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Original poster

they think my mum has cancer...

50 replies

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 21/03/2007 18:59

i felt sick writing that

she had a growth on her head, they removed it, it grew back 10x worse.

she had it removed again and sent away, she had an appointment this morning at the doctors for the results.

she said they dont know (??!?) if it is cancer or not, but im pretty sure it is judging by her face (she had obviously been crying) i think she tried to soften it as at first everything was ok, and then bits leaked out over the next few hours about going back in 3 weeks and if theres any regrowth she has to start treatment

im dumbstruck

i kept asking what 'treatment' was - i know what it is but i wanted to hear it so i could accept it iykwim, but she wouldnt say,

i am sooo scared for my mummy

maybe its not, maybe it will be fine

but judging by the fact she has to keep going back to check its not growing back , that doesnt sound good does it?

i mean how can they NOT KNOW if its cancer or not? she was saying words but i was just numb, i dont know what they meant

i just want this to go away

i dont even want to think about 3 weeks sown the line , i dont know what to do

kitty x

OP posts:
ImaWurzelcoveredinchocolate · 21/03/2007 19:01

[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]
for you. So sorry to hear that.
Hope it turns out that they made a huge mistake and all is well.
(not very good at nice words etc sorry)

wurlywurly · 21/03/2007 19:01

oh kitty, dont know what to say.

JodieG1 · 21/03/2007 19:01

So sorry Hope it turns out to be good news.

PeachyClair · 21/03/2007 19:03

Oh Kitty

Cancer is so comlpex..... there's (iirc)over 2000 types of it, so its ahrd to detect. I'm sure they're looking after your Mum though.

Can I recommend the macmillan caencer relief site, and also their information line? If finances are an issue and it is cancer, they also offer grants and the link to help.

Its possible, you know, that a cancer diagnosis would be the first step towards recovery- diagnosis is an important paty of knowing what you are dealing with after all.

to you and your Mum

PeachyClair · 21/03/2007 19:03

200 types

sorry

amynnixmum · 21/03/2007 19:03

{{{hugs}}} kitty

My Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer just over 2 years ago and it was absolutely terrifying. She had surgery,chemo and radiotherapy and at the moment she is doing really well. I can honestly say though that the time we spent waiting to find out whether the lump was malignant or not was almost as difficult as finding out that it was cancer

I really hope your Mum is ok

Swizzler · 21/03/2007 19:07

So sorry to hear this Kitty. Could you talk to another family member who might have more info? Sounds like not knowing the whole story is making the whole thing worse.

FWIW, if it was cancerous I would expect them to start treatment immediately, no faffing about over whether it was growing back, and she'd be going for further tests to see if it had spread elsewhere. The results may have been inconclusive. But you need to know exactly what's going on - if your mum is trying to protect you, it obviouslys isn't working.

Hopefully someone will come along who knows more about this kind of thing (my mum had breast cancer, is now fine, but different situation)

hunkermunker · 21/03/2007 19:08

Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I hope it's not as bad as you fear, I truly do x x x

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 21/03/2007 19:09

shes only 41

thanks for your words of support but this is just too much at the minute, this word being used about my mum, it doesnt seem real and i need some time,

ill check back later

xx

OP posts:
flossie64 · 21/03/2007 19:12

I feel so very sorry for you .My dad is ill and I can appreciate how much this will be upsetting you .Be strong ( big hugs)

bubblerock · 21/03/2007 19:24

My dad has had a melanoma on his chest removed twice in the last 6 months, he was told at his appointment last month that he will need checks 6 monthly - he's just received a call back for this month so I'm wondering what's going on and whether it needs more radical treatment. Pretty scary though, isn't it?

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 21/03/2007 20:28

i hope all is well for your dad bubblerock ((()))

OP posts:
lulumama · 21/03/2007 20:31

kitty...really sorry to hear this....it s lovely your mum is trying to protect you , but i guess you need to know what she is up against..if she is not being treated immediately, maybe it is not so bad ? trying to think of it in any positive way for you, hope that you get some more answers soon xxxxxx

WideWebWitch · 21/03/2007 20:37

Sorry to hear it Kitty.

rowan1971 · 21/03/2007 20:42

Very sorry to hear what you're going through. The early days can be horribly frightening, but it's right what PeachyClair said - diagnosis is actually a positive thing. It just really doesn't feel like it at the time!

