CPN - any experiences?

[anon4this]

Hi
Have posted previously about PND but changed my name for this. Briefly, I have a 7 month old, but have never really felt like he is mine. I don’t have negative feelings about him in the slightest but if someone turned round and said that a mistake was made at the hospital I would believe them. I’ve totally felt unmotivated to do anything apart from sit around all day. There are also a few health concerns about him which are worrying me. My HV has been visiting weekly but really recommended I saw my GP. I bit the bullet and went last week. My GP (who I had not seen before) is writing a referral to the mental health team, and he said that depending on what they decide I will either be seen by a CPN or a psychiatrist. I feel it’s all a bit heavy and am now worried that I am on a road I can’t get off. Does anyone have any knowledge of what exactly will happen. He said if it was a CPN that they would come to my house?

I feel like it's all got out of proportion but guess I may not be able to judge things rationally at the moment.

Sorry Willow

post crossed, yes someone the HV brought to "inspect me" thought it was PTSD rather than depression.

Personally I think I got a bit run down and a bit low, then I had a lot of other worries and got into a rut, all the health professionals have got worried, but must as well cover their backs.

Even I though must admit I need to do something!

anon4this - looks like there are two oversensitive people sitting here posting to each other terribly afraid of offending each other ! glad I am being of some use. Don't feel guilty - either do the housework or don't do the housework - feeling guilty doesn't get it done, and makes you feel worse thus being a vicious circle. in what way do you feel that you need to sort out your family's health - do you think that maybe because you had such an awful experience with the childbirth, that you are reacting by being overprotective to your family? As for ADs - of course that's up to you. All I can say is that I have never found them to change my personality/dim my thinking, and it is unlikely they would make you worse - and if one AD doesn't suit you, then there are several others that may work. Don't mean to sound like a poster girl for Eli Lilly et al - but I have personally found ADs enormously beneficial - but then again i have OCD which is a different ballgame to the sort of difficulites you have had. Some people find counselling enormously beneficial without ADs.

I think it would be worth exploring with the CPN/psych whether or not you may have a degree of PTSD - the treatment for PTSD would be slightly different to that for depression, in that talking thru the birth, and learning how to better "process" your impressions/thoughts about the birth would be beneficial for PTSD, where as would not be as relevant for depression.

A4T, I see why the CPN didn't encourage you to have counselling. Yes, I think you do need to have a bit of inner strength before you go into it. The two sets of psychotherapies that I had were extremely hard work, and from week to week I wasn't sure whether I would be coming back again. I don't know what sort of psych treatment it was, but I found myself digging very deep into myself and saying things that surprised me...and yet at the same time feeling as if I had known these things all along so they shouldn't have been surprising. And it was often very difficult dealing with the feelings. I called it 'opening a can of worms' and yes, I think you ought to go along with the CPN's advice for now and give yourself a chance to begining recovering before you start with counselling.

That said, however, my dealings with CPN, OT and NLP were never distressing in the way that the psych treatments were. Perhaps because all three of these people were out to help me find ways of coping and of getting pleasure and satisfaction in my life, so they were about support rather than digging away at my psyche and getting me to talk about painful things.

Whatever you do, by seeing the CPN or psych you are in control (even if you're not paying for it week-by-week). No-one will 'treat' you against your will. You are more in control now than you were a few weeks ago, simpy by virtue of having gone to the GP and started the ball rolling.

I, too, hated being labeled 'depressed'. It felt like I was inviting the world to come in and mock my failure as a person and as a mother. But of course the truth is that I was not a failure, any more than you are. I was ill. I had an embarassing condition - a bit like having greasy hair only a million times worse. And if you have chip-pan hair then you try different shampoos or conditioners, or change your diet, maybe get an easier-to-manage hairstyle for a few years. And if one day you forget or cannnot be bothered to wash your hair, why then you put on a big flamboyant hat and pretend it was deliberate!

Now, lists. Make them short! And make sure you have a few easily achievable items on them, so that at the end of the day there will be some ticks to encourage you. The dust will still be there tomorrow, it can wait a little longer.

M2S - no I'm not being overprotective re health. We are all physically ill, in one way or another and have been referred off for various things. I'm just trying to worry about them logically, one at a time.

Not sure about PTSD, although stupidly in a way I think that would be better? Really not sure what conditions I believe in, and what I just think are umbrella terms that are used too loosely.

