Can anyone give me a hand-hold / courage about smear test...

[QueenDandelion]

I went two weeks ago, couldn't relax enough, burst into tears and had to abandon it and re-book :( Rebooked for tomorrow.

I've always found it very hard (suffered sexual abuse as a child and I'm generally anxious) but I've managed it in the past. But somehow it's got worse. I ended my LTR two years ago and haven't been having sex and I think that's part of it - like I just don't want anyone to go there right now, does that make sense? I know there's nothing sexual about it but that's how I feel. I've also had a bit of a confrontational time with my mum recently about her part in enabling/not preventing the abuse so it's been on my mind.

I just want to cry thinking about it and can't bear the thought of it. But I really don't want to just skip it because then I'll worry about it.

I'm in my late 40s FFS and have been so strong and independent through the separation etc. I'm so annoyed that I feel like I don't know how to overcome this. Does anyone have tips or wise words for me?

Well done making the appointment first of all OP, that can’t have been easy.

Would you feel comfortable disclosing your reasons to the HCP doing the smear?

I went recently (I’d been putting it off because I was in a right state) and ended up breaking down in the room before we started. (Mum died of CC last year and I was terrified) she was wonderful and so reassuring throughout, and took the time to explain everything first and kept me pretty covered up even during it.

Thanks smeddum. I do explain it all, and they are always lovely and the nurse I had recently when I couldn't do it was also very understanding. But however nice they are, it's the relaxing and "flopping" your legs down bit that I can't cope with. I totally froze up.

I wish I had a quick fix for you OP is there a one off sedative your GP could prescribe that you’d be happy to take? Maybe a muscle relaxant one which would help both your mind and your body?
I think you’re incredibly brave (I’m sorry if that reads as patronising, I promise it isn’t meant to be, quite the opposite)

No words of wisdom I'm afraid but it might be worth popping over to feminism chat to see if they have any. Smear test and abuse survivors get a mention a fair but over there.

Is there anyone can go with you to talk about 'nonsense' as a distraction? Would a smaller speculum help? (I have to do this partly physical partly psychological similar to yourself).

I also wonder as a one off if anti anxiety medication. Would help?

Sorry you're going through this.

Is there anyone that you feel comfortable with to take with your for moral support and hand-holding?

I am similar. Can you see your GP for a chat or go privately and have gas and air?

Not patronising at all, don't worry! I appreciate you being kind.

Drugs is a good idea - I have been given diazepam in the past for traumatic situations, so that's an option. Wondering if I should attempt tomorrow or put it off and see GP first.

(sorry that was to smeddum)

I love gas and air! - would they really let me have that during a smear?

@QueenDandelion ooh that might be an option. I got gas & air during a particularly painful examination (I had an injury nothing to do with a smear) and it was bloody brilliant! Diazepam could work, or amitryptiline (it’s a muscle relaxant and I’ve spelled it wrong!!).

You don’t have to thank me for being kind, you deserve to be heard and for your worries and fears to be listened to.

I do have friends I could ask but I don't think it would help much - it would kind of make it into a bigger deal and more pressure. There are a couple of friends I would ask but they are far-flung sadly.

I wish I had a mum I could lean on for these things and that makes me teary again! Having a bit of a wallow sorry.

I wish I had a mum I could lean on for these things and that makes me teary again! Having a bit of a wallow sorry

Not at all, it’s something really rough that you’re going through, it’s ok to be teary.
Whatever works best for you is what is needed, if you want to ask a friend that’s great, if not, that’s ok too.

Thank you, I'm having a big sob now! (which I needed tbh) but I'll have to pull myself together and do DC bedtime so will disappear for a while. \

Thanks so much everyone for replying and your suggestions.

Im glad you don’t feel bad for having a good cry, we all need it sometimes I’m off to do bedtime too!

again I think privately you can request it, I had some set up for some laser treatment I had. It’s definitely worth asking your gp about.

Hope you’re feeling better soon.

My mums shit at support too so totally get where you're coming from there.

I'd postpone, speak to gp about medication, possibly also an advocate of some kind there to support you and go when you're more prepared.

I am not sure if this will be any help and sorry in advance if I upset or cause offence. I was reading about a service called letsgetchecked that offers self administered smear checks. (There has been a major issue with smear tests in Ireland).

I’m sorry to hear this is bothering you so much. I’m a practice nurse and try and make smears as “pleasant” as they can be for my women.

We don’t tend to have gas and air in primary care but you could ask the GP for diazepam.

Other things I’ve found have helped some of my patients are:

Wearing earphones to tune out, and listen to music or a podcast.
Lying on your side instead of your back.
Inserting the speculum yourself.
Focus on breathing - in through the nose for a count of 4, out through the mouth for a count of 4.
Rest your hands on your tummy and focus on it being all soft and floppy.
Sing or hum - harder to tense up when singing.

Pretty much anything goes in my treatment room! Whatever works for you.

Good luck for tomorrow. ☺️

@Sidge you sound bloody briliant!

Sidge bless you! I've to go for a follow up soon and I'm dreading it. I may well use some of those tips.

Ive always wondered whether I could stick my headphones on and pretend I was somewhere else - that’s how I got through being induced (& the g&a).

Ah thanks, I’ve been practice nursing for a very long time now (18 years!) and am very aware that even though I do hundreds of smears a year, women only go once every 3-5 years and one bad experience can put you off for life.

When it boils down to it it’s your body; you’ve voluntarily come for a procedure that some find embarrassing, painful and traumatic and I want to do everything I can to minimise that.

Not all hcp's are understanding believe me. I accompanied a friend to her first smear, she'd avoided going for years as she was traumatised from a violent rape. The nurse was a cow! Basically told her 'well it was years ago you should be over it by now'

When it boils down to it it’s your body; you’ve voluntarily come for a procedure that some find embarrassing, painful and traumatic and I want to do everything I can to minimise that

That’s brilliant. As I said upthread I was a broken woman going in for mine after Mum (I’ve got PTSD because of it) and the nurse was fantastic. She didn’t rush me, or get irritated, she listened and reassured me and kept me calm throughout.
It meant more to me than I am capable of articulating, I needed her to be like you and she was.