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and two secondary tumours in her brain - that was four years ago, and she's still truckin'.

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 22/03/2007 09:25

i still havent spoken to her, its too upsetting.

im not handling this very well, and its not even 100%

ive just been crying all morning and freaked out at the cancer research advert

ive never even really paid attention to them before and now they are earth shattering

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 22/03/2007 09:46

Have you got someone else you can talk to?

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 22/03/2007 09:53

hi hunker,

not really, i have 3 little sisters and one of them came round last night and we just ended up crying, i feel i have to be the strong one for them iykwim,

i just want it to be in 3 weeks time and to know for sure, im praying its not

OP posts:
Pruni · 22/03/2007 09:56

Message withdrawn

Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 09:57

Kitty - my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago. It was devastating and you automatically fear the worse, but she ended up having a lumpectomy and radiotherapy and has had no reoccurrence. They have now picked up a lump in her lung which raises the spectre of cancer again. This time around, realising that it is not necessarily a death sentence, I won't worry until they have done all their tests.

I know it is VERY, VERY hard, but just keep hoping that it is not cancer. Even if it is, they can treat certain types of cancer nowadays so try not to expect the worst automatically...

nogoes · 22/03/2007 09:59

I hope she is okay Kittylette. Stay strong. Sending you lots of positive vibes.

OrlandoTheMarmaladeCat · 22/03/2007 10:00

Sorry to hear your news Kitty

I just wanted to say from my own experience that there is nothing that can get you through this time - it's absolute hell. Just take things day by day, hour by hour if necessary. Don't do any research, don't look on the internet, don't read up on what it might be - as someone said there are lots of different types of cancers, and without a firm diagnosis you won't be able to get the facts you need. You'll just scare yourself silly.

So try and take some deep breaths; accept that it will be a pretty lousy time from now until the diagnosis comes through; don't beat yourself up about crying; allow yourself to cry, and to lean on your friends and your sisters - you don't have to hold them together too; and just let it out on MN when you need to.

The three weeks will pass, and once you know what you are all dealing with, then you can get some facts and actually it really does get easier after then.

Hope this helps.

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 22/03/2007 10:07

thankyou,

i feel incredibly selfish, like im the first person ever to be in this situation,

or it shouldnt be happening to my mum, it should be someone elses

its sureal that im typing this, seems so unreal

OP posts:
OrlandoTheMarmaladeCat · 22/03/2007 10:11

You're not selfish at all, you are reacting in the same way that all of us have one way or another.

One thing I did find helpful was actually to not listen to too many other stories of cancer sufferers. I felt very strongly that in each case I've had (both parents, both in-laws and my own), our circumstances were entirely individual and I found that as helpful as people thought they were being, I felt more and more bombarded with other people's grief and worries. I just wanted to deal with our immediate situation, get technical advice from the right people and get on with it.

Not sure that makes any sense and I certainly don't want to offend anyone, it's just a remark on how I dealt with it.

Don't be too hard on yourself Kitty, you're in shock right now and you need to be very kind to yourself - eat well if you can, rest as much as possible, and don't push yourself too hard.

PavlovtheCat · 22/03/2007 10:20

It took 3 weeks to properly diagnose my mum ovarian cancer. They did lots of different tests first. It was explained to us that cancer is in fact often hard to diagnose as it does not usually rely on the results of one test. It is not often possible to do one test and thats it. The Drs said it was like layering information over each other and coming up with a final conclusion based on where the layers were thickest. Whilst in my mum's case it was most definitely terminal cancer, it does mean that sometimes results that might appear suspicious could turn out to be other things that react and behave in a similar way.
I dont think that will help you right now, but I wanted to say that diagnosis often takes a while.

More than anything though I just wanted to say sorry for her being so poorly and to send you hugs. I know it is hard, and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. My mum was diagnosed when I was 6 months pregnant with my first. She did her best to minimise the events occuring, thats what mum's do.

I hope you find some strength to cope with this, there is lots of support on MN to help you. chin up [smil]

{{{{{{{{[hugs}}}}}}]