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Emetophobe in a panic

90 replies

Steala · 26/04/2007 19:38

My son says his tummy is "tired and feels cold". Will he be sick?

OP posts:
Wilkie · 02/09/2007 21:05

Oh and I made him sleep on the sofa

Tatties · 02/09/2007 21:06

Yes I would have made him do that too

Wilkie · 02/09/2007 21:09

It's awful isn't it. This thread has opened up a whole new world that I never new existed amongst fellow sufferers.

Everyone else tells me 'you just have to deal with it'.

haychee · 02/09/2007 21:19

I didnt know this existed - i thought everyone was "affected" by seeing someone else be sick.
I used to nurse and try to help those who were suffering nausea, it used to make me gag, and when aiding my dc with various stomach bugs also makes me feel ill. But i thought this was just the way it was for everyone!
Im amazed, that some of you class yourselves as suffering a phobia when it sounds like just the same reaction i get, when seeing someone else be sick - or even the smell of it.

putitdown · 02/09/2007 21:23

Do you have panic attacks when stomach bugs are going round your dc school. Do you not fly because somebody might be travel sick. Do you watch others in a crwoded place for signs of illness

Wilkie · 02/09/2007 21:24

Haychee - I think it is the things it stops you doing such as going away in case you are ill, not wanting to kiss DH if they have been sick in the past day or so in case you catch it etc etc. It is not just about seeing someone be sick.

Wilkie · 02/09/2007 21:24

X post

haychee · 02/09/2007 21:25

No, i dont suffer to that extreme! Possibly because ive downplayed any fear of it in my own mind since i was first affected by it.

putitdown · 02/09/2007 21:25

my mum finds the vomit disgusting but willl cuddle my dc when they are ill soething I am afraid I find very hard to do

putitdown · 02/09/2007 21:26

hychee I have tried to be rational but find it very difficult

haychee · 02/09/2007 21:27

I dont want to kiss dh or dc if they have been ill, of course, i wouldnt want to catch it - that is "normal"
Who wants to be ill? answer = noone. Why would i put myself at risk?

haychee · 02/09/2007 21:28

Dont get me wrong. Im not trying to wind you up - im just a little confused

pinkbubble · 02/09/2007 21:34

I too suffer with this phobia, my sympathies to anyone else who is/has suffered the way I have and what I have put my family through. I think you have to have this phobia to actually understand how it can affect your life. I recently finished (about 3mths ago) a course of CBT, It really helped and oh boy do I wish I could have a few more sessions now. Trouble is its such a long waiting list.. I keep on thinking what the councillor said to me and rate it and then re rate it, although it doesnt seem to have the same impact anymore.

Tatties · 02/09/2007 21:37

Yes the point is that it affects he rest of your life. It is not just about finding illness unpleasant. It is not rational. I often don't want to go out in case we meet someone who might be about to come down with a bug. Every day I have at least one panic stricken moment when it occurs to me that one of us might get ill today. And that upsets me. I find it very hard to relax most of the time. It affects me in many other ways. That is not 'normal'.

haychee · 02/09/2007 21:41

That is sad. I understand its something you feel you have no control over and are severely affected by just the thought that maybe you might be ill. But there are so many more important things to worry about in life. Whats the worst that could happen if you were ill? youd only get better.

haychee · 02/09/2007 21:42

get better and have lost a few pounds - which is always a bonus

haychee · 02/09/2007 21:44

I have a friend who is like you. She cant cope at all! But sometimes i feel like i cant cope either - but as im virtually alone i have to cope - i have no choice

Tatties · 02/09/2007 21:55

I do cope when it happens - you're right, you have to - it's the rest of the time that is more of a problem for me. The awful thing is knowing that it is pointless, irrational and a waste of time to feel anxious about something that might happen - yet not being able to get the thoughts out of your head at the same time.

pinkbubble · 02/09/2007 22:01

Cope - more like get through it, its the build up thats the worst! My DDs are away at the mo and I'm still panicking for them

haychee · 02/09/2007 22:04

Id be more worried about them being involved in some car accident or house fire etc when im not there. Not worrying about a possiblity of them catching a bug.

