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21 year old daughter HELP

35 replies

Jultay · 28/06/2017 08:25

Sorry if this is a long one .
My 21 yr old daughter suffers with depression and anxiety ... she has been in Sertraline and propananol 18 months. She is constantly asleep and cannot get up for work in the morning.
When she comes home from work after a 5/6 hour shift she has to sleep.
She sets her phone alarm turns it off and goes back to sleep daily. If it wasn't for me she would not have a job but I have recently stopped doing this to teach her a lesson and try to make her change .
She has been on holiday last week and today is her first day back at work and she is going to be late for work.
She had slept from 7pm to 815 this morning and is still tired.
We have had alarm clocks set so she has to get out of bed etc but nothing works. The need for sleep is far greater.
She never has any energy and everything is a struggle. She would never be able to live on her own like this .
She has no motivation to do anything at all .. only sleep. I have tried to get her exercising with me but she has zero interest.
I am at the end of my tether as nothing seems to sink in and she never learns from what happens. I constantly have to remind her to take her medication and she can't be relied on to do anything at home when I'm at work and she's day off.
I have to ring her from work to make sure she's up and out of bed.
Can anybody shed any light on what's the problem here . Doctors appt is booked but I am struggling as this behaviour is surely not right .

OP posts:
steamboatwilly123 · 28/06/2017 08:28

Could it be her meds that are making her sleepy? Sertraline made me into a zombie, totally wiped me out.

Jultay · 28/06/2017 08:30

This is what I am thinking ... what did you change to x

OP posts:
newestbridearound · 28/06/2017 08:36

Has she had any bloods taken recently? It might be worth ruling out things like anaemia, b12 deficiency, thyroid issues etc as a cause of the fatigue. They can all make you feel hideous!

If it is definitely due to the depression then has she had any counselling to support her? If not would she be open to it? Also agree about looking into whether her meds are impacting on it. If one isn't a good fit there are plenty of others they can offer.

MrsJayy · 28/06/2017 08:41

I think she needs to go back to her Gp serataline doesn't agree with me i was totally zoned out on it.

Jultay · 28/06/2017 08:55

She's had bloods done recently so no issues there 😩

OP posts:
LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 28/06/2017 09:00

I agree with the others, it could well be the sertraline it didn't help my mood and absolutely wiped me out. I'd ask the GP about changing to try another.

MrsJayy · 28/06/2017 09:09

I can't remember what I was changed to but they were a lot better also when is she taking it if she is taking it at night then that might not be helping, I know it must be frustrating but keep ringing her to make sure she is up just untill she is feeling better.

Jultay · 28/06/2017 09:13

She's took it at night and in the morning and it makes no difference at all ... I'm at the end of my tether x

OP posts:
FidgetSpinner · 28/06/2017 09:15

She needs to go back and discuss this with her gp.

MrsJayy · 28/06/2017 09:24

You must be really stressed with the worry and responsibility of this by their 20s you expect the worry to lessen just talk to her tell her that going back to the Gp because she isn't functioning will help. Is the other tablet for her anxiety?

SleightOfHand · 28/06/2017 09:46

This is my son too. He isn't on any medication and won't even go to the GP's in the first place. It's like limbo.

sadie9 · 28/06/2017 10:02

When you say she was on holidays, was she away with friends or just at home, off work? Is she seeing any psychological services on a regular basis?

Kaylasmum49 · 28/06/2017 10:50

Has she been checked out for ME or fibromyalgia? Just a thought.

Jultay · 28/06/2017 14:39

I am worried sick and so so stressed with it all ... I can't go to work and leave her with any responsibility at home she would just sleep all day long .... I have today rang a counselling service to start in July ( if she will attend ) as we can't go on like this any more .
She hasn't been checked for ME or Fibromyalgia ... I just want her to be well ... everyday there is something wrong with her ... I've forgotten the last time she said she felt well. She went abroad with 13 friends for a week ... I'm scared in case she loses her friends in case they get peed off with her not doing stuff and just leave her behind 😩😩😩

OP posts:
SleightOfHand · 28/06/2017 15:44

What do you do to stop her sleeping all day?
I go to work, for one I have little choice in the matter, the bills still need paying. Plus I don't know what difference me being at home can make.

