Nut allergy sufferers: can you explain this for me?

[goodmorningsunny]

Since I was little, I've always known my dad has a nut allergy. However, he's always been a bit over-the-top about it, talking to anyone who will listen about how difficult it is etc etc. it sort of defines him.

My mum recently accidentally bought a plant based butter that she and my dad were eating for about 3 weeks before I noticed it was an almond butter. When I pointed this out to my dad, he went very red and changed the topic, saying "well that was lucky".

Was it though? He's always said he's allergic to all nuts. He's made us leave restaurants if he suspected they put nuts in things. He constantly carries an epipen, makes my mum carry one and teaches me and my brother how to use it at least once a year.

Is it possible to have nuts when you're allergic, to eat almonds for 3 weeks and not react (granted, not in huge quantities), and get "lucky"? Is there something I'm missing here?

It's possible it's fabricated, as you're suggesting, but my GP is extremely stingy with Epipens as they need to be regularly replaced after their use-by dates (6 months to a year). So if these are prescribed that would be unusual without a clear test result. But even if fabricated it has become a genuine need to tell this story or perhaps just very difficult to back away from it. A bit of light piss-taking could be in order if it won't wind him up, but as he's living with you go easy on his quirks as we are none of us without them, and maybe this goes deep for some reason that will just be impossible or humiliating to expose.

Hmm, my SIL had a nut allergy she made a big fuss about until my DC was diagnosed with one as a baby.
Naturally I started asking her for advice, and queried things as it was conflicting with the advice I'd been given then all of a sudden she announced she'd grown out of hers.

@BackAche21 that is a good point that it would be humiliating to expose. He's a very particular guy and completely in his own world, love him dearly but he has a habit of taking everything to the extreme! He's currently refusing to eat anything but Heinz baked beans because he says any other brands are likely to cause an allergic reaction for nut allergy sufferers... it's a topic we have to listen to every day... "I can't have coconut milk, it'll cause me to react to the nut, I can't have anything but Heinz beans, it'll cause a reaction..." I'm sure I'm just as annoying but yeah...

He actually put my daughter in hospital a few weeks ago because he gave her cheese and she's allergic to dairy. He knows to is very well but "forgot". Obviously I completely don't blame him, it was definitely an accident but it's frustrating to hear him go on about all the things he can't eat and then not care about other peoples alllergies in the house! (To reiterate, my parents live with me in my house, my husband has to pay for us all on his single salary as I'm on mat leave and don't have an income right now...). Not trying to be overly defensive, but just to put it all into context, we actually manage just fine but I don't want anyone thinking I'm being ungrateful!

I would find that quite trying too! But it sounds like 'being allergic' (which he may be) has become some kind of coping mechanism for something else going on.

Have you considered ARFID? Some of the things you've said (eg your daughter's allergy) made me wonder about ASD....? Possibly many other explanations too but this is the one that I know about that suggests itself. Your mother would be able to go through the ARFID symptoms and know if it's something to consider.

I can't have coconut milk, it'll cause me to react to the nut,
Coconut is a fruit not a nut!

@MysteryandMaltesers I think that is the point OP is making. Her dad's allergy statements don't make sense/ bear scrutiny.

From your description of how he discovered he was allergic to nuts (curry on holiday giving him a bad stomach) it’s quite unlikely. He doesn’t seem to understand allergies at all.

Seems more like a general anxiety/hypochondriac thing to me.

@BackAche21
Yes, I meant to post more but the door went. The coconut avoidance is one of the things that made me query SIL.

Why don't you put a positive spin on the exposure and encourage him to get tested as he might have grown out of it. Emphasise how you can see it's stressful so it would be great news if he was no longer allergic.

My oh has a minor nut allergy. We think it's peanuts and hazelnuts as he gets the tingling in his mouth and tongue. Was tested when he was a child. However, he's fine with almonds! He loves a a bit of toblerone

Dh is ok with cashew but not almonds, has various nut and seed allergies

It's definitely possible to be allergic to some nuts and not others. There are different botanical groupings which people tend to react to or not apparently. I can't remember the details sorry, but if I recall rightly, almonds are different in some way to other nuts and are less likely to cause a reaction. They're the only nut that my nut allergic DS hasn't had a strongly positive reaction to on skin prick testing, but we've never given them to him to eat. It's not that I don't believe the tests, it's just that it is easier and safer to avoid all nuts than it is to be so specific. The risk of errors is high enough as it is, and as he's had anaphylactic reactions to other nuts we don't want to introduce additional potential for mistakes. I don't think that's an uncommon approach so I wasn't initially that surprised that your Dad had eaten something containing almonds and been ok.
However, from what you've subsequently said it sounds like your Dad has a poor understanding of allergies and also that he is over focused on the issue. We know all about the difficulties of living with allergies here as we are a multi allergic family but we don't let it become an all consuming thing. He probably would benefit from seeing a specialist to get proper diagnoses and dietary advice but the waiting lists are long unfortunately, and if he doesn't want to change it's going to be hard for you to persuade him. If he has an EpiPen I'd be surprised if there is no basis for it as it's quite difficult to get them prescribed, but it does all sound a bit odd, and certainly not a typical allergy story.

I'm surprised that the GP would prescribe an epipen for someone who has self reported a nut allergy with no history of anaphylaxis.

Do you think your DDad would be prepared to have an up to date allergy test to clarify what he's allergic to? Perhaps you could mention that as he is living with you it would be helpful to have a clear list of what he must avoid, so you can manage shared cooking/prep areas.

