Is it possible to totally transform your health?

[SquirrelSoShiny]

This is more a desperate plea and quite outing so if you know me, shhhhhh! (Especially if my lovely GP sees this, she is a literal saint).

I'm mid forties, ADHD (recently diagnosed), perimenopausal. 20+ years of living like a feral teenager are now catching up with me. Obese (size 16-18). I have an incredibly fussy family with meals, no one eats the same, I'm vegetarian but binge eating badly at the minute (normally after I hyperfocus and forget to eat). I'm pretty much living on beige food atm.

Really struggling with the logistics of food shopping and prep atm. No routine over the summer, it's driving me insane, I'm barely brushing my teeth or hair. I used to love cooking but honestly my family have killed all joy in it, they don't like anything I make (veggie curries etc) which just puts me off bothering. They were as bad when I ate meat but at least then I could make plain meat, potatoes and veg.

So after all that, I just had a positive QFit and am on the red flag assessment pathway. It was only 15 but I've been iron deficient for months without being anaemic (but have been experiencing breathlessness and had chest xray, waiting for results).

So this is all putting the fear into me. My question is: have you ever gone from being a useless blob who never exercises and eats like a 14 year old with their dad's credit card... to being a functional adult who eats a healthy, future proofing diet that won't kill them by the time they're 50? And exercises? And isn't terrified of old age and disability because of life habits?

If you can afford it all plants might work? It's vegetarian meals and you order them to your home. So you don't have to plan or prep but they're healthy.

In short...yes.
Age 49 I was 3 stone overweight, eating crap and drinking two bottles of wine a night.
So I planned a HUGE party for my 50th and invited everyone.
There was no way I was going to look like a fat blob at my party so I ditched the booze, started walking every night for 2 miles and dieted.
I did slimfast for two weeks to allow my stomach to shrink, then calorie counted afterwards with lots and lots of veg.
By my 50th I had lost the 3 stone, I had Botox and some lip filler and felt absolutely amazing!!!
It wasn't easy but god it was worth it x
Good luck x

Both great posts! Thank you!

You know the answer to this. You’re trying to find an excuse by pretending there’s any doubt that spending the next 20 years eating processed foods on the sofa will be more healthy than spending the next 20 years eating whole foods and exercising.

Don’t try to turn this into a project, just make a better decision as often as possible: don’t have seconds or go for a walk or have an apple instead of a biscuit etc. It’s hard if you look at it as a single big thing you have to do, that’s not going to help the ADHD brain, just take it one small choice at a time.

The trouble is it feels like a project because there are so many bloody steps in staying alive 🙄Work... plan meals ... shop for food... put food away... remember to prepare food ... cook food ... eat food.

I think setting up a food delivery might help with one of the supermarkets. It would mean the first three steps are seperate to the last four iyswim.

The walking is a good idea. I need to do that. Just need to set up some habit cues I think. The summer is a disaster for me this year, I have zero routine plus I'm permanently exhausted, which I've been putting down to peri and low iron. Now I'm worried it's something more sinister but anyway onwards and upwards.

So initial plan is:

• Start HRT tomorrow


• Take my vitamin and iron each morning


• Drink 2 water bottles a day


• Walk a bit every day, maybe while the coffee is on

As someone who is also overweight, I would say do what you can now. I'm 47 and spent a week in hospital with severe acute pancreatitis and now in second week at home recovering. I can only eat toddler portions, no fat, caffeine, alcohol or spicy food. I struggle with the energy to climb the stairs and the pain has been unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I feel so stupid for letting my cholesterol creep up but am glad I have such clear guidelines for eating now, which I will stick to even after I have my gall bladder removed. Advice on losing weight is SO contradictory but I feel I know what to do now. A life-changing wake-up call, but one that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Be honest with yourself and good luck! Xxx

@SquirrelSoShiny SquirrelSoShiny · Yesterday 20:28
The trouble is it feels like a project because there are so many bloody steps in staying alive 🙄Work... plan meals ... shop for food... put food away... remember to prepare food ... cook food ... eat food.

I think setting up a food delivery might help with one of the supermarkets. It would mean the first three steps are seperate to the last four iyswim.

…..

