Does anyone on here suffer from Bulimia or a compulsive eating disorder?

[EDsRUs]

I'm in need of a bit of support

I've never talked openly about this...

I don't but somebody close to me does and I can see how upsetting it is for them. If you want a chat I am on line now and there will be many others waking up before long.

I used to have an eating disorder when I was a young teenager.

I know there are a few mnetters who have had or still do have eating disorders.

never had personal experience but there are quite a few on mumsnet.
It's littrle slow around here this early so bump this later on for more help.
or if yoiu need to talk now we can try and support you

I am not sure what support I could give. I was bulimic for a number of years and still made myself throw up at times after that. The last time when I was pregnant and I got really bad stomach (proper stomach not abdominal or anything) and I thought I had harmed my baby.

It was tied to weight and to feelings of control. Oddly, when I reached my heaviest of 22 stone I finally felt like I looked on the outside how I had always felt I looked. Sometimes I still want to cry when I look back on pictures of myself and see that I was so normal sized and yet I felt so fat.

I used it for weight control for years, then I just ended up vomiting when I was miserable and out of control, but in the meantime I would still gorge myself on food.

I still cannot have certain foods just in the house because it will prey on my mind, I will think constantly about eating them and eventually just give in. I do work on everything seeming normal for my ds though.

Good for you for finally coming out and talking about it. It's not a cure, but knowing others are out there can help a person to feel less self-hating.

Sorry to hijack but cascara what advice would you give to those around a person who is suffering from this illness to try to support them and to feel better?

I don't really know, I suppose because I still have issues with the binging part myself and because there really have been two stages to it, the weight part and the control over life part, though of course they are linked, different support at each stage would be better.

I would say don't talk about good and bad foods, don't mention other people's weight, their weight or your own weight in a negative manner, or mention weight at all, or overeating. Perhaps notice if there's a specific time they vanish after a meal and distract them. I would be constantly thinking about my optimum vomit time if I'd eaten things I shouldn't. I knew exactly when was the best time to vomit, how much liquid to have to help it come up better. But once that time had passed if I hadn't been able to get away I would start feeling less obsessed with it and then I would start feeling better. Obviously, there were more times when I was alone and doing it though.

I suppose I don't know because I never really got help for it as the vomiting part just faded over the 11 years but I still have eating issues.

Make sure they know that stomach acid can destroy teeth, mine went from perfect to a mouthful of fillings and I have had two molars removed and feel scummy when I go to the dentist.

My friends, when I eventually disclosed it to them just listened and were non-judgmental and never urged me to seek help, which I wouldn't have done and I would've clammed up even though getting help is obviously a good thing and lots of people are helped. I suppose it depends on the personality of the person.

I don't know if this has been any use. There are probably good articles online about it.

Thinking of other than the weight issue, you could help them in other areas of their life that might be contributing. Help in gaining control, or confidence or something.

..a tendency towards, may be - like if have a chocolate have to have the whole box etc. I remember the year I ate the toddlers` Easter Eggs, many years ago, not that they knew they'd been given them or that it did them any harm, but it can be an irresistible urge to over eat.
I could never make myself sick. Never wanted to try. My sister apparently did. My brother's life's work is working with people with eating disorders.

There was a thread on mumsnet about it not so long ago.

Also have a look at sites like www.radiantrecovery.com and www.promis.co.uk/content/eating/eatguide.php

That second link was very informative Xenia, thanks.

I have always felt a bit defeated in that one cannot abstain from food, mixed in with the general message in society that moderation is good. Therefore I have tried to cultivate a moderation approach to the kind of foods I am likely to binge on. I always start feeling positive that I can control things, I get something in the house thinking I can be "normal". Like just this week I bought biscuits, which obviously have not lasted. But I hadn't considered the approach of complete abstinence of those things, like it gives the example that recovering alcoholics still have drinks, just not alcoholic ones.

It was also interesting it mentioned enjoying foods that are not spiced or heavily seasoned as they can stimulate the appetite which is not something I have previously thought about. But makes sense! I mean I am just thinking about when I make spicy lentil soup which I eat loads of, or just lentil soup which doesn't stimulate me to eat more. Of course that's just one example, but maybe it's true.

