Cancer support thread #74 - come in, we're here for you.

[Hippiechick162]

Welcome to the new support thread for anyone who has cancer, at whatever stage of treatment, is worried about symptoms, or is waiting for tests or results.

This is the place to worry, moan, ask questions, share experiences and good and bad news, and celebrate milestones!

If you've got a loved one with cancer then your best place for support is probably on the Life-Limiting Illness board.

Our previous thread iswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/3760336-Cancer-support-thread-73-come-in-were-here-for-you

Current members, please do introduce yourselves smile

Thanks so much for the suggestions- I'll call my dentist on Monday.

Big sympathy to @BitOfFun , other people's suggestions sound useful so I hope you can get something to cover the rough place and spare your poor tongue. Also to @Trumpton, hope you have an ok night and can get pain relief for your ear if it's still bad tomorrow.
@Sooverthemill and @Robstersgirl I am so sorry you are in this very difficult place. Hope you both get answers soon. No matter what's going on, it always seems to be more manageable when you know what it is and how it can be treated.

@Hippiechick162 what bad luck for your poor DD, it must have been very scary for all of you. I don't know what gentleman Jack is (Jack Daniels? Don't think you're referring to the TV serial!) but hope it helps!
As usual sending warm wishes to everyone here.

Hi @Bloodybridget yeah it's a double refined javk daniels...very delicious! I'm not a drinker so 1 will be more than enough lol.

DD is tucked up in bed now slightly distraught that she can't wash her waist length hair for a week. Daddy is going to have fun plaiting it when I go in hospital but only glued luckily. They said glue or 3 stitches

Xx

Hey all, posted a while ago but not recently, so I'm in hospital now and having surgery to remove however much lung tomorrow :( Feeling a bit sad and missing my wee boys!
I'm actually finding it quite difficult that so many people are texting me as well as I'm quite a private person.

@BrowniesAreSuper sending you love.

@BrowniesAreSuper good luck for tomorrow.

Posting in the wee small hours hoping you are all having a good night’s sleep .
I am on my second waking so might have a give-up and make myself a drink .
I have set my alarm to ring the gp and see about my earache but had a lovely time a dance catching up with friends .

All the best today BrowniesAreSugar

Sorry that you’re back here, Sooverthemill - hope all goes as well as if can

Thank you everybody!

Dr was super .
I have burst a little blood vessel behind the eardrum and it will sort itself out . That’s Herceptin again !
“Stand up” she said so I can look in your ear .
“ oh “ sez I “does that make a difference ? “
“No ... it’s just they installed the machine on the wall and it does not reach very far !”

Hope things are going well .

Just another manic Monday!

Could I please get some advice? When I was DX a month ago we decided not to tell our teenage DCs and we're comfortable with that. Neither have we told any friends. However my Aunt who I was close to and thought was very discreet, kept pushing and pushing, asking about my mammogram results. She was actually away on holiday and said she couldn't stop worrying, so to stop her worrying I gave her a slightly watered version of my DX. I also thought it might be helpful to have one other adult who knew. I swore her to secrecy and expressly told her not to tell her daughter (my cousin) because my cousin's boys are close with our DCs and I didn't want a risk of them finding out and telling our DCs. My Aunt confirmed she wouldn't tell a soul.

Within 24 hours she had told my cousin. I was absolutely livid that she would break a confidence. But what really, really hurts is that she has fucking USED my trauma to try and improve communications with her daughter. My cousin has distanced herself from my Aunt, for various reasons, and my Aunt is desperate to reconnect with her daughter. So she's using my illness as a means to further her own ends. I feel so betrayed

I texted my Aunt telling her how angry and hurt I was and she wasn't to contact me again. That was three weeks ago and she hasn't been in touch. I'm still so hurt but wondering now if I have over reacted? She's always said she thinks of me as a third daughter, but if my daughter swore me to secrecy over something so private you would have to torture the information out of me.

Peaceandlove that is a horrible thing to have happened and no, I don't think you have over reacted. You made have very clear reasons for wanting to keep your diagnosis private and she was aware of that. To break your confidence in such circumstances was unforgiveable and you were understandably very angry. Whether you relent and speak to her again is up to you but you shouldn't feel obliged to do so.

You may be right about her motivations but I have noticed that there are some people who seem to like to be able to spread the details of other peoples health so it could be something like that too. Either way is was a really shitty thing to do.

Trumpton your exchange with your GP has raised a here

peaceandlove
I don’t think I could let that one pass .
Betrayed is the right word . I would contact her and tell her exactly that and if possible talk to your cousin and ask her to make sure she knows to let it go no further .

@peaceanddove This kinda happened to me. You're not overreacting at all. I didn't pull the two bitches up who did it to me and I'm kicking myself every day now. It's not idle chit chat or gossip. And quite frankly, it's no ones business except yours. Some people are just selfish, fucking arseholes.

