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How do i get healthy again?

42 replies

Heisrotten2thecore · 17/10/2021 01:09

Can anyone tell me the steps they took to get healthy again. Currently recovering from a broken heart and a brutal divorce battle. Now a single mum who doesnt eat, doesnt sleep and is heading towards 8 stone or under in weight. 40 next month and have no energy and have no idea how to get out of the health hole im in.

OP posts:
Yolandapanda · 18/10/2021 09:16

I've also been through similar. Swap to de caf tea bags in the afternoon. I personally can't find any that taste the same so I have my regular ones in the morning to get me going and then switch later on in the day. I find I sometimes have a cup of tea out of habit, off to avoid something else so by avoiding the caffeine you'll help your sleep. Also second taking a multi vitamin but try the effervescent ones that make up a squash like drink as this also helps keep you hydrated but also it feels like you are feeding yourself rather than popping a pill. I have one late afternoon before making he kids dinner and it does feel like its perking me up for a few hours.

VivaVegas · 18/10/2021 11:16

I switch to this tea in the afternoon, I find it very calming and relaxing

How do i get healthy again?
Heisrotten2thecore · 19/10/2021 02:22

I'm struggling to sleep again tonight. My sleep habit is terrible. I'm going food shopping on Thursday so going to do my best to eat and sleep better. I'm afraid to go to bed as I will be on my own so I just watch telly until I fall asleep. I'm so lonely it's unbearable. Just would like some decent friends more than anything

OP posts:
BuddhaAtSea · 19/10/2021 03:03

Oh bless you.
I have been where you are now. It does get better.
I went to the GP and took setraline for 6 months. It helped tremendously.
I also started writing. Everything that went through my head, I just wrote it down. Once it’s out, the burden eases somehow.
Make sure you shower every morning and every evening, get yourself a nice smelling soap, clean clothes every day. No matter how bushed you are, get in that shower.
Rather than a complete overhaul of your diet, introduce one thing at a time. Even if you’re at work, set your alarm and have a yoghurt and a banana at 10.

The rest will come.
Big hug, it will get better.

userxx · 19/10/2021 03:20

Can you get in bed and listen to a podcast, I find those help me fall asleep, or maybe an audio book? Do you have any friends or family around you ?

Heisrotten2thecore · 19/10/2021 07:48

Thank you everyone, I'm really grateful for all your help.
@userxx No I don't have any friends or family near by at all.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 19/10/2021 08:02

Put a treat, something happy, in every weekly shop. Bar of chocolate, a paperback, new lipstick, a new game to share half an hour's fun with the dc.

Take up some form of mindless sweaty energetic exercise. I chose running (inexpensive). Run early or late. I saw a lot of sunrises. If you aren't sleeping, there's no point staying in bed.

Organise a regular change of scenery, explore a new town at the weekend. Reconnect with old friends, force yourself to go somewhere local so you meet the neighbours.It gets easier quite quickly. Kitchen dancing is good too.

I hope you feel better soon x

VivaVegas · 19/10/2021 09:48

I have no family near me so understand how hard that is.

But I do have lots of good friends who have been such a huge support.

Take any opportunities you can to increase your friendship circle. Mums from nursery, joining a local club if you have some childfree time, reconnecting with old friends. Look for volunteering opportunities if you can. The year of my split I volunteered at a big cycling event for a weekend, never done anything like that before but had an amazing time.

Things to think about getting in your shopping:

Decaf tea
Full fat Greek yoghurt
Bananas
Honey
Porridge/weetabix

Maybe a nice cake or some scones

Bread and eggs, scrambled egg on toast, quick easy and nutritious

Butter and jam for tea and toast

Cheese and biscuits with a nice chutney

Fresh soups

Just simple easy things that might get your appetite back without worrying about full meals but at least your eating.

Then you can start to think about proper meals.

One step at a time, take one day at a time.

delilahbucket · 19/10/2021 10:39

While I would say to change one thing at a time, I think your eating or lack of, is what is affecting your sleep. You say you are living on tea, but this is probably one of the causes of you not sleeping. There's nothing like caffeine to get the brain racing. So I would start cutting down on that and replacing it with food. Not meals necessarily, but little snacks. Anything you feel like eating. A piece of ham, a chunk of cheese, crisps, raw veggies, anything will do.

