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Original poster

Did anyone or does anyone have a great relationship with their dad?

54 replies

Birdscape · 04/03/2018 11:55

I was doing some diy yesterday and was listening to music. Dance with my Father by Luther Van Dross came on - I love that song. However, it made me cry because I never ever had that relationship with my own father. He was an alcoholic and whilst not abusive he just didn't seem to give a damn. When I got to thinking about it none of my close friends ever had a great relationship with their dad - a couple were drinkers, one of my friends was abused by her father and the rest just weren't close. Anyone have a fantastic relationship with their dad?

OP posts:

TheQueef · 04/03/2018 12:01

I did and do. Df is in his 70's now and we still knock about together and speak for an hour when we don't see each other every day.

He's picked up a lot of slack from DM over the years and I'm grateful.

BangBangPurple · 04/03/2018 12:05

I do.

I'm 26, he's 50. I have an equally great relationship with my mother. They have both managed the fine balance between always being there for me but also giving me independence. They live 30 seconds away but never turn up uninvited (I go to them all the time though!). They will always offer to help financially if needed but won't ever push it.

My dad didn't like my now-DH when we met but always maintained that it was my decision and he would support me. He made a lot of effort with DH and now they get on great. DH would never know he didn't like him at the start and DH even got him some work when he was unemployed inbthe early days.

BangBangPurple · 04/03/2018 12:05

*and dad even got DH some work

Martyngibson · 04/03/2018 12:06

I did. He's been dead for decades now, but I still get tearful when I hear songs he used to like.

dollygolightly · 04/03/2018 12:09

I did have a great relationship with my dad up until the age of about 21. I was the one most like him out of my siblings. We would have such a laugh, go to football matches together and the pub for a pint. I always felt closer to him than my mum and would always go to him for advice before anyone else.

Over the years somethings changed and I don't know what. He stopped asking me out, would never want come see me and my kids, would never ring etc but started doing these things with my siblings.

I would love to have our old relationship back and have told him this as has my husband but he denies anythings changed so things carry on as they are. It makes me really sad. I would love to have a close relationship with him again but unfortunately that isn't going to happen.

Original poster

Birdscape · 04/03/2018 12:11

BangBangPurple that is so lovely and you're very lucky. I have a son your age and I try and be the kind of parent you describe. You've obviously been very well brought up.

OP posts:

Original poster

Birdscape · 04/03/2018 12:12

dollygolightly that's horrible, almost worse than someone never being there for you in the first place. I hope you find out what changed between you and can resolve it at some point.

OP posts:

Cheeseislife · 04/03/2018 12:12

Mine died suddenly nearly 2 years after I moved out - I was 23 at the time. He was a very strong character and very opinionated - but as soon as he was gone I felt totally lost, there were so many things he knew so much about and I'd relied on him for that knowledge. A lot of my friends are very close with their Dad's, and fortunately none of them are in the position I'm in, but that does make it difficult for me as life goes on and they all have theirs to rely on

Evizza · 04/03/2018 12:50

I had an up and down relationship with my dad for the majority of my life....he was a soldier and a heavy drinker, and I had a very 'regimental' upbringing. He died suddenly 9 years ago aged 55 and it hit me so hard.. I have lots of good memories as well as lots of bad, but I miss him (plus all his faults) like crazy x

Doctordonowt · 04/03/2018 12:54

I really envy the relationship my kids have with their Dad. I worshipped mine, but he died very young. My boys share one hobby with him and my daughter another. Most evenings there are texts pinging back and forward between them. They spend time with him on their own and that is when I feel my own loss the most. He also spends a fair bit of time with my SiL and meets one of my DiLs for lunch occasionally because they too share an interest.

snewsname · 04/03/2018 12:58

My dad is fantastic and has always put us first. He's in his late 70's now and is still such an important person in my life.
I appreciate how lucky I am when I see and hear about so many dysfunctional families on here and in rl.

BestIsWest · 04/03/2018 13:00

I do. I know he would do anything for me ( and for my brother, my kids, my DH and anyone else).

