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Have I made the biggest mistake of my life?

81 replies

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 04/03/2018 10:25

Bear with me, I am feeling very sorry for myself.

I injured my knee at the end of November, I slipped and my left leg decided to go in the wrong direction from the knee. It was agony and I immediately knew I’d done something serious.

Anyway to cut a long story short, it turned out that as well as soft tissue damage the bottom of my femur had crashed into the top of my tibia and essentially crushed it. Due to the way it healed (basically now missing that part of bone) my knee no longer locked, and even after it being in a brace for months the surgeon told me that the only way I would ever be able to walk/run/move again without my knee going backwards was to either wear the cumbersome hinged brace for the rest of my life or have an upper tibial osteotomy. I opted for the latter, the aim being that I get back to full normality.

The op consistered of taking out a wedge of my tibia below the defect, repositioning the head of the bone, filling the wedge with bone graft (both artificial and harvested from my femur) and securing it with a titanium plate and screws. Pretty hardcore.

During the op they gave me a nerve block, which lasted a good 48 hrs, masking the pain. So when I was recovering in hospital I was both comfortable from that plus was being given regular strong painkillers. When I got home I was in agony. I was prescribed oramorph on top of the other painkillers I went home with and I was mainlining them all for quite a few days, thety also put me in a full length cast to give me more support (although later had to put 2 cuts in it to release swelling).

I had no idea I would be in so much pain, it’s been like nothing I’ve experienced before, not even back to back childbirth on syntocin. I’m on less painkillers now but that’s partially due to them causing me additional problems such as sickness and bunging me up (ah fun and games). I am basically tied to my bed as we live in a townhouse with many flights of narrow and windy stairs which are a nightmare to negotiate, even on my bum, and no loo on the ground floor. I’m getting little sleep and although it’s early days (10 days post op) I am finding it hard to see much improvement and am really worried that as I’m in a cast I can’t try to gently exercise bending my knee as basically all the literature says should be done post op. I will have physio once I can weight bear - so in about 4-6 weeks, my surgeon insists everything is as it should be and I do trust him, It’s just so hard to believe that I’ll get anything near back to normal in my current state.

I’m so worried that I’ve signed myself up for a lifetime of pain and a knee that just won’t bend.

I am completely dependent on DH at the moment, we have a wheelchair and I’ve been out once but it was an absolute mission. Plus my leg is stuck out in front of me and I feel very vulnerable. I am trying to take my mind off things with reading, movies, cross stitch but the pain is very distracting.

If you have read this far you need a certificate or something. This is mainly a self-pitying rant, although I’d love someone to come on and say “ah, I had the same and am now completely pain free and training for a marathon” Smile

OP posts:
allypally999 · 05/03/2018 09:06

I had spinal surgery 10 years ago and like you was totally unprepared for the agony and long rehab. I actually took 3 years (yes 3!!!) to stop improving and now have 80% normal life. Still some pain and very weak but better than before op when I was housebound. I survived by watching the entire Buffy series and crying a lot! Sounds like you are getting lots of good advice there - good luck with your recovery - sounds like you made the right choice.

Ollivander84 · 05/03/2018 11:04

ally - not only spinal surgery twins but I also watched buffy from the start again Grin

allypally999 · 05/03/2018 13:13
Grin
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 06/03/2018 15:29

Sorry I haven’t responded - was admitted to hospital yesterday early morning with a massive pulmonary embolism on both sides of my lungs and stress on my heart, now in the coronary care unit and had a filter put in my inferior vena cave to stop any more of the clot in my knee (apparently it’s huge) to travel to my lungs and heart. On lots of thinners but up to my body to break down the clots as they’re holding off on giving me the clot busting drug unless it’s an absolute emergency due to the risk of stroke/bleeding.

Terrifying.

OP posts:
Purplerain101 · 06/03/2018 15:35

How awful! Really hope you make a speedy recovery, must have been so scary for you. How did you know you had the pulmonary embolism?

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 06/03/2018 15:40

Breathlessness and complete exhaustion for a couple days, culminating in my heart going crazy at 3am and not being able to breathe. Scan showed multiple large clots in both lungs and heart being put under pressure.

OP posts:
StarsBrokenAgain · 06/03/2018 15:42

You're in the right place Cuppa. Healthcare workers are amazing people and will look after you.

