DP has prostate cancer

[PermanentTemporary]

Really early days - it's confirmed from a biopsy but waiting for scans and treatment options.

Not scared he's going to die just yet, I'm pretty sure they've caught it early, but I think we're both nervous about the treatment and what life holds. Got to be honest, we've only been together 18 months, we shag like bunnies and I'm afraid we're going to lose our sex life. Any thoughts or experiences really welcome.

Bumping

How old is he?

Usually they would give the treatment option that would retain most function. Ie full surgery to remove would risk impotence in some cases - so it could be managed with drugs for many many years. Or even "just" radio/chemo. All depends on the size, duration, which areas it's spread to, if at all.

I wouldn't really focus on the "shag like bunnies" part when supporting your DP. He's just been told that he has cancer, and your first thought is your sex life. If you're determined to remain in a relationship long term then consider the options moving forward and how you're going to support his health/recovery.

Is this for real? He has just been diagnosed with cancer and you are worried about being able to shag like bunnies. Very callous.

Thanks i guess.

Came on Mumsnet to ask other women about their experiences around sexual function after cancer treatment because that's something I thought I could potentially get information about here. Not my first thought at all, as perhaps you'd have realised if you'd thought twice. But yes, sex is important to us both. Whatever.

Depending on his age and if it's the slow growing type, it may be that no treatment is needed or recommended.

Twice recently I've heard of two men being told you will die with prostrate cancer , but not of it. i.e so slow growing it is not terminal.
Having said that I do know that many men who have treatment , one of the side effects is loss of sex life due to medication . Can also cause incontinuance until they manage to retrain/strengthen their bladder.

This is one of the fastest areas of treatment growth in any cancer field. They're even trialling a vaccine.

Thank you, that's all helpful. Hoping for the best.

hi @PermanentTemporary , I totally get you - been there, got the T-shirt.

For everyone horrified by the shagging like bunnies comment, the historical main consequence of prostate cancer treatment is total impotence. When you are faced with that, it’s natural to both be quite upset about the prospect, especially if you are relatively young, with a healthy sex life.

OP, from my experience, it depends on the stage of the cancer. If it’s contained within the prostate then the outlook is slightly better, but if it’s spread elsewhere and he has to have hormone treatment then I think it will be, pardon the pun, harder.

In my DH’s case, it was contained and so there were a number of treatment options, all with different potential side-effects. He went with surgery. He was very clear with his consultant that retaining sexual function was really important and his consultant fully supported that and put a whole rehab regime in place after he’d recovered from the op and things are pretty good now. Much better than either of us expected.

Best wishes to you both.

Are they planning to actively treat it or "watch and wait" ? There are a variety of treatment options even so, some carry risk of impotence but not all, some are invasive, but further options develop all the time.

Agreed. We asked the consultant, who is an active part of the research, when our DS should start getting tested as he’s a higher risk now that DH has had it and he gave us an age but was also pretty confident they’d have a solution by then. 🤞

Thank you to everyone who's commenting - including the ones I shouted at. It's appreciated x

I can't find the article now but google may help you. They were trialling a laser treatment that eradicated the need for invasive surgery - therefore retaining all function.

A shame as I read the news article a week after a close relative had the surgery (however theirs was vast and spreading) and he remains on a catheter four years later, and still has cancer) but that's an isolated example.

You might find this Facebook group useful
💙 UK women affected by prostate cancer.

My oh was 60+ when diagnosed, had 6 months of hormone injection and then 20 sessions of radiotherapy.
Very difficult to maintain an election. We have not tried pumps etc but there are options available.

Hi OP,
I hope your DP got positive news re treatment. My DH has had the MRI and been told he has prostate cancer, his biopsy is in a weeks time. I joined the prostate cancer uk forum where someone mentored concern about their sex life and feedback from people who had had their prostate removed was quite positive with the nerves on one or even both sides of the prostate being saved.

It is totally reasonable to be concerned about your sex life, really sorry you’ve had a hard time here. Prostate cancer teams should be well versed in discussing this - please do let them
know it’s important. If you have children maybe don’t bring them to the appointment. As previous posters say sometimes treatment isn’t needed straight away, if it is they can talk through options which have the best choice of preserving function. And if function is interfered with there are various options that can sometimes be tried to salvage some function. Not guaranteed and still scary and upsetting of course but it sounds like what you really need now is a good sit down with an expert to find out where you are and what options are. I hope you get that soon.

Hey @Realityisreal , sorry to hear about your DH. You'll see I'm on the thread further down having been through all this with my DH relatively recently and all is good now. Please feel free to DM me if you want to ask my anything about it.

With the prostate removed I don’t think you can have sex at all.

@Isittrueornot prostate Cancer UK disagree, this is a section from one of their booklets:
What effects can prostate cancer treatments have?

If you’ve had surgery (radical prostatectomy)
This is an operation to remove the prostate and seminal vesicles.

When can I have sex or masturbate?
• It’s safe to have erections, including at night while you’re asleep, and masturbate when you feel like it.

• After keyhole surgery, you can have sex or be sexually active once your catheter is removed.

• After open surgery, wait until the wound has healed and it feels comfortable before you try having sex.

I am happy to report this is absolute bobbins.

@Changedmynamefor Thank you so much for your kind offer, I'm glad to hear all is good with your DH now. At the moment the thing that troubles us the most is that we're keeping it from our DC, DD is about to move to Europe for a year. We've decided to wait until DH knows what treatment is required, hopefully it will sound less scary then!

@Realityisreal That's exactly what we did - until we knew exactly what size and stage it was and what treatment he was going to go to have and the implications (it was contained within the prostate so he had surgery), we said nothing.

really depends on the age of dp and the kind of cancer.

prostrate cancer can and does kill, even the slow growing kind can metastasize at some point.

op your dp might be lucky and his tumor is treatable.
one common form of treatment for a common form is lowering testosterone chemical castration. your dp needs to ask his consultant those questions.

@LittleRen that was my first thought too…