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Original poster

Can't stop crying...I'm definitely the worst mother ever

39 replies

emkana · 10/10/2004 11:36

Today we wanted to go swimming, dh, dd1, dd2 and me. When we got to the leisure centre the pool wasn't open yet, so I went to the machine to get a cup of tea. I didn't notice dd2 (14 months), and before I knew it was happening she pulled out the hot tea and poured it all over herself, her chest, her neck and chin.
She is all blistered and red and in pain. We took her to A&E who have bandaged her up and gave her morphine for the pain.
Now dd2 is smiling again, but I'm devastated, hating myself with a passion for not being more careful, crying my eyes out, so worried that she'll be scarred forever... in hospital they said she'd be okay, but I'm still so worried and upset, and I keep thinking "If only..."

OP posts:

edam · 10/10/2004 11:40

Oh emkana, so sorry to hear this. Poor you (all of you) how frightening.
It's not your fault, it's the kind of accident that happens all the time. Cold comfort right now but it's true - my younger sister poured my mum's black coffee all over herself at a similar age. Sister's fine and I hope your dd2 will be too - if hospital have said she'll be okay then you have to believe them.

jampot · 10/10/2004 11:40

emkana - you're not a bad mummy. Accidents happen all the time.

Lisa78 · 10/10/2004 11:42

Oh emkana, I'm so sorry to hear this
PLEASE, try not to beat yourself up about it, it was an accident, nothing more than that. It could have been anyone of us

If the hospital were worried, she would have been kept in, I'm sure

Lots of hugs to you all

SoupDragon · 10/10/2004 11:45

You're definitely not a bad mother. These accidents happen all the time - you can't stop every single one of them. Not that this will make you feel any better right now, obviously.

logic · 10/10/2004 11:49

emkana, it was just an accident. Please don't blame yourself! Kids are incredibly resilient...

Ixel · 10/10/2004 12:21

things like that will happen, even to the most perfect parents. Dont stress about it. Yesterday, ds nearly choked on a leaf while I was on the phone, then he pulled the digital camera down onto his head.He also crashed into the corner of the vcr last week, so we padded it up, and he pulled off the padding and tried to swallow it.

agy · 10/10/2004 12:22

Oh you poor things - all of you! You must be a good mother to have been taking them swimming in the first place - there are a lot of people who don't bother. try and take the hospital's word for it - they know. Hope all's well soon. x

Skate · 10/10/2004 12:26

These things happen to the best of us, however vigilant you are!

I'm obsessive about safety and security and neurotic - think about all sorts of scenarios BUT when ds1 was just walking, I was in Clarks getting him some shoes with my Mum - while he walked a bit to see if they were OK we started chatting and what seemed like 1 second later he was gone. I panicked and started towards the shop entrance to see someone walking him back in from the main shopping centre! It makes my stomach turn to think what could have happened to him - this was the Trafford Centre - massive indoor mall and I could have lost him. I didn't even admit this has happened to dh until recently .

Added to this, there have been lots of cut lips, bumped heads etc when I've not been looking.

I know you'll probably feel crap for the rest of today - it's a mother's nature, but was just an accident and it does not mean you are a bad mother.

roisin · 10/10/2004 12:26

Oh crikey, that's horrible ... poor little mite, and poor you

If she's smiling and home, I'm sure she'll mend well and quickly, but still an awful thing to go through.

No wonder you're crying. Take care!

anorak · 10/10/2004 12:28

emkana, I'd like to find someone who could be so careful that they NEVER had an accident. It's just not possible if you are human! Bad parents pour hot tea over their children on purpose. Don't ever confuse yourself with that kind of a person.

Bad parents don't visit parenting websites and they certainly don't feel guilty!

Skate · 10/10/2004 12:30

Anorak - that was bloody well put!!!

GeorginaA · 10/10/2004 12:36

Oh emkana how horrible.

