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Original poster

Ds1 getting a brace privately. Mn previously disagreed.

37 replies

Oblomov21 · 31/01/2021 16:51

I don't know why I'm starting this thread. I admit its petty. to feel vindicated?

I have been supported many many times on Mn, through bad times.
But a couple of times, I've been ripped to shreds.
Sometimes people forget what damage can be done by others posting.

I spoke to my mum today about his teeth. She said that if I wasn't so generally tenacious, I wouldn't get results. She has many friends who have been fobbed off by health professionals. Told nothing could be done. and finally found out, often too late, that something could have been done. if that related to fertility and you later found out you could have had children, think how devastating such a thing could be?

my ds1 was bothered by his teeth. they weren't that bad, but a bit gappy and uneven. didn't even qualify as a 1 on the nhs so no chance of a brace.

I kept asking if anything could be done, even privately. was fobbed off again and again.

I started a thread on mn about it. I was ripped to shreds : why are you making him feel bad about it. there's nothing wrong with his teeth.

errr, it's not me. He is bothered by it. I was only trying to be supportive. I left that thread. I might have even asked Mn to delete it.

Now I've finally gone private. He's having a brace fitted next week. But interestingly, the orthodontist, said that there were many small and tiny issues with his teeth. His main 2 had come down a lot further than they should of. And are starting to curl in. And his two incisors next to the main ones, are unfortunately not only very small (as are mine - he gets all the bad bits from me!!), but they haven't come down as far as they should or could. making the appearance even worse.

He said he could push the main 2 up. and bring the 2nd 2 incisors down, and it would be a marginal but significant difference. And also close all his other gaps. He said he thought we'd be happy with the results.

Ds1 has wanted it for years. and us utterly utterly thrilled.

So. It just goes to prove. Even on MN. you can get ripped to shreds.

But all those people were wrong. It wasn't me making him feel bad about his teeth. He wanted something done. And now we are getting it done.

I was right after all.
Do you think I'm wrong for feeling pleased. And a bit 'righteous about it all?

OP posts:

Bunnybigears · 31/01/2021 16:56

I'm not sure what you are wanting from this thread. Of course a private orthodontist will give you braces if you ask for them and there is even a teeny something wrong with your teeth. Thats how they make their money. You are lucky to be in a position to afford it.

warriorwomanx · 31/01/2021 16:56

I only come on mumsnet as the opinions give me a good chuckle.
You do whatever's right by YOUR children. Mum knows best 😊

hadesinahalfahell · 31/01/2021 16:58

From someone who has just paid for a brace as an adult as my teeth weren't dealt with properly as a teen, I agree with you.

Schmoozer · 31/01/2021 17:00

My dd is on wait list for orthodontist
Should have been seen last year but of
Course covid put the kibosh on that -
Would like to private as her teeth are protruding badly - thumb sucker
Can I ask you what the process was getting private orthodontist?? What price ??
Do they do kids ??
Thanks

BigusBumus · 31/01/2021 17:01

Mumsnet is an awful place at times. I've been on here since the beginning and have at times been told I "am part of the problem" when i dared give an opinion on a Domestic Violence thread, ripped to bits about bottle feeding, not rocking your baby to sleep, advocating CC, private schools and saying that we weaned our babies (my sons are 18) at 16 weeks on Petit Filous and purees!

Sometimes i get really upset about it. Sometimes i just think, Oh fuck off you tedious bitch. I've developed a thicker skin over the years and have many many self-righteous moments when an entire thread has turned around in my favour.

Good for you for sticking to your guns regarding the brace. A bunch of jealous, spiteful cows shouldn't affect what you do really, but it can and does. Glad your son is getting the teeth he wants. x

AllMyPrettyOnes · 31/01/2021 17:02

@Bunnybigears

Hah, this.

Original poster

Oblomov21 · 31/01/2021 17:04

Yes they do kids. Some will give a free consultation. I had to pay £99.

Our total cost is £2500. In some parts of the uk it's cheaper. £1.5k some it's a lot more £5-6k!!

And yes I know that's a lot. I starting saving years ago, to save that much.

OP posts:

HarrietSchulenberg · 31/01/2021 17:05

Well this is why we don't take advice from strangers on the internet.

But as a PP said, if you go private you get what you pay for. You want a brace? If you pay you get one.

happilybemused · 31/01/2021 17:05

I have dome the same for both my DS. Teeth have to be fairly bad to qualify for NHS and even then there's a long wait. A friends son was nearly 18.

