A few questions about self harming for people who have experience of it...

[juicychops]

Just a few questions to current or previous sufferers to hear your experiences...

What were the main triggers?

How did you stop it? (if you have stopped)

Did you want to stop?

Can you stop without help?

How long did you do it for?

thinking of you this morning, juicy

Have lit a candle for strength for you this morning juicy.

Mrs B, I didn't mean to pass you by when you came back with your 'real name'. I just didn't know what to say that wouldn't have sounded patronising! Well done x

Hi thanks for your support and kind words.

Im ashamed to say i still haven't been doctors yet. Was really ready for it Monday morning but my dp decided to ring in sick to work and was going to stay at mine for the day. Didn't want him to be there if i was going to come back feeling a bit down or tearful as he would know something was wrong

But part of me was glad i had an excuse as i woke up monday absolutely crapping myself!

I feel like ive let you all down now

My doc isn't there tuesdays thats why i didn't go today. I am going to try my very best and go tomorrow morning.

Gunna write a list of all the reasons why i SHOULD go and read through it tomorrow morning so that it gives me a push to make the appointment

sorry for not going

You know what juicy? You made a huge huge step in wanting to go to the DR. Take it alittle at a time. Try again 2moro, and take it one step and one day at a time. Took a lot to ask for help in teh first place x

No, don't apologise. This is a huge thing to deal with, and you need to take it step by step. Don't turn it into another stick to beat yourself with.

We're all behind you! xx

Hello. plucked up every ounce of courage i had and finally went to the doctors

my doctor isn't in until the week after next so i asked to see someone else as if i didn't go today i dont know when i would of gone

Wish i hadn't of bothered. It has done nothing and the doctor did hardly anything.

Got given a sheet to fill out to see if im depressed.

This is the can of worms i was talking about... ive been bulemic on and off for 5 years and desperate to get it sorted and all the problems that has contributed to it over the years.

The doctor weighed me, told me im perfect weight for my height and to eat 'normally' and dont eat meals that are too big. That was pretty much it. and fill the form out and come back in 2 weeks to see if i need medication.

Feel so rubbish now. I dont see what this visit has done for me at all

I think you were really brave to go to the doctors, I think that they were really unhelpful and uncompassionate towards you.
Is your regular doctor any better, do you think you could face going in to see them again when they have come back?
xx

Well done for going juicy, sorry the doctor was an incompetent nob

I would make another appt when your own doctor is there, and explain that you felt fobbed off last time. I would jot a few notes down on a piece of paper to take along too - if you're fairly organised in what you've come to talk about it won't be so easy for the doctor to just brush you off. Fill the bloody form in a take it along too, it might be necessary for the GP to unlock services.

WHY is the treatment of depression/stress/eating disorders in this country still so lamentably poor? It makes me so cross.

Don't be put off by one poorly trained prat juicychops, you are entitled to proper help, just as you would be if you had a broken leg.

thanks all. If it was a case of 'eat normally' then i wouldn't bloody be there!!

My doc is a lot better than this one was so hopefully il feel brave enough to go back in 2 weeks to my own doc. But i dont want to be put on a load of medication. I feel low, but i dont feel depressed. i just feel stressed out completely and no patience but i can associate that with the ed causing it. But then that causes the ed too so its just a circle.

I hate being like this

Juicy, I am so that a DR was sh*t.

You have admitted some things that are really hard to admit and he just ignored you

Please do go back when your ordinary GP returns, and in the meatime have a look here to see if this is any help

EDs and SH are very often linked, and neither is anything to be ashamed of. I have been anorexic and bulimic off and on for a very very long time and often used SH as a release from my ED.

the more you take things like self-harm/eating disorders etc out of the prison of your own mind and look at them honestly, with the help of others, the less power they can have over you. Good on you Juicychops for starting this
thread and I wish you all the love and luck in the world for your recovery xx

Thanks steinermum xx

mil check that site out in a min thanks for finding it. I get paranoid when i look at sites like that incase my dp looks under the list of recently looked at sites and sees it but he's not here all this weekend

also it was a woman doc who i saw. I thought as it was a woman she would be a little more understanding, but she wasnt at all.

