Extreme Dental Phobia

[TinySteps21]

I’m after some support, success stories, anything really!
I have an extreme dental phobia. There’s some childhood trauma that sparked this. I’m in my 30’s and haven’t been to a dentist since my early teens. My teeth are in horrendous condition and I’m at the point now where it’s not just the phobia itself I’m battling but also worry over how much I’ll need doing, if anything even can be done etc.
I took an enormous step this week and emailed a dentist to enquire about an appointment, explaining that I’m phobic and may only be able to enter the room on my first visit. Fingers crossed they get back to me.
I’m tired of worrying that my teeth might randomly break or that I’ll get an infection. I’m tired of feeling so self conscious. The freedom that wearing a face mask has given me has been a bit of a push to get this sorted out if I’m honest. That and feeling like getting on top of it will be severing one more if the ties to my horrible, horrible childhood.
So, any words of wisdom? Anyone that’s managed to get over something like this? If you’ve ended up with full dentures at a young age, his was it? I’m assuming that’s the worst case scenario for me but really if you told me that I could be knocked out, wake up with dentures and be free of all this worry I think it would be a massive relief. And please don’t tell me that people can die from dental abscesses etc, I know and it really won’t help me.

Sorry if I’m not replying to everyone BTW, I’m grateful for all input!

Wasteful but I need to feel like I’m making a little bit of progress.

Baby steps are the keys to success in life! You're doing FABULOUSLY.

I just want to thank you for starting this thread op. I’m exactly the same as you. Funnily enough I had an appointment today, my knees were knocking, my arms wanted to do a weird snake dance and my heart felt like it was going to emerge from my chest. But I survived and have a treatment plan, albeit expensive, in place. I’m sick of being in pain every day, only eating soft food, hiding my smile, developing a lisp and on it goes. My dentist understood, the nurse said they see it all the time. I’m always looking at people with healthy looking teeth in absolute envy, if I could do anything to my body it would be healthy teeth. I’m angry at what I went through as a child but I’m determined now that it won’t continue to ruin the rest of my life. It’s funny how such little looking things as teeth can cause SO much anguish. Thank you to everyone who posted, it helps to know we’re not alone, it really does.

Hi OP, I want to share my story.

I hadn't been to the dentist in 5 years. Like pp I have gum issues and the longer I left it the worse it got. Previously I'd been having three monthly hygenist appointments and I couldn't afford the upkeep.

I was getting some toothache and decided to go - in January - when dentists were only just seeing people.
I saw a new dentist, privately, at my practice. He was awful. Made me feel shit about my teeth. Turned out I needed a eisdom tooth extraction and small filling. I have a phobia about extractions and my last wiadom tooth was done under sedation 9 years ago. The dentist said due to the pandemic, the extraction would have to be done at the dentist.

I didn't give up. I asked to see another dentist, a lovely female dentist who made me feel hopeful.
She persuaded me to have the extraction at the dentist. I put my earphones in and took a deep breath! It wasn't pleasant, but it was fine. I did it!

The next few weeks I had the filling and all was fine.

Last week I braved the hygenist, returning to my lovrly hygenist. She cleaned the bottom teeth and my mouth feels amazing.

I have a water flosser and she gave me interdental brushes. I too have a fear these will get stuck, so eorking up to it.

I cannot wait to clean the top teeth, but the down side is, I cannot get an appountment until Oct half term due to Covid. This is private too!

Like a pp said, the key is to get calm, understanding professionals who will listen. That one dentist I saw was a real jerk, but the others are amazing.

I'm trying to keep on top of it. I have some major periodental issues with gums where I can feel the bone with my tongue. There's little cushioned gum. It scares me. I'm 48 and fear for the future health of my teeth, but if I leave it again, it'll only worsen. I'm susceptible to tartar so need to be careful. I'm also dreading the expense of three monthly hygenist apointments, but I have recently stopped dyeing my hair. I was fine going to the salon every five weeks to spend £80, so I should be more than 5 actually pouring this in to dental care.

Good luck - you've made progress already!

More than fine, not 5!

@HollowTalk

The problem is, OP, that there's a massive problem with dentist appointments at the moment - you might struggle to get an NHS dentist. Get your name down asap - people are having to wait several months to join a surgery.

It's 2 years, here.

I’m so glad that this thread is helping other people too. It’s really helping me to know that I’m not alone. It’s just not something I’ve ever talked to anyone about properly (except DH, not really properly and only recently!). Believe it or not I’m actually pretty ‘together’ and confident in other areas of my life, which sort of makes my phobia feel more shameful. I don’t even know if that makes sense!

