Can anyone give me a hand-hold / courage about smear test...

[QueenDandelion]

I went two weeks ago, couldn't relax enough, burst into tears and had to abandon it and re-book :( Rebooked for tomorrow.

I've always found it very hard (suffered sexual abuse as a child and I'm generally anxious) but I've managed it in the past. But somehow it's got worse. I ended my LTR two years ago and haven't been having sex and I think that's part of it - like I just don't want anyone to go there right now, does that make sense? I know there's nothing sexual about it but that's how I feel. I've also had a bit of a confrontational time with my mum recently about her part in enabling/not preventing the abuse so it's been on my mind.

I just want to cry thinking about it and can't bear the thought of it. But I really don't want to just skip it because then I'll worry about it.

I'm in my late 40s FFS and have been so strong and independent through the separation etc. I'm so annoyed that I feel like I don't know how to overcome this. Does anyone have tips or wise words for me?

Oh and I say this on every smear thread - I don’t care if you’ve shaved your legs or not. I don’t care if your pubes are wild and bushy, shaved, green or sparkly. I don’t care if you’ve got tattoos or piercings. I don’t care if you’ve got your most hideous knickers on. It doesn’t matter if your labia are neat and tidy, or large and misshapen.

I do prefer it if you’ve got clean feet (especially in hot weather as my nose is nearer your feet than your fanny!) and don’t wash your bits too thoroughly or you’ll be a bit dry.

My focus is on getting the best sample I can as nicely as possible. I’m really not bothered by anything else!

Graphista that’s hideous, I am stunned whenever I hear of nurses talking like that.

I’ve had a few foot in mouth moments but have NEVER said anything so vicious. That’s disgusting.

I do prefer it if you’ve got clean feet (especially in hot weather as my nose is nearer your feet than your fanny!) and don’t wash your bits too thoroughly or you’ll be a bit dry

You should have that on a tshirt!

Smeddum I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. I’m glad your nurse was kind.

I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. Smears have always made me totally anxious and the more they tell me to relax, the more I tense up

I once had a GP who was able to do the smear while I was laying on my side. It was a million times easier. See if your GP will try that for you?

Smidge honestly how I held my tongue I will never know! I told my friend that I'd support her if she wanted to make a complaint but she just wanted to forget about it and let it be.

I was a nurse myself (elderly care) but not then and I agree completely - frankly nurses like that need struck off. She was an older nurse, so should've known better, very abrupt and impatient.

But then I've worked with excellent nurses and some I wouldn't trust to mind a fish!

I could have posted exactly the same as you OP. Two things have helped me. One is my doctor prescribing Diazepam for me to take when I have one. And then I also have a smaller speculum. They have one they use on younger girls who haven't had sex and it was less painful. Good luck. I know exactly what you must be feeling xx

Thanks so much for all the tips and support. Sidge thank you for taking the time to post too, your POV really helps. The only frustrating thing I've had is just when they say "Oh don't be embarrassed, I've seen it all" - it's not embarrassment! But I've never had anyone be mean or impatient.

I can't cancel it tonight, so if I'm feeling OK in the morning I might go for it and try asking for the smaller speculum and lying on my side - and I've also found I still had 2 diazepam tucked away in my washbag :) so it could be OK. If not I'll see GP about it. I feel prepared with new tactics and that gives me hope!

Smeddum I'm also sorry about your mum.

everyone.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes. X

Ask for a small speculum, it makes all the difference. I'm a couple of years post menopausal and got all stressed because they couldn't complete a smear. They got a small speculum and it was all fine.

@QueenDandelion thinking of you today, I hope it goes ok for you

And thank you both for your kind words

Success! :) :) :) Lovely lovely kind nurse who let me take my time and with the small speculum etc it worked. And doing it on my side is a revelation as it's the "opening my legs" that's always been so awful for me. So, so relieved. Thank you again to you all

I am so happy to read this QueenDandelion how are you feeling now?

Great news. Glad it went well x

Feel ok, just relieved mainly. Was a bit shaky afterwards but only for 5 mins.

Being shaky is understandable, it was a huge deal for you. But you did it! And that’s amazing, also a big weight off your mind

Hurray!! Well done you, you are a star!

Breathe, relax and give yourself a big pat on the back and a treat ☺️

Excellent update so glad it's sorted for you

Great job, OP! Yeah I'm with you on the 'laying on the back' thing - it feels so invasive.

Well done, celebrate this weekend

Well done! Just came on to say I've had similar issues in the past and my GP agreed to refer me to the local clinic where they do colposcopies as they have a special adjustable chair which is much more comfortable and also have silicone speculum which is much more comfortable than metal. Finally had success this way! This might be an option for you in future too :)

Well done, OP!

Out the way now for a long while and next time I'm sure you'll be less nervous, now you know there are things you can do to make it more comfortable. Also, you'll have helped a lot of women, no doubt, with this thread