PC I take your point about counselling. I am a bit afraid of it turning up something I don't like about myself. I do wonder if I do know what it is but can't admit it to myself. No idea what though!

A4T - don't think in term of labels, think in terms of what you can do to help yourself. if you are unwilling to take ADs, and the CPN doesn't feel that counselling will be suitable, it may be useful to discuss with the psych whether you can get referred for psychotherapy (or to find out what sort of therapy would be most appropriate if you book privately). We are all so much more than labels at the end of the day - just whenever we end up in the healthcare world we present as a bunch of symptoms rather than as an individual! I take your point re:family health worries. Have you had a chance to talk to your CPN about this? You may find it useful to look at this site:- www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/ relating to women who have experienced stressful births.

take care

M2S
We touched on all the concerns I have. Doing the test with the GP there were lots of questions about worrying - I scored badly on these but I do have specific things to worry about.

Thanks for that website. I have not seen it before but will have a good look.

How are you doing?

Hi PC, thanks for asking.

I've been writing my notes for the psych tomorrow. I've done 3 pages of A4 so far!!! I don't think I will get it out though, it might look a bit over the top. So I'll probably try and summarise the salient points on one sheet of paper. I feel a bit like I'm cramming for an exam, and will probably forget everything once I'm in there!

I've decided that I'm not depressed, but rather I'm worried and stressed as I have a number of concrete worries. I think that I also have probably been getting hung up on the "perfect mother characteristics" of adoringly thinking of her child all the time, and worrying that there is some problem because I'm slightly surprised always to see my DS. I feel I'm trying maybe to overcompensate for the fact I feel I let him down in SCBU, when many of the posts here and on other threads show that I'm not the only one who did not immediately bond with their child.
Does it really matter that some days I sit on the floor with him and play, and we make each other laugh rather than doing the ironing? In a way that's probably better than me being distant with him and being motivated to do housework

The only (well one of many) thing I'm still worried about tomorrow is that if I say I don't think I'm depressed that he'll think I'm in denial. The GP said it was positive that I had insight, and was aware that how I felt was not right. Now I'm saying I think it's ok - well not ok but understandable in my context.

Sorry I think you got a bit of a practice run there.

I think I'm hoping that tomorrow that he will agree with me, and so I can say that I've co-operated fully with the medics but that I am alright really and that they don't need to worry, as to be honest I don't think they need to.

Thankjs

Hi Anon4this. Best of luck with the psychiatrist tomorrow. I would say that you should keep an open mind as to what the outcome of tomorrow is; I wouldn't worry too much as to whether you say you think you are depressed or not, and whether you are "co-operating" or not; just try to answer things as honestly as possible, and see what the psychiatrist's opinion is, rather than trying to diagnose yourself. Try not to label things as I'm OK and need no treatment versus I am depressed and will have lots of treatment, intervention and general interference - treatment such as ADs/counselling/cognitive therapy deals with all sorts of anxieties/stresses as well as with clinical depression. Even if you do not consider yourself clinically depressed, this does not mean that "the system" has nothing to offer you to help you feel better about yourself, and improve your life.

point taken M2S.
The trouble is I don't want to go in and sound rehearsed, but on the other hand I don't want to go in and sound a inarticulate gibbering wreck who doesn't even know their own name. I usually get tongue tied just asking the chemist for cough mixture. I'm sure I have a very severe case of white coat syndrome, and I've had more contact with Drs, HVs etc in the last six months than in the rest of my life put together and multiplied by 10 - so no wonder I'm stressed.

Will let you know tomorrow how I get on, assuming they let me out!

anon4this - it's a lot harder to get an inpatient mental health bed than you would think! i don't think you need to take your toothbrush! If they are any good at their job, psychs should be able to put you at ease and not intimidate you to much. A lot of the questions will probably be about your background anyway, so not the sort of thing that is likely to stump you or catch you out. Don't worry too much what they think of you - remember,they wouldn't be in a job if they didn't have people like us coming to see them!!!

Anon4this, you made me laugh with your last post!

Like MtoS says, it's not really an all-or-nothing situation. Loads of people go to see a psych without being technically 'ill', and believe you me getting it on the NHS is worthwhile - do you know how much it costs privately?!