Jultay · 28/06/2017 15:51

When I am at work and she is day off I ask her to do chores in the house or walk the dog but I have to keep ringing her 1. To get her up and 2. To make sure she's still awake.
As I say it's a real battle everyday.

OP posts:
CrispPacket · 28/06/2017 15:57

I went through this a few years ago, you both have my greatest sympathies it's horrible for everyone. I was on citalopram,I think most antidepressants will make you sleepy to a point. Go and have a chat with the gp they might be able to find something that works better for her. Does she have any hobbies or passions? For me mine was the only reason I got out of bed in the mornings

Pr1ncessPeach · 28/06/2017 16:00

Oh OP, I feel for you I really do. Your story resonates with me, as my son was like your daughter (hes mid twenties)

I would quite honestly say that his depression / mental health has completely destroyed my own mental health, put massive strain on my marriage, my own job and almost drove me to the brink of suicide.

Jultay I don't know what to say, its beyond painful, and this is not how I imagined my sons life, nor mine. I imagined my 40s to be carefree holidays and focus on my career and If I am honest feel resentful of the situation, and out of my head with anxiety and worry. I would not even dare go for a weekend away

My son always said sertraline made him feel so much worse. Anti D's don't work for everyone and maybe they aren't the answer for your girl

Pr1ncessPeach · 28/06/2017 16:02

I'm scared in case she loses her friends in case they get peed off with her not doing stuff and just leave her

You are developing anxiety here yourself.

newestbridearound · 28/06/2017 16:52

True friends won't leave her behind because she is unwell and missing stuff. I have periods of being bedridden and my closest friends have stayed no matter what.

It sounds as though the first thing is to get her to ask the gp about her meds and whether they are worth changing. A different antidepressant may work better for her and reduce the tiredness, in turn allowing her to function better and therefore hopefully help the depression. Also ask about other forms of help for the anxiety like counselling/CBT.

Is she definitely struggling to get up and do things because of the depression? Did the fatigue start as as a result? Only asking because it is incredibly common for people to develop conditions like fibromyalgia or ME and then to start getting depressed because of the limitations these illnesses bring.

Keep encouraging her, speak with the gp about alternative meds and treatment and also look after yourself.

newestbridearound · 28/06/2017 16:54

Oops sorry missed the counselling part... I'm very poorly with my own fatigue issues right now, totally missed that bit!

You say there's always something wrong everyday, what else is she experiencing on top of the struggling to stay awake?

Jultay · 28/06/2017 18:34

Thanks everyone for your help and advice ... I too suffer with depression and this is making mine worse too .... I just want her to be happy she's 21 and has all her life ahead of her ... the thought of her spending the rest her life like this breaks my heart 😥
She never feels well ... everyday there is something either headaches , tonsillitis ( recurring ) IBS , stomach ache, constipated etc etc.
I long for the day she gets up and feels well and happy with nothing to worry about.
I dread mornings wondering what is going to be the matter today .
It's comforting to hear I am not alone and she's not the only one suffering ....

OP posts:
bigchris · 28/06/2017 18:36

But she went abroad with 13 friends so it can't be all bad, What did she do while she was away?

Itsallgone · 28/06/2017 18:45

That doesn't sound good. You need to check what she's been tested for. She is entitled to printed results. With IBS and constipation, she probably isn't absorbing nutrition well. Vit D, B12, folate, ferritin, iron and thyroid need checking as well as reviewing her meds.
Doctors only check if you are in RANGE, not if you are optimal and that causes people to unknowingly suffer at the bottom of the ranges and never quite feel well.

newestbridearound · 28/06/2017 18:52

Yes how did she cope on holiday? Did she struggle as much with getting up whilst away or have any other symptoms?

It sounds as though she is very run down generally. That in turn will be making the need for rest greater. I agree with checking that she's in the optimal ranges for the things itsallgone mentioned.

It must be very hard for you seeing her like this. My mum was the same when I was very ill- make sure you get lots of support for yourself too, especially as you say you also suffer with depression. At 21 she has so much ahead of her- it is unlikely to always be like this Flowers

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