Extreme Dental Phobia

[TinySteps21]

I’m after some support, success stories, anything really!
I have an extreme dental phobia. There’s some childhood trauma that sparked this. I’m in my 30’s and haven’t been to a dentist since my early teens. My teeth are in horrendous condition and I’m at the point now where it’s not just the phobia itself I’m battling but also worry over how much I’ll need doing, if anything even can be done etc.
I took an enormous step this week and emailed a dentist to enquire about an appointment, explaining that I’m phobic and may only be able to enter the room on my first visit. Fingers crossed they get back to me.
I’m tired of worrying that my teeth might randomly break or that I’ll get an infection. I’m tired of feeling so self conscious. The freedom that wearing a face mask has given me has been a bit of a push to get this sorted out if I’m honest. That and feeling like getting on top of it will be severing one more if the ties to my horrible, horrible childhood.
So, any words of wisdom? Anyone that’s managed to get over something like this? If you’ve ended up with full dentures at a young age, his was it? I’m assuming that’s the worst case scenario for me but really if you told me that I could be knocked out, wake up with dentures and be free of all this worry I think it would be a massive relief. And please don’t tell me that people can die from dental abscesses etc, I know and it really won’t help me.

Yep I’m similar - really phobic of both the dentist and of dental issues occurring. I too didn’t go from teenage to early 30’s. When I did go amazingly I just had to have cleanings, no work on my teeth at all. I have a good private dentist and now and go regularly otherwise the fear would overwhelm me and I probably wouldn’t go again. I still obsess about teeth randomly falling out, infections etc though. I’d say go for it, you might be surprised. Also get your cleaning really tip top, I channel my teeth worries into good practices eg I water floss after each meal and twice a day do either string floss or interdental brushes as well as using an electric toothbrush twice a day. Plus coconut oil pulling & xylitol dental mints.

Well done on taking a huge first brave step op!

I have a dental phobia too. I tried relaxation, hypnosis, cbt etc but none of it worked for me. I do not like taking drugs of any kind but my gp, who knows me well, prescribed me a tiny box of Xanax (anti- anxiety meds) which got me through my first dental appointment in ages recently. I live abroad and so this was not on the NHS but could you ask your gp for something similar to get you through one or two apps to re-set your entire experience around the dentist? I do not think I will need to rely on pills next time I go, or I will take half, because I found my experience to be so much better than when I was young. Obviously some anti-anxiety meds can be addictive, so they are not a long term solution, and you have to fully disclose your use of them to dentist because of any possible interactions, but they might be a good temporary solution for those people, like you op, who need fairly urgent dental help. Good luck!

Hope you get sorted....can you get a referral from a dentist to your dental hospital....that’s what happened with my friend....she couldn’t even sit in the chair...so they just referred her....took about 6 months to get an appointment tho

I was like this till very recently. But then I had a hole appear in my tooth so I HAD to get it fixed.

I listened to dental phobia hypnosis on YouTube the day before my appointment. And I googled for tips, and found someone saying they wore headphones and played music LOUD during the dental treatment.

It really, really works. Drowns out any sound (like the awful drill noises), plus just takes your mind somewhere else.

I've got another filling tomorrow and I'm bringing my headphones!

Please be kind to yourself and find a way to push through the panic.

Private dentists offer sedation if you're really scared. That's bliss, but it triples the cost of treatment and doesn't really help the phobia.

Good luck.

I’ve not got an extreme phobia of dentists, but I’m terrified of them and will avoid going unless I absolutely have to. When I finally plucked up the courage, the dentist was so lovely and when I have to go I put headphones on and blare my music (so I can’t hear what they’re doing) and they give a boatload of injections so I don’t feel a thing.

Good luck, I think you’ve been really brave in enquiring.

I hadn’t been to a dentist for 11 years on account of fear stemming from childhood visits with gas and brutal treatment. The decade or so before that was very patchy also. I developed an abscess around a cracked tooth and it got so painful and prominent I rang a dentist recommended by a friend and begged them to see me that afternoon.

I have NEVER looked back. Like you I thought there was a chance all my teeth would have to come out; I had a couple visibly broken and needed a root canal. At the first appointment he did an assessment and came up with a treatment plan but it was so much less work than I thought. I walked out with antibiotics and a schedule of what I needed, and a massive sense of relief.

