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Original poster

dh has started to ask more questions about dh's health

48 replies

Blandmum · 14/03/2007 22:17

This afternoon. She asked me if I thought he was ever going to get completly better and I had to tell her 'no'

then she said, 'But it isn't as if he is going to die is it?'

and i bottled it and said that we all have to die.

i just don't know how i can tell her the truth.

OP posts:
Dottydot · 14/03/2007 22:19

Oh MB.... No advice - just thinking of you. How old is your dd?

twentypence · 14/03/2007 22:19

Oh MB what an awful conversation to have to have.

How old is dd?

Original poster
Blandmum · 14/03/2007 22:19

10 an ds is 6

OP posts:
Hattie05 · 14/03/2007 22:19

Sorry, couldn't ignore this post . But i am not such a regular on here so i'm afraid i don't know your story (although can obviously guess the gist of it).

Such a sad thing to deal with. How old is your dd?

Hattie05 · 14/03/2007 22:20

oops crossed posts

agalch · 14/03/2007 22:20

Jesus,(((hugs)))

I don't know what to say .Hope someone can give good advice.I am sooo rubbish at threads like this.How old id your dd?

Frizbe · 14/03/2007 22:20

for you MB, I don't know your story, but I can see you have a difficult choice ahead. Is there a local support group who could help/advise with this?

edam · 14/03/2007 22:21

Oh MB. What dotty said. Except for suggesting talking to any Macmillan nurses you have around - they may have some ideas. There must be charities or groups who advise the families of terminally ill people about what you say to children. But I don't know any, sorry.

ledodgy · 14/03/2007 22:21

Are there any books available that deal with such issues surely there must be? Maybe this would be a start?

What a horible situation to haveto deal with Mb.

fryalot · 14/03/2007 22:21

mb - my heart goes out to you.

I wish I had some words of wisdom that would make this easier for you.

Original poster
Blandmum · 14/03/2007 22:21

I've already spoken to the childhood grief councellor, and sha says I should answer direct questions honestly. so i'm trying to.

but it sucks, Bad enough that I know the truth without her having to go through the same things

OP posts:
simplycontrolfreaky · 14/03/2007 22:22

can you maybe get some advice / someone to talk this through with via hospital sw / macmillan nurse / hospice if you think that might help you all?? a good friend died when her ds was 6 after lengthy illness.... he had support via the hospice she went too which was really good. poor you and poor family.

misdee · 14/03/2007 22:22

oh mb, {{{{{hugs}}}} so sorry you are having to go through all this, for you, your children and your lovely dh

we havent had that sort of conversation here (what will happen if daddy doesnt get a new heart) yet, and i am not looking forward to it at all.

Dottydot · 14/03/2007 22:23

I'm just so for you having to even think about the conversations you'll have to have with them. I suppose your dd at 10 will have a lot more of an inkling as to what's going on. Have you looked into books for children on illness/dying - sorry, sounds completely crap... Just don't know what to say or suggest . What does your dh think - does he want them to know in advance? So sorry again - just want to send >

simplycontrolfreaky · 14/03/2007 22:23

sorry. cross posts. have you looked at winston's wish... may help at some stage of what you're all going through?

Original poster
Blandmum · 14/03/2007 22:23

oh, we have all the help and support.

but nothing will make it any easier.

You can get books, people can talk till their blue in the face. But in the end you have to say 'You dad is going to die'

and nothing is going to help any of us when that happens

OP posts:
edam · 14/03/2007 22:23

Something like this might help? this

foxinsocks · 14/03/2007 22:24

the uncertainty is difficult (esp for children) isn't it - because no-one can answer the 'when' question

I'm glad you have a grief counsellor but still for you

edam · 14/03/2007 22:24

Sorry MB bloody awful cross post there. And you are right, obv.

misdee · 14/03/2007 22:25

i have also done then 'we all have to die sometime'

Aloha · 14/03/2007 22:26

Hi MB, I'm so, so, sorry. I can't imagine anything worse that what you are going through so heroically. And your poor children too. There are several charities that can offer advice - such as the child bereavement trust
I can totally understand your reaction. I don't know what to say.

lemonaid · 14/03/2007 22:27

Really sorry mb -- this isn't the sort of challenge we think about having to take on when we become parents. You could say something like "This isn't the kind of cancer they can cure completely, so eventually he will probably die from it, but at the moment he's doing well"? Maybe? But it's not something I know anything about so I'm making that up as I go.

I suspect, though, that if she doesn't have her head buried in the sand the fact that you dodged the question will have given her a pretty good idea of what the answer is.

Can some of your support people advise from a position of experience?

Hulababy · 14/03/2007 22:27

Oh MB, sorry you are going through all this. Can't imagine how hard those conversations are (you too misdee). I am sure that you will find the right words in time.

LilyLoo · 14/03/2007 22:28

Don't think you bottled it at all MB. It's so hard !

Original poster
Blandmum · 14/03/2007 22:29

the thing is, we are almost certainly looking at less than a year.

They initialy gave us 3-6 months. So far he is doing well, but time is going to be frighteningly short for us all

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