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Original poster

Anyone sleep in same bed but separate mattresses?

41 replies

TheLeadbetterLife · 18/08/2021 18:12

My husband and I sleep in separate rooms, because I am a long-time insomniac and light sleeper, and he is a real fidget and occasional snorer (though this has got better since he lost weight).

Most of the time this is fine, as we have a nice spare room, but when we have guests (which is often) I feel terrible because he uses our pretty rubbish sofa bed. He does this uncomplainingly, because he is ace.

We have a very good, pocket sprung mattress on the bed I sleep in, which barely moves, but still any shift from him in the night and I will wake instantly.

I'm working on my sleep problems with CBT, with some success, but the ease with which I wake is still a problem.

I'm wondering about getting separate mattresses and linen for the bed - has anyone tried this in similar circumstances? I would really like him to sleep in here with me.

The bed is super kingsize, so we could have two single mattresses on the same base. I don't know whether I would still feel him fidget though.

I'm like the bloody princess and the pea.

OP posts:
Disneyvillain · 18/08/2021 19:31

Hi OP, can’t really give you any advice just wanted to say that we are in the process of switching from a king to two singles side by side (our bedroom doesn’t have the length for a superking but we do have the width). I’m hoping this will help me sleep better too. I’ve read that separate duvets are the way to go, but I’m going to try with a shared one to start.

Original poster
TheLeadbetterLife · 18/08/2021 19:38

The Northern Europeans all use separate duvets as standard apparently. It does seem sensible, though I balk at the cost of all new bed linen.

OP posts:
ignatiusjreilly · 18/08/2021 19:41

I've slept in hotel beds with two single mattresses in a super king frame. It's absolute bliss - if we had room at home I'd want this set up. You can't feel the other person moving and the extra distance helps if they snore.

Baystard · 18/08/2021 19:43

I'm not sure if two single mattresses would be sufficient but you could try, and if it didn't quite work you could go to two single beds close but not quite touching?

purplesequins · 18/08/2021 19:48

yes, we do.
we have a super king 180x200cm with separate single matresses.
dh's is hard like a plank firm and mine a bit softer.
we each have a single duvet. again different needs, I like a 12 tog duvet whilst dh's is 4 tog.

I don't feel him moving in bed at all. also if I get up very early he doesn't notice.

purplesequins · 18/08/2021 19:50

tbh if you already have double bedding sets, maybe go for 2 double duvets.

Sleepingdogs12 · 18/08/2021 19:51

We have two single quilts because of my hot flushes at night. It works really well. I can pull the quilt on and off , get out of bed as often as needed without too much disturbance to husband. I think separate mattresses would be even better.

purplesequins · 18/08/2021 19:54

most of our bedding is from ikea, very resonably priced.

QueenHofScotland · 18/08/2021 19:56

I like the idea of this. I’m a terrible sleeper. However we like to cuddle. Does it prevent cuddles?

Whenever we’ve slept in a hotel with a super king and two singles mattresses, they’ve always had a topper that makes them more like one bed?

And is a super king the exact same size as two singles?

purplesequins · 18/08/2021 19:57

Does it prevent cuddles?

definitely not Wink

YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie · 18/08/2021 20:00

We have a superking with zip link mattresses and it’s fab. We got it because we needed to get it up awkward stairs and a superking is nonnegotiable as my husband is a giant. Works amazingly well for us. We have a John Lewis mattress that was about £3000 which is obscene really but it’s about 3 years old now and hasn’t worn at all, it’s seen me through an awful, uncomfortable pregnancy and I can NEVER feel my husband move on the other side. I struggle when we go away as I love our bed so much

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 18/08/2021 20:02

Weve just swapped from two singles to a proper super king size mattress. We kept falling down the gap in the middle. Tried a mattress topper, they bunched up down the middle.

One mattress is a lot more comfy.

Original poster
TheLeadbetterLife · 18/08/2021 20:03

Well yes, in an ideal world we would both sleep like babies on the one mattress, obv.

OP posts:
QueenHofScotland · 18/08/2021 21:02

@YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie

We have a superking with zip link mattresses and it’s fab. We got it because we needed to get it up awkward stairs and a superking is nonnegotiable as my husband is a giant. Works amazingly well for us. We have a John Lewis mattress that was about £3000 which is obscene really but it’s about 3 years old now and hasn’t worn at all, it’s seen me through an awful, uncomfortable pregnancy and I can NEVER feel my husband move on the other side. I struggle when we go away as I love our bed so much
Ah ziplock! This is the key to not falling down the middle isn’t it.

