This may sound bonkers

[stillvicarinatutu]

I'm 50 . Haven't been able to exercise properly for around a year due to athritis.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up because of crushing pain in my upper chest . I could hardly breathe . I laid for around 30 mins. Hardly breathing! Then the pain subsided. Thought nothing more of it . Since then I've felt palpitations several times. No pain or anything- just a fluttering heart while resting . Didn't last long . Few mins maybe ? On and off ?

All fine again . I have slightly high blood pressure, take a low dose ramipril (when I remember to )

I'm slightly freaked out because tonight I saw a post on fb from a colleague who is a couple of years younger than me- she had a fluttery heart - had an ecg - called straight to a&e ! She's had a heart attack!

Am I being a bit paranoid? I've been fine . Just palpitations. No pain . I'm always tired and out that down to menopause and I'm unfit now as can't run as I used to do for exercise.

I'm being daft and paranoid aren't I ?

How are you doing now? Hope you're ok.

I'm fine thanks - got a gp appt Tuesday

Was your blood pressure okay?

Hi OP. I understand how you feel. I’m 47 and feel much the same way. But my kids are still children and I don’t want to leave them without a mum. I love them beyond measure. But they are pretty much the only reason for living. I can only see years of loneliness ahead, once they’ve flown the nest. Sending you my good wishes. X

OP, I know how you feel and it's common at our age. But if you can get through this, there is so much life still has for you! Have you tried HRT? It can help with the joints and the bleakness. It can make you feel like you again. It's possible that even though you feel you messed up eight years ago, and that how things are now all stems from that, maybe it's been peri- and menopause too contributing to feeling you have nothing left to offer, because at 50 we still have our best years ahead! No responsibilities, kids successfully raised, no more periods pretty soon, just life for the taking. Many women start new careers at our age. If you can get your physical and emotional health sorted - and you can! - there is so much still out there for you.

I'm actually on HRT and anti depressants .