I think they aim to get people used to eating regular normal healthy meals and a lot of people's eating patterns have moved very far away from the norm of a breakfast, lunch and dinner. Both sites I think mention sugar addiction and the biochemical effect sugar has on some people, often through their genes and I am sure they both walk about the link between food and mental health. No point in going to any clinic and being cleaned up from any addictive substance if you're abusing whatever it is you abuse because of an issue over your child hood or whatever which will always be there. So I think the combination of good diet, addressing the underlying issues, exercise and other activities which raise your beta endorphins etc seem to be the classic treatment.

One "comfort" is it's not as bad as cocaine addiction or even anorexia. Anorexia has the highest death rate of any mental condition. Over eating and bullimia don't. So chocolate as drug of choice is probably better than cigarettes or vodka.

I am a recovering bulimic, am now in my 4 year of recovery and I'm not going to pretend its been easy as I would be lying. When I first admitted my problem it was to friends and they took me to the doctors, who were extremely good. I was referred to a CPN who was fantastic, who gave me a food diary that I had to fill in everyday with the amounts that I ate, she also after 3 sessions set me the task of eating breakfast everyday for a week. When I came out of the session, I called my DP and cried to him for an hour saying I couldn't do it. After 3 mornings I finally did it and had breakfast. It has taken me along time to get to a good eating routine and I do find that if I am stressed, my eating habits do go all over the place, but once I realise, I go back to the first routine that was set for me. It takes time and patience and alot of support from the people around you to get through it, but you can. Lots of luck to you and if you want to talk, just give me a nudge. Love Aufish.

Thank you all for your responses - I was feeling so awful when I wrote my OP so it was lovely to pop back and see that you were here.

I don't know why this is suddenly getting out of control again. It seems that I go from one problem to another. I had just eaten a whole packet of biscuits (amongst other things) and was feeling bad about losing control, being so greedy & feeling bloated. I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself and thought there might be other MNers who may be able to understand.

Then I did the same thing tonight

I feel like I just need to get a grip. I will look at the links tomorrow when I have more time to concentrate on them. Thanks again so much for being here

x

Don't be embarassed about what you ate yesterday, concentrate on today as it is a new day and an opportunity for you to do things in the way that you want.

It might help by setting yourself goals one day at a time rather than looking at the future as a whole. If things slip one day, you can then look to the next day as a fresh start and recognise that it was a bad day yesterday but that you are going to have a good day today. Don't be hard on yourself.

I am really sorry that you are having such a hard time. At the risk of sounding terribly patronising (for which I sincerely apologise!) it sounds like there is definitely elements of your life where you are in control, even though you don't think that you are. You recognise that this illness is something that you want to overcome, you are talking to others about it and you recognise that the eating vomiting cycle is destructive and not a means to control your problems. That really is half the battle.

You say that you seem to go from one problem to another - what is upsetting you at the moment? Don't be tempted to trivialise your problems by saying that you should cope - the fact is that you are finding things difficult and that is ok. Maybe by talking about the things in life that are causing you a problems, you will help to resolve or at least alleviate the problems with your eating, which is just a coping mechanism.

I saw a counsellor for six weeks for anxiety and depression a while back and I didn't do it through my GP - I only told my dh so nobody knew anything about it and I just paid for it at £25 per week. It felt like "me time" when I saw my counsellor but at the same time, I was anonymous so it didn't matter.

I was amazed how many life coping strategies I developed from it and how when I feel bad now I can go back and remind myself of the things I learned. I still have days where I feel bad but I am more forgiving of myself and this might really help you and to help recognise the areas in your life where actually you are really doing a great job.

I am not pushing you into going to get professional help unless you want to do so or until you are ready. All I am suggesting is that getting things off your chest to an independent sympathetic listener might really help and you wouldn't even have to talk about your eating problem unless you wanted to.

I really do wish you good luck with this. I have seen how much this upsets my friend and I know that it is not something which is easy to overcome but people do manage and you can do it. Draw as much love and support as you can from those around you and don't judge yourself so harshly.

I will come back to this posting when I can. I hope that you have a good day today.
love E x

Very wise advice. What about also not having biscuits in the house (which is what we tend to try to ensure). Much less likely to drive out to buy them than eat a packet here.