We need a new bed - a new everything actually in our bedroom. I’m going to start talking about this to DH to ease him in gently…then he might not be as shocked at the cost!!

@purplesequins glad to hear it Grin

PenOrPencil · 18/08/2021 21:12

Two single mattresses and separate duvets is the norm in a lot of other countries. It works best with foam mattresses, so that you don’t have a gap in the middle. And one bottom sheet rather than 2 singles.
We brought this set up over with us when we moved to the UK from Europe. I love dh, but I would not be happy sharing a duvet with him and I hate sleeping in smaller beds with just one mattress with him.

Original poster
TheLeadbetterLife · 18/08/2021 22:47

I think anything that involves the mattresses being joined together, either with a zip or bottom sheet, wouldn't work unfortunately. I can't help but feel that the movement would transfer from one mattress to the other.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 18/08/2021 22:51

In Sweden it is normal to have two singles together and separate duvets. Definitely worth trying.
Also the This Works sleep spray, the strongest one, really does work, if you want to try something to help your sleep generally.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 18/08/2021 23:06

We have a superking zip and link. We stayed in a hotel in Venice and I couldn't feel Dh (6'3" hulk of a man) turning over in bed at night. We ended up pulling the bedding up to see what this marvel of a bed was. 2 single mattresses with a superking topper and sheet over it.

When we came home we upgraded our 5ft bed to the superking. Firstly, we give children 3ft single beds and yet we tend to sleep in beds that don't give an adult the same space. We also could not have fitted a 6ft wide mattress up our stairs and turned the corner into our bedroom.

We do have them zipped together and have a mattress topper on top. It definitely is the way to go. We do share a duvet though although my parents had separate duvets as my Father is a duvet hogger.

With a divan base for a superking you can make 2 single beds should you need to pull them apart slightly. I would highly recommend it.

We also went to a bed shop where they make their own mattresses. I am aware that not everyone has a factory bed shop near them but have a google to see if you do. They made the mattress to our specification and was around £1k but this was 7 years ago.

CherryMaple · 18/08/2021 23:25

We both have single duvets - I was so fed up of DH taking all the duvet every night. I love it and wouldn’t go back. When we stay at a hotel or go on holiday I always ask for my own single duvet. Bedding doesn’t cost much and it’s so worth it for better sleep.

Original poster
TheLeadbetterLife · 19/08/2021 09:17

Thanks everyone, these are very useful perspectives. I think we’ll have to experiment as much as we can before going in for expensive new mattresses, which should be possible.

The guest room also has a super king, so none of the current bed linen would go to waste long term.

OP posts:
DogFoodPie · 19/08/2021 09:23

OP if you have got used to having your own room at night I think it would be difficult to change. Do you think noises your DH might make would be a problem as well as movement. Maybe you would be better off investing in a really good sofa bed or something for when you have visitors.

Bonjourlaclasse · 23/08/2021 21:33

Me and my husband have had separate duvets for nearly as long as we’ve been together. Certainly since we moved in together. Game changer for us - no more fighting.

We have a king size bed with a double duvet each. We used to have a single duvet each but it just wasn’t sufficient for our needs! I recommend H&M home online; lots of nice and reasonably priced linen, and washes well.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 23/08/2021 22:02

DH and I have separate matresses (different qualities for our sizes and weights), seperate duvents (he needs a warmer duvet than I do) and different quality cushions.
I only learned about 1 large matress and 1 duvet for 2 when I started to learn Englsih. Grin

SwimmingUnderwater · 23/08/2021 22:15

@YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie

We have a superking with zip link mattresses and it’s fab. We got it because we needed to get it up awkward stairs and a superking is nonnegotiable as my husband is a giant. Works amazingly well for us. We have a John Lewis mattress that was about £3000 which is obscene really but it’s about 3 years old now and hasn’t worn at all, it’s seen me through an awful, uncomfortable pregnancy and I can NEVER feel my husband move on the other side. I struggle when we go away as I love our bed so much
Do you know if they still sell it?
bathorshower · 23/08/2021 22:23

Another one recommending the separate duvets! Also, if you only need to sleep in the same room occasionally, then you only need one set of extra duvet covers. We use two standard double duvets on a superking bed - the double duvets give better coverage than singles would; two superking duvets would fall off the sides or form a heap in the middle.

We also have separate mattresses which really helps. Ours are completely separate with a single topper. Even without the topper, there's no gap, as we've got a frame bed, and the mattresses sit just slightly into the frame. I think there could be a problem with the mattresses separating if you've got a divan.