I need to help my 5 yo ds lose some weight... anyone done it?

[utterlyconfused]

Now, the professionals say that he is not to be worried about yet. His height is on the 99th percentile and his weight just above it. But he weighs the same as ds1 who is 3 1/2 yrs older than him and he is solid and round. He has been diagnosed with DCD and doesn't burn energy with relish, but we live in a big house and in the country so day-to-day life involves a lot of exercise. The flip side of that is that walking to school is not an option. He does swimming lessons once a week and that's about to go up to twice, and whenever possible, he likes to ride his bike, although the weather and the dark prevent that most of the time at the moment.

Point I'm trying to make is that I really don't want people to come on and tell me that he should do more exercise because I am very conscious of it and we do what we can.

It's the food that I have a problem with. He loves it. I cook everything from scratch and they eat healthily, and on the whole I manage to control his portions. However, ds1 is very active and very lean and I am happy to feed him whenever he's hungry and this makes ds2 tricky, but also I find it SO difficult especially at this time of year and when there are parties and party bags. Cakes, chocolate etc. I don't buy sweets or choc for my children, but they do inevitably get given it.

Has anyone helped a child this young to lose weight? How? Please? I hate falling out with him but he becomes so aggressive when I say no to things. Also, he is allowed to have school lunches (instead of packed) next term - am I going to have to deny him these just so I can control what he eats?

Yep! That sounds familiar. I also say 'because I don't want you to get fat'.

I have the opposite problem with my MIL. For her food = love and she will feed him adult amounts of food if I am not around.

He would match DH plate for plate if left to his own devices.

He also has self-esteem problems. And I am so aware that the way we handle his body-image now will make or break him as an adult.

Oh it's so nice to talk to you Bauble. That's another problem I hadn't mentioned. Dd, who is 7, quite often doesn't want to finish what's on her plate. I don't generally make her (due to said make or break problem), but if she leaves anything, he pounces on it and says "I'll have it!" with glee.

Oh AND, while MIL is ever-ready to point the finger at me for making him overweight, if she ever feeds him (which is rare) she gives him crap because she can't be bothered to make the effort.

I have noticed that If I keep him busy he's less likely to be found with his head in the fridge. But we have four children and our own business so I just can't occupy him all of the time.

DS1 and 2 are both joining the cubs/scouts in January and I'm hoping that this will improve his self-esteem and get his mind off of eating continuously.

Does your DS forget about eating if he's occupied?

Yes, absolutely. But he's also that bit younger than yours so I have a bit more control - ie doesn't actually open the fridge to look for food. But if I am, say, grating cheese, he will want a piece in his fingers. And it's really mealtimes when I struggle. He eats so quickly and gets down to look for more. Then comes the begging and the threats.

UC. I regularly have to say (very kindly)'You are not a dustbin' as he will also try to finish up any leftovers.

Do you find that he is looking for food within half an hour or so of eating a meal?

We had this yessterday. After a huge Christmas lunch he was the first person looking for food.

No, not really. What Did happen was that we had a HUGE Christmas lunch a bit later than expected. We broke for The Queen at 3, then had Xmas pud after that. At about 6 I suggested to him that we go up for a bath (he is a v early riser and ready to start turning in by then) and he said "but we haven't had supper yet!". So I had to make them all toast. He loves his peanut butter - is that terrible for him? I get the best I can, which only has whole peanuts, palm oil and sea salt in it? What else can I put on his toast that would be better? Apart from honey it's all full of sugar.

I think you have to just try (and I know how hard it is) to become deaf to the begging and threats.

We have a rule. After supper, when the bigger 2 boys watch a film or TV with us, we have a 'one piece of fruit' rule. They have supper + a yoghurt usually and then that's it till an hour or so later. Then a piece of fruit.

I have to police the kitchen as DS2 will try to find food if I'm not looking.

I hate the fact that he's devious about eating. It feels so wrong.

I'm going to go to bed now, but I like the "you are not a dustbin" - I shall take that one away with me. It's really nice to know that someone understands - I appreciate all of your comments. Sometimes I just need some moral support because the whole thing just feels like a constant battle and it makes me feel weak.
Thank you everyone.

UC.

Sorry but I love the 'but we haven't had supper yet.' It sounds so familiar. Said in an outraged tone, of course.

Piece of fruit and a 'wait till breakfast now' would be my response. But I do know how difficult it is.

Another gripe of mine is my MIL's insistence of giving the DCs juice with every meal at her house. I have tried to explain that DS2 doesn't need the extra calories, but I know she just thinks I'm being harsh.

Night, UC.

Let me know how it goes.

I haven't read all the replies but I can certainly empathise with your concerns. DD has looked overweight from about 3 yrs old - Pot belly, little boobs. Made me very unhappy (I admit it didn't affect her at all but shallowly it did bother me) because I didn't want her to be overweight and was worried about bullying. I stressed and fretted about it regularly. She did ballet, gymnastics, street dance(don't ask - a sort of HSM backing dancers class) and swam twice a week but maintained a hefty weight. Health visitor recommended better portion control but she does love her food. I always refused food rewards and ensured her diet was healthy (packed lunches never school dinners where chips are in offer more than once a week). Nothing seemed to help. Then about 3 months ago all her puppy fat just disappeared. I don't know where it has gone, nothing changed but she is now a tall willowy 6 yr old (she was always tall). So I guess what I'm recommending is to watch his diet, keep him fit but don't stress about it.

Totally agree about not making a fuss about it, I wouldn't even say the thing about "becoming fat". You don't want more negative references about that, particularly if that is something that a 5 year old can't do much about.

If you all eat healthier, the responsability doesn't rest in him. I would concentrate in improving the diet of all the family, so he doesn't even have to worry about what he eats or not.

Unfortunately, some people are more prone to gain weight than others, and no matter how much time they spend on diets or exercising they will never look thin. My sister has spent most her life on a diet or running like a hamster (for hours at some times) and has never used less than a size 16. Sad part of it is that no matter how hard she tried (and she tried very hard) she was never pleased with the body that nature gave to her. I would have prefered that she had been able to accepted her chubyness as a part of her life, rather than spend so many years trying to fight it and feeling bad about it.

When he is looking for extras at meal times, what exactly is he looking for? Is it specifically carbs or could he have extra vegetables say? Does he drink enough?

I know that you want to talk about food rather than exercise, but out of interest, what exercise is he getting each day at this time of year?

In terms of school lunches, isn't there any way of getting the school on side? If it is a state school I'm almost surprised that there isn't some sort of initiative or policy that could be drawn to their attention.