No, you're not a bad mother. The amount of accidents ds1 has been through and he wasn't even that grabby a kid. He brought down an electric fire onto his head once - we thought that it was all fixed into the wall, but it wasn't (fortunately we never used it so it wasn't on). Then there was the time he almost fell from the top of a climing frame onto hard surface because both me and dh thought the other was watching him .

I hope she gets better very soon. My love to you all.

Nic04 · 10/10/2004 12:50

Emkana when my brother was little, my mother was ironing and must've left the room for a few minutes. My brother pulled the iron down on top of himself and it slid right down his arm, almost from his shoulder to his wrist. He was badly burned and at 40, he still has a visible scar down his arm today. I can't imagine how she felt, apparently my father went ballistic so she probably had a very hard time forgiving herself.

Don't feel too bad, it was an accident and these things are bound to happen sometimes. If anything it will help you to be more vigilant from now on because you know how quickly it can happen. Hope she's ok

anorak · 10/10/2004 12:53

Yes, that reminds me, I also pulled an iron on myself when I was little. My mother was a drunken bully but I never ever blamed her for my burnt arm. Of course it was an accident and even she would never dream of doing such a thing on purpose. It made me listen next time she warned me not to touch something!

KateandtheGirls · 10/10/2004 13:43

I think we can all feel your pain emkana, because this is something that could very easily have happened to any one of us, and we know how bad we would have felt. You now that you did nothing wrong and I'm sure that awful guilty feeling will start to subside.

kiwicath · 10/10/2004 13:51

emkana, I got a little weepy reading your post. I'm still a newish mum but trying to prepare myself for when these things WILL happen to us. No one on the face of this earth has got thru life without mishaps like this. Blaming yourself is only natural and proves that you are a fab, caring, loving mum. Hugs XX

pixiefish · 10/10/2004 13:54

It was an accident- you must listen to the hospital- she will be ok. Terrible for you all though {{}}hugs

biketastic · 10/10/2004 14:27

oh dear emkana,
I'm dure it will be fine..the hospital let her home, they wouldn't have done that if they felt there was a major problem.

yesterday I nearly dropped ds as I was putting him in the sling. Dh was watching and I felt really terrible as he saw me jerk the poor mite back.
I said nothing, but dh just hugged me and said that he's nearly let ds lurch off the bed earlier!
These things happen, and you learn from them. I'm sorry it was such a worring thing, but you aren't a bad mum, you are just human
Have a relaxing afternoon.

Chandra · 10/10/2004 14:33

Emkana, if it helps, the skin of young children heals incredibly faster and better than olders people's do. My Ds had severe eczema and sometimes I thought he had scarred himself for life, just to have the skin perfect in less than a week. Of course, burns do more damage but wait, you may be surprised about the healing qualities of the body at that early age. I think she will be fine. A very big hug.

reallycheesedoff · 10/10/2004 14:39

oh no poor you and her.
I echo what anorak said earlier about bad parents.
Really hope that she is OK and that you can learn to forgive yourself for being human.

Socci · 10/10/2004 19:08

Message withdrawn

LunarSea · 10/10/2004 19:10

emkana - I felt much like you do when ds, at 6 months old, launched his crawling career by making his first ever forward motion to investigate (by dipping his whole hand into it) the contents of a newly made cup of coffee which was sitting on the floor supposedly out of his reach. I was convinced he would be scarred for life, but not much more than a week later when the bandages were off you couldn't even tell where the burn was.

deegward · 10/10/2004 19:15

Big hugs to you, this is one of my phobias so my heart goes out to you. Your daughter knows it was an accident, give her a gentle hug from all at mn

Chandra · 10/10/2004 19:41

Emkana, are you around?

Original poster

emkana · 10/10/2004 21:12

Thank you all for your kind messages!
Dd2 has been happy and smiling all day, which is such a relief! I feel better now, though obviously not great. I just hope now that she will heal completely.
I love Mumsnet, you are all so kind. [kiss emoticon]

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