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Original poster

Fear of flying

29 replies

HansSolo22 · 30/04/2021 19:06

Has anyone successfully overcome, or at least reduced, a fear of flying? I have travelled extensively, sometimes alone, many long haul flights but since having children I am absolutely terrified of it. Have done it but I hate it. It was actually worse when I flew without my children last time. Last few times I've been given valium by the doctor but I don't want to need this. Does therapy work? Any online courses that are good? I feel so stupid about it 😩

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toadstool32 · 30/04/2021 19:33

I did the BA course. £400 later I'm still petrified. It's not the mechanics of the plane I fear, it's the thought of having a panic attack with no escape

Original poster
HansSolo22 · 30/04/2021 19:48

@toadstool32 thanks, I'll cross that one off the list! I think for me its something going wrong then having a good few minutes of sheer panic and fear. That fear of falling through the air and knowing your fate but not being able to do anything and being surrounded by people panicking. The stupid thing is I've been on a couple of horrendous flights and we landed safely - it's so irrational. I know people say the statistics of a crash are very low but if I had to choose a car crash or plane crash, I know which I'd choose. I'm sorry to hear the course didn't work for you, it's a lot of money for no result ☹️

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HelenHywater · 30/04/2021 20:15

oh I did the BA course and it was brilliant! for me it was also the fear of crashing that I struggled with (more than struggled with).

Now I can fly everywhere.

GorgeousGoldies · 30/04/2021 20:27

It’s definitely irrational, which makes it very difficult to ‘cure’.

I’ve done the Virgin course - it worked well for the first flight afterward, but the gap after that was too long. You need to fly regularly to keep it up.

I’ve also had hypnotherapy - again, worked well for the first flight (with massive amounts of diazepam) but slipped back again, even for the return flight.

A couple of things I’ve learned - take the diazepam, who care if it gets you through? Also, sit on the front row and let the air stewards know that you’re scared. They’re generally hugely supportive and have talked me through the take off and landing.

I also look at friends who jet off all over the world - I’ve always thought (subconsciously) that people are stupid to fly and yet all my insanely intelligent doctor, vet, lawyer etc friends think nothing of it!

It really is rubbish though, I feel such a failure to my family and as if I’m holding them back.

Pixiedust49 · 30/04/2021 20:33

I’m terrified too.... it’s the claustrophobia for me and lack of control, no way out etc. Would also,love to be able to overcome the fear.

Original poster
HansSolo22 · 30/04/2021 20:36

I think I'll stick to diazepam and a glass of wine! (I know you shouldn't mix but I do). It's not actually stopped me flying yet, I just get more terrified the closer I get. It's come back to me today as I've booked a holiday for January and we'll be flying. Thanks everyone and hope it gets better for you!

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GorgeousGoldies · 30/04/2021 20:40

I mix! No shame in that 🥂

toadstool32 · 30/04/2021 20:52

I don't take or drink anything for it but I have a notebook and have to scribble madly, can't talk to anyone during take off until the seat belt sign is off. I have to focus on my breathing, kids and husband know not to talk to me and leave me in my zone. I have to sit in the aisle and prebook my seat. That said, we're flying in July, a 3hour flight and it'll have been two years since last flight so god knows how I'll be but even thinking about it scares me. Nearer the time I'll do the easyJet online course.

noodlezoodle · 30/04/2021 21:21

Me! I used to fly a lot for work, including long haul and it was getting too difficult to manage, I was petrified.

I had hypnotherapy and although it was expensive it was totally worth it. Also the hypnotherapist recorded all the sessions so I could relisten to them whenever I wanted, and the final session was geared towards listening to it at the airport and on the plane.

CityDweller · 30/04/2021 22:03

I actually find I'm better when I fly with my DC, because I refuse, absolutely refuse, to give them even the faintest inkling that I'm scared of flying. In fact, I pretend I love it. And that's somewhat forced me to 'fake it til you make it'. I'm still not great on my own, but this book helped me get over the very worst of it.

BasiliskStare · 02/05/2021 17:32

My mother - just an anecdote - flew over the Sahara -( she does not fly frequently ) - she got very claustrophobic - asked them to open a window & they said - unfortunately we cannot Grin - so lovely cabin crew let her lie down in the aisle

Haggisfish · 02/05/2021 17:38

The online course looks good actually. Thanks op!

