Embarrassing female health problem

[HildaWasALondoner]

I have name changed for this, as there is one aspect that I can't even tell my DH! Before I start and to give you a clue, I am not a piss troll.

I am pre-menopausal, and on some very light HRT to manage symptoms such as hot flushes, brain fog, irritability etc.

My Mirena coil is overdue for replacement, by about 4 months. I'm having some additional symptoms now like breast tenderness, mild pelvic pain, and pain during/after intercourse.

I have some bladder weakness which the GP felt was probably menopause related (softening of the pelvic floor muscles) - I wear a pad during the day to catch leaks, but I don't use one at night. The old fanj has to breathe once in a while, but I'm mainly self conscious and I don't really want my DH to wonder why I'd be wearing a pad at night. He's a massive pisstaker, pardon the pun, and I'd never hear the end of it. Plus, you know, sexy-time spontaneity. The embarrassing bit is that I must be leaking tiny amounts overnight, so in the morning...well, I'm damp and smell like a camel barn. And even if I DO wear a pad, the morning problem is the same.

DH is baffled as to why I avoid any closeness etc first thing in the morning or keep the covers clamped over me as he's getting up - I told him that I prefer to stay covered as I'm self conscious about my body, but really it's because I'm panicking that he'll get a waft of ammonia and fall unconscious before I can dash to the shower and remove the offending underpantage. If I wake in the night for the loo I sometimes change, but he has been known to wake up and say, "Why are you taking your pants off??"

To add to it I have an long term waterworks problem - for some 20 years I've been getting repeated "infections" (painful bladder and cloudy offensive wee), but 90% of the time there is no infection, just a high white cell count, and routine investigations many years ago yielded nothing. I had a few years respite, but recently this issue has returned - I am soldiering on with bladder pain and leaking foul pee. Gosh I'm so attractive right now.

If you've got this far, I have approached the GP again, however;

1. They cannot remove and refit my mirena because they are not doing such appts at the moment, plus one of the few GPs trained to do so has retired. When they start scheduling appts there is a long backlog.
2. I cannot have antibiotics for my malodorous bladder as there is no infection, and they are not moved to investigate further.
3. The bladder weakness is perceived as "just one of those things", even though I have never given birth so technically my pelvic floor should be pretty good.

I have private insurance so I could get all of this looked at privately - but I'd need a referral. What type of referral do I ask for though? Can a gynaecologist deal with all of it, including the bladder thing? Lord knows a private doctor might get to the bottom of it if an insurance company was paying.

Opinions and advice welcome, if you're not all asleep...sorry for TMI. It's the first thing I've ever felt too mortified to reveal to my DH, and he's seen and heard far worse from me...

I'd definitely ask for a referral to a urologist. They'd have far more knowledge and options for you than a GP would.

Gynae who specialises in urinary medicine. There's bloody loads that can be done and a leaky bladder isn't "just one of this things".

A physiotherapist who specialises in women's health or female incontinence might be able to help if you have pelvic floor issues.

there are community incontinence specialist nurses, get GP to refer to them first? they are really good. or ask for urology ref too.
good luck, don't accept it's just one of those things.

You shouldn’t be putting up with any of this.

You need to be seen by gynae/urology for assessment.

I would strongly recommend the MUTU programme for pelvic floor weakness while you are waiting. It’s great and not just for women who’ve had babies.

Ok thank you...I think I'll do an e-consult submission to the GP and specifically say I'd like a referral for the urinary problems and incontinence, but I still need a Mirena re-fit in the meantime?

I checked the nearest private family planning clinic and it would cost £300!

I better see if my insurer will even cover that. It would be amazing if the same consultant could deal with all of it - there's a consultant gynaecologist with a sub-specialism in urogynaecology near me?

I do feel genuinely sorry for you. I know why you don't want to share with your DH but don't feel ashamed. You don't need to do in to all the details. Can u not just say your having a few problems ATM .

Your insurance is unlikely to pay for the coil change. The rest should be covered.

I don't know, it just seems too...awful, somehow. I could tell him I had foot fungus or thrush or a boil on my bum, but I can't bring myself to say, I'm leaking wee and I smell like a nappy much of the time.

If I vaguely said, I'm having a few problems, he'd be fascinated and would throw more and more ridiculous guesses at me (do you have two vaginas? Is it turning blue? ? Have you had a piercing? Is your arse falling off?) until I cave in and tell him.

And if I tell him I smell like a nappy unless I wash every 3 seconds, I think he'd be repulsed. Or maybe I'm not giving him enough credit.

Yes I did wonder about that Mabelface...it makes sense that it wouldn't.

