alcohol - how to cut down?

[IAmLost]

Didnt know where to post this

I have gradually been drinking more and more over the past year or so. I need to cut down. I want to cut down. But I am finding it very hard. How can I do it? It is such a contraversial subject. Especially amongst mothers I have found.

I never have a drink before dd is in bed asleep, so I never start before 8 or 8.30 anyway

TBH half a bottle of wine is only 2 glasses of wine, I just have to keep myself in check as I know I can easily have more.

I have to force myself to stop having anything else eg a v&t first

Iamlost I think that hiding how much you drink is probably a bad sign, but it is rather dependent on how much you drink as a couple eg if you were pretending you only had one glass of wine when you in fact had two then maybe that wouldn't be so bad (though still slippery slope I would imagine). If you were downing a couple of bottles of spirits a week on top of what you drink in public (so to speak) then that would obv not.

oh and I heard somewhere that you can't kid yourself, it doesn't matter whether it is meths or the finest red wine, it is still alcohol and it all does as much damage

So difficult isn't it, I also feