It is nothing like being a drunk driver. Driving while drunk is against the law, failing to consent to medical treatment is not. Choosing not to drive while drunk does not have any risks associated with it.
Choosing to vaccinate a child whose close relative has been vaccine damaged, does have risks associated with it, as does choosing not to vaccinate the same child. The OP is asking how and where can she get access to information and a safe space to talk about this openly without being pressurised into making a decision without due consideration.
Parents have an obligation to do the best they can for their children. If a close relative has been harmed by vaccines, they have a duty to that child to research the adverse effects associated with vaccines and how it might affect their child. There are enough people in the medical world asking these questions for parents to also ask these questions.
There are many examples in medicine where opinions are divided, opinions change over time, based on new research. Many studies conclude that more research is required. There have been volumes of research on gene mutations and their association with health risk factors.
The Cochrane report on the MMR states that 'The design and reporting of safety outcomes in MMR vaccine studies, both pre- and post-marketing, are largely inadequate.' One of the frequent criticisms of vaccine safety and efficacy research is the use of other adjuvant containing substances as the comparison for new vaccines rather than comparing a vaccine to a completely inert substance. Another frequent criticism is the lack of long-term studies comparing vaccinated and unvaccinated populations.
The Cochrane report also states that 'The evidence of adverse events following immunisation with the MMR vaccine cannot be separated from its role in preventing the target diseases.' and that 'Measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) are three very dangerous infectious diseases which cause severe morbidity, disability and death in low-income countries.'. So what about high-income countries, where clean water, adequate nutrition and access to appropriate medical treatment is assured... how do the adverse events compare where severe morbidity, disability and death are unlikely. The answer is, the evidence is inadequate. These are not the words of crackpot loonies, pedalling conspiracy theories and snake oil, these are the words of Cochrane who also state that 'As access to health evidence increases, so do the risks of misinterpreting complex content; meanwhile the likelihood of any one person getting a complete and balanced picture decreases.'
usedtogotomars, you are not wrong to want to question, research and assess the evidence and risks associated with medical treatment for your child. There is a lot of emotion around vaccinations and I wish you all the very best in finding the right people to have this discussion with.