There are lots of steps! Personally, meal planning is more than I can manage. What I do is an online shop which is realistic (food which is easy, fast and that I enjoy). It lasts me about a week and I try to not go to the shops at all so I’m forced to do it again the next week and don’t impulse buy. Rather than doing it by meal planning I’ve just repeated that one step enough to mostly get it about right. I can’t do full lists but do have a reminder list which is something like: dairy, eggs, fruit, veg, toiletries, grain and protein and I know how many servings per head, per day I’ll need of those iyswim. It’s not perfect but we’re all fed and I can do a shop on a ten minute timer.

Binge eating is demoralising, if it’s forgetting to eat then an alarm and keeping an easy snack to hand that can be had without breaking focus are the solution. If there’s more going on then OA can be helpful if you are zoning out and feeling upset with yourself when you come round again.

Yes there's a lot of steps but that means you can tackle them one at a time rather than one big change. So for the first week just make a goal to get up at a reasonable hour, shower and wash hair, drink 2 litres of water a day and go to bed at a sensible time.
The second week you add in a steps goal, maybe get up half an hour earlier and walk round the block or go for a walk in your lunch break from work or after dinner.
Week 3 you tackle the food etc.....
How old are your kids? Are they old enough to do some meal planning and cooking themselves? I have low tolerance with fussy eaters so couldn't be doing with cooking several different meals every day. Could you sit them down and make a family dinners plan for the week?

Sometimes I really feel like running away from home and living in a flat for 6 months and just sorting myself out. It's actually the family thing that makes me feel guilty. I could look after myself food wise it's just trying to juggle all the different food requirements that fries my head.

Husband - won't eat pulses, tomato-based sauces, spices (he will eat fajitas now so we need it)
DD - chops and changes. One day she likes it, the next she doesn't. She struggles to eat things she doesn't 'feel' like eating without a fight. She's waiting for ADHD assessment.

I feel weirdly guilty about making food DD and I like without making something seperate for DH. For me he'll often hand me potatoes and veg and I have to just add an egg or beans or something.

I think you really need to all have a sit down and work out what you can easily eat "together" - if that means you do veg and potatoes and your husband / DD add meat to theirs and you add a veggie alternative e.g. meat / veg sausages then that's a fairly easy option to all eat fundamentally the same meal. Ideally find some veggie meals they will also eat.
Do some batch cooking of things you like and they don't that you can portion up and freeze - curry, pasta sauce, soup. Maybe also freeze some things for your daughter so she has an option for the days she doesn't feel like what's planned?
There's some fairly healthy ready meal options these days too made with fresh veg and lower sugar / salt. I wouldn't eat them every day but once a week I think is fine for an easy quick dinner.
Maybe try a Gusto box for a couple of weeks?

I did it.

How old is DD?
If she's old enough let her sort her own fussy meals.
Dont cook for a fussy DP either. Prioritise your health. Tell them you'll die young if you don't change things. If they can't support you in this then what does that say about them?

If you are unfit it will take months to get fitter and get into a routine of exercise but you can do it! Again prioritise. Your health is the most important thing.

2 hours a day every day will change your life. Is there really anything more important you can do with those hours that helping you love longer and better? Start with walking. Go faster. After a while try jogging. Try swimming, cycling. Anything to stay active and on your feet, getting out of breath. You will feel so much better.

As for food, meal plan for you and up your iron rich foods.

I also take lots of supplements.

I've found diet change harder than exercise but lots of small changes add up over a year or two.

Don't have short term goals. Recognise you'll plateau. You'll have setbacks. Just don't give up. All weight losers will have a bad week where they will regain a couple of lbs. But just keep going.

I have a Fitbit and use a calorie counter. Both are invaluable imo.

You need an in/out difference of 500 Cal's a day for 1 lb pwk loss, 1000 for 2 lbs.

I think aiming for 2 lbs a week every week for months is unrealistic.

1lb is still 52 lbs in a year! What's not to love about that?

Good luck.

I love the idea of batch cooking but it involves having containers, clearing the freezer which is full of food I can't bring myself to throw out etc etc. DH is removing some by stealth.

It's so many bloody steps. I fkn hate ADHD.