My second appointment included intensive cleaning with the hygienist and my teeth felt and looked (comparatively) amazing. The visible breaks were repaired really easily and I kicked myself for not getting them done sooner. I am now off the “catch up” plan and just have routine appointments. I’ve spent a lot of money but nothing like what I would have spent in the missing years, tbh!

I agree with @AlbertBridge re sedation - if there is a way you can do it without, I think it will really help you see “around” the phobia and get it under control!

Oh gosh I'm the same but haven't got to the point of being able to make an appointment. The thought has sent me into panic attacks!

I know for a fact I have 6 teeth which are either broken or have holes in however none of them hurt.

I'm not sure if I will be able to go yet to be honest

DH has extreme dental phobia. I googled dental phobia specialists are there are a few practices that do this.

Ours is very kind, relaxed, you can take a partner with you to hold your hand (I sat in on his treatment), and they offer conscious sedation.

The conscious sedation is brilliant btw. He was aware but chilled whilst it happened (like a happy drunk) then forgot it all within an hour of finishing. He no longer remembers anything past the sedation starting.

Good luck x

I used to be phobic. It was extreme. I would have a panic attack walking past a dental surgery; not my surgery and I wasn’t going in but I would lose my mind.
I started to have horrendous pain and despite my attempts to ignore it; it never got better. I started by explaining my fears (my childhood dentist was nicknamed ‘the butcher’ and had her license removed for the awful things she did)
For a few months I just sat in the waiting room for a few hours a week. Just sitting and reading, taking in the noises and smells etc. When I eventually got to the stage of being in the chair I would take my headphones and loudly listen to music to drown out the drills etc. Over time I got to a point where I could do without the headphones and I even opted to have private cosmetic work done to give myself the beautiful smile i never thought I’d have. My new teeth have just had their 4 birthday and it’s by far one of the best things I’ve done for myself

Thank you everyone, some encouraging words here!
I might use this thread as a bit of a diary maybe? I still haven’t heard back from the dentist. Unsure whether to ask DH to give them a ring. I can’t make a call to them myself, email feels much safer.
flexandbend if you need a phobia buddy you could always use this thread too? Maybe we can cheer each other on!

I'm just back from the dentist. Honestly, I was you a year or so ago. Here's what helped:

1. Finding a calm, kind dentist who doesn't make you feel rushed. You can tell the receptionist how scared you are and ask to see the most reassuring dentist they've got!

1. Having an initial check up, with no actual treatment. Baby-step this. So get your kind dentist to just look at your teeth. Before they do anything, get them to tell you what it is. I was especially scared of the probe thing they use to check teeth, as I'd thought it was sharp and pointy and might accidentally jab into a hole and hit the nerve. My dentist showed me the probe and showed me how it's actually a round ball on the end, not sharp at all.

1. Get a step by step treatment plan. Hopefully you won't need much doing at all. If you do, do it in stages. I needed 3 fillings and a deep clean. I did it in stages - getting the biggest filling over with first, so I could always reassure myself later than that was the worst and longest it'd ever be.

1. Arrange a treat for after the appointment like a cup of tea or a movie. Be VERY proud of yourself with every step. Praise yourself.

1. During the treatment, do listen to music. Loud. I just did that today and it's amazing. DONT get them to tell you everything they're doing. For example, "now we're going to drill, now we're going to fill..." That's TMI. Just zone out and think about something, ANYTHING, else. Honestly with headphones in it's almost like being at a spa. Almost.

1. If you have any specific fears, tell your dentist do they can explain why it's unfounded and impossible. I had a fear that my dentist might accidentally drop the drill down my throat! 😆 I told him this and he explained why that couldn't happen. I felt a bit of a donut saying it, but not much, and the fear of that happening immediately went.

1. Don't "what if". Deal with things as they happen. If you're like me, you'll assume you'll need all your teeth pulled out, the anaesthetic won't work, the drill will hit a nerve, and you'll run screaming out of there with blood dripping down your face... None of that will happen. So Shen you get any thoughts that start with "What if..." then say to yourself "STOP!" And think about something else.