Also having breakfast, regular meals so you aren't hungry is supposed to help as well as of course dealing with the underlying problem the food is used to mask.

i compulsively eat rubbish food, i am obbsessed with it and i hate myself for it, although have never made myself sick,

i permanantly think about food, and whne i can eat again,

every monday i start a new diet, lasts till tuesday,

but i so badly want to lose about 2 stone at least, but it is such a uphill struggle,

food seems to control me, it is wired because i find that the milkshake only diets, are better for me becauase i know i cant touch any food at all.. beacuse on other diets if i go off track slightly i cant just stop there i have a complete blow out....

savoury things are my downfall...crisps, toast, cheese, but if they are not in the house i do find other things,

I feel my life is passing me by and my weight prevents me doing other things in life mainly due to no confidence

i would love any advice to conquoer this,

I'm glad you came back EDs, I worried you will have felt bad about posting and maybe stayed away.

And hi snowwonder!

Every now and again I try to have foods in the house to see if I can have them in moderation... it never works. So we pretty much don't have them and make everything from scratch so unless I'm in one of my trying to be normal episodes there is rarely anything to just snack on apart from fruit, but not bananas.

I don't do diets anymore. I was in a really good and positive place a few years back and thought I could handle a diet and in the next year and a half I put on 3 stone in a cycle of denial, gorge and self-hatred. I've finally got a grip of myself and am doing it like I did last time when I lost 5 stone. I exercise and the healthy eating falls into place because I feel good about myself when I exercise and it regulates my apetite. Usually this kicks in after about a month, so I just wait. We splashed out for an elliptical and multi-gym at home so it was easy to exercise, dh and I do it together. I also bought a rebounder which I just pop on for 15-20 mins a couple of times a day on the alternate days I am not doing the gym stuff.

I also suppose it all depends where these things come from, I know where all my issues are from, what led me down the path so that does help. I have also been working on a technique I used to control my obsessive problems. I close the gate on negative thoughts. It's hard and sometimes even know I think I SHOULD be hating myself because I deserve to be punished. I mean we all grow up with that don't we, you do something wrong, you get told off, that is how things should be isn't it?!?! So, in the absence of a judgmental parental figure I fill the void. Besides, society daily gives us messages about how disgusting it is to be overweight and what a burden we will be on the NHS, how ugly it is to overeat etc. etc. So I put up a wall against those thoughts because it does no good whatsoever. No good. There is nothing at all to be gained from it. If the thoughts come I visualise a gate closing again and again on them and I distract myself with something else. So when I do overeat I move on from it, I do my exercise, I live my life and that was just a blip. I know from bitter experience if I dwell on it will be a thoroughly destructive cycle.

Well that's a bit of an essay!

hi..

it is so true i feel so much better when i am eating well compared to eating crap..

so why do i go back to it......

do you eat bread?

i have a small trampette thing, is that a rebounder, mine is in shed dont think i could do that long on it though..

i have signed up for a netball class starts next week,, and worrying about how i can shed some weight before i start

I think you need to try to think about food and weight less, not more and certainly an exercise you enjoy which might be gardening or a walk or whatever makes many people feel good.

Food is the only addictive substance we can't just give up but I think some foods like white bread and sugar and sugar substitutes apparently are more likely to lead to people bingeing than if your diet is healthier.

We have bread now and again that's all and usually make it ourselves, unless dh picks up french bread for pizza. We don't use much white flour either, or white rice, pasta made from the semolina of durum wheat etc. I avoid all the high GI foods where possible and lots of veg. I also bought smaller dinner plates (they are actually side plates!) because if I had a big plate I would have to fill it then have to eat it. Dinner plates seem so big these days anyway! My mum's were never so large!

I started at 5 mins on the rebounder, which I think is the same thing you have, then slowly worked up to 20. I used to do just gentle bouncing, knees bent, feet not even lifting off. Now do 5 mins of that, 10 mins of running and 5 mins of gentle bouncing again. When I get fitter I will break out the dvd that came with it.

Good for you for signing up to a sport!! That is fab! Just remember, you are doing the sport to get fitter, and have fun! It's not right to think you should be fit to do the thing that is supposed to make you fit! And don't compare yourself to others, you and they are not the sum of their bodies, people are so much more than that... you know this!

apart from anything else, other people will be too worried about catching the ball to think god hasn't she got a big bum!

have fun at your netball class - good for you!

Ok, I have given up with the name-change - I am EDsRUs. Here I am, being me. Just me.

Estobi, Xenia and Cascara - you make a lot of sense. You have some very wise advice.

Snowwonder, that is exactly how I feel - I hate myself for doing this. I think about food ALL the time too. I have no idea how to conquer this, snow, but drinking tons of water does sometimes help a bit. Netball sounds like a great idea. I hope you enjoy it (once you get there, I know the build-up will be stressful especially if you are already worrying about losing weight). Please let us know how it goes.

