Ok, so we all know 'it's viral' means 'sod off, no ABs for you' ...

[NotQuiteCockney]

... are there other codes doctors use to talk to patients? I'm not after the old NFN type stuff, but things like 'it's viral' ...

Have you had it before (well you've got it again)

Your bad leg is because of your age (the other leg is just as old but it's OK)

Yes if they say it is muscloskeletal it means they are waffling as just about the whole body is made up of muscles and bones

And if you go there with a sick tummy and they tell you it is gastroenteritis which just means sick tummy

Oh, yes, I went in with a sore trachea once and got diagnosed with 'tracheitis'.

My mum was told her sore knee was "just wear and tear from age"

She was 30

lose soem weight you fat bloater means

" lsoe some weight oyu fat bloater"

I've never heard a doctor actually say 'lose some weight you fat bloater' ... do they really say that? (I'm not quite a fat bloater, but could afford to lose a bit of weight maybe - was told by a GP I could/should lose 10% of my weight.)

I went in with a sore neck and was told it was from old age, I'm 36
Dp who is an osteopath said it was bull.

I know how to speak to doctors so I generally cut through the waffle but I find HVs speak almost entirely in codes. Baby under 4 months crying = colic or growth spurt, baby over 4 months crying = teething. And so on........

Its viral is true though.

anything-itis is an inflamation of the anything

it isn't a code, it is just the medical way of dealing with it. The vast majority of things that we get, just get better on their own.

and most of the body isn't muscle and bone, the largest organ inside the body is the liver. The largest organ in a whole body is the skin.

Interesting factoid

Oh, I know, I do realise ABs aren't magic and won't do anything for most illnesses (and aren't really good for you).

It is still crap to go in, say, 'my trachea hurts'. And get poked and prodded and awarded a diagnosis of 'tracheitis'. (Oh, and treatment of: go away and see what happens. It did go away on its own, thankfully, but it was strange and annoying.)

you can use antibiotics to treat one viral infection, it is carried bt parrots and is quite rare

It isn't that they are not good for you so much, just that non helpful use increases the build up of bacteria that are resistant to antibiotics and also they cost money. And Ob have some side effects (potentialy)

It is a common fallacy to believe that doctors, coupled with the wonders of modern science can cure most things.

chances are it was a virus! and then you would have been told 'Its a virus' and that wouldn't have given you the answer either

What do you want the Doctors to say??

Have special super medcial names for all illnesses, know exactly why your knee has worn out from looking...

and then of course give you the 'special magic medicine' to cure it.

people have unrealistic notions of Doctors IMO.

The thing is most stuff does go away. And to get a full blown diagnosis you'd had needed throat swabs, Xrays, MRI scars, the skys the limit. And for what? By the time you'd have the results it would have got better on its own.

If it lingered, then they send you for more scans.

They say, if you hear hoofbeats think horses not zebras. may as well see if is a horse first

I did suggest to my Dr that he have a large jar of green water on his shelf to give out to neurotic mothers like me who want to leave with something to cure our Dc's ear infections.

He told me that would be unethical

I told him I'd bet it would work. Like magic.

Finest Placebo. 100mg/kg plesase!

Actually red and white capsules of sugar would be better, it has the highest placebo effect of any colout combination in tablets!

Injections have the highest placebo effect

I didn't know that.

Will suggest it to the Doc, but I guess it's even more unethical than coloured water.

I still end up going to the Docs when they have a persistent sore throat or cough, just to be told again, go home Mrs. Psycho. you know as well as I do 'it's viral'.

Maybe he could get the coloured water just for me.

Fake operations work better than injections, iirc.

And Psycho, that is exactly what I want.

Seriously, I know they aren't magic, GPs do their best, god knows it's a hard job. I just find the code and the magic words funny. Lord knows it could be worse, I had a GP use the word 'front passage' with me once. Is that my hallway?

Did he offer to paper it for you!

yes, ops are even better.

I think it is one of those 'damned if they do, damed if they don't' type things. I like the accuracy of specific words. I see my GP sigh when I wince at 'Let me feel your tummy'.

My mate used to greet new docs with the words 'put me down as difficult bugger who uses big words.'

I don't normally have to tell doctors that I am happy with anatomical words. This GP was particularly slow. (Ok, to be fair, English wasn't his first language - but that's the case for lots of local GPs.)

Oh, and when he said 'front passage' he meant vagina - not urethra. (or nostrils)

I generally get mistaken for a medic or medical student when dealing with medics. That works fine for me.

snort at front passage

at our docs you have

"we'll just have to pop you up the road"

gp speak for when they send you straight to the nearest hospital 30 odd miles away

Oh god, I've been sent to A+E with DS1 a couple of times. I always feel like the most neglectful parent in the world. Of course, both times the hospital a) had no idea what was wrong with him and b) never gave any treatment, so I guess I could have stayed home in the first place. (He was a bit paralysed, both times. Weird kid.)