You can do this.

You will do this.

It will be fine.

Oh, and start looking after your teeth at home really well, which will MASSIVELY HELP your chances of avoiding having to have as much treatment done. Teeth health is 80% about how you clean them at home.

Things to do:

1. Get the inter-dental brushes (made by Tepe) that clean between your teeth. Get them from Boots. Get the biggest sizes that fit between your teeth. Use them once a day. It'll bleed at first - that's a sign you need to do it!

2. Buy an electric toothbrush. I just got one by Oral-B that connects to an app on your phone. It's amazing. It was £60 on Amazon. I can't recommend it enough.

3. Start using Sensodyne toothpaste every day now. It'll hugely reduce how much discomfort you feel when a dentist or hygienist goes near your teeth.

4. Don't smoke. My dentist said smoking is like "driving a train through your mouth". 😱

I was frightened too (no particular reason) and for various reasons had a long gap with no dentist visits. Eventually I made myself go. My teeth were fine but my gums weren't. I was referred for periodontal treatment and it's now stable. I have to go to the hygienist every 3 months and for periodontal review annually.

I'm now much more comfortable about going. I'm always worried that my gums will have got worse but I channel that worry into really good home care, and a rigid regime of attending appointments. I do everything they suggest - electric toothbrush, interdental brushes, plaque disclosing fluid.

Everyone who's treated me has been very kind, they've listened when I told them I was afraid. Try to figure out how much info you want, and when, if you need any treatment. I now know that I don't want much commentary during treatment, I try to zone out if I can. I had a root canal last year, and some cosmetic work, and it was fine.

Sometimes I ask the nurse to hold my hand when I have an injection. At the hygienist I have an injection for one problem area, to allow really thorough cleaning. I book appointments for early in the morning, so I don't dread it all day and I do deep breathing in the chair, & listen to the music. I take ibuprofen before all appointments, it makes me feel more confident. I don't need sedation but I'd have it if I did. I'm so much less fearful than I was, and really proud of myself.

I'm so relieved that I'm now going regularly. I'm now more frightened of not going - during lockdowns I practically stalked the practice, I was so determined not to miss any hygienist appointments.

Good luck OP - get your partner to call the dental surgery if it's easier. Take the first step and I promise it will get easier.

Thank you both. You have no idea how helpful that all is.
I’m already using Sensodybe so that’s good. In the spirit of total honestly - I don’t think I am cleaning my teeth thoroughly enough out of fear that I’ll break a tooth, push the gum away too much and a tooth will fall out, make something bleed and generally freak myself out more Hopefully once I’ve had a check up I’ll know what I’m dealing with and will feel more confident.

Register yourself with IAPT for some EMDR or CBT.

The problem is, OP, that there's a massive problem with dentist appointments at the moment - you might struggle to get an NHS dentist. Get your name down asap - people are having to wait several months to join a surgery.

I was the exact same. I hadn’t been to a dentist since 15 when I went at the age of 31. I had to have lots of fillings at that teenage appointment and a couple of extractions because my parents had never bothered taking me before so it had really frightened me.
By the time I was 31, I’d had my daughter and didn’t want her to have the same phobia and avoidance as me so I took the bull by the horns and booked an appointment.
They sent me paper work to ask about my previous dentistry (name of last dentist, last appointment etc) and I was honest and explained my phobia. They told me they would do as little or as much as I was comfortable with.
My 2 year old daughter came in with me and watched the whole thing which gave me the push to be brave and pretend everything was fine…
And it was!
I had the x-rays done and everything came back great. I just had a simple cleaning procedure.
I feel like I’ve conquered my fear now. I had spent the previous 15 years having anxiety before bed every single night about the inevitable time my teeth started to fall out.
That first appointment was the worst because I was dreading how much work I was going to need. Now I’m much more comfortable going and make sure I go regularly to keep it from building up again, as well as set a good example for my children.

