hubby actually joked it would be worth it to get the mortgage paid off . And it probably would be now we've been separated 8 years I don't t want to grow old alone , and I will - I absolutely know this now . So if everyone else is sorted and happy then I'm happy . Seriously- I have no family left , sister died , no parents , no grandparents- I've got the
Kids
But they're away doing their thing now ! And I'm glad . They're fine . They'd be finer with 20k in the bank ! I'm not planning on going anywhere. I'm just ok if fate takes over ! I dont actively want to go anywhere. Well not unless there's Pinot Grigio where I end up . And Jamie Oliver cook books .

I'll ring the gp . But it's just taken me 2 months to phone the vet and get a repeat prescription
I'm a bit useless at min . ( I did have a supply of meds for the hound but I should have got him a vet check ) bloody rip off they are . £47 quid to say yeah nothing changed then £20 for the repeat prescription then I have to buy the meds ! Should have been a vet .

You need to go to A&E for an ECG as you had central chest pain (significant) followed by palpitations and have hypertension
ED nurse here

Ok thanks x

You are not remotely fucking fine! There may well be something very wrong with your heart and you don't care if you live or die! None of that is the slightest bit fine!

Odds are in any case that a heart attack wouldn't kill you. It would just reduce the quality of your life, probably for decades. In any case, you really think it won't do anything to your kids to have you die at 50? IT WILL.

You are not fine. You are in a deep funk, and this is a major wake-up call. I know you have a tough job; maybe you need to reevaluate that. You need to take better care of your health, both physical and mental. You need to take your health seriously. You need to invest in making your life a rich and enjoyable one. Don't give me some bullshit about how that's not an option. It is.

Both depression and cardiac issues are common in long covid.

You need to get cardiac issues checked out asap. And then talk to GP about your mood, which comes across as terrifically low.

Your GP may be able to do an ECG.

You need to be checked out. You’re thinking you’ll have a big heart attack and die but chances are you’ll just end up disabled and unable to do things for yourself for years and years. Who wants that? (Said as someone who is disabled).

Also, do you take HRT? You’re prime menopausal age and that can cause depression, anxiety and chest pains. HRT will help. Honestly.

I have had many ECG done by the practice nurse at the GP surgery. Give them a call. Usually I speak to a GP on the phone who sends me for an ECG with the nurse then I wait with the print out to see the GP.

This is the only thing our GP surgery does right.

*@stillvicarinatutu apart from the chest pain, I could have written your posts word for word. Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in feeling like this. x

The only thing that sounds bonkers is that you are not getting checked out by your GP, both for your heart symptoms and depression.

You have children, they may be away doing their thing, but I am sure they would rather have you around than 20k in their bank account. And, who is going to take care of your dog if you end up seriously ill, or worse?

Ok I've rung gp - gp will call me Tuesday. They can refer me for an ecg with the nurse . I just don't wanna go to a&e!

Thanks blobby - it's a bit crappy isn't it ? Hope you're ok