I need to help my 5 yo ds lose some weight... anyone done it?

[utterlyconfused]

Now, the professionals say that he is not to be worried about yet. His height is on the 99th percentile and his weight just above it. But he weighs the same as ds1 who is 3 1/2 yrs older than him and he is solid and round. He has been diagnosed with DCD and doesn't burn energy with relish, but we live in a big house and in the country so day-to-day life involves a lot of exercise. The flip side of that is that walking to school is not an option. He does swimming lessons once a week and that's about to go up to twice, and whenever possible, he likes to ride his bike, although the weather and the dark prevent that most of the time at the moment.

Point I'm trying to make is that I really don't want people to come on and tell me that he should do more exercise because I am very conscious of it and we do what we can.

It's the food that I have a problem with. He loves it. I cook everything from scratch and they eat healthily, and on the whole I manage to control his portions. However, ds1 is very active and very lean and I am happy to feed him whenever he's hungry and this makes ds2 tricky, but also I find it SO difficult especially at this time of year and when there are parties and party bags. Cakes, chocolate etc. I don't buy sweets or choc for my children, but they do inevitably get given it.

Has anyone helped a child this young to lose weight? How? Please? I hate falling out with him but he becomes so aggressive when I say no to things. Also, he is allowed to have school lunches (instead of packed) next term - am I going to have to deny him these just so I can control what he eats?

Don't worry about school lunches - the portions aren't huge, and they are generally pretty healthy these days.

I'd say softly, softly was best. Don't make a big thing about it, and certainly don't tell him that he's got to lose weight. I'd just cut out the odd thing here and there and not make a fuss about it. If you feed ds1 healthy snacks or fruit when he's hungry rather than whatever he wants, it shouldn't make ds2 feel too bad because he can have it too - if you make sure he's having something healthy it shouldn't do his waistline too much harm.

To be honest, his height and weight sound in proportion, and I really wouldn't worry too much about it at the moment. Try not to compare your two sons; their build is different, but neither sounds fat to me.

also children tend to grow outwards put on weight and then shoot up by a few cm and slim out a bit. Try to stay chilled out about it all - who are the professionals advising you on this?

Unfortunately, while the portions may not be huge, the children can choose what and as much as they want, then they pay for it at the end. If they don't have enough money, they send home a note with them saying they need more!! (I know, I know, I have been taking issue with the whole thing for four years now.)

My main problem is the alternate aggression/begging for more. I would just love to hear from someone who has been through something similar and found out a way of handling it effectively. Along with all his other issues I feel drained by it all and need to find some strength somewhere...

I guess stock up on low calorie stuff, carrot sticks & cucumber and lots of that kind of stuff so he can snack on that as much as he wants, fruit???

I guess stock up on low calorie stuff, carrot sticks & cucumber and lots of that kind of stuff so he can snack on that as much as he wants, fruit???

Cargirl, thanks. Well, about 6 mths ago I spoke to the HV who knows me well now after 3 dc's. She said they won't even look at them until they are in f/t school. He will be 6 in April, but because we are in Scotland, he only started school in Aug and went f/t in Oct.

He has recently had OT assessments, which included a medical assessment and they said that he (obviously) is big for his age, with the percentiles I described above, but that the difference between the two was not enough to worry about.

He wears age 8 trousers and they are tight round his waist. He almost has little boobs.

It's not that he wants, though. He doesn't get what he wants (!) but there will be a fight. If I say, "no, you can have some grapes, tea will be ready in 5 mins" He strops and isn't interested in the fruit. As I say, my main problem is the "treats" (oh curse them ) that come into the house some other way. I had 13 in the house for four days over Christmas - should I have denied anyone dessert, or after dinner chocs because of him?

I think you just try to need and relax about all of it. Some children will always be more padded than others, dd2 is a complete rake whereas dd3 certainly not IYSWIM. Some of the aggression could be from being so tired from the full time school.

Perhaps you can bake low fat, low suar biscuits etc.

No, it's only a few days provided most of the time he's not getting treats then you're doing everything you can. When did he last have a growth spurt?

Cargirl, do you mind me asking - are you just being a kind concerned mum or do you have some professional knowledge?

i know somwone in rl who has a child who has lost ltos of weight. no ideahow she did it. im sure someone else on mn will be along to advise.
i also knwo someone with a very very fat ds, who has aggression issues when he isnt fed , or rather overstuffed. i have no idea if the mother does anything, as all i ever see her do iis feed him. he is at least fifteen i think, and she still actually spoon feeds him. no idea what is wrong with himn, (secodn cousin twice removed type thing on dh side, so i cant even ask) however she and her other childlren are also overweight, so it may be a famiy thing there.
sorry no help.

He has them all the time! He is 123 cm, and I have to confess that he had a spell where he grew about an inch and a half and his weight went down a bit. Deep down I suppose I know that I can't really do anything more than I am but I think it's partly feeling that other people are tut-tutting when they seem him naked or at swimming.

uc, christmas is not a time to be stressed out about a diet. or food ocntrol, or portion control. it just cant happen

just a kind Mum but have 4 dds who are all very very different, and an overweight dh!!! My dd1 is 25th centile height 75th weight but at 11 has suddenly slimmed out and looking skinny!! I've seen the out and then up thing so many times. They really do spurt.

Dh has always been "solid" I was always a puny skinny thing - genetics play so much more of a role than I think we realise, dd2 eats by far the most she is always hungry, 5 course meals etc etc but she is so skinny - gets it from me & my Dad.