Wakeuptortoise · 04/03/2018 13:04

My Dad was a very quiet and gentle guy. Never a bad word against anyone. But a very dry sense of humor if you took the time to actually talk to him. Some people didn't because my mother was very loud and dominating. I miss him still. He cooked dinner most nights, did his share of chores around the house.
I wish my children had met him.
Dollygolightly, did your relationship change when you had children or got married perhaps. Hard to hear but perhaps your dad doesn't get on with your dh or kids?

arseholeseverywhere · 04/03/2018 13:09

No not really. Not that he's a bad man or anything but I just don't think he knows how to be a dad, especially to girls. God forbid I my mum ever passed away first or if they split up I don't think I'd really see him much, he's not much of a talker. It's sad but a reality for me

2old2beamum · 04/03/2018 13:51

My Dad was lovely, my birth mum walked out when I was 6yrs. We lived on our own until he married the woman from hell when I was 11. She ruled him with an iron rod and affection between us was barred, but I knew he loved me
Had a brilliant conversation with him one Sunday on the phone, he told me he loved me and he was so proud of DH and me, I said laughing Shut up you silly old fool goodbye and put the phone down.
He died suddenly on Wednesday, I will carry his words with me forever.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 04/03/2018 14:17

I always have. We have very similar interests, went to the same college at the same uni, have been on father/daughter holidays, worked in similar spheres... but he's also my absolute rock and the first person I would go to if I was in trouble. At the moment he is paying for me to have counselling after the traumatic birth of dc2... not that dh and I couldn't afford it but dad just wanted us not to have to worry about an additional cost. He has also dropped everything to come to look after my 2 year old when our nanny has been sick, driving 3 hours to our house so I could get to work. He is a total feminist and gave up so much to pay for my education, is the biggest supporter of my career... I could go on and on. Dh feels like he has a lot to live up to!

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 04/03/2018 14:18

2old2beamum I am so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful last thing to have heard from your dad.

paleontologist22 · 04/03/2018 14:23

@arseholeseverywhere I'm in exactly the same boat as you. I do find though as I've got older I feel more sad about it and realise how that distance he kept from me affected me in future relationships.

ElanorGamgee · 04/03/2018 14:25

Mine is fab, we get on very very well. I phone him every morning on my way to work.

One of my earliest memories is pricking out seedlings with him in his greenhouse.

I am 50, he is 80. He has always believed in me. Taught me that I could go to the moon if I wanted to, that being a girl in STEM was fantastic and to ignore anyone who had a problem with me working in role dominated by men.

Things have moved on in the last 30 years but when I first left uni my Dad's belief in me was instrumental in me making some very big decisions.

I think he is probably the nicest person I have ever known, period.

Chrisinthemorning · 04/03/2018 14:30

2old, I’m sorry.
Yes my Dad is fab. He’s a great Grandpa and has always been there for me.
He drove me up and down the M1 while I was having ivf (he offered to drive me to egg collection until I pointed out that I needed DH there for that one ).
He always has a hankie if I need a good cry.
He’s the best.
FIL on the other hand is not fab, we are NC.
OP I’m sorry your Dad wasn’t there for you.

Icklepickle101 · 04/03/2018 14:31

I do. I’m mid twenties and he’s fifties and I love spending time with him. We often go to the pub for lunch or get breakfast together, my 2 sisters don’t make time for him unless they want something so I think he appreciates our relationship. When Exdp cheated on me and walked out on me and 1 year old DS my dad was my rock and while I wouldn’t have blamed him for being a dick to him he actually was nothing be civil towards him and even wrote him a reference for an estate agent so he could rent a new home, because I had asked him to make things as easy for me as possible. I know how hard that was for him to show kindness to the man who broke his daughters heart and I have nothing but respect for him

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 04/03/2018 14:31

Yy to always having a hankie!

Chienrouge · 04/03/2018 14:32

I have a fantastic relationship with my dad. My mum moved out when I was 16 and my brother and I stayed with my dad. He supported me emotionally through uni, getting my first job, moving abroad, getting married, having children. His is still the first doorstep I turn up on if I need anything. My DH is away at the moment and on Friday he came round with supplies/treats so I didnt have to take the DC out in the car in the snow. He’s cooking us dinner tonight.

Willswife · 04/03/2018 14:33

I adore my Dad, and we have a very special relationship. I can't listen to that song, my dad as my Dad is almoat 80 and it makes me too sad, I'll never be ready to say goodbye to him, he's my hero.

Confuzzlediddled · 04/03/2018 14:33

I had a fabulous relationship with my dad, he was a real family man. I knew I could talk to him about anything and he would never judge but be there for me. He died suddenly in December and I miss him so much.

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