Don't worry about getting tongue-tied or sounding rehearsed. Take your list with you if you like, but don't be surprised or upset if the psych doesn't want you to use it. Nonetheless the fact that you have prepared may help him or her understand how you feel. You're right, it's not an exam, and you don't need to say the 'right thing'.

And something else that you are quite right about, is that laughing on the floor with your ds is a heck of a lot more valuable than ironing .

well I survived and am back, he was very nice and tried to put me at my ease, although I kept trying to remember he was trying to evaluate me. Basically said it would be a waste of his time for me to see him again, agreed that I had probably been depressed, but now I am worried. Agreed I didn't need drugs, and he said he knew I wouldn't take them. Said though that it would be helpful if I saw the CPN a couple more times in case things get on top of me re the concrete worries I have.
I can cope with that I suppose but will try and just make it one visit next week.
I didn't take the list in, and I suppose I knew where some of his questions were leading, tried to be honest, but also positive. I really don't want this involvement in my life, and I just feel that I've got to get on with things.
Now I feel that when the HV comes round I can be slightly more assertive, and feel that since he's okayed me as it were, I'm less in fear of her making me think I am worse than I probably am. Even though I am sure again she will comment that i have no self confidence, which I find incredibly annoying, regardless or not if it is true, I just don't think it is helpful.

Anyway slightly rambling post again. Sorry. But thanks for everyone's advice. I'm sure that I shall carry on worrying, but just have to hope that things that I am worrying about will get clearer in the future.

Hello A4T. Glad that you feel better after seeing the psychiatrist. I hope that you derive some benefit from your appointment(s) with the CPN. Possibly some form of general cognitive work - i.e. getting you to evaluate events/experiences more positively would be of use to you. Also maybe if you are still anxious about going out, it might be useful to talk about that to the CPN.I have been in the position at work of being told off for not being confident enough - people just don't seem to see the inherent flaw in that, do they i.e how on earth is that going to make you more confident?? One thing that has helped me in getting the HV "off my back" is to go to a mum & toddler group and a surestart baby massage class. Maybe you could ask your HV about what events/facilities are available locally?

It does sound like you're on the up, Anon4This. See how you get on with the CPN - don't reject that support out of hand. You do sound like the sort of person how feels good about being in control of things, and I daresay that the lack of control in your life right now doesn't do much for your self-confidence. (Good point about self-confidence, BTW, MtoS.)

well, thanks again everyone for their posts. The CPN came again today and I just thought it was best to be honest, and say why I think I ended up with this level of intervention; basically I've been a bit down, now have a few worries, but I feel like I have to present myself to health professionals to show I'm coping. Without going into the boring details she actually agreed with my views, and said that she thought I was doing ok. This is reassuring in that I can tell the HV to get lost (well more politely) when she next sees me and tries to make me feel worse than I think I am.
I have found it really useful posting here as it has made me think and work through things in a logical way, and made me feel that I'm not a total freak for not immediately thinking my child has changed my life totally for the better. I guess it will be a slog at times, but I've just got to get on as best I can.

The CPN also said that she thought that I probably would not benefit from counselling for which I am really grateful. And she said that she did not feel she had to come again, another bonus.

Anyway thanks again for everyone's help. I know I will still feel stressed about things, but I now feel I know that I should be able to cope with it to a certain extent, and that others have felt similarly.

Hi A4T, I've been following your story and sympathising - I have an 8 month old dd (as well as another dd and ds) and have had quite severe PND, for which I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and CPN, and it was great for me (but I had also had worse PND and been in hospital with it with my dd1 so they were keeping a close eye on me cos of that).

Anyway, what I was posting to say was you DONT have to see a HV if you don't want to, there's no obligation on you to let her in! I asked my CPN to phone my HV and say that I had enough on my plate without her visiting as well adn could she just wait for me to contact her if I needed her. Could you contact the CPN and ask them to call the HV and ask them to let you get on with things on your own for a while? If it comes from another health professional rather thatn from you it looks more official, IYSWIM??

Hope you are feeling better soon, its not an easy situation to cope with.

Hi A4T, glad you have got it all sorted in a way that you are happy with! Hope you manage to get the HV off your back as well.

Take care

x

A4T - also don't forget the non-medical ways of helping with anxiety and depression - eating well, sleeping well, getting a break, exercise, yoga - what ever suits you really!