Emotional resiliance, the causes, and the effect upon your behavior.

[colditz]

Some people are more emotionally fragile than others ... are devastated for weeks by a gang of teenagers shouting something at them. Others would just think 'Twats' and move on. Others would shout obscenities back, and fume for days ... and still others wouldn't even notice.

Why is this? What causes these huge gulfs between people's personalities? How can we raise our children to be resiliant? How can we become more resiliant ourselves?

no expat, i really really odn't believe they got it for themselves (whatever that means).

it's not something you can get from yourself as it is born of a relationship that can be trusted. that is OFTEN not parents. it can be anyone.

but those that haven't had it, really struggle with emotional resilience, and like I said that isn't the same as survival.

i've met people like this, though, soph, and it's truly mind boggling.

i don't think it needs to come from a relationship in early life. i really don't.

it's like the way some people are born and they're just happy fuckers. life throws all sorts of shit at them and they find it all a piece of piss.

anyhow, off for a shower.

i feel pretty boaky now, too.

gag.

will try not to stare at the toilet too much as it will encourage my need to hurl.

nope sorry. not convinced. how would they know anyway....most of this stuff happens preverbally....so even if in wartorn doom zone with fuckwit parents...there might have been someone that held them and was with them in a way that enabled them to find this in themselves.

Expat [slight hijack] sympathies for boakiness. ISTR reading that you are PG right now, best of luck with it.

I quite like the phase "when all is said and done - more is said than done"...I think that a certain amount of navel gazing is required to "accept" and "come to terms" with things but then simple practical "doing" things com into their own and are valuable therapy. I have had 2 bouts of PND - and there are many days where "pull you socks up" comments would not have been helpful...but a firend saying lets go outside for a walk has turned my day around. I try not to "moan" on to my friends - I know about my pnd - I know my limits, I know what I need to do when I get those feelings. They are not all the same all day. Some moments I am so exhausted, confused etc..its all very physical...other times I can hear the negative self talk going on in my head...I have recognised that it is in my head...and that everything I dont want to do when I am feeling like this (get out of bed, have a shower, answer the phone, keep a social commitment) if I actually do it - I feel better and moved on for the moment someone said that putting one foot in front of another or taking small steps - is a big achievement - I would agree. I thnk that when you are living with depression you are doing exactly that you neeed simple practical coping strategies that make you emotionally resilient for the moment -- my last pnd lasted 2 years ..I am 18 months into the second - its not going to go away tomorrow no matter what I do...but I will get through the next 6 months step by step

ginger woman ginger is what you need. ginger snaps, ginger tea, or just raw ginger.

it works
and sniff a lemon

what a great thread.

the ginger has to be fresh or it makes me sick.

a friend of mine is a post-surgical nurse. she recommends sniffing a freshly cut lemon, or a waft of rubbing alcohol.

this lemon seems to be working okay.

i know i'd feel better if i barfed, but i hate puking.

expat - i used to suck lemon slices and also drink ginger vinegar (the stuff they have in chinese restaurants to go with the dumplings). Magic it was.