Steala · 03/09/2007 09:51

I think the difference between a strong aversion to something that most people find revolting and a phobia is the avoidance behaviour phobics take and the degree of panic that it produces. I am much better than I used to be. At my worst I couldn't do anything: public transport, cars, swimming pools, cinemas, school, walking in the street were all places where people could be sick. Friends and family were all people who could be sick. Television was also a minefield. It was a lonely and terrifying time.

I am now much better. I have worked hard to ensure that it doesn't restrict my life the way it used to. I have a happy and fulfiling life. I have children, which I never thought I would be able to do, I have travelled, I have a social life (well did before children!).

However there are still things I just can't do and the things I do do are still dominated by my phobia. Public loos are a nightmare: which one would someone most likely be sick in? In a restaruant (huge progress in itself), where can I sit so anyone who needs to be sick can do so without me seeing or hearing it?
In a bus/coach, do I sit at the back which makes people feel more sick or is it more dangerous to sit at the front where people who get travel sick will tend to sit? Walking home, cross the road, take diversions as necessary to avoid pubs, drunken people etc. Watching films - I need people to vet them first so I don't see any with someone being sick or, if I am brave, know when to look away and cover my ears. I constantly interrogate people on whether they are going to be sick, look out for anyone looking pale. That is why I (and my doctor) feel entitled to call myself an emetophobe.

I never realised before I came on mn that others suffered in the same way that I do, but lots of us do and we have been able to support each other. Anyone who is scared enough to want help is entitled to call themselves an emetophobe. I think you know if you have it!

OP posts:
Crazydazy · 03/09/2007 13:02

Yes I am another emetophobe and with morbid curiousity I clicked straight onto this thread as I haven't really been on Mumsnet for awhile. What you all write is exactly like me. By the way hi DG, Belgianbun and Californifrau!!!

My children are now 7 and 5 and fortunately they are sick very little (DD 7 hasn't been sick for 4 years now!!!) am touching wood as I say this though!!!! Its like I have been blessed with children with strong stomachs. I myself on the other hand do vomit the most in our house and I am petrified of it. I just get on with it as DP being a man isn't all that helpful when I am being sick but will cuddle me after, he just can't cope with the panic attacks which occur more often than the vomiting itself.

Am dreading them going back to school as this is when they are exposed to all the bugs. My children take multivitamins and I truly believe this helps them ward off the bugs!!!

I am also another who goes to bed worrying every night if tonight will be the night.

DumbledoresGirl · 03/09/2007 13:22

You are all so right about this - of course you are as you are all (haychee excepted) emetophobes and know what you are talking about.

it is not the fact that we feel sick when someone is sick that makes us emetophobes. You are right haychee, everyone feels that. It is the way it affects our lives when no-one is being sick that makes us emetophobes. Steala's post made me smile (oh well, I try to smile about this when I can because otherwise I would spend my entire life crying). What you said about public loos: I use them if I have to, but I never go into the nearest one to the door. Every single time I use a public loo, my instinctive thought is, someone entering here feeling sick would run for the nearest loo therefore, I will go into one of the furthest loos. Sitting on a coach: you are right steala, the back makes you feel sick, and the front is where many travel sick people start the journey so where to sit? I sit in the middle between the wheels which is the best place to be for travel sickness. Then, do I sit by the window so if a sick person passes me, I am as far away from them as possible? Or do I sit next to the aisle so I have a clear get away. I am slightly clautrophobic too and I feel trapped sitting next to the window with someone next to me blocking me in.

It is this constant stream of thoughts and plans and judgements that makes an emetophobe, not feeling sick when someone else is sick.

As for what is the worst that can happen? Well I think that takes me to the heart of my phobia. I think my phobia orignates from a fear of choking and dying on my own vomit. So the worst that can happen is death, not getting better. I certainly feel like death is threatening my family when one of them is sick. Can you see now how different my reactions are to yours haychee?

Crazydazy · 03/09/2007 13:49

And I bet you don't make sure that your children have a multivit EVERY SINGLE DAY WITHOUT FAIL because you truly believe that this will help to stop them getting bugs.

That is why I believe I am irrational, instead of watching my children's teeth I encourage them to pop a sugary vitamin into their mouth just so that I can sleep at night.

Crazydazy · 03/09/2007 13:51

DG you are totally right in your post, the fear of what "could" happen seems almost as bad as the actual occurrence of it.

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