Does anyone on here suffer from Bulimia or a compulsive eating disorder?

[EDsRUs]

I'm in need of a bit of support

I've never talked openly about this...

I actually feel a bit better about things now I have 'come out', even if it is to some strangers on the internet!

Cascara - you are absolutely right, when I keep my depression and scary thoughts to myself I tend to get worse. Being open at least makes me feel like I don't have to pretend to be the happy, smiley me that people tend to think of. I can't keep it up for very long these days and it is so exhausting.

I like the idea of eating the same thing each day - it does mean you don't have to think about food. I might try that.

The praise for losing weight is another thing I hadn't considered. People often comment about how small I am (I am at my smallest for about 10 years) but I know I am putting on wieght fast and I am terrified that people will notice. Of course, the won't say anything but I know they'll talk about it - it they feel the need to congratulate me for being small, there will definitely be some discussion about why I am not remaining that way.

I also tend to eat less in public, so people have no idea. I'm a lone parent too, Snowwonder, and the evenings are when I would suffer most - being alone in the house and not being able to go out.

Part of my therapy is based on Eating Disorders - I am not in it for that reason, but I can see how it helps - we are taught skills, including impulse control etc, which I suppose I could apply to eating as well as other things.

This does take over your life. It only just dawned on me that other people are not like this. I was staying with friends for a couple of weeks and they didn't have biscuits etc to snack on and, when they had cake in the house, they hads 1/2 - 1 slice each a day. There is NO way I could do that

McKenzie, I am so glad the McKenna stuff is helping... well done!

That's really good to hear mamama that you're already feeling more positive.
snowwonder, I listen to the CD about 3 times a week (apart from anything else I get a good nights sleep after listening to it )
My feelings toward food have changed for sure. for example last night I opened a packet of conr chips, put some in a bowl and ate them while watching TV and enjoyed every one of them. I then sealed the bag up and put them back in the cupbaord.
In the old days I would have sat with the bag on my lap and worked my way through the whole bag in next to no time and probably not have been able to tell you what they tasted of.
I still have to think about food quite a lot because I have two young children who need feeding at regular-ish times but for me the feeling is quite different and much more relaxed.

i think i have tghat cd set somewhere, i tend to go through lots of fads to lose weight, i just need to stick to them,

that is one thing i wish i could do, like you said about the crisps, i always wonder how people can have one biscuit and feel satisfied yet i have to have at least 6 before i am content,

and people tell me to eat whne i am hungry, but i am ashamed to say i dont really know how that feels as i tend to just eat allt he time. i have recently lost 3 stone but have lost nothing for 1 year and would love to lose 2 more

you can get it on Amazon I think snowwonder. I think you'll need to listen to it every day/night to start with to get the most out of it. It lasts about 26 mins and it's really relaxing I find. I found a difference immediately. I really hope you do too.

I have lived with anorexia for far too many years but doing very well at the moment because of DS. I cannot recommend this site enough ED support and info

There is a lot of information for sufferers and loved ones of sufferers, including a message board which is very well moderated. If you want to recover, stay away from most so-called support groups online as there is a lot of competitive weight comparing and tip sharing out there.

Cascara I can't agree with you about trying to stop someone purging by hanging around them after mealtimes, etc. For me that would have been torture (I don't do it any more, hurray!) and it is an invasion of privacy. If you want someone to trust and confide in you, you can't do that IMO...but then we're all different and maybe you could ask the person if that would help them.

Best of luck and well done for speaking out, I know how hard that can be.

i have found it in the cupboard under the stairs!!!!

i have never listened to it.... there are 4 cds inthe box, so not sure which to listen to, probably the one that says programme you mind to slim your body!!!

so do i put it on whilst lying in bed tonight?>

I grew up with a Mother who was so into healthy eating it was, um, unhealthy and a Nan who conversely wanted to stuff me with cakes and chocolate. I grew up with food as an enemy and a source of guilt and spent my teenage years binging on chocolate and all the "forbidden" foods in secret in my room. Result: one very overweight and unhappy teenager. I could never make myself sick though.

After I left home my weight yo-yo'd for several years. Then it dawned on me that I was often overeating and was slimmer when I didn't overeat. Unfortunately this realisation coincided with a very nasty relationship experience and it turned into a control thing and I ended up not eating at all. I was totally obsessed with not eating and would avoid social situations if I thought I would have to eat something. My weight plummeted but in my head I was a fat person whom no-one would ever want or love. It didn't help that Mother was telling me how slim and lovely I looked when it was blindingly obvious I was starving myself.

I started eating again after I nearly lost control of the car at speed when I was shaking so much with hunger and weakness. I must have had a guardian angel watching over me that day, how I didn't kill myself I don't know. When I say eating, I mean just enough to allow me to function.

This went on for several years then I suddenly blurted out to a close friend all the crap I'd grown up with and told them about the bad relationship experience. I lost the plot for several weeks, I suppose I had some sort of breakdown. But I slowly grew stronger, I had some counselling which really helped and food does not rule me any more.

I'm not saying everything is fine and dandy. I am still conscious of my body image but the "allowable" parameters in my head are now healthy ones. I don't keep sweet things in the house which really helps. I also have a DH who doesn't fuss if I do put a few pounds on, he genuinely still loves me whatever my weight.

Sorry, this is long and probably rambling but what I wanted to say was that you can find a way out of this - there are probably underlying issues you need to address first. Good luck.

yes. you just need to be in a place where you will not be disturbed and you can switch off from the outisde world............... bless my soul, I think I might have just quoted the beginning of the flipping CD It's best to be lying down too. I always do it last thing at night - that works best for me - but I know a lady who listens to it first thing in the morning.

I agree apple dumpling (and thanks for sharing your story). The McKenna CD isn't going to be the answer to all your prayers and suddenly work magic overnight etc. I also had some therapy which helped me to reveal/accept two underlying issues which were affecting my relationship with food.

One thing that I find really helps (but may sound totally bonkers!) is that I mentally put myself in a bubble when I'm with Mother. So I hear what she says ("oh, look at that fat slob", "she needs to lose some weight", "you look like you've put some on") but it can't reach me. If that makes any kind of sense...:-)

Hi EDsRUs only just found this thread otherwise would of replied sooner

i have a thread on here somewhere also as i have been bulimic for the last 6 years and i have finally decided to get treatment.

im getting my treatment done privately as i have health cover ive seen the psychiatrist once so far, i start my first cognitive therapy session on Thursday, and i see a dietition once a month.

im also now on Prozac too which is making a bit of difference.

i hate being the way i am and the only real life person who knows is one friend and my dp. i could never tell my parents or sister.

i have a few good days each week now where i dont binge or be sick, but still have more bad days than i have good days. but i know that once i start having the therapy i will start to think differently about how i think of food.

im terrified of putting on weight but i dont want to feel like that anymore. i want to feel comfortable with my body and be able to enjoy food again

its also comforting to know there are lots of other people like me and im not alone