How do i get healthy again?

[Heisrotten2thecore]

Can anyone tell me the steps they took to get healthy again. Currently recovering from a broken heart and a brutal divorce battle. Now a single mum who doesnt eat, doesnt sleep and is heading towards 8 stone or under in weight. 40 next month and have no energy and have no idea how to get out of the health hole im in.

Oh you poor thing, that sounds rough. I think the first step is to get some sleep (says me on my phone at 1.30am). That helps everything. Self care is the little things… making sure you eat breakfast, something with a bit of protein to start you up for the day properly. Eat snacks like nuts to give you energy. Take a multi vit. Try to enjoy cooking & planning lovely meals for yourself, don’t think it’s not important as it’s just you - it’s so important! You’ll get there soon…

Ps as a bit of an insomniac myself I know it’s not as easy as ‘oh just get sleep’. Try Nytol for a while maybe to get your sleep back on track initially. Lavender oil on the pillow, a hot bath before bed. All the usual patronising things I’m sure you’ve tried but keep trying!

Small steps is probably the best approach - so try buying nutrient dense foods that are easy to prepare; scrambled eggs on toast, rotisserie chicken, precooked salmon, microwave rice packets, hummus, cheese, full fat yoghurt, fruit etc
Try and get yourself into a decent sleep routine - going to bed and getting up at the same time every day and try and get yourself outside for some fresh air every day - that will help with the sleep

Do you have a good support network around you? And do you think you could benefit from speaking to someone eg a therapist?

Energy comes from a healthy diet and adequate sleep

I would start by seeing my gp for a general check up and help with the sleep.

Is it getting to sleep or waking up in the night and not going back to sleep that is the problem?

Until you get the appointment use the non sleeping time constructively by meal planning. Come up by with meals and snacks that are easy for you to eat but also healthy. Nuts is definitely a good one. Greek yoghurt and fruit for breakfast is easy to eat and good for you. Soup or eggs for lunch.
I’d also start taking vitamin D supplements to help your mood heading into winter.
Find a support for the divorce battle - start a post on here, RL friend, support group.

Best wishes

Thank you. I cant eat much at the moment if anything. Living off tea. I have a toddler and work full time, even theyve noticed at work how awlful I look.

I can fall asleep sometimes, but when I do my brain snaps to attention over what has happened to me. Ive had free 6 sessions of couselling and it was starting to help but 6 isnt enough and i cant afford any more yet

@Heisrotten2thecore

Thank you. I cant eat much at the moment if anything. Living off tea. I have a toddler and work full time, even theyve noticed at work how awlful I look.

Oh sweetheart, I know what this is like. How to lose 30 pounds in under 2 months... aka the Heartbreak Diet.

Advice about nutrient rich foods is spot on. Porridge for breakfast. Chicken, salmon, eggs whenever you feel up to eating just a little. Try to add in your favourite vegetable if possible - broccoli is always good. A bit of dairy, such as a yoghurt. Lots of tea, especially herbal tea. Definitely no alcohol - slippery slope and all that (BTDT ).

And try to exercise, even if it's just for 10 minutes a day. I know this may sound crazy, but it will boost your energy levels. Try Lucy Wyndham Read and Rebecca Louise on YouTube, e.g.:

Or good old Joe Wicks

And remember: this too shall pass. Cliché I know, but it will

I’m sorry you’re struggling so much
I’ve had times where I’ve been so low i couldn’t swallow food. Are there any drinks you could stomach in the short term? Shakes, Chocolate milk, juice, ice lollies or similar? I used to find slowly sipping something cold and sweet easier in a crisis.

I'm sorry for what you're going through
As per previous posters - exercise! The Joe wicks HIIT videos on YouTube are brilliant. If can find time in the morning give it a go. Get the endorphins going - I can vouch that this really helps.
Supplements - iron, vit C,B, magnesium at night might help with sleep.
Yoga and Meditation are good. Lots of videos of YouTube. I genuinely found meditation good.
Diet wise - smoothies are a great way of getting goodness into you. A good stocky smoothie with banana, oats, spinach and berries would set you nicely for the day.

Lots of water and fresh air always good too.

Be kind to yourself

There's also a lovely lady called Anna (Growinfannanas) who does a lot of HIIT workouts, some of them very short:

Growingannanas...

Do you have an appetite? How much do you eat on a regular day?
Do you feel depressed or anxious? If yes, would you consider medication?

I think physical health is a direct reflection of mental health - I went the other way and ate my way through poor mental health (anxiety, depression, grief).

What worked for me was sorted out my internal self before my physical body. Therapy to work through my triggers and to develop new healthy strategies other than eating my feelings and punishing myself.

While I still have my low days, I haven't looked back since 6 months of intensive therapy. During this time I've lost 30kgs and kept it off - but most importantly no more binges. When I do have my low times, I now have clear strategies to turn to which are not food and a support system of very trusted family/friends to speak with.

currently going through a similar situation and know i look (and feel) dreadful.

this past week i have forced myself to eat enough (previous ED that i was falling/am falling back into) to go to the gym (which i’ve always done pre and during relationship) and out for walks in the fresh air which has made a big impact positively on my mental health.

do you like to workout/go for walks??

i’m still struggling massively but we need to keep ourselves going. we can both do this. x

Do three things for yourself to start with. One is to get some nutrition into yourself, even if it's liquid meals, Complan, shakes and so on and take a multi vitamin. I once survived on warm milk with sugar in it for several weeks after a particularly bad break up. It was the only thing I could stomach.

