Quiet Corner. Misophonia thread #1

[DisgustedGusto]

A thread for those with misophonia who need to vent or have some quiet time away from the noise of the world.

'a huge adrenaline dump'

Yes, that's exactly it. It's not just a bit of mild, eye-rolling irritation, it's such a strong reaction. And it's exhausting to deal with

I feel your pain, everyone. Sniffing, coughing, throat clearing, and all the usual eating and drinking noises drive me utterly demented. I had to (politely) ask a work colleague to turn her bastard keypad tones off on her phone the other day. WHY would you have them turned on????!!!! And I sat in training recently near to someone who spent about 20 minutes folding and unfolding a sticky label. I actually could have murdered her, but settled for some filthy looks instead! She was, of course, totally oblivious

It's so nice to talk to people who understand!

someone's doing a piercing whistle outside - not sure why - I might have to yell "shut up".

Lighthousesouth. Do it. An act of rebellion for all. I am sure there are half a dozen people nearby thinking the exact same thing.

I've done it.

They've stopped.

oh something else that I'd be interested to hear about from those on this thread

holidays! We don't really go for a number of reasons. However, I have been looking into it this year and it seems like an awful lot holidays are about noise and busy-ness. We won't have young DC with us. I was talking to someone about campsites and she said "be aware all you will hear all evening is the sound of people chatting".

I suppose we will find some quiet places as we are new to this, but I bet it will be extortionate.

Mine is getting worse.

I'm astounded that people find it ok to make such a huge fucking noise in, say, the staffroom by scraping a yogurt pot for a minute or two after it's empty.

Or eat a giant crunchy apple or carrot. I'm often having to leave the room before I scream STFU to all of them.

I do find certain people DH trigger me more.

@MikeIngdom yes I completely identify with that. I've read before that those closest to you can offend you much more than others with their sounds or habits. I had no issues at all with my partner in the beginning but now...well it's not fair on him at all but I can't help the rage.
I'd like be to free of certain noises and sights pissing me off but I don't know how

Jaxtellerswife, yes that's the same with me - few noise problems at the start with DH, but it gets worse over time.
Do you remember where you read about this, by any chance?

Mikekingdom...are you me? Yes, very dependant on who. I couldn't eat with my father as he just troughed food down. My husband, my tolerance is decreasing. I've noticed my tolerance with my eldest son eating has also decreased. I have one colleague at work who is the noisiest eater ever. My flesh is cringing now. Husband with his hot drink in the evening. Aghhhhhhh. Sip, gulp. Put down and repeat. Takes ages. Just pick it up and drink it!

I have found my people.

The school playground does for me
Luckily DD is old enough to walk home. By some stroke I ended up there yesterday and reminded myself why it was so hard. I remember hating it when I was a kid too

Eh, I've found my people.

My husband doesn't get it. I've tried explaining it to him that I cannot accept "uninvited noise" and he just doesn't understand what I mean. He cannot accept that noise is uninvited, particularly that noise he makes can possibly be uninvited. Virtually every noise he makes some days is uninvited - eating, coughing, sniffing, and the worst one is when he fucking insists on scraping every single bit of his plate and banging his cutlery on the crockery constantly. Even if I'm upstairs and he's doing it downstairs it goes right through me. I've given him an example of what it's like for me by standing next to him, holding a plate and banging a really heavy knife onto it right next to his ear but he just dismisses it like I'm faking.

I also point out to him that he snores and it's horrific, because of the sensitivity to noise it wakes me up really easily - he has sleep apnoea so it sounds a lot worse than your average snoring to listen to. He is in complete denial about it and refuses to do anything. All he says to me is to stop nagging him, but the only person losing out on sleep here is me, and all that will happen is separate rooms.

I also have very severe chronic migraines, if it wasn't for the medication I take I'd have them every day, this level of constant noise doesn't help.

The snoring is torture
M8ne refuses to do anything g so I shove and poke at will and without apology because I can't lie there and just take it.

Although I find snoring annoying because it can disturb sleep (I have been wearing ear plugs for years but can still hear it if I don’t fall asleep before he does) it does not give me the rage like other noises do.

My colleague today (hot drsking so don’t normally sit near him) has been eating a lot this morning. Smacking of the lips was horrendous. Earphones in and trying not to look at him. Nice guy but really wsnt to deck him.

Thanks for starting this quiet corner OP, it really does feel more peaceful than other misophonic threads.

I'm currently on holiday in the south of France all by myself and it's utter bliss - am sitting on the balcony of the apartment without having to wear earplugs (usually wear them or sound cancelling headphones about 20 out of 24 hours inc. work, commuting, home and sleep). Imagine, all you can hear is crickets, the flowing of a stream, all natural sounds, and the distant sound of cars passing.

And walking around town, you don't have to wear plugs in anticipation of a rogue sound. Haven't heard a single person sniff. And I think they don't use sugar in their coffee (I.e. stirring) like in the Uk. still need to watch out for restaurant plate clacking though

Btw, does anyone else have the terror of newspaper sounds/page turning (and the visual aspect misokinesia)? I feel like newspapers only got added to my list of triggers about four years ago and now it's one of the worst (of about 40+ triggers ).

