A few questions about self harming for people who have experience of it...

[juicychops]

Just a few questions to current or previous sufferers to hear your experiences...

What were the main triggers?

How did you stop it? (if you have stopped)

Did you want to stop?

Can you stop without help?

How long did you do it for?

thanks soreen

respberries, my mum, sister and dp know i kick myself but i dont think they realise to what extent. ive vaguely explained it to dp about the release it gives me and hos it calms and gives me real pain to focus on to take away mental pain and frustration, but he doesn't understand

What were the main triggers?
Feeling low, undervalued, or sometimes I couldnt be sure but would just be automatic

How did you stop it? (if you have stopped) Have generally stopped although do sometimes still get urges and follow through but tend to do bruising now more than cutting/scratching..think I think its less noticable as DH hasnt picked up on it.

Did you want to stop?
Not really as it helps me and stops me going further in another way.

Can you stop without help?
All the help I have had has never actually looked at the self harm but more at other issues around it

How long did you do it for?
I used to do it as a teenager then stopped but started again 3yrs ago due to a major trigger and depressive episode.

Juicy, if your DR is worth anything he won't laugh at you.

If you want the help then please do go, take a friend who knows if you can.

I am lucky that i don't have many scars. At least not on the outside.

And to answer the quwestion someone asked (sorry dunno who). no one knows that i do it still, anyone who did know (and that wasn't many)thinks that i cope now

soreen, i wish i had name changed but i can come back with a dif name

Just reading what you all have to say is making me want to do something about it. I dont want to stop, but maybe seek help that will make me not need to do it anymore or at least so much. I dont like wanting to do it. Im not a very happy person on the inside. Ive just got so used to living the way i do that ive learnt to cope with carrying my problems rather than dealing with them

MoM, nothing you posted is that shocking. You're contributing to a valuable and much-needed thread here IMO. I just feel bloody sad that someo f the MNers I think of as so sparky and grounded and lovely are fellow-sufferers.

juicychops, any help you receive will go at your own pace - there will be no forcing, no emotional blackmail, not targets - it's a deep and involving process, but not more than you can handle. Honestly. It's a good idea!

oh sod it, I was the fruitloaf namechanger .

It's a long while since I've talked about this and reading it back I realise I have very little to be ashamed of and there should be more openess about these issues so people don't think they're suffering alone.

MoM, don't feel you have to leave and return under a different name.

its not the shock thing greeny its that its part of me that i hide from RL and i don't usually post things that i wouldn't talk about it RL if that makes sense

No please don't feel ashamed MoM I know it goes with the territory but still

sorry to hear of your experiences MrsB, and well, everyone else on the thread

The process of getting help, which i imagine will take quite a while for me due to certain probs, will i ever be in a position where i HAVE to tell my family or dp?

Thats what has held me back from seeking help for certain things. That i might get shipped off to a psyciatric ward or something for weeks and have ds taken away!

I hate my dp not knowing certain probs im having and i will tell him one day but i would rather that day be when im on the road to recovery

Sorry to bother you all with this, but it really helps knowing there are others who know how i feel as there is no one in real life to talk to

i only feel ashamed because i don't feel i suffer from it. If i feel i need to SH then i do, i like it! I like having a physical pain because physical pain is ok whereas pain inside isn't. I don't find that i need to harm much now although i often get the feeling of wanting to it doesn't mean that i do.

I can't explain myself very well, basically if i have a pain on the outside it makes the inside less ugly

What were the main triggers?
I dont know, but low self esteem came into it somewhere

How did you stop it? (if you have stopped)
I just stopped wanting to do it. Still dont understand why I started or stopped.

Did you want to stop?
No, I got bizarre satisfaction from it...

Can you stop without help?
yes, it just went away.

How long did you do it for?
a few years in my 20s, when I had candida and depression

Self harm was similar to trying to make myself cry, which was also brought temporary calm, I guess. I kicked the crying habit by willpower, just willing myself not to give in to the urge. After the first couple of times, it was easy. Maybe you could stop a self harm habit, by confronting it head on in the same way? Take each time as it comes, focussing on the moment. Its really important in your head, to allow yourself to to it in the future (so that the task of stopping doesnt seem impossible), but focus on not doing it today.

god, I havent thought about these things for years, which proves you can recover, I guess.
really sympathise, it is a horrible place to be in.

Mine was triggered by feelings of frustration/anger at myself.