Yes, you're right pp. I'm just so superprotective about him. We've had such a tough time over the past few years and finally have this dx which explains so many of his problems but I'm sure so many people will understand when I say that I just feel so protective about him. I just want to make things ok for him and do what's best for him. We all do for all of our children but it's more testing with some than others!!

Thanks cg. So have you just always let it take its course?

utterly confused, dd2 was above the height and percentil charts for a while, and was always 'chunky'. she has really thinned out in the last year but her height and weight is still in proportion. after school, there is just fruit before dinner.

'junk' snacks are at the weekend only. i dont hold back food if they get it at parties or from friends.

dd1 however has gone from skinny and slight to being chubby. but whereas dd2 has shot up over 6inches this year, dd1 has only grown .5 of an inch. so am expecting her to even out soon.

yes I've more or less let nature takes it course. I try and eat heathily, loads of fruit and minimal junk food and they eat "crap" ie sweets, crisps etc as part of their meals as puddings IYSWIM. We don't have squash in the house and stuff like cola is a big treat and only a small amount.

I think rather than trying to get him to lose weight, you need to focus on preventing him putting a lot more on.

Having said that as long as his height and weight are roughly proportionate I wouldn't worry unduly.

My DD2 is on a diet due to her medical condition and we don't have biscuits, crisps, sweets, chocolate etc and it is definitely harder to control over Christmas! We manage it though - no puddings, no food out on tables, no selection boxes (not even for her sisters) and no random snacking. We have to stick to mealtimes and fixed snack times of fruit. It is do-able, and I suppose as it is our norm it doesn't seem strange to us. I imagine others think we are odd for not having a house full of chocolate and treats at Christmas!

I second cargirl, fill him up with healthy options. Don't offer carbs and sugary foods until the very end when he is already full with the good things.

You can reduce the amount of sugary things, bad fats, etc. gradually. It will be good for all the family and if you reduce it slowly enough they will not miss it much.

We were dessert/sweets/chocolates/cakes/breaded fish, etc free for a year (owed to DS allergies) and we all learned to live without them.

Some of them have been reintroduced now that he can have soya again, but to be honest they are not doing him any favours, he has become somewhat hyper, his skin is a mess, complains about tummy aches etc, even when he have very little of this stuff a week (probably 1/4 of a chocolate bar every 2 weeks), and doesn't seem to miss them.

A sweet tooth is trained, actually, he doesn't seem to enjoy sweet things as much as he did before the allergies were diagnosed.

We didn't have an option, so it was difficult but not negotiable and at the end, all of us benefited with the new diet.

But that's the thing, we don't have that sort of thing anyway! If they have more for dessert than just fruit they have some Greek yog with honey (once or twice a week). I do baking for their lunches but it's wholemeal muffins or banana bread and it's on the condition that it's the last thing they eat (so raw carrots don't get left). They drink water or milk, only, and I never, ever, ever, never have, never will, buy sweets, chocolate or processed foods for them. As a family we have a very healthy diet. However, he is a child and he's five. Should I be cutting out pasta? Should I be denying him butter on his (wholemeal, seeded) toast at breakfast? Should I be putting skimmed instead of semi-skimmed milk on his rice krispies?

Get my drift?

No, they need all those things. Actually, apart of the cakes and sweets, and processed food full with E numbers or extra sugar, very few things are bad on their own.

It is the fequency and quantity that causes the problem. ie. fish fingers are very good, served a few times in a week they are bad.

Anything that has children cartoons drawn in the package tend to be full of unnecessary sugar (think children cereals, biscuits, "juices", yoghurts and even things like yakults are full of unnecessary sugar. Chocolate powders to be added to milk (or chocolate flavoured milk) are also quite "unhealthy": a glass of milk + a chocolate bar has less sugar than chocolate flavoured milk. Sunny Delight is also quite bad, and so on (but then, I'm not obsesed with food, I have a son with a repertory of allergies which included at certain points wheat, soya, fish, dairy, egg, nuts, peanuts, etc. and once that you are forced to read in detail every single label of every single product you put in your trolley, you can't believe the cr*p that gets into food that was "designed" for children.

utterlyconfused.

My DS2 (7 yrs old) is exactly the same. GP not worried (he's within weight/height range....just) but he is chubby.

I'm having to buy 9-10 yr trousers and turn them up. He is doing enough exercise but just has this huuuuge appetite. At one point I wanted to get him checked for PW syndrome.

I also have a DS1 who is like a rake and it is difficult in contrast.

I buy loads of fruit (they love apples) and we have water with meals only.

I would echo the not making a big deal of it advice as I found DS2 earlier, when I went up to say goodnight, eating choc (that I had put in his stocking) while hiding under his duvet 'in case I got angry.'

It sounds as though you're doing everything right. Not sure what I can add.

Oh BB99 thank you. I absolutely don't and won't make a big deal of it. It's something I struggle with my inlaws about. They think if they tease him it will make him want to lose weight() but he already has bad self esteem issues and I have always been very aware that I need to tread carefully. If he says anything re "is that because I'm fat?" I say "no, it's because I don't want you to get fat".

Hi there,

as much as I would agree that softly softly is the way to go a very good friend of ours took that approach with her daughter who is now a very very large 14 year old.

All the teachers/doctors/HV's she has seen has said that unless the girl is worried about her size there is no issue to be dealt with. However at aged 14 she currently wears a dress size 22 and her first senior school uniform was a size 20. She isn't particularly tall (5 ft 4).

I am not saying that your child will grow up to be chubby but I do think you are right to be keeping an eye on things now.

Definately second what others have said about trying not to let the child feel you are concerned.

Good luck! You are certainly taking a different approach to my friend - she just kept saying her daughter would grow out of it.