Sterilazation, dh or I?

[jofeb04]

We have two dc, and we both know that we do not want any more. However, my dootor stated it is unlikely that a hospital would allow it. My dh is 27, and I am 25.

The doctors stated it is often "easier" for a man, and my dh has stated he wants to have it over me iykwim.

I'm currently got the implant, so not in a big rush, but not sure which osne of us should have the operation.

How did you decide?

It is a much simpler and less invasive procedure for a man.

And, what age were you or your dp? Is 27 or 25 really too young?

Thanks

Thanks expat

It's a smaller op for a man than a woman so i guess dh will go for it here. It's a fairly major jobbie for us women whereas blokes can get it done in a short while and recover quickly

Thanks Pixiefish. That's what we thought, and why dh want's to have it.

Hi Jo

am wondering why you want to take such a radical decision so young? I feel it is too young....you have potentially, another 20 odd years of fertility ahead of you....

what if you get to 35 and you both feel strongly that you do want more children...

it is just such a permanent and final step to take, so young, i feel

lulumama I was wondering this

what about if you die and he gets a new partner and wants children its quite unlikely he will be able to have them. You are both still quite young and dont take the decision lightly.

Hiya Lulumama,
TBH, we both have that sort of in our mind, but feel that we simply can't afford another child (and I don't mean that to sound harsh either ).
People do say what about if I die before dh etc, or we dvorce, but tbh, it is not something we think about!

And also, we really don't want another pregnancy or birth like our previous ones(or th SPD I've still got two years later lol).

Does that make sense?

not sure but isn't the mans easier to reverse if you change your mind at a later date?

i know where you are coming from Jo

after I had DS. who is nearly 8. i had terrible PND, and for a long time we thought DS would be an only child.....i was 24 when i had him....

if i had been sterilised then, or DH, we would never have known the joy of having DD, almost 6 years later...when i was fully better ..and having her changed my life

in 5 - 10 years time, you could be in a totally different situation, and be more secure and wanting more children

also, although DH and I have also decided 2 children is enough, we are not taking steps to have either of us sterilised

1. feel way too young, DH is 34, I'm almost 32

2. what if something happened to either DC, god forbid?

3. what if something happened to one of us? we don;t like to think of it, but it can happen, that is why we have life insurance, unpalatable, but needs considering

4. what if we split ? cannot believe it would happen, but if anything did

Just feel that it is too young for us, if i was 42, i;d certainly consider it, but even then.....

oh, i don;t know, just thought i;d share anyway !!

Thanks Lulumama, given usa few things to think about!
TBH, we are not a couple who think of those sort of things (I don't think many do though),but as you say, ten years I'm only35, and things may have changed!!

Uuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

look, i don;t want to throw a spanner in the works, but i don;t want to read a thread here in 5 years saying, ' why did you not talk me out of this?!??!?'

it is horrible to think about not being with your DH either through bereavement, or something else..but it can and does happen

and it is worth thinking about

especially when you are young and feeling immortal and invincible

Oh, I would strongly advice that you leave that sort of decision for much later in your marriage.

But once you reach your late thirties, early forties, perhaps, then reconsider.

A vasectomy is by far the simplest, quickest and most cost-effective course of action.

Thanks LM and Des,
I think a problem is we both think we are "together forever", but only reading threads on MN makes it obv that it's not always.

Going to talk to DH tonight, think we may wait for a few years yet!

him definitely, its easier and less invasive. you could always try hopsital tourism to another country.....

The hospital would be very unlikely to consider either of you at your ages because the younger you are when you are sterilized the higher the "regret" in later years.

Agree with all the other posts in that it should be the man who gets it done as op is much simpler for them BUT you should never have a sterilisation done thinking that it could be reversed in the future. This is not usually available on the NHS so is expensive and is also unlikely to be successful.

I would continue with the implant as it is the most effective method of contraception (even better than sterilisation!), doesn't involve any thinking about, and if your lucky will stop your periods as an added bonus!

dh had a vascectomy a few months ago - he's 41
no issues at all, can't go through life thinking what if scenarios, so it was a good decision for us. I'm 37, we have 3 kids

I do think though, at 25 it's still a young age to be deciding you don't want any more babies

gety a coil instead

Why's that then Cod??!

The implant has stopped all periods, been lucky that way

stick with your implant i loved mine an at 3years each one you may have changed your mind by then, my mom was sterilized after my sis16 my mom was 39 she re-married an then wanted kids with her new partner they couldnt reverse that was just 5years later its a big consideration for means of contraception.

my implant didnt stop my af!!! it stopped my sisers though! i didnt have any probs with mine had it out ttc!

we have been considering this.

I will be 25 and DH 29 when DC3 is born. I want him to have the snip, but he isnt so sure.

He thinks i will regret it, but i really dont want to put my body through pregnancy again, and artificial hormones play havoc with me.

Im not really sure what we are going to do, we are still in discussion!

I wouldn't do it under 30. Your circumstances could change a lot in say 5 years time - and what happens if your biological clock starts ticking madly post 30?

I was 30 and my DP 33 when he had the snip (in February, still waiting for the all clear so I can come off the pill). We have a DS together who is 15 months, and each have one child from previous relationships (DD aged 8 and SS aged 10).

I wanted him to have it done (and he agreed) as for a man it is a much easier op under local aneasthetic(sp) and they are in and out in half an hour, and also it was me that gave birth so why should I have to go through sterilization too?

The man does have to attend a counselling session before it can be done anyway, and took DP almost a year from asking his doctor to the actual op. So the way I see it is there is no harm in asking, can always change your mind later on! HTH

Neither of us has had it done yet but it'll be DH when the time comes. My GP - bless his soul - said that I'd been through enough with a traumatic pregnancy and he would not refer me, but would happily refer DH so that he "could do his share".

Interestingly, he also said that the success rate is a lot higher with male sterilisation.