If I now turn my self in to social services, what happens?

[BitingGold]

I am not coping. I am not handling this at all. I have been pushed to the limit of what any human being can handle, and now I am losing it.

If I call social services now, will they try and help me, or take my kids away?

you can leave it a mess if you cant physically cope with it all.mess doesnt matter- you should see my house

im sure if they knew theyd be fine and help out wouldnt they?

Doubt they would. young professional couplewithout kids who live and work in New York. They invited themselves to dinner on monday night with one days notice, to bring mum and other brother too (currently staying in hotel as company pays) as that was the only night they could do. So suddenly had to cook for 7 adults and 2 kids at the drop of a hat.

Of course you can leave a mess. As long as you empty the bin and don't leave food out rotting, the rest can be left. You need to completely cut down your work load. You are in an emotional survival situation. Only do what you need to. The minimum.

blimey!no wonder your finding it hard!where do you live?

london

oh move to cornwall and id help you lol

South? North? Central?

OK - it's a big place - where?

BitingGold - you sound really, really down. The housework isn't as important as your own health and your children's welbeing. Leave the housework aside. We are all houseproud to some extent and probably feel the pressure even more when it's in-laws visiting but perhaps this is something your DH could do for you BOTH and just roll up his sleeves and do the tidying up. Please look after yourself first and your children.

They won't take the children away unless at risk of significant harm and this could be proven after a conference. Unless there was abuse within the wider family then any children at risk would be placed with close family if at all possible. In any case, this is in cases where real and persistent abuse or neglect was present.

The reality is likely to be that they will make an assessment of need, which may not even involve a visit from social services. It can be helpful to have the support of your GP or HV who can make a referral for you which also includes your views. This assessment will lead to them offering support in some way - which as a minimum might be signposting to another agency such as Homestart who may be able to help. Sometimes they offer nothing which is appalling but they are bogged down picking up the pieces at the other end of the spectrum oftentimes. SS do not have capacity to take more of a preventative approach in my experience.

The Core Assessment Framework should be used http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/Publicationsandstatistics/Publications/PublicationsPolicyAndGuidance/DH_4008 144 see here

You can have this in mind if you receive a visit or phonecall and perhaps plan your answers so you can give a complete picture of things.

So, what I'm saying is SS may not be that useful to you but may be a good starting point. Please don't worry about the children being taken away.

Well done for taking this first step

link again

Where are you? Can anyone nearby help? I am in South London and can help you out this afternoon if you want. I can come to yours and watch the kids for an hour or two while you tidy/pack/whatever????

Bump

Thanks.
Nonickname, I am in south london too. But just had a text from my husband that he will return home and take the kids off my hands so I can get sorted.

When I told him that I had actually smacked my 2 year olds bottom and screamed at him for pouring juice all over the house, he realized I had lost the plot, and was off balance.

Have managed to calm down a little. I guess the odd bottom smacking for a notoriously willful toddler in the grand scheme of things, if he on a day to day basis has a very loving and stable environment should not do any long lasting harm.

But, being prevented from doing anything useful a whole day, when I have so much to do, is totally frustrating, as so far I have only managed to run after my toddler who is doing something he shouldnt each time I turn my back.

Don't worry about having a day when you are harder on your DC than you would like to - I think it is healthy for them to see that occasionally mummy gets upset too. Sometimes mummy is sad it is not all going her way.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
Pleased DH on way home - make a list of all that needs doing and put as much in a list for him to do once you have gone - it wont kill him to do a bit of light hoovering or put on a wash or two...

if you are really struggling then yes please do call SS.

no they will not take your kids away but they may suggest some respite care. this means that the kids could stay with a foster family for a day or so to give you a break.

they will also offer you some help and advice to help yo in the long term to deal with the pressures you are under.

i do not know the back story to your post but from teh responses you have had i am assuming its a build up of stressfull situations. i am certain that with some short term intervention your long term will be more managable.

please don't be put off getting help by scaremongerers who tell you half truths about children being taken away, you never get the full story and just end up being more stressed than before.

I have had experience of ss 'support' and jsut from my experience I really wouldn't advise it. I don't want to go into detail here but Basically I suddenly found myself struggling on my own with four young children and all I was offered was 2 hours a week for a couple of months and that was with two of them on the at risk register. I foudn they caused more stress than they removed. They were then very quick to remove that. SS are seriously overstretched and can do very little in the way of support or preventative care.
I would try other means. Def cut down on what you can, like the charity work, and don't beat yourself up about it - you aren't superhuman. Talk to your dh and your gp about how you are feeling. COuld you afford a childminder for a few hours a week for a bit of respite? Everyone needs a break sometimes. Also, try contacting Homestart - they may be able to place you a volunteer who can help out for a couple of hours a week.