There is an NHS walk-in sexual health clinic - they triage you though, so I'd have to be prepared to up and go there the same day, on a day when a) DH is here to look after the puppy and b) I haven't got too many scheduled calls. That gives me Mondays...

Ask for a referral, you shouldn't have to live with this.

As for your DP, if I was him i'd far rather you told me and wore something at night rather than piss the bed we share.

Whoa, I'm not actually pissing the bed! I'm talking about droplets in underwear, not unleashing gallons onto the mattress. I feel slightly worse now though.

I got a referral from an online GP attached to my health cover. They did a virtual appointment on a Sunday afternoon then let my GP know.

You might still have a urine infection. I had one that that just showed white cells and sometimes some blood.....never grew anything but took 5 lots of antibiotics to get rid of and now on prophylactic antibiotics. My GP told me white cells in your urine are not normal and are a sign of infection.

Don't feel bad but if you smell of urine then you are undoubtedly leaking on the bed too. You need a pad in the day so why would you not need one at night?

Presumably you wear a pad in the day because otherwise you'd leak through your pants into your clothes. So if you're just wearing pants at night, you're leaking onto the bed.

I got my coil removed recently at my local nhs sexual health/family planning clinic (icash is what they are called)

I would recommend period pants for nighttime, i have a weaker pelvic floor after having 2 dcs close together and I find that the period pants can absorb the leakage and stop you from feeling too embarrassed.

I would also recommend going back to your gp and asking for a referral to a woman’s health physio.

Your mirena cool can be left for ages yet. Mine was 3 years over due

I'm sorry you haven't got a supportive husband, but you never know unless you tell him. Maybe try?

Contact your insurer, or look at their website, and find a doctor you want to speak to. I agree with a Gynaecologist with a specialism in bladder/urology. Then, go to your GP and ask for a referral to that specialism, and ask them to note your symptoms on the letter. Then, you can make the appointment with the private practice.

As for your DH, I entirely understand you don’t feel comfortable, and that’s up to you. What concerns me a little is that he is catching on something is off, and will start pushing you. I’d rehearse some key phrases to encourage him to get off your back, or if you’d feel less awkward - sleep in a spare room as he is ‘keeping you awake at night.’ Worrying about this may well be impacting your sleep, which will in turn just make you feel more anxious.

Hi
This sounds very upsetting for you, definitely try for a hospital referral. In the meantime I'm thinking some period pants like the cheeky wipes ones might be useful, you could wear them at night and I'm sure dh won't notice they are different to normal underwear.
Also I'm wondering if you need a different type of hrt or increased amount of oestrogen? Look at the menopause dr on social media, very informative.
I would struggle to tell my dh about this too.

You need a referral. Women are not required to put up with urinary incontinence for any reason. It’s not one of those things it’s treatable.

It’s two things, one the repeated infections and two the incontinence. Both need addressed. It’s getting in the way of your life. Gynaecology is a good start.

Pelvic floor can be worked on now, mutu is good. A women’s health physio referral is also a good idea.

Thank you all very much. It helps posting here as I don't feel quite so alone.

I will go seek a referral, and also find some period pants - I've tried the reusable pads before but they were way worse than normal pads for odour, I don't think they're intended for urine.

As for the mirena being overdue, I was under the impression that as the hormones fade away you are more vulnerable to pregnancy - and an ectopic one at that. Assuming I still have any viable eggs that is, but I'm pre-menopausal not post menopausal (as far as I'm aware).

Anyway. DH is not unsupportive really, he's just a clown and a pisstaker, and this is too embarrassing to be mocked about. He is not insensitive, I could tell him and then beg him not to make it into a huge joke. He'd do his best but every now and then he wouldn't be able to resist.

I'm glad you seem to have had super supportive responses on here. Definitely get that referral and I would at least try and talk to your hubby. I know men can be jokey around women's problems, but I'd rather my partner knew and have the mick taken out of me than to let him find out through other means! There are some amazing reusable period and urine leakage knickers out there, try Knix, you don't feel or look like you're wearing anything other than normal underwear.

I think you should talk to him because actually he is an adult and he is asking you why and knows he is not getting the truth. If he can't handle, he'll have to learn.

We don't do men many favours by not talking about these things when they show they are willing to hear but at the same time, I would probably be exactly the same as you, OP and be mortified at the thought of him making a joke. You'll have to put your stren face on so that he knows it's not a joking matter and not up for ridicule at all.

It is disconcerting for you - give him the benefit of the doubt and he might surprise you.

In the meantime while you're waiting to see a doctor, could you try wearing period undies to bed at night? They'd be much more absorbent than normal undies and may help mask the smell. 'Thinx' and 'Modi Bodi' are good brands and the undies look very cute, you'd never know they were period undies.

Also re the smell, could it help to drink more water before bed?