HollowTalk the dentist I’ve found is private. I did look for an NHS one but the nearest that is actually accepting patients was just a bit too far and I know the journey would stress me out more.
Ok, I’ve got a question as I’m feeling brave. Interdental brushes - my irrational fear with these is that they’ll break my teeth. Would it be worth trying with the smallest size? Would there still be a benefit if the brush is too small do we think? I’ve had a little look at those water flossing things, again worried that I’d switch it on and break my teeth/cause gums to gush with blood Also, is it worth getting a low powered electric toothbrush? Thinking a battery one. Would that be better than manual at least? I’d like to eventually get a fancy one but again, high power scares me for now.

I went to the drs and they reffered to to the special needs dentist at the local hospital. I had 7 teeth out and 4 filling done under gerenal anaesthetic. They also made me a plate with 4 false teeth on.
It is for people with learning disabilities but I was surprised how much people where there because of fear but there is a lot.

Sal

@TinySteps21

Ok, I’ve got a question as I’m feeling brave. Interdental brushes - my irrational fear with these is that they’ll break my teeth.

I don't think there's any way they could break your teeth. I understand the fear, but they're just not strong enough. They're soft bristles on a bendy wire. You break your teeth on hard things, like nuts or m, in my case, a cold Drumstick lolly. 😆

Would it be worth trying with the smallest size? Would there still be a benefit if the brush is too small do we think?

Ideally you choose a size that totally fills the gap between your teeth. It's normal to have different sized gaps - my front teeth are really tight together so I use yellow brushes there, but I have big-ass gaps at the back so I use purple brushes there. You can buy a mixed pack in Boots, with 3 different sizes - red (tiny), yellow (small) and green (bigger). Start with those. Maybe use red for a bit just to prove they won't break your teeth, then move up. Try eventually to use the biggest brushes that will fit. Those are the ones that really clean.

I’ve had a little look at those water flossing things, again worried that I’d switch it on and break my teeth/cause gums to gush with blood

I've got a waterpick that I've never used! Please be aware that anything can make your gums bleed if you've not used it before. Left unbrushed/unflossed, your gums will have been sitting in plaque which will have irritated them and made them sensitive. Blood does NOT mean your teeth are about to fall out. In fact, the opposite. Cleaning between your teeth will improve the health of your gums. I ignored my gums for years so the plaque turned into bacteria which actually started eating away at the bone under my gums 😱 which can lead to tooth loss. Please don't leave it at long as I did. (I'm older than you.)

Also, is it worth getting a low powered electric toothbrush? Thinking a battery one. Would that be better than manual at least?

Yes... but honestly I'd buy a proper electric brush. The good ones have a "pressure sensitivity" alert on them to warn you when you're brushing too hard. So they'll actually help you to nurture your teeth.

My one, Oral-B, has an app that's really motivating.

This is all so, so positive. Please praise yourself for this thread and these steps you're taking. (Praising yourself releases dopamine, which will motivate you to carry on.) I'm delighted with you! This is all brilliant.

And private dentists (IME) are much better when you're terrified. They seem to have longer appointments so you feel less stressed.

Is there a dental hospital near you?
After years of trying to get over my phobia I was eventually referred to a dental hospital, they initially tried to sedate me but the phobia broke through the sedation (I have no memory of this and dread to think what I said or did). I ended up have a general anaesthetic to have the work I needed done.

It sounds awful but I know I’m likely to not go back to the dentist again until I have to because I’m in pain, I also know I’m going to end up loosing teeth (already two down) and that I’ll never be able to have any treatment at a regular dentist.

I was terrified of the dentist. But he worked on it with me
Wore headphones and played music for appointments
If I held my hand up or said stop, he stopped
The turning point for me was actually having a tooth extracted with just local (I had numbing gel before the local) and thinking "if that's as bad as it gets, it wasn't actually bad"

I went in for whitening and cosmetic bonding and my dentist was VERY suspicious
"You're voluntarily having dental work? And you've quit smoking? Did someone clone you?"
He was still giving me face as I was happily sat having zoom whitening

Thank you so much AlbertBridge, I’m trying! Ok, battery operated toothbrush (with good reviews) and the tiniest interdental brushes will be winging their way to me via Amazon. Hopefully these will all be swiftly upgraded. Wasteful but I need to feel like I’m making a little bit of progress.
No dental hospital near me, no. But I really do think I need to conquer this by going to a ‘standard’ dentist so that I can keep moving forward.