Emetophobe in a panic

[Steala]

My son says his tummy is "tired and feels cold". Will he be sick?

I don't know if I'm harming myself by 'keeping it in' so effectively. I don't worry about it at all on a day to day basis, but my son was sick a couple of weeks ago - luckily hadn't eaten dinner the night before, so there was nothing much to come up. I made sure it was me, not my husband who held the bowl etc etc. I would hate to think that I would be like my mother (I don't know if she suffered from this, but was certainly not around when I was young and vomiting!!), so I make sure I'm there for him. I just hold my breath as much as i can when cuddling him, or turn my head away, and wash my hands. This sounds awful, and before you all come on and say I'm a bad mother (OK, I maybe feel that way a bit myself having read that sentence), I'm sure he doesn't notice that I'm looking away or gritting my teeth. I haven't been sick for a few years, since the lying on the floor incident on a post further down. At least now I know I can get through it without actually vomiting, although, as I said, I don't know if I'm doing myself any harm. I can see the outside point of view, that the body is trying to reject the bug by bringing it up, I guess I'm keeping it in. Oh well, who knows. It doesn't stop me functioning in real life. But vomit on a pavement!!! Ewwww!! By a stranger!!! Ewwww!!! Gotta laugh about it I suppose!!!

I don't know if I'm harming myself by 'keeping it in' so effectively. I don't worry about it at all on a day to day basis, but my son was sick a couple of weeks ago - luckily hadn't eaten dinner the night before, so there was nothing much to come up. I made sure it was me, not my husband who held the bowl etc etc. I would hate to think that I would be like my mother (I don't know if she suffered from this, but was certainly not around when I was young and vomiting!!), so I make sure I'm there for him. I just hold my breath as much as i can when cuddling him, or turn my head away, and wash my hands. This sounds awful, and before you all come on and say I'm a bad mother (OK, I maybe feel that way a bit myself having read that sentence), I'm sure he doesn't notice that I'm looking away or gritting my teeth. I haven't been sick for a few years, since the lying on the floor incident on a post further down. At least now I know I can get through it without actually vomiting, although, as I said, I don't know if I'm doing myself any harm. I can see the outside point of view, that the body is trying to reject the bug by bringing it up, I guess I'm keeping it in. Oh well, who knows. It doesn't stop me functioning in real life. But vomit on a pavement!!! Ewwww!! By a stranger!!! Ewwww!!! Gotta laugh about it I suppose!!!

oops, double post - sorry!!

What you described you have to do when your son is sick does not make you sound like a bad mother FMG. You sound like a bloody hero to me!

TBH, if dh is around, I make him be with the child who is being ill, so I am not even as good as you, but I don't think that makes me a bad mother either. I hope my children will grow up to understand that I would have been there for them if I could, but I couldn't. I did (am doing) the best I can. It is not as good as many others achieve, but it is the best I can achieve. It does make me inwardly sad that I cannot do what others can do, but I don't see that makes me a bad mother. I hope you can see it in the same light too.

Funny what upsets us: sick on the pavement is disgusting in my eyes, but doesn't really bother me. In fact, the further I am from being responsible for cleaning it up, the less it bothers me. This will sound awful, but dd was once violently sick coming out of school (on the pavement) and I actually found it quite cope-able with because I knew I didn't have to clean it up and could just walk away and leave it. God that really does sound bad, I know.

Wow Fartmeister I think you are so incredibly brave if you hold the bowl for you son!!!! That is something I could never do!!! I think you must be such a loving caring Mum to do this even though you have this phobia.

If my children vomit its usually down DH's back as he cuddles them when its happening and doesn't turn them around in time. I am lucky that he sorts them out for me which I know a few on here do not have a DH that helps like mine.

DG I also think you are an incredibly brave Mum too because you still do cope even when your DH is away. I know you don't like it but you do, unlike me who made my DH give up his job working away so he was with me every single night.

CD, I would make dh give up his job tomorrow if I thought he would get another that did not involve travel.

In fact, I did a bit of arm-twisting persuasion today and he went off sighing at the impossibility of the situation. I am so ashamed of what this phobia makes of me.

I do have to tell you though, if you were alone with the children, you might be surprised what you find yourself doing. I once held a bucket for dd. It haunts me to this day, but I had to do it otherwise it would have been on the floor iyswim. Nuff said I think!

I cannot in my wildest nightmares imagine holding a bucket for my child. Now I am the bad mother!!! I once held a towel for DS and then wrapped it up and put it straight in the washer without seeing it. Gross I know!!!! I would be able to see it in a bucket so no way!! See how brave you are DG!!!!

Yeah I guess.

Top tip: don't stuff the towel into the washing machine without rinsing it next time. I once did that with sheets and they came out of the machine still covered in bits of ...well, use your imagination!

I just found this thread after posting on Haychee's own thread.

I see here that others fear holding buckets etc but I wonder if any of you have been as crap a mum as me? It breaks my heart but I totally failed when DD was properly sick for the first time last week. She in 1 and until now we have only had baby sick. Then last week she refused her dinner and was crying and crying. Then while I held her she started to retch and be very sick. She is very attached to me but I really let her down. I basically dumped her on the floor, screamed for DH's help and ran.

Poor DD carried on being sick and screamed more because she wanted me. DH picked her up but she was screaming for me. I ran into the bathroom and once she had stopped being sick I got DH to dump her straight into a bath even though she was still screaming and reaching for me. This distressed her more. Only once she was clean did I pick her up and she immediatly calmed down.

Sorry for that long description. I just feel so terrible that I made DD's experience even more distressing. If I am not careful she will get this phobia too. Has anyone else reacted like this and how did you get yourself to react better the next time?

I am amazed that there are so many others on here that feel the same way as me, particularly as you are all mums as well and the thought of morning sickness and childhood illness was enough to make me put off having children for years. Quite apart from the other good reasons for not having any more children I have, the possibility that I might get morning sickness this time, having got away relatively lightly the last 2 times, is enough to stop me having more children. I feel really pathetic. I know people who had ms every day for 9 months and I just know I would be begging for a termination after the first 12 weeks if it hadn't cleared up.

Just reading this thread is difficult yet I am drawn to finish reading it even though it is making me tense.

Artichokes that happened to me when my DD was around the same age as yours and I too acted in exactly the same way as you and I felt so incredibly guilty for a long time afterwards. I felt I was just not fit to be a mother and suffered with a lot of anxiety attacks after that. All I can say to you is that it does get better as they get older, they get ill a lot less. I can imagine how hard it is for you with your daughter being so close to you but my DD knows now (age 7) that if she feels ill her Daddy will look after her, she's not emotionally scarred by me not being there she just accepts that her Daddy is the one to cuddle her when she feels sick.

One of these posts just reminded me of the horror - absolute horror - of morning sickness. I had it with both my children, and I remember phoning in sick to work, lying down in my bed, cos if I sat up I retched. My boss was soooo cross with me, I couldn't believe it!!! She didn't congratulate my pregnancy or anything, just asked loads of questions about where this file was or that. After the phone call, my stomach was churning so much I had to run and be sick. But of course, I had to go in to work at some point - a 40 minute drive feeling at any second I could be sick. Of course, it only lasts a few weeks, but I found it really hard. It's the fear of sick, of course, as well as the actual act.

We all feel so guilty about this. But short of getting therapy, I guess this is just the way I am.