Keep calm and stay strong. You'll get through all of this Thanks

Purplerain101 · 06/03/2018 15:43

Sounds terrifying. Do they think it happened because of all the bed rest and not being able to move?

NoStraightEdges · 06/03/2018 15:43

Geeez, you've been through the mill. Here's hoping for a full and speedy recovery Flowers

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 06/03/2018 15:48

I think so Purplerain101

OP posts:
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 06/03/2018 15:49

Thanks for the Flowers 🙂

OP posts:
PerfectlyDone · 06/03/2018 15:55

Aw, Cuppa, crap! Thanks

You poor thing. I am glad you had gold standard treatment and are in the best place to be looked after well.

Cake and Brew when you are allowed.

whitehandledkitchenknife · 06/03/2018 18:55

Good grief Cuppa - that's rough. Wishing you all good things and a speedy recovery Flowers

QOD · 06/03/2018 22:10

Ooh my goodness !! Poor you
Getbwell soon

ggirl · 06/03/2018 22:20

aww cuppa , sorry you're having a hard time. I hope you're comfortable and being well taken care of..sending lots of healing vibes your way.

Witchend · 06/03/2018 23:38

I know someone who had leg surgery and was told by her consultant that she'd stop hating him after 6 months.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 07/03/2018 00:09

Fucking hell kid, you know how to do it properly.

That’s really scary, you poor thing.

You’re in the best place possible now, don’t be in any rush to get sent home.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 07/03/2018 06:16

Thanks all - am io complete bed rest in the CCU and on O2 constantly as lungs are in a right state, but my heart rate has stabilised somewhat over the past few hours and BP looking better which the doc hopes indicates that my heart is under a little less pressure (it had clots pressing on it from both sides).

I have never been so terrified in my whole life - particularly when looking at the faces of the dozen or so docs I saw on my arrival and when I was asked if I wanted to be resuscitated if it came to it (the answer being “Hell Yes”).

OP posts:
allypally999 · 07/03/2018 09:06

Geez how awful for you! Puts the knee thing into perspective. Get better soon Flowers

ggirl · 07/03/2018 10:35

oh Cuppa it's so scary being ill ..you feel so vulnerable don't you. I'm a nurse and it wasn't until I had surgery recently that I truly realised how scary it is being dependent on others for your health.
Sounds like you're stabilising now ..what an ordeal you're going through .

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 08/03/2018 07:32

The emotional impact of the past few days is hitting me pretty hard and am finding it all kinda tough, I can’t really verbalise what’s going on in my head - the thoughts are just too scary to face head on right now. Does that make sense?

All my obs are still looking good, but chest and leg pain a problem. Still hooked up to various things and O2 and confined to bed, but am getting some cross stitch in 😊 which is progress as a couple of days ago I couldn’t do more than 2 minutes without me feeling exhausted and my heart skyrocketing.

OP posts:
50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 08/03/2018 08:07

I was just going to put a little message on here, when I saw your update from Tuesday! What fresh hell this is. As my darling Dad would have said in a similar situation, at least it has taken your mind off the knee pain!
My original message was Netflix is your friend.
Also manicures, face masks, stuff you can do with DD help maybe? Can’t remember if you said how old she is and if that sort of thing is age appropriate.
So now that’s just stuff to remember for when you are back at home.

You have every right to feel emotionally wrecked, very scary. DH and I have both had cancer scares recently. It makes you focus on areas that weren’t supposed to be on your personal radar for decades.

Your could not be in safer hands OP, keep us posted! Brew

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 08/03/2018 08:13

Also have you tried this site for a bit of gentle meditation?www.thehonestguys.co.uk/
All free. The full body scan one for the mornings is great, you envisage yourself in a protective bubble, good for being in hospital I would think.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 08/03/2018 08:55

Thanks 50ShadesOfEarlGrey will take a look at the site, think some meditation will definitely help.

OP posts:
Peanutbuttercheese · 08/03/2018 09:45

I had a period of my life where I was bed bound for three months due to ill health. I watched a lot of Netflix. I also went on the student room website to give advice to students as I worked in that field. It made me feel useful.

I also had a relaxation cd that I listened to. I would say I wasn't in to that kind of thing and was a bit that hippy crap is not for me attitude but it did help as by relaxing it relieved the pain a bit. I also used to often fall asleep while doing it.

Hope you feel better soon.