So I believe you did the right thing. As a previous poster said you are their mum and its your decision. Not the collective on Mumsnet

BigusBumus · 31/01/2021 17:05

@Schmoozer Just google Orthodontists and a list should come up for your area. Most are private in an area with usually only one or 2 being NHS, hence the waiting lists.

All 3 of my sons have had braces privately (Twin block and fixed) and the cost was around £3,000, paid every time we went (every 8 weeks) for about 2 years, so not all at once. Its expensive but worth it IMO.

TheUndoingProject · 31/01/2021 17:06

It seems odd to keep coming on mumsnet to seek other’s opinions when you’re so sure of your own. I’m pleased your son is happy, but it’s not exactly hard to find a orthodontist who’ll tell you want to hear when you go private.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/01/2021 17:06

Good for you and your son his teeth are finally being sorted. I went private for both of my kids braces and I certainly wouldn't justify my choices to anyone. I don't see why anyone would care what anyone else does, honestly.

SummerHouse · 31/01/2021 17:06

Good for you and your DS. MN can be a forum for support or utter meanness. I wish there was more of the former and less of the latter.

Original poster

Oblomov21 · 31/01/2021 17:06

Bigus, cheers I agree. I have learnt the hard way about having a MN thick skin.

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 31/01/2021 17:07

I had to go private for orthodontic treatment for my three teenagers. In Ireland it's almost impossible to get it otherwise. I reckon in total it cost about €10K over the years, though there was tax relief on it.

It was worth every cent for their confidence and self esteem.

Good for you @Oblomov21 for getting it sorted for your boy.

BigusBumus · 31/01/2021 17:08

Two of my 3 boys qualified for free NHS treatment, but the waiting list was so long they wouldn't get a brace till about 17 around here. They all had them at 12 instead and off at 14 privately.

Original poster

Oblomov21 · 31/01/2021 17:10

TheUndoing:

"It seems odd to keep coming on mumsnet to seek other’s opinions when you’re so sure of your own. "

Isn't it allowed? I'm not a wishy-washy person at all. I'm quite black-and-white about a lot of things. but certain things I'm not sure about. certain things I'm not that bothered about, certain things I couldn't give two hoots about. and some things I really care about. is that not normal?

Sometimes I need clarification on something.

OP posts:

happilybemused · 31/01/2021 17:10

@SummerHouse

MN can be a forum for support or utter meanness. I wish there was more of the former and less of the latter.

This exactly. Well said.

Original poster

Oblomov21 · 31/01/2021 17:12

And yes. I'm not stupid. A private orthodontist is partly a salesman. He's there to sell you a brace. I did know that. I wasn't 'taken in' by his sales spiel. And yes I had got other quotes.

OP posts:

Roselilly36 · 31/01/2021 17:20

Your choice OP, I have private health care and have a private op & a diagnosis funded for Multiple Sclerosis after a very acute first attack. Under the NHS I would have waited 17 mths to see a Neurologist, goodness knows what the wait would be now.

Another way of looking at it, is I am not taking up an NHS appt. Going private isn’t better treatment, but it is quicker.

I hope your DS’ treatment goes well. Don’t listen to criticism, any mum would make the same decision for their child, if they could.

Original poster

Oblomov21 · 31/01/2021 17:21

Thank you to those that are saying congratulations.
I am actually really pleased that I've been able to do something good for my son.

Plus. I know this is a drip feed:
Some of you might know some of the shit I've gone through with my son/sons. I've been accused of ..... "never should have been allowed to have children". I nearly lost him at one point.

So this feels like a minor victory. In my 'parenting journey'.

OP posts:

Schmoozer · 31/01/2021 17:33

Well you’ve motivated me to go private for orthodontist
I’ve been toying with the idea for a while
Thanks 😊

KatyClaire · 31/01/2021 17:35

Yanbu, MN is more often than not a horrible place!

happilybemused · 31/01/2021 17:45

@Oblomov21 the default position on Mumsnet if you are doing something another poster wouldn't you are clearly 'stupid'

I wish I had been on that thread. I completely agree with what you did

DS2 was borderline NHS but I went private because of the waiting list, the appointment times I could choose out of school hours, it was a 10 minute journey rather than an hour with no parking.

My money. My child. Our choice.

I'm probably stupid though

Original poster

Oblomov21 · 31/01/2021 18:00

Bemused.
Stupid is as stupid does.
Forrest Gump.

Schmoozer I'm pleased.

OP posts:

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