HPV - Partner gave it to me on purpose.

[thewinterqueen]

Hi ladies,

So my girlfriend has recently informed me that she has the HPV virus, but failed to mention it before we'd slept together. I suffer from bad endometriosis, so am going to an emergency doctors appointment today, but I feel awful. I feel like she should have told me, and that she's purposely deceived me. I'm torn between ending the relationship or not - thoughts?

I'm pretty sure its a bit like a coldsore, can take weeks/months/years to show up on tests.

How a doctor thought this required an appointment at all let alone an emergency one is very odd!

There is a bit of conflicting info on this thread.

HPV is very common and yes it's true that 80-90% of sexually active people have it, BUT, there are many, many strains of the virus and when they do smears they only test for the high risk strains that are linked to cervical cancer. This means that if your girlfriend has tested positive during a smear, she does have a high risk strain. So I can understand the doctor's urgency there.

However, this does not mean she has passed it to you. HPV comes and goes, she will have only passed it on if it was active at the time, so there is still a good chance you don't have it at all.

Regardless, it was absolutely unacceptable that she didn't tell you before you slept together!

This means that if your girlfriend has tested positive during a smear, she does have a high risk strain. So I can understand the doctor's urgency there.

Even if she has a high risk strain, it isn’t an urgent matter to deal with. It’s an appointment but not an emergency appointment.

So I can understand the doctor's urgency there.

I can’t. Most people infected with the strains of HPV that can cause cervical cancer do not develop cervical cancer, because they are able to clear the virus. When it does lead to cancer it takes approximately 10 years from HPV infection to abnormal cells to cancer. There is no treatment available that can treat the virus, why on earth would OP’s GP be calling her in with any urgency?

There is no treatment available that can treat the virus, why on earth would OP’s GP be calling her in with any urgency?

Exactly. It makes no sense.

What did the gp say to you op?

Yeah so it's common but that doesnt make it OK to have sex with someone without telling them first. @OP do you know which strains you have? Have you been vaccinated?

@PurpleDaisies perhaps not an emergency GP appointment (though people book these for sneezes these days!), but he might mean referring her for a smear perhaps earlier than her next one is due?

Is your GP private? Because that is the only reason I can think that they would have spoken to you about booking the appointment (usually you speak to the receptionist) and been keen to see you. Otherwise it is a massive waste or NHS time.

OP, how certain are you that you didn’t give it to her? It’s very common and maybe you are the reason she now has it. When were you last tested?

Spuriousor, can I ask for more info on 10 yrs from contacting hpv to cancer cells? Not a challenge, just fact chasing. I had an abnormal smear within a year or two of unprotected sex. Prior to that is been in a long term monogamous relationship. I'd be v curios to learn I caught it from him!

This is a very strange thread.

Many many people have HPV. It’s a virus, related to the common wart virus. There are a number of high risk strains (knows as HR-HPV) which can be implicated in the development of cervical and other cancers. The vaccine offered to young girls aims to reduce the incidence of the 4 high risk strains most likely to cause changes in the cervix. It is going to be rolled out to boys too.

HPV is not usually symptomatic. Some strains cause warts. Most people don’t know they have it, until they are tested or it shows on a smear test. There is no treatment. Usually the immune system clears it in time.

It can be transmitted sexually but isn’t an STI in the same way other STIs are. It can also be transmitted through oral and anal sex, as well as by fingers and the use of sex toys.

I am surprised that a GP would suggest an urgent appointment. Are you sure they didn’t think you’d said your partner had tested positive for HIV? I mean, there’s no treatment so why would one need an urgent appointment? You can’t do much about it.

The best way to avoid HPV is to use condoms.

@PurpleDaisies perhaps not an emergency GP appointment (though people book these for sneezes these days!), but he might mean referring her for a smear perhaps earlier than her next one is due?

I wouldn’t even do that. The interval between smears (you don’t get referred for a smear, it’s usually done by a practice nurse) allows for the fact you might develop cell changes the day after you had your last smear. Cervical cancer is usually very slow to get going. I’d happily talk to the op in a normal appointment, possibly test for other STDs but this really isn’t the emergency that she’s made it out to be. The endometriosis is totally irrelevant.

Very odd decisions from the GP here. I’d be interested in what the op says about that when (if?) she comes back.

Are you sure they didn’t think you’d said your partner had tested positive for HIV?

Maybe that’s it.

The best way to avoid HPV is to use condoms.

Still not foolproof, I managed to get HPV (type 16) despite never having unprotected sex.

Has this helped you? Lots of information here to help out you at ease

@PurpleDaisies do you mind if I PM you?

HPV is spread by skin contact so condoms don’t protect against it, only reduce the likelihood of catching it. You have to keep your clothes on to fully protect yourself!

@dudsville I just had a google and found this. I was actually mistaken, it’s not ten years, it’s closer to 15-20.

WHO fact sheet

So they recommend smears from 30 now? Because I had precancerous cells in my 20s discovered by my first smear which was considered quite late when I was 26. I had the loop dithermy thing.
I wonder why they’ve made it later?

That’s the WHO recommendation, individual countries have different guidelines. In the UK it’s still 25.

Oh ok. That’s still got older than it used to be. When I first went to uni at 18 we were all told to get a smear.

You may be able to get HPV from kissing though it's not clear. Virgins can have it. It is normal to have it.

I would cancel the gp appointment. I would also think they thought you said HIV. I would have a good chat with your partner, s it sounds almost as if she was deliberately scaring you?

No no, she didn’t say HIV. I think the doctor overreacted and the consultant said so tonight. I’m being sent to a screening clinic tomorrow for full tests, which makes far more sense. Gf is very apologetic but she did know that she had a high strain and should have told me before sleeping with me. I will be breaking up with her.

Suggest you and any future partners get tested for everything before sleeping together in future.

soulrider absolutely, condoms just reduce the risk of transmission, they don’t eliminate the risk. And given you can also transmit it by oral sex and from fingers and sex toys the only way to avoid it completely is by having no sexual contact at all.

OP you’re in a same sex relationship? Are you really going to dump her because of this? I don’t see that she has deceived you, given that many many young women will have HPV. I agree it would have been good for her to let you know before having sex in terms of openness but would it have changed anything? Would you have altered your sexual practices to reduce the risk of transmission? Or not slept with her?

It’s not like herpes, or chlamydia.

If I were you I would feel hurt and slightly aggrieved at the lack of honesty but I wouldn’t automatically dump someone for this. Communication is needed.

Sexual health screens don’t include HPV testing routinely but they will check for active warts.