I still get the urge, but haven't cut myself for several years, though I do still get the feelings that I want to.

just read your post soreen, interesting. >>cringe

Im going to bed now. feel so tired. Thanks for sharing your stories and advice with me everone. Il catch up on the thread tomorrow morning

seriously thinking about docs on Monday now so any extra advice for the visit (if i haven't changed my mind by then) would be really appreciated

Sleep well juicychops. I sincerely admire you for starting this thread, and I hope you get the happiness you deserve at the end of all this. xxx

Juicy, well done for starting this thread. It took some doing and you didn't name change either

My advice for what its worth, is to be honest with your Dr as well as yourself.

And I would like to add my admiration for you too MoM, because I think by NOT namechanging and by being honest, despite how bloody hard it is, you've contributed something really important to this thread. You've certainly made me feel less "weird" and alienated, by being alongside me here. Please don't feel bad about posting - be proud of yourself for having experiences that can really help other people. Good for you.

thanks for that Greeny, u have no idea how many times i almost clicked the red exclamation on my posts.

Will make a note to avoid you 2mo - i don't like crabs

It's quite hard reading these posts, this is a subject i've been trying to understand for such a long time. I've never self harmed, but my dp has. He started as a teenager. When we got together we were at university and it was obvious that he had scars. I knew he'd had depression, but self harm was something i felt i couldn't cope with and didn't want to think about. We got together, and i always said that i'd be there whatever, help and support him, but couldn't cope with that side of his depression.

A year ago, he had a sudden breakdown and self harmed for the first time in 12 years, but this time worse than ever, so badly that he collapsed, lost alot of blood and was taken to a psychiatric hospital where he spent several weeks. I found him, and i was with my babies. I was so so angry at first, i felt that it was the end of our relationship, that if this was the way he dealt with his depression instead of talking to me or getting help, that i couldn't be with him as i didn't want my children to see this and i didnt' want to have to explain this to them.

While he was in hospital though, i started reading about it, why people do it, and i began to understand his reasons and i realised that my ultimatum to him was the worst thing i could have done. We've talked about it alot since. I still feel upset by the scars and by the memory of finding him, but in a year alot has changed. I know it could happen again, and it does scare me, but i also understand it a bit more now. He had CAT therapy, and it was so good for him - at the moment he has other coping strategies that are working , and so he doesn't feel its somethign he needs. For him, the thing that changed was finding an alternative, and realising that he couldn't supress those feelings, he had to learn to live with them, which is what i'm trying to do too.

Getting help can be so hard, and it depends so much on who you see. I'd definitely recommend CAT (cognitive analytic therapy), and i wish i'd faced up to all this before dp became so ill, so i think that if you're worried that it will ever take over or get too much, its always worth speaking to someone before that point.

in response to op, my brother selfs harms regularly and in the past has hospitalised himself by doing it.
i know what it is like to live with or have a very close loved one doing it and feeling helpless
i have harmed myself, whilst i had severe pnd after ds1. the thoughts that ran thru my head as he lay there screaming gave me nightmares for months. 'twas an awful place.

main triggers were the thoughts i had of harming ds - obviously i knew it was wrong to have carried them out tho and never harmed him btw. i harmed as to me, it was my punishment for having the thoughts, even thoughi couldnt stop them. i felt an overwhelming sense of release and relief once i had done it.

it stopped on its own once my depression had been treated

at the time i didnt want to stop as it made me feel better and once i had done it i could pull myself together again

i dont think you can stop without some sort of help personally, it sort of gets a hold on you and becomes part of you.

i did it for as long as my depression lasted.

Interesting that so many people have stopped without help. IME, by the time I was actually dragged to the GP I had a whole list of things to chose from self harm went by the wayside! Do most people tie it in with other mental health things? I would imagine I suffered depression from a very young age (maybe 5?) brought about by my parents stupendously messy divorce and subsequent carry-ons... I'm now thinking maybe my eating disorder and then self harm were escalating cries for help as I was very blatant at times, although I remember my eating disorder had to be pointed out to me... Sorry I'm rambling now!
juicychops - good luck with the gp! although I never got treated specifically for this I have had counselling for depression and it's great to be able to talk to a neutral party and have someone look at things from a fresh perspective, get things straight in your own head. My only advice would be to maybe go through what you want to say when you get there and write it down! I always get a block and don't know where to start...

Morning everyone. Just want to say thankyou again for your advice and support and sharing your experiences. Its really given me a lot to think about. It was in my head all night!

I have decided i am going to the doctors tomorrow. Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn with nerves

I really hope i get to see a counceller quickly as if i have to wait months like i did last time i know im not going to end up going through with it

Good luck at the doctors.