Update (so I can eventually look back on it): battery toothbrush and interdental thingers arrived. My intention was just to open the packets tonight because I felt a bit wobbly but once I’d done that I felt a bit braver. I’m not sure if it’s overcrowding in my mouth or being a bit unsure but the brush doesn’t seem to fit properly in between my teeth. Ended up just gently brushing it over the top of where each tooth meets. It definitely cleaned a little bit but should it go right between my teeth, down to the gum line?
On to the toothbrush and I feel like that’s made a difference immediately. My teeth feel cleaner. I have a stained patch on one and that looks better already too. Possibly imagined this! Finished with Sensodyne mouthwash too and I’m going to try and stick with that whole routine for now.
Also worth noting - had a good look at my teeth after all this. Something I usually avoid. And actually they didn’t look as bad as I feared. Still determined to conquer my phobia but less concerned that they’ll all fall out the next time I eat a bagel
All very positive but I now feel a bit panicky, a sort of anxiety hangover perhaps. Stupid brain!

Don't force anything. If your teeth are to tight for a brush, use floss.

Just wanted to say how utterly fantastic you've been so far.
If the interdental brush won't go don't force them, sometimes it's just the angle and it helps if you have toothpaste on them aswell but when you get comfortable at a dentist they'll be able to help find the correct sizes and show you how to use them. Stick with floss for just now, because anything is better than nothing.
And be sure and let the dentist know about your phobia, most of them just want help you have the best teeth you can and if you need the nurse to hold your hand or explain things to you again, ask them, that's what they're there for.
And there is absolutely no problem with your DH phoning and explaining your situation, the more information the dentist has the better they will be able to help.
You've taken huge steps already and remember, dentists just want you to have healthy happy teeth and gums.

I was/am extremely phobic - when walking to the shops, I would add 5 minutes to my journey by walking the long way round so I didn't have to pass by the dentist.

Around my 40th birthday my front two teeth broke (after years of my teeth slowly crumbling) so I was pretty much forced to go after not going for probably 25 years. I cried making the appointment and begged them to have someone nice. I was sick on the morning of my appointment then cried in the waiting room and on the chair, the dentist was lovely and took her time to stop any time I raised my had as I was overwhelmed. She forwarded my to the hospital as I needed so much work done and I was a wreck.

It was about 14 months before the hospital appointment came through. I cried in the hospital waiting room and properly sobbed in the chair even though the letter said that it was only a consultation and no work would take place. They ended up giving me gas and air for all my treatment appointments, I had 6 of them due to how much work was needed done (I think it was something like 16 extractions. After the first two appointments, I was much calmed going and didn't cry.

My first appointment at my own dentist was supposed to be April last year but obviously that hasn't happened. I honestly don't know how I'll react to my first appointment without the gas, I'm not as terrified as I was but the fear is still there. I'm desperate for my upper plate to be refitted though, it's currently far too large for my mouth and has to be Fixodented in (your mouth shrinks after a lot of extractions).

I love my electric toothbrush though as I wasn't as thorough with the manual due to fears of pressing too hard and somehow wrecking them more, the sound of the manual goes right through me too.

I think you just have to get to the point where not going is worse than going. And I can walk past the dentist building now too.

If interdental brushes don’t work fit you floss sticks might be a good option - they are much easier to use than dental floss.

@TinySteps21
Dear OP,
I had exactly the same problem as you and am now a bit further along. Have a look at my thread too for the background.
I had a scale and polish last week. If you'd told me 2 months ago that I'd be this far already I'd never have believed you

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/4319823-Faced-my-dental-phobia-yesterday?watched=1&msgid=110500776#110500776

You need to find the right dentist.
I spent a whole year searching - most didn't write back.
So if you don't get a reply from the one you have written to, either keep trying or try another one.
My thought was that most of them can't be arsed as soon as you say you are phobic.
Also, if their website blabs on about specialist in anxiety patients that does not necessarily mean they can deal with a phobia.
I need to go now but I will pop back on this thread to chat to you more later.

I have dental phobia. I'm autistic which doesn't help. I wear ear defenders as the sounds make things much much worse. If I'm having anything done then I usually ask for sedation. I don't think I'd get through it without. Gas and air is also good but I don't know if that is still available in the UK.

Thank you conxray, I’ll have a look at the thread. And thanks everyone else that has replied too.
DH called the dentist for me to chase things up. It turns out that the email address I used wasn’t the right one and went to a different manager. He felt it was implied that said manager is useless So I now have the right email address for the right person. I’ll re-send the email once I’m in the right head space. I’m still feeling quite positive and am carrying on with the better brushing. Just need to find a confident moment!