@timefortea99 and forget misophonia or not - why do people think it's ok to make these antisocial noises/sights?! Our feelings may be 'irrational', but it shouldn't be up to us to instil polite manners. Even people who don't have a visceral reaction to it would still prefer it if they didn't do it (and finger lickers/suckers am looking at them here as well!).

Hi hope you don't mind me joining in as I'm not a sufferer but my husband is. I totally appreciate he can't help it but I don't know how I can help him apart from maybe eating in the garden on my own. I try so hard not to crunch or slurp and to keep my mouth closed and chew quietly but I can see that me eating is irritating him. Is there anything you can suggest? What should I be doing? Many thanks.

Apologies, realised this probably wasn't the right place to ask as I'm invading quiet again! (I am trying to get better!) Sorry and will start my own thread one day. Best wishes.

Oh tryingtogetitright, your situation sounds so difficult and you are very welcome here. You sound like an exceptionally kind and patient partner and I can't speak for everyone on this thread but please try not to take his reactions personally. Most sufferers are aware of and feel terrible about how they hurt the people they love the most.

I know it's so hard when it seems like everything you do seems to be directed towards you, for very specific things.

May I ask, how long have you been together? Have his triggers towards you worsened since you've known him? How does it affect the rest of his life?

With regards to what more you can do - it's very difficult as it seems like you are making a great deal of effort already and avoidance seems to be the the only relief for most (which obviously doesn't give you the relationship you're seeking).

Thank you Heartshaped.

He tries to be tolerant of me, I can tell, but it's hard when a lot of the noises I make are just part of being human - he makes the same ones! I think it must be so difficult to live with. He particularly struggles when he's trapped with a noisy chewer in the office (apples are a particular hate) or on a plane / train (he travels a lot for work). At home we eat with the TV on to muffle sounds a bit and if it gets too bad he leaves the room but obviously there are lots of situations where he can't escape the noise. I'm planning on buying him noise cancelling headphones for his birthday.

We've been together 7 years and have two small children. He doesn't seem bothered by their chewing which is similar to PPs - perhaps it will grate on him as they grow up. I think he's more tolerant of me than he used to be as he knows I'm trying my best but his tolerance for strangers is very low (people eating poppadums the other side of the restaurant can ruin a meal out and we don't bother with the cinema). Sometimes properly noisy environments seem better rather than ones quiet enough to hear other people.

I can sort of understand as some noises make me physically recoil (cutlery scraping together - strangely that doesn't affect him!) so I appreciate he can't help his reaction even if I do worry that one day my breathing will be enough to drive him crazy!

Thank you for your reply! Wishing you a peaceful night.

PS enjoy your holiday! It sounds lovely

Great thread, thanks.

Just marking my spot for the moment so I don't lose the thread but will hopefully get a chance to post later.

Forgot about the newspaper turning. Rare these days on the morning commute (everyone is now looking at phones) but occasionally you get a loud page turner, usually accompanied by a quick lick of the finger before turning the page. I don’t know how they manage to get so much sound out of the simple act of turning a page. The lick business is revolting, I become fascinated in a repelled way, hoping against hope that they stop, why do you need to lick your finger? My DH who does not suffer with noise like me has also mentioned the page turning thing so it seems to be an unpopular sound.

Hi fellow misophonics!

Nodding along in agreement to the concept of the adrenaline dump - oh yes.

I'm neurotypical and have no anxiety or depression, but have been misphonic since I was a young child. My triggers are eating noises, sniffing, coughing and laboured breathing noises. I've left jobs and broken up with boyfriends where the noise has been outside my range of tolerance

Thankfully I am not as severely impacted as some of you here. I manage to cope on the train commute with earphones, and at work, where there is a cougher/sniffer on the next bank of desks with earphones/earplugs/running away.

It sucks. And people think you're being a princess. I just say at work "I have to put my earphones in now, sorry. I know it makes me sound a bit odd, but I can't filter out ambient noise and it helps me concentrate".

I just don't go to the cinema for fear of popcorn/nacho chomping. I used to live in the Middle East and I went to the cinema all the time in Ramadan, when you can't eat during the day - it was HEAVEN! Not a chomp or rustle to be heard

Sophocles, Ramadan in a Muslim country sounds absolutely delightful!

I also like the way you address it at work. Not mentioning the word misophonia, which opens up a can of worms. Straight out saying you can't block out ambient noise and need to focus makes them think you're a very conscientious worker (which I'm sure you are ).

Oh and yes yes to ending relationships over it. There's no joy to be had for either of you when both of you are on edge all the time (sorry poster from yesterday who's in that situation on the other side 🙈). Annoyingly, it sometimes takes a while for the realisation that they're a trigger to set in. Or you think 'ok they're triggering me a little so far, BUT THIS TIME I'll be different and not let it bother me!'. And then...