I do try not to have food I will eat compulsively in the house (like biscuits) - when I did my food shopping yesterday I only bought fruit which I know I will eat sensibly. And eating properly does definitley help - if I have 3 meals a day, I don't usually binge.

I am actually getting help for this - I have therapy twice a week and am on meds. The help is more for depression - my eating rarely comes up as it is the one thing I am embarassed about. The problem at the moment is that my meds make me really hungry. They are talking about counteracting that with an apetite suppressant which I am rather reluctant to take. On the other hand, I can't come off my meds because they are finally helping but eating so much makes me miserable so I don't think I have many options.

I have been thinking a lot about why I am like this and have realised a couple of things:

1. When my family treat me (now and when I was growing up) it is/ was always food based. Chocolate, meals out, biscuits, cake etc. Always always food.

2. Eating/ binging/ purging is one thing I can control when the rest of my life seems to be following it's own path.

I have no idea why I just shared that with you...

mamama, this is very brave of you. Well done! I have also suffered badly with depression, and I vowed I would never keep the depression or the bulimia or the obsessive thoughts issues to myself because I think it does more good being out in the open about it, to not be ashamed and embarrassed. So many people suffer from things and I think we go around thinking everyone else is normal and coping, whereas the normal is to actually "have issues" so to speak. I think it creates more of a problem thinking we shouldn't have these thoughts and feelings and behaviours.

Since I started posting on this board yesterday I have been more in control of my eating than I had been for weeks. I had got into a bad cycle, but I feel like some of the stress has been taken away. We will see how long it lasts, but I am working on it!

The time when I was successful at losing weight was just having three meals a day and nothing between. I would often eat the same things for breakfast (porridge or raisin bran) and lunch (couscous beans and veg or bagel) so there was no thinking about food involved for those times.

I think I also got off track because I became a bit obsessed with eating healthily, always thinking I need these fruit and nuts and seeds and these veg and make sure to get a bit of it all in in a day and don't let the metabolism slow so eat frequently. It really messed me up I think.

Food was always the way to be treated or comforted when I was growing up. This combined with an overweight mum who had self-esteem issues over it so weight was always an Issue. I flipped really when my beloved Nana died when I was 17, that was when the making myself throw up kicked in. But I lost weight through it and gosh.. the PRAISE for losing weight, so why would I stop? The depression hit after I moved to the US at 23 and got married. I spent a year on the sofa in my nighty eating and being unable to function in life until I started making my way back to life again. I am thoroughly amazed I didn't know it was depression and neither did dh. Never thought of seeing a doctor.

It must be so hard when your meds intensify what is already a problem for you. I find it hard to take any meds so I can understand you not wanting to to take the appetite suppressants as well, I suppose you will just have to balance up the pros and cons of taking them.

that is ver y brave of you mamama- good for you

my problem is also hiding food - in that i hardly eat while out or in company , i tend to eat at night when girls are in bed and there is no one to hide it from as a am lone parent...

but i really need to lose weight as it gives me much better confidence, today was at a music festival with friends and my kids and saw a hot bloke from school, havent seen him for 10 years, and i was desperate to go up to him,but couldnt in case in thought blimey she has but on a bit of weight and i know if i felt better about myself, i would have,...

has anyone been to the doctor about overeating because i am considering it...

i just feel it has taken up a massive part of my likfe and i dont want it to take up anymore.

I would say that I used to have a bad relationship with food. I was use it for comfort, to relieve boredom, to ease stress etc. I too thought about food all the time. When i woke up I thought about breakfast, straight after breakfast I thgouth about lunch and so on. I was also hiding my binge eating.
I have made two big changes this year. Firstly I went on the Paul Mckenna workshop back in January and now I regularly listen to his cd and read his book and then last month I had two individual sessions with a therapist who helped me to figure out why i was doing what i was doing.
Obviously these things did cost money (considerable money really, Mckenna was £200 i think and the two sessions were £250) but i think it has been worth it.

You can get the McKenna book and cd from the library and you could also get a book called Thought Field Therapy by Roger Callahan if you are interested and try and do some self help techniques. It's all a bit wacky perhaps but if it works and helps you then who cares huh?

thats geat to hear that it can be overcome?

how is your eating now?

and how often do you listen to the cd now?