dd1 (8 yrs) - bottomless-pit type appetite and chubby - how to deal with it?

[geekgirl]

Dd1 has always been a good eater and on the heavy side, but I am getting really quite worried about her size now.
She is overweight (not terribly so but still...) and if left to her own devices would completely stuff her face with high-calorie food, shunning fruit & veg.

I am forever having to tell her that she can't eat more of a something and do try to curb her eating, but she obviously has huge school dinners with second and third helpings, and has on occasion had dinner at a friend's house without my knowledge, only to have another full meal at home .

I'm also fed up with having to supervise her permanently during breakfast as she would easily have 4 bowls of cereal if left unchecked.

I guess one solution would be to switch her back to packed lunches [groan]

She is at least very active, cycles lots and spends her time after school on the playground and the playing fields nearby, which has really helped. I feel that unless we get a grip on her eating we're fighting a losing battle though.
I've not said anything to her directly - I was an overweight child and my parents always made a big deal over it, and as a result I ended up battling with bulimia and then anorexia for years and years, so I am very conscious of not not the same to her - but at the same time I don't want her to be overweight.

Try putting the whole family on a healthy eating program and involving your dd in this. Don't have high calorie food lying around the house. You could try a high protein diet so she doesn't feel so hungry.

Idreamofdaleks, I don't really have stuff like crisps etc around, I mean things like muesli, bread or rice or potatoes at mealtimes. We do eat healthily (apart from dd1 I guess who turns her nose up at most vegetables ), which makes it harder in a way.

From what you are saying, it sounds less about eating bad foods than eating just way too much food in general. It would be really hard to say to her that she can't have as much food as she wants, so perhaps you could allow her to eat when she wants, but just change WHAT she is allowed.

So, always have a plate of fruit on offer whenever she is hungry or wants to eat, but say only one portion of main meals. I think it should be about not syaing no to her eating, but limiting the main meals.

Even if she never ate chocolate crisps etc, if she eats more than one portion of every main meal, she will gain weight.

Perhaps the school will help if she wants to keep having school meals, otherwise I agree packed lunch would be better.

And if for breakfast she wants more than one poortion, just insist that it is not cereal each time. So one bowl of cereal then fruit.

My boys are younger and we don't have the same problem with them, but I was overweight all through my childhood (and adult life) and in hindsight really wished my family had done something about it when I was 8.

thank you Ilana, that's a good idea - maybe I should set up a proper enticing-looking fruit bowl... (at the moment everything resides in the fridge or on the kitchen window sill) and make it a general rule for everyone that they don't get seconds of anything other than veg...

I have a dd who would eat constantly too. She is nearly 4, and I am starting to limit when she can eat. Things I try and do are to give her a smaller portion to start with, and get her to eat slowly (which you can do without 'singling' her out - say something like 'Let's see who can eat the nicest without gobbling' or 'Let's really enjoy every mouthful'.) But, my kids are younger than yours. So that may not be appropriate.

School dinners - I'd be really surprised if she was having seconds and thirds - at ds1's school you absolutely can't go back for any more, and the portions are not big - smaller than they get at home. I suppose if she has a pudding every day, that could be significant.

I honestly think the best thing to do is to establish good eating habits and being active, so encouraging snacking on fruit, running around etc. Dd adores fruit, and has eaten 4 or 5 apples on occasion.

Could you make 'set' times for eating - so have 3 meal times, plus an after-school snack, so that she knows when it is ok to eat.

From your photo on your profile she doesn't look at all heavy, she looks absolutely beautiful, but it may be out of date.

Do you think (and I'm asking this really gingerly, as someone with a vaguely similar history) you may be projecting your own anxieties about food/weight onto her? I think I do, particularly with dd. She is definitely on the solid side, she's not a petite waif (as her brother is!), but when I mentioned it to the HV she looked at me like I was mad, and said that not only did she not think there was a problem, but that it would never have occurred to her to consider that anyone could possibly be concerned - she said she just looked incredibly healthy. Don't be offended at that - just a thought.

your daughter does not look chubby in the profile

tortoise, thanks, she does look beautiful and it's a recent picture - I agree re. the projection of anxieties, I am sure I do to some extent (although I make damn sure she doesn't know, I never talk about fat or weight in her presence), but she is too heavy for her height and has a fat tum.

I think one of my biggest worries is also the possibility of early puberty as a result of being a bit podgy (more projection here I know - I was completely freaked out when I started my periods )

i think it was greensleeves or f and z, who had the idea of a snack drawer, filled with healthy foods, which can be accessed at all times, but which has its contents controlled by you. (eg rice cakes, fruit, a few nuts etc )

If the picture of your daughter is how she looks now then I would stop worrying and let her eat as much as she wants. If she is not getting the chance to eat to much rubbish then I wouldn't worry. She is active and growing and extremely beautiful

My dd is 7.5 and tall and rather, erm, sturdy. On my DH's insistence I took her to the GP (went in first without her and explained) as I have an underactive thyroid and have a tendency to be plump. GP said she looks like a normal healthy girl to me. She weighs more than my (skinny) DH did at 11 yrs!

I agree with Ilana, we have just changed what we offer her.

Breakfast is malted wheats (like Shreddies but not nestle) with semi skim and 1 slice of granary toast - then I make a really lovely fruit salad with mango, banana and melon, I have the fruit for my b'fast everyday.

My dd seems to have a slow 'full' reaction and I just keep an eye on what she eats. I am concerned that I will give her a food problem, but we never talk about fat or weight.

I will watch this thread with interest.

I've put my pictures to be public (might take a minute to come up) so you can see my dd, who is chubby, but I'm making myself not worry, as she does vary as she grows.

There's one picture of dd where her face looks chubby, but I don't think she does particularly on the other pictures.

beetroot, thank you - she is gorgeous - I know I get paranoid. Never really thought about it all that much until I looked at growth charts, BMI calculators etc. and everything always says she is rather overweight - 130cm, 34kg.

TS - your dd is perfectly normal - she is not even chubby.

tortoiseshell, they all look gorgeous and not chubby either. maybe it's all in our heads?

I have come to the conclusion that there is so much in the media about childhood obesity that we ARE all paranoid about it. WIth dd it is exaggerated because ds1 is as skinny as anything - he is far TOO thin, because he does not eat. He is 6 and wears age 2-3 shorts still. So dd who is more average always looks a bit heavier beside him, as well as being 2 years younger, and they stretch out as they get older.

I don't know anyone with a healthier diet than dd - it is basically fruit and veg with a few bits of protein and carbs to balance. Where I think she COULD be healthier is in her level of general activity - she goes to things like swimming/gymnastics, but she does not run around the house in the same way as ds1 - she is more likely to sit reading a book.

gg and ts, your dd's are both so gorgeous - I wish I was techie enough/had time enough to work out how to make a profile!

GG my dd is exactly the same height and weight as yours, I just checked (I told her I needed her H&W to order the right car seat for on hols).

TS yes you are right, perhaps just media fed anxiety.

I'm anxious as dd being a bit bullied at school and I don't want to give them yet another reason to pick on her. Also the girls at my dd's school seem to be seriously undernourished looking, making her look chunkier. She went for a trial day at a new school and the difference was not so great.

i have no idea how much my kids weigh - never bothered after 6 weeks and don't bother now.

my ds is 5 & quite well built too. dp is more worried about it than i am. though i am starting to be a bit twitchy. he has a very healthy diet, lots & lots of fruit & veg. he's also pretty active. i am cutting down on treats & have just swapped to semi-skimmed milk (luckily neither he or dd have noticed ). will make a profile so you can see him.

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