Haggisfish · 02/05/2021 17:41

www.fearless-flyer.com/uk/
And ba one online.flyingwithconfidence.com/

kalikkma · 02/05/2021 17:42

I did a course at Manchester airport as I had stopped flying due to fear. Successfully flew long haul after the course. I will however never be entirely comfortable flying.

Original poster
HansSolo22 · 02/05/2021 17:49

Its not bad enough that it prevents me from flying (husband is from Australia so we have to go back every other year!) but I just hate it. I am better when I fly with the kids as like a pp, I will not let them see me scared/upset! It just makes me so anxious and I hate it!

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Crocidura · 02/05/2021 17:53

I used a hypnotherapy app and it worked pretty well - I am still nervous during take off and will never enjoy flying, but I don't spend days before a flight worrying about it.

JammyDozen · 02/05/2021 18:16

I’d love to sort this out too. I’ve taken Valium in the past, but gps are getting more reluctant to prescribe it so I know I can’t rely on that. Last time I went, my gp would only give me such a small dosage it didn’t have any real effect. She’s previously prescribed much higher, but clearly won’t any longer and gave me a talk on how dangerous it would be if I couldn’t respond in an accident. I know for me, there really is no chance of that happening but this is the way the wind is blowing. It’s been discussed on here too.

Don’t like alcohol as an option because, having had a large glass of wine pre-flight, the terror of being desperate for a wee when the seatbelt sign is on is actually worse than the original fear! Suppose it gives my mind something else to think about...

I tried going through relaxation techniques with my counsellor for months before my last big flight. It did nothing, I’m afraid to say.

Thinking about hypnotherapy next.

goose1964 · 02/05/2021 18:51

My daughter crushes my hand. Last time we flew I was sat next to a woman who was praying when we came into land. She crushed my hand too, I offered, she didn't randomly grab my hand.

sultanaloaf · 02/05/2021 19:35

After being truly terrified and thinking myself beyond help I found Captain Tom Bunn and his book SOAR. I downloaded the audio version and it's truly helped.
There is also an app for use in flight which is great.
He explains why the anxiety is triggered and then how to automatically regulate this anxiety. The Amazon blurb explains it far better than I can. It's easy to read, very relatable and it worked for me. I honestly felt comfortable on the last flights I've taken. I keep listening to it and doing the exercises. Good luck

Seriously79 · 02/05/2021 19:36

Yes! I was hypnotised, best £50 I ever spent.

CheeseIsMyMaster · 02/05/2021 19:39

Other thing that cured me was taking a job where I travelled for my job! The more I flew, the better it got because I think my brain just realised I was being irrational.

Mine is also focused around claustrophobia and panic attacks and not being able to get out. Just typing not being able to get out makes my heart start beat faster!

Downside is that now I haven't flown since lockdown started, I'm absolutely terrified to do it again! I can't eat before I fly and I do think that slow breathing practice (which does work) but the terror only really goes away when I land and know I can get off the bloody thing!

Original poster
HansSolo22 · 02/05/2021 20:04

@Seriously79 oh wow - can I ask whether you are completely comfortable flying now or whether you still get anxious? That sounds amazing and really cheap too!

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Original poster
HansSolo22 · 02/05/2021 20:05

@sultanaloaf that sounds great - I'm going to look it up - thanks Smile

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ALevelhelp · 02/05/2021 23:25

@toadstool32

I did the BA course. £400 later I'm still petrified. It's not the mechanics of the plane I fear, it's the thought of having a panic attack with no escape
Exactly the same issue as me Sad
HelenHywater · 03/05/2021 08:47

When I did the BA course, they explained that there were a couple of different cases of this fear- one is around claustrophobia (which I didn't have) and the other is the fear of crashing (which I did have).

Anyway I did the course and they said you have to fly asap to make the most of it, so I flew to Edinburgh the next weekend. My fear was getting so bad that I took a train back from a holiday I was on and it was definitely starting to impact my life. And I LOVE travelling.

I did the course more than 20 years ago and it did cure me. I have flown all over since then. I think there are 3 main parts to it - a bit explaining the mechnics of flying, a part that is a bit like hypnosis, and a part where they give you some coping mechanisms for panic/anxiety (like walking around the plane - don't sit in your sit panicking but get up and walk about) . they also take you on a small flight and explain what all the different sounds are as they happen, .

I still remember it and some of the words that you use to get through e.g. turbulence.

I do recommend it 100%. It beats alcohol and diazapam.