@peaceanddove I don't think you're over reacting. Betrayal hurts especial when it can impact on your kids.

@Trumpton thank you so much for the giggle! That is so something I would do xx

@peaceanddove - I'd be furious too. More so because it would be dreadful if your DCs were to find out from anyone but you; hopefully your cousin is more discreet than her mother.

Hope very one is okay. Shit day yesterday as our old dog was diagnosed with cancer ( growths in 3 different places) and needs to have more tests to determine options. bugger, life is crap. And not heard from hospital yet which is freaking out DH who doesn't do uncertainty well. I know it makes his work days hard to plan but I promise it's not doing me much good either!

I'm a bit late to the new thread, but I'm thinking of you today @robstersgirl. As others have said, the waiting and uncertainty is the worst part and whatever you are facing, there will be a plan.
For the newbies I am 59 and was diagnosed with cervical and endometrial cancer in May 2019. Surgery wasn't an option, and I had radical chemoradiotherapy (simultaneously) followed by brachytherapy last summer. That flattened me completely, but I recovered quickly and was back at work three weeks after ending treatment.
I had follow up scans in December which showed a good response but still some residual tumour. The consultant is being positive and encouraging, but I don't have the all clear at this stage. I'll be having another MRI very soon, then possibly a PET scan to check for cancerous activity in what's left.
I have kept my diagnosis and treatment completely secret from all but a few, so apart from DP none of my family know about it. I was so angry to read about the betrayal of your confidence @peaceanddove; I would have got medieval on anyone who disrespected my wishes like that. I hope that you can get past it, it must be difficult.

Hello @redspook. It's very encouraging that your consultant is upbeat and positive, and I hope you get your all clear soon.

I still feel very betrayed and upset by what my Aunt has done. We communicated via Whats App so my wishes were there in black and white for her to read, so it's not like she might have misunderstood. And she acknowledged back via WhatsApp that she wouldn't say a word. I thought that having reassured her about my DX she could properly relax and enjoy her holiday, but instead she was straight on the phone to my cousin. She threw me and my wishes under the bus, just to try and build bridges with her daughter who avoids her as much as possible. And now I know why

@redspook I understand not telling anyone, it feels so private. DH is one to broadcast everything to everyone and I have specificity told him he mustn't tell anyone until we know what we are dealing with. The GP thinks my most likely diagnosis is endometrial cancer but I'm trying very hard not to jump to conclusions. I'm almost 62 and was 54 when my first cancer was diagnosed and I had the final discharge from follow up in December last year which feels bloody ironic now. . I cannot help thinking that my mum was 65 when she died from cancer. Hard to stay positive! I'm glad your treatment is going well at the moment.

I have never for a second regretted keeping my cancer secret, even though I have had to tell a lot of lies. My main motivation was to keep it from my two adult DSs, as I didn't want to burden them with it when they are forging on with their independent lives away from home. I was 19 when my own mum was diagnosed with cancer, so I know what it's like to be that young person and I would do anything to spare them if I could. I am aware that I may have to tell them in the future, and that they may be hurt that we kept it from them but I'll take that risk.
The massive benefit of course is that I can get on with my life in a small town without people either crossing the road to avoid me or coming up to grab my arm, tilt the head and say "how are YOU....".
Bugger that noise.
Good wishes to everyone going through shit today, and hope you are out the other side soon, @BrowniesAreSuper.
So sorry to hear about your dog, @Sooverthemill.

I feel exactly the same @redspook because I was only 13 when my Mum had a cancer DX and only 23 when my Dad had a cancer DX. I still remember how frightened and vulnerable it made me feel. If I can possibly avoid our children experiencing that then I will particularly as this is an exam year for them both. Really hoping I can get away with no chemo, but obviously if I do need it then we will have to rethink.

And as well just like you I cannot bear people head tilting at me or being sympathetic, just don't want any of it. Once my treatment is done I just want to move on and not look back, and that's hard when everyone around you 'knows'.

It was hard to avoid telling people at work once I started treatment, as it's a fairly small office (25 people) and it would have quickly been noticed that I was taking three-hour lunch breaks every day!

I couldn't stand to wear my mega heavy duty sports bra for one minute longer, it was making me feel claustrophobic. So have swapped to a non underwired bra which is a 34D. It seems to fit my poorly boob well but obviously my healthy boob is still a 34G so is spilling out all over, but thank God I'm comfy. I do intend to also sleep in the 34D bra but is this safe and okay do you think?

Just a quick check in to see how everyone is and let you all know that last Friday I RANG THE BELL! End of chemo - can't quite believe that this stage is over. Scan and nurse this Thursday, then surgeon in 2 weeks. The side effects have kicked in quicker and harder than before, so have been stuck in bed, but am so happy that this part is over!