I have issues going and even get stressed out for my sons visits. It all stems back to bad experiences when I was younger like you. I'm lucky to not have had a filling for 15 years now with probably just 5 or so visits. Over time I've got better and I agree with people who say channel it into good home care at that takes away a lot of the fear. Try somehow to get to that first appointment, hopefully find out it's not as bad as you think then start the good home care. So many times I have gone expecting a tooth to be pulled or something like that and it has all been in my mind - my teeth have been fine.

Oh yeah and I even fainted at home once from pure worry about my teeth!! Just standing there in the bathroom looking and worrying and boom I passed out. I'm really sorted in my life too but a very bad dentist years ago screwed me up with the whole dentist situation.

I suffer from this and manage to go using sedation, But nearest clinic that does this is 10 miles away and you need someone with you !
You wont know anything about the treatment if you have sedation, which is brilliant. However I find that because I dont go regularly the fear grips me again. Need to go but with Covid and having just finished chemo its two years since my last visit !

If you’ve ended up with full dentures at a young age, his was it? I’m assuming that’s the worst case scenario for me but really if you told me that I could be knocked out, wake up with dentures and be free of all this worry I think it would be a massive relief

You can get fixed dentures these days - so an all-on-4 implant. That's four implants per jaw with a fixed denture that sits permanently in your mouth.
So you could get yourself knocked out and have implants fitted. I'm not sure but I think you have to have a temporary denture on them for several months.

That's your "worst case scenario" really. I thought this would happen to me but my teeth were absolutely nowhere near needing any treatment like this.

What you could do, and what I did, was (once I'd plucked up the courage to actually go at all) get the dentist to do an X-ray of your teeth. I wasn't even going to have her do this at my first appointment - it was going to be just a chat.
She did the X-ray and was able to look at the general situation before I then let her look in my mouth (without the hook thing, just the mirror).
She was able to see straightaway from the X-ray that my teeth were in good condition.

You could maybe start like that. An x-ray is non-invasive. You wouldn't even have to sit in the chair. The dentist can then give you a general impression of what you're dealing with. If you are then feeling ok you could let her look in your mouth.
Your teeth might not be as bad as you think. Mine had a lot of black stains which were not cavities.

Good luck with it. The hardest thing is actually getting to the first appointment.

So much what @conxray says, finding the right dentist is crucial and so many that say they treat nervous or anxious people just don't cut it for phobias! I hope yours is great but if they're not don't get disheartened, someone will be able to help!

I also had childhood trauma issues at the root of my phobia and CBT as well as finding a phobia specific dentist helped me to get from 'general fear' to being able to know exactly what the root of it was and tackle that.

You will get there! I used to cry if someone started to talk about having dental treatment and ran away (as in down the street) from the anaesthetist at the special dental clinic more than once, now I've had two root canals with just a normal level of pain relief and no sedation.

Thanks again! I’m really grateful to everyone that has taken the time to post.
I don’t have any black on my teeth (just opened very wide in the mirror to double check that!). I can’t see any holes or anything, but then I don’t know if you would be able to. They’re quite yellow and I have a little bit of light brown staining to one front one. They are crooked but there’s only one that’s so out of place it bothers me - one of my front teeth (not the two at the very front, one to the side of those, I’m guessing it has a special name?!) is set back/leans towards the back of my mouth. I think I probably should have had a tooth removed and braces when I was younger?
So now I’m at the point where I can actually have a good look and try to be objective about how bad things really are. I think the thing that I’m fairly sure there’s a problem with is my gums. It doesn’t look like I have enough gum at the bottom really. Are there still options even if your gums are screwed? Can they recover/grow back? And I have a broken tooth at the back - that has a chunk missing, but isn’t causing me any pain.
Last musing - what IS a scale? I can’t bring myself to Google so a gentle description please!

My brother - gruff weenie man - had a phobia of the dentist since he was a child. He needed some pretty serious work done and went to see a hypnotherapist - and it worked. He is quite proud of himself now about having his root canal work done.

A scale and polish is where they use a small, vibrating scraping device to remove any tartar build up on your teeth, particularly from around the gum line.
Once that is done they use a paste and a rotating electric brush to polish the teeth.

Doesn't hurt and I can say that now that I have had mine done last week. It wasn't the most fun thing I've ever done in my life. I was dreading it but it was absolutely fine.

Thank you!

Don't google....
Concentrate on getting a first appointment with a sympathetic dentist.
If you can get your foot in the door the first time that will have been a success. If you manage to do more than that then great.
Just ask for a tour of the practice and a chat like I did.