Secondly, go for a 20 minute walk every single day, regardless of how shit you feel. Choose a nice park or if you live near the coast, walk along the seafront, but get yourself out. To start with it you will be focussed completely on yourself and how shit things are, but I promise you as the days pass, you'll start to realise you are noticing things around you and getting away from yourself for a few moments, a person walking past, a bird, a dog, some kids playing. Keep the walks up daily and I promise you will start to feel better mentally, plus the fresh air and exercise will also help.

As regards the sleeplessness I know this sounds daft but get yourself some lavender oil. Sprinkle it on your pillow at bedtime and even a few dabs on the front of your nightie if you wear one. I tried every herbal remedy, Kalms, various teas etc. but the thing that worked for me was lavender oil. It has a lovely soothing calming effect, and once you do nod off, you seem to sleep deeper somehow.

Good luck OP, many of us have been where you are, but it will get better I promise.

Thank you so much everyone for your tips and helpful advice. Your kindness means an awful lot to me. I will look at shakes and definitely going out for a walk. I was clearing out the garage today and just not being stuck in front of the telly did help. Night times are the worst for me xx

@Heisrotten2thecore glad the garage clear out kept you occupied. Distraction is key. Could you continue with the rest of the house? A good clear out and a deep clean can help cleanse the mind. Nice feeling of accomplishment when it's done too

When it comes to eating I think just eating something you fancy even if it's not that healthy might help your appetite. Sometimes when you don't eat your appetite reduces, so even if you eat some cake and crisps, or a McDonald's it will help you to start eating again. Then you can start to add in some healthy stuff once you are feeling like eating again.

Hi neverornow
I've got work tomorrow so that will be a distraction. My neighbour came round with a roast dinner for me and my little one which was really kind. I've rung Samaritans only once today and spoken to my mum countless times over the phone. I'm going to make some chicken, pasta with some mayo. Going to see what vitamins I have in the cupboard to

@Heisrotten2thecore this might sound like silly advice but could anyone join you for dinner? I seemed to be able to eat when I had company. When I was going through my own hell I couldn't stomach food for weeks. Lived on cigarettes and tea whilst wrapped up in wholly clothing as the rapid weight loss had me freezing.... but I had a great friend at the time who brought me food a couple of times and recall somehow being able to devour a dinner while she was there for company. When alone I couldn't stomach a thing...like I said, probably sounds like silly advice but maybe worth a try? Your neighbor sounds nice, could you invite him/her around for dinner some time this week?

I have had bouts of insomnia over the last couple of years.
Vitamin d first thing (most shop bought tablets are not strong enough so fo done research) and a walk outside early in the day (as early to daybreak as possible) if you can, I read that this helps with sleep at night nn8 and it helps me.
I use getsleepy on Amazon music to help me if I cannot drop off.
If you have money to throw at it acupuncture (Chinese) is worth a go.
I don’t have caffeine after 1pm.
Protein shakes if you cannot eat much.

Read the book Atomic Habits - a must read! All about how tiny tiny steps taken daily compound and about how to get the right mental state. it's a well known book for good reason that thousands have used to turn their lives around.

@Heisrotten2thecore you have my utmost sympathy. This was me 2 years ago, I went down to a similar weight and just looked ill.

Things I did that helped:

Went to the doctor did sleeping tablets. Only took half the recommended dose a couple of times a week but boy did that make a difference. Once I was in a better routine I then starting taking Nytol (over the counter) then went down to herbal nytol and now take nothing and my sleep is on the whole good.

If you want to drink tea, do so. Find some things you can stomach, lots of good recommendations on here. And for now it doesn't matter what it is. I used to eat a lot of cereal and milk and butter and jam on toast, not great but it got me through and gradually over time my appetite started to come back. I found that eating with others did help.

Highly recommend a walk a day, in your lunch break maybe, makes a massive difference to your well-being.

If you can, book a massage, sounds crazy but human touch is important and this was suggested to me by my councillor.

Sorting and tidying the house sounds good, reading (I still struggle, my attention span was and still is shot).

I love baking so used to make cakes for my DC and i and for colleagues.

And talk, good friends will listen, failing that use these boards.

Good luck, it's tough 💐

Thank you everyone, I am really grateful for all your advice and support. I'm going to push all these ideas forward and keep busy. How do I start a RL support group?

My support network is friends as my family are at the other end of the country (I moved here for my now exh 🤯) some I was close to before the split others I've made or grown the friendships since being on my own.

I made a real effort to meet people, joined my local running club and have made good friends there.

I knew a few of my DS friends mums from school but not very well, so messaged them, explained my situation and invited them round for drinks and nibbles one evening. As a group we are now very friendly, socialise and help each other out with the children etc.

Having people around you is good, I find people are very supportive and this is much needed at a time like this.

Be able to meet up with other people when your DC are not at home makes time on your own less daunting.

Even going for a coffee and cake, a walk and a chat with someone for a couple of hours at the weekend is good.