My normal doc is a man and although i think il feel a bit less uncomfortable talking to a man, i know he is a really good doc so it cant be any worse than talkin to the last one

for you

I'm sorry

juicy, you can delete your browsing history you know. Deletes cookies, web page addresses and anything stored by add ons.

Should be under tools on your internet explorer toolbar.

wicked found it. cant believe i never knew you could do that!

Mumofmonsters, (or anyone else who would like to answer)If you wouldn't mind, could i just ask you a few questions about your ed?

I know its probably hard, especially on here 'in public' so i dont mind if you dont want to as its hard enough for me so i know it would be for you too.

You said you have suffered on and off for a long time. Do you get days where you just wake up and think 'right, today is the beginning of recovery, im never going to binge/throw up again' then try and be 'normal'? How do you get through just day one? Does it get easier after just day 1 cos i cant get past that 1 day!

If you have had professional help, how do they make you change the way you feel about food?

You have really helped me a lot by opening up to me on this thread, and eveyone else too. i understand if its too hard to reveal any more info

Juicy, i don't mind answering questions you have don't worry. yes its public and yes i feel exposed but i really feel that it will help you to know.

I don't think i have ever woken up and thought to myself that today is the start of recovery.
I'm not sure i can answer properly at the moment. I am in the midst of a starve/binge purge cycle at the moment so my views are a bit clouded!

I realise that every day is different and it all depends on how i am when i wake to what i will eat or not eat and to what i will purge or not purge. The thing that stops me purging most is that one of my children coud see me doing it. Because of the layout of my house, they could come in at any minute in the bathroom.

I found that as i addressed some of the things from my past that were causing my SH and ED's then my hatred for myself lessened which helped me realise that i had things to live for.
I didn't have professional help. I attempted suicide at 16 and the DR in A&E wouldn't listen to my reasons, the pychiatrist i saw didn't believe me when i started to open up and the CPN never turned up. I did it by having someone who loved me very very much. SOmeone who loved me despite my ugliness inside. She is a fantastic friend and by feeling that love (that i hadn't properly known) i started to like myself a little better.

At 25 i have had the shadow of ED for a very long time. My mum will tell you that i often refused food from age 8! Some days are good some are bad, same as life i guess.

To summarise my waffle (sorry about that, i didn't mean to go on)
Take each day as it comes, every day is different, and
have no expectations of yourself, one of the things that spurs EDs on is guilt

(am clicking post b4 i delete this! has to be my most revealing post under my proper name!)

Thanks so much mumofmonsters you have no idea what it means to me for you to open up like this it really has made me feel a lot less alone and more positive.

i really feel for you as i can really relate to most of what you say.

I wish i had someone in real life to talk to about it. I am so so desperate to tell dp but the fear of not knowing how he will react is very scary. I love him so much and i dont want to risk loosing him or have him think differently of me. I truly think he would support me, but he has so much to deal with at the moment in his own life without me to deal with too. And for someone who doesn't understand anything about it, it would be difficult to deal with i think

thanks again mumofmonsters. I respect you enormously for your posts on this thread

It doesn't need to be someone in RL that you speak to. You can email the eating disorder association (via the link i did earlier), you can email the samaritans even. And of course there is MN too

Also, counselling helps a lot of ppl. I was just unlucky but i know of more people that it has helped than people it hasn't if that makes sense?

Yeah it does

i will definately go to my doctor when he is back week after next and im hoping he will refer me to a counceller or something. There is such a build up of problems over the past 6 years and i know they all contribute in some way to the state im in now. I need to address these problems but i need help to do that. I wouldn't know where to start doing it myself and when i think about them it puts me on a real downer

and im sure MN will continue to be a great help for me

you might to actualy ask to be referred, a lot of GPs (or at least the ones round here) seem to onl;y prescribe prozac. Ironically, despite it being prescibed for bulimai, one of the side effects is anorexia

Bulimia even

You;d think i knew how to spell it lol!

I feel such compassion for you girls, trying to manage your ED's/SH and be good mums. I managed to overcome my ED finally when DS2 was tiny, because I could no longer cope with the daily obsession AND the demands of 2 kids. Keep bringing it out in to the open, keep talking. Love and respect xx

How are you doing juicy?