FlowerArranger · 19/10/2021 16:26

@Heisrotten2thecore

I'm struggling to sleep again tonight. My sleep habit is terrible. I'm going food shopping on Thursday so going to do my best to eat and sleep better. I'm afraid to go to bed as I will be on my own so I just watch telly until I fall asleep. I'm so lonely it's unbearable. Just would like some decent friends more than anything
Try listening to Radio 4 instead of watching telly. Reading while listening to Radio 3 or Classic FM is also a good way to wind down. I read This is Happiness by Niall Williams recently. Highly recommended!

Do try the foods I mentioned earlier. If you stop eating cr@p you will feel better!!

And do exercise - it really works as a means of energising yourself. Do try Lucy Wyndham Read - she is very gentle, but her short workouts are very effective. Just 10 minutes day to begin with...... you can do it!! Wink

secretbookcase · 19/10/2021 16:48

OP, I am so sorry it has taken such a physical toll on you.

The first thing to do is to take good supplements. I recommend herbal iron supplements like Floradix or feroglobin capsules, Vitamin D spray (e.g. D-Lux) and a B vitamin complex or Berrocca fizzy tablets.

If you can't eat much, make what you can eat count a lot. And give yourself small targets. Eat a small handful of almonds or walnuts for your children because they need you to be healthy and strong for them. Have a latte at work - full fat milk if possible, because you need to function, to earn a good living to minimise the impact of the divorce. Try having a smoothie in the morning, or a full fat fruit yoghurt at lunch time. You don't have to want to eat but do it for your DC's sake if you can't for yourself right now.

If you can afford it, buy yourself some small treats of foods you love and eat those because you choose to care for yourself.

Instead of trying to eat meals, have tiny snacks but graze on them often during the day and try to avoid living on biscuits or sugar. Nuts, cheese if you like it, fresh fruit, mini snack pots of rice salads or edamame beans.

Try to eat a bit with your DC in the morning and evening. Choose foods you find easy to swallow and digest. And for now, veyr high calorie versions of them, so a few bites are worth more. Two bites of toast and peanut butter or two spoonfuls of muesli will keep you going longer than toast and marmite or rice krispies.

For the sleeping, you could try going to bed with headphones set to a long relaxation meditation. It's not as good as sleep but it's second best to it. Jason Stephenson on You Tube is good and imo has a very soothing voice. But there are loads of options on You Tube. Don't worry about actually falling asleep, just relaxing the body and resting the mind will help so much.

Do a LOT of self care. Put on uplifting or soothing morning music, watch comedies that make you laugh in the evening. Spend 5 minutes every day either painting your nails or doing a quick facial or hair treatment. These can be from Poundland if you are broke from the divorce.

Keep a journal. Write down all the shit you can't stand having to deal with every day and then write down a few hopes for the future - imagine feeling healthy, having a pay rise, taking DC out for a dinner or even just an ice cream that you all enjoy. Plan some milestones that stick two fingers up at your ex, because they show you are thriving.

You will get through this.

secretbookcase · 19/10/2021 16:49

Sorry - what a long post. Meant to add a link to one of Jason Stephenson's sleep meditations.

userxx · 19/10/2021 19:33

@secretbookcase Brilliant advice, wish you'd been around years ago!

Op, you will get through this and come out the other side, hard to believe at the moment but you will.

TheLastLonelyBakedBeanInTheTin · 19/10/2021 19:43

You need all the goodness from your food to support your sleep, and without sleep or appropriate nutrition your sleep and nutrition gets worse. It's a vicious cycle. You need to find a way to break it. There are only two things that have ever helped me in that rut. Drugs (prescription or OTC) to help me sleep, or making myself eat and take my supplements. You have to find a way to change that pattern.

Have you been tested for anaemia? Tea can stop you absorbing it properly. So screening for that might be a good start. I would also get your B12 and vitamin D checked.

Heisrotten2thecore · 19/10/2021 21:23

Thank you so very very much everyone, secret bookcase thank you for your advice and these are stages that I am going to do. Sending you all alot of love and thankfulness xxxx

OP posts:
Heisrotten2thecore · 20/10/2021 23:24

Another night of being exhausted but I don't want to fall asleep.

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 21/10/2021 00:16

O.P, Re getting off to sleep l find relaxation videos really good, especially guided meditation or asmr videos on YouTube. My go to, if l can't fall asleep, is the Lune lnnate. She is a reiki master who does healing asmr videos and l find her soothing, hypnotic voice sends me off to sleep in no time.

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