Child care isnt usually a problem. It is school holidays now. uh

my oldest is in primary, and my youngest is in nursery, usually I have a cleaner, and I had an au pair till May, but did not hire a new one as we were going to have house guests for a month (needed the spare bedroom), and then go away on holiday. I had also cancelled my youngest nursery place as we were going on holiday, and he starts a new nursery in September next to my oldest school. So in effect, I had cancelled out all the help I usually get, thinking I would be fine. I am not. And I still have work to do, both kids at home, house guests to clean up after (you wouldnt believe the laundry when I now have gathered all towels and linenes), and packing, clean up before new houseguests (ok, I shall not), and everything collapses....

What is cash like? You may find some very cheap help through teenage girls who will be happy to keep an eye on your dcs whilst you do the rest.

Hi all, thanks for keeping me sane earlier today. The kids are asleep, and I feel so guilty they have seen their mum as a shivering crying wreck. But it could have been worse. Nearly done packing, nearly finnished the urgent things for work. The house has been cleaned, the kids have been fed, played with, hugged and cuddled a lot. I still just want to burst into tears, but there is a snickersbar waiting and a 500 ml bottle of diet coke in the fridge, brought by husband he thought I needed it. He came home early, and was of some help. He has fallen asleep together with the kids. If only I can get through the night and the flight we will be fine.

My mum thinks the kids are misbehaving so at the moment due to "stress" and upheaval. First they lost the au pair they loved, my youngest moved from baby to toddler room in the nursery and lost his keyworker whom he adored, houseguests came and the kids lost their bedroom and were displaced into our bedroom, and now school holiday has started and I have taken the youngest OUT of his nursery as we were originally due to go away last weekend. Everything is chaos at GoldTowers.

good luck with the flight. Hopefully even if your parents are sick and elderly they will be able to give you some moral support. It does sound like the DC's have had a lot of changes so hopefully things will calm down soon.

BitingGold

This looks like some great alternatives to SS. Parenting support groups

www.familylinks.org.uk/

www.parentinguk.org/3/for-parents

I think you are a long way from needing Social Services. You are a reglular mum who lost it, and completely shocked yourself. You have my every sympathy. Good luck

You sound 100% normal to me. I think lots of us have periods like this. I've been a bit close to the edge myself for v similar reasons - nanny slagging us off in local pub and job-hunting (convinced she is underpaid), horrible health problems, work stresses, DH moving jobs, DS getting all upset at thought of transfering from pre-school to pre-prep, and then the baby teethed all the way through the only holiday I am likely to have this year. aaarrrgghhhhhh.

And I am the 'together' and 'organised' one in the family!

I wouldn't for a minute think you need any help, from SS or whatever. Just come back from your holiday, get in an au-pair straight away when you get back (I can recommend a very quiet/polite british girl who may still be looking for work until her college starts again sometime in Sept), and set out some ground rules for DH for next 3months along the lines of:-

1. NO socialising at home - go out for dinners etc instead
2. NO kids parties at home - take their friends to swimming pools/pony riding or whatever
3. Ask DH how many hours he thinks are reasonable for him to help round the house each week, and then when he answers '6' or whatever, don't negotiate upwards but just nail him down to a weekly day/time when he will do these hours; don't let him squirm out of it (no idea if this is likely or not). then give him list of chores.
4. Agree a time (maybe a couple of hours Sat afternoon or Sunday morning) when you guarantee him that he will be undisturbed and can do what he wants, and a time (of same length) when you will be undisturbed. Avoid if you can using the time to catch up on chores (unless it really does your head in to see things in a mess) - try instead to go for a hot stones massage or something.
5. Insist on a weekly 'together' activity that is 100% pleasant and do it every week. We do early morning swimming, then huge breakfast in family-friendly cafe, then we go round farmers mkt buying daft things we don't need, then depending on reward point situation the DS gets either an ice cream or a trip to the toy shop. The messy house and ironing will all still be there when you get home but I promise you won't think about it when you are out of the house and you will enjoy yourself and relax a bit.

might help... that's how I got out of deep hole of frustration I was in recently....the more you get away from the house and the chores, the less of a problem they become.