My DD reacted to peanuts at first try aged 1. Confirmed by RAST blood test. They re did the blood test at age 4 and the levels had massively decreased so they did a food test - increasing the amount of peanut butter given over the period of 4 hours on the hospital ward. She didn't react at all - allergy resolved. Fantastic - although she hated peanut butter after having to eat so much.

A year later she asked to try a peanut - and had an instant reaction. So we just avoid now. The consultant said reactions can change over time - sometimes it can be mild, and sometimes anaphylactic, so best to avoid

I have different reactions to different nuts in different format. It's taken Mr years to work out what is OK and what isn't and it's changed over time. Peanuts are fine. Walnuts and Brazil nuts are a hard no and always have been. Almonds have no immediate effect but give me asthma over the next few days and are worse when ground up (I think). Pecans used to be OK but sadly now are not. Hazelnuts are totally fine. If anyone could explain that to me I'd be grateful! I'm also conscious that to other people this sounds made up so I try to keep quiet about it.

My child has an allergy to peanuts. We avoid all nuts in case of cross contamination with peanuts. (We dont avoid may contain peanuts).

Likely if my son ate almond butter he would be fine, we still say he has a severe nut allergy and avoid all nuts as that is the truth and safest way to describe it.

Epipens can be difficult to get and expire every year (or sooner) so if your dad is still beinf prescribed then it should be taken seriously. You can outgrow allergies but apparently unlikley after age 10 i read.

Peanut and tree nut allergies are different things. Peanuts are legumes so a different botanical class. It's not uncommon to react to tree nuts but not legumes or vice versa. And within nuts there are different groups which are more or less similar to each other. Not all nuts are the same. So it's quite possible to react differently to different nuts.
I know what you mean about people thinking you are making things up though. We have a range of allergies in our family - all formally medically diagnosed - some of which are immediate and typical IgE mediated reactions, and some of which are delayed, non IgE mediated reactions and lots of people think I'm making things up. I just ignore them and carry on keeping my family safe.

Cashews, although we refer to them as nuts, aren't actually nuts

I don't know about your Dad but think that some people apply the word 'allergy' for food dislikes in the same way as 'flu' is used for any slight cold.

My aunt is allergic to pork... but happily eats bacon sandwiches.

My daughter is allergic to peanuts (in the sense that her skin reddens/swells/itches if she touches one or she vomits if traces of peanut are in her food). It is difficult to explain to people that she is not allergic to nuts. She loves them and would love to be able to eat peanuts.

He wasn't allergic when she met him

He might have been. Often an allergy gets worse with each exposure so he may have been mildly allergic and not realised.

This is definitely true of older people. "Allergic" can be used as a generic term for "I don't like them plus I'm interesting and quirky".

@LiesDoNotBecomeUs it's true that people do misuse the term allergy, but it is possible to be allergic to a food in some forms but not others. I've never heard of a pork/bacon difference and it does sound unlikely, but it's perfectly possible for example for someone with a cows' milk allergy to be able to eat some cheeses because the way they have been processed makes the protein more difficult for the immune system to "recognise". Ditto raw vs cooked for a number of foods - cooking can denature proteins sufficiently for some allergic people not to react. One of my children can tolerate egg in some forms but not others. So though it's unlikely, I guess it's possible that the processing of bacon might somehow make it tolerable for someone who reacts to pork in other forms.
And you don't have to have the typical IgE mediated reaction for an allergy to be real. The immune system contains lots of different components and reactions are different depending on precisely how the reaction is mediated.
So whilst I'm sure that some people do say they are allergic to something when they just don't like it and that is definitely not helpful to actual allergy sufferers, it's difficult to judge. Allergy is a complex subject and it's potentially dangerous to be dismissive of reactions that aren't "typical" or consistent. My youngest DS used to go to a joint clinic run by a paediatric immunologist and gastroenterologist together. I remember the immunologist saying that she had the "easy" part of the job as she was dealing mainly with IgE mediated allergies that are comparatively well recognised and understood but that the gastroenterologist had a much more difficult task dealing with often confusing symptoms and not many reliable diagnostic tests.
It took me a long time to get my youngest son's rare allergic condition diagnosed and it was even suggested by our local paediatrician that I see a psychiatrist at one point as I must be imagining it. But I knew I wasn't and when we eventually got to that specialist clinic at the children's hospital I was completely vindicated. Since then I have been wary of judging other people's allergies/intolerance as even when they sound barking mad, they might be telling the truth.

My DS (and me too) is allergic to peanuts. As well as a few other other allergies and all taken very seriously by school. His teacher was very surprised when I randomly happened to say he is not allergic to tree nuts, only peanuts. He was tested for lots of different types of nuts and all negative. Many people just have no idea that you can be allergic to one type of nuts and not another. And peanuts are a legume anyway.

I am also only allergic to peanuts and not tree nuts. I avoid all nuts though, although I wouldn’t tell people I was allergic to almonds or whatever as it’s not true.

Sorry but you are incorrect @starfishmummy
He may well not have been allergic to anything when they met. You can become allergic at any time. My DS did not have nut allergies until he was 4 , when one weekend he had a reaction to pecans and then became mildly allergic to peanuts, he grew out of the peanut allergy but not pecans and hazlenuts , other tree nuts and also sesame. He is not allergic to cashews and not sure about pistachios.
He had eaten all these nuts before he was 4 with no problem.

The only suspicion i had was sesame which made his throat itchy but he has since had anaphylactic reactions, and he can now eat peanuts with no problems

Plenty of reputable sources state that a reaction can get worse with repeated exposure.