Could Quorn be your friend? I used to feed us all (veggies and not) with the quorn chunks in huge stir fries or anywhere that people would use chicken eg chicken tonight sauces - quite a large range. The kids even preferred it to chicken. And maybe a slow cooker would help? I used to love coming home from work and feeling smug that dinner was ready!

Cooking seperate meals for everyone is crazy - I only did that when my kids were very young and eating before us. Now everyone eats together we all eat the same thing.
cook a nice meal, serve it and if they don’t like it then more leftovers for you, and they can make themselves something. You’re not their servant.

it now sounds like you’re looking for excuses!

Cooking seperate meals for everyone is crazy - I only did that when my kids were very young and eating before us. Now everyone eats together we all eat the same thing.
cook a nice meal, serve it and if they don’t like it then more leftovers for you, and they can make themselves something. You’re not their servant

This is really helpful to me, thank you! I'm still living like this and it's exhausting and expensive.

You’re overwhelmed and seeing this as a mountain.

As PP have said, small steps each day add up.

You can do it but relax and enjoy the journey to good health, feeling so much better and fitter needs to be your motivation when starting out.

Husband won't eat Quorn but I'm starting to think I need to just cook for me and DD.

It probably does sound like I'm making excuses but it's not that straightforward. ADHD affects everything I do, peri is making it worse and I haven't got meds because the NHS is a shitshow. So yes I need a magical alignment of motivation and executive functioning to sort the kitchen out. DH says he'll help but it never happens.

Yes, you can get healthy!

Start by getting off the couch and cut out all ultra processed foods.
Focus on whole, unadulterated foods: Lots of protein (eggs, lentils, beans etc) and high fibre vegetables, as well as whole grains (oats, quinoa, bulghur).

Start walking - at a serious pace, minimum 10k steps a day, and wear ankle and wrist weights.
Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Lots of online trainers on YouTube, but I'd suggest starting with Lucy Wyndham Read and Growingannanas.

As for your family...... if they don't want to eat what you cook, it's their problem. Your not their servant. Be selfish - look after yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you.

And yes, you absolutely can become healthy. You'll start to feel better within a week, you'll start to see results within a month, and you'll be transformed just 6 months from now. Believe me, I've done it and it's sooooo worth it!!

No, don't eat Quorn, or at least only rarely - it's ultra processed!

Can you just stop cooking for family? It sounds like a nightmare. Have you got a list of what everyone actually eats?

I would do salad every night (as the veg but you add ?houmous ?coleslaw ?grated cheese ?beetroot etc) Then a slice of quiche, slices of ham, cold/hot sausages vegan or meat depending, fish, prawns. Fill up with baked potato or a few chips if you must for DH and DD , or a slice of crusty bread. Done.
Remember it's the summer - DH surely can survive without meat and two veg at this time of year.

Bit embarrassing but I find having a chart on the fridge where I tick off healthy habits really helps me. So a column for 8 glasses of water, another for 7 veg/fruit (some people do 10), another for 3 healthy protein, another for exercise etc. You could even add in brushing teeth and hair. For me it helps it all feel a bit more contained and under control rather than just being more demands flying around in a maelstrom of all the other demands.

Re your family- can they prepare their own meals if they won’t eat yours? Are there any meals you all enjoy? Again, just having ideas written down somewhere so you’re choosing from a contained list rather than from all the possible meals in the universe can make things a bit easier.

September is a good time to start. Everything’s always out of routine over the summer. Maybe begin now on the easier stuff- drink your water, brush your teeth etc- and use the rest of August to have a clear out so you can use your freezer properly, stock up on healthy foods and get your home in order so you can make a good start in September.

You can definitely do it! The key is to think in terms of life changes rather than a short term diet and don’t give up if you have a bad day.

@SquirrelSoShiny ..... have a look at this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/weight_loss_chat/4586398-in-366-days-i-will-be-50-and-i-want-to-be-in-the-best-shape-of-my-life-whos-with-me?page=3

Lots of people like you trying to get healthy 😃

So write yourself a list and tackle one thing at a time as I suggested previously. It doesn't need to be as overwhelming as it seems. Make yourself a sticker chart or tick list if it'll help keep you on track and focussed. But I still think you need to have a good chat with the family about them supporting you in this!