Following from RedMist's thread

[Monkeytrousers]

It really struck me how many of us on here have experienced depression - and that volcanic anger.

I think for me it comes from the fact of feeling totally out of control of my own life, just as OneBatMother said, sometimes this gets projected onto cleaning the bloody house as it's the only thing you can control - but of course that's an illusion and only serves to drive us more mad!

I was just wondering how many of us on here have suffered depression, especially after becoming mothers. You may have suffered from it before, but if you think that becoming a mother and losing status and control of your life exacerbated another attack?

The MN?s I know about (and who have posted on here about it so I hope I am breaking no confidences) are: Me,Expat,Coldtits, NiceGlasses..and my memory fails me now, but it would be interesting to know how many of us have experienced this. (Time for that poll function MNHQ??)

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I ahd depression after DS1 got his Sn diagnosis- fairly well recovered now but still have off days. P{retty sure I ahd PND after ds1 as remember it as a very dark time- but hormones seemed to rebalance having ds2 quickly afterwards (13 month gap).

DH gets bouts of very severe depression that have in the past caused him to attempt suicide. He's on meds probably for life, this sytarted when he was a teenager (his parents were not ideal- Dad violent but seemingly more affected by his Mum who is about as affectionate as a block of concrete). I don't hink parenthood as such exaccerbated anything (tiredness didnt help) but again I feel the Sn is a factor- and long night shifts. He's doing OK though, getting there bit by bit.

I've found it really hard to post on this thread, dont know why, as I'm quite open in RL about having had depression.

I had PND after DS2 for a couple of months, but no treatment. Then 6 years later, much worse depression, lasted for a year and saw a therapist. Fully recovered now, but very aware of the danger signs. I dont think the second bout was anything to do with DC, it was triggered by life changes (redundancy, moving house, turning 40)

I'm really glad RedMist posted her thread. I was a happy go lucky type with a fiery temper that only my dad could trigger until DS1 (2.5 yrs) came along.

I struggled on my own for first 6 months, with a baby that didn't sleep or feed well. I was terrified, anxious, depressed and to my shame I would even 'lose it' with this tiny baby that I adored.

Eventually got a PND diagnosis and took AD's for 6 months. 18 months on, and whilst the crippling anxiety has reduced, the anger still flares up. I have done horrible things to DH and feel guilty about the way I react sometimes to DS being a normal toddler.

I have been having counselling for a year, and whilst it has helped to a certain extent, I don't seem to be able to shake the anger. It's like there's another person in me, ready to leap out an any moment. I hate, hate, hate it. It makes me very sad.

Having read both threads, I'm going to go back to GP. Feel as though I have put alot of effort into getting better and still living on the edge.

I agree re puppets on the strongs of love (how terribly poetic!). I was overwhelmed with love for DS from the first second. I couldn't cope with my feelings.

Anyway - just needed to get that all off my chest.

Me (I think).

Have never had a formal diagnosis, or taken ADs, but have had counselling 3 times in the last 10 years, for about a year at a time each time.

Have always managed to haul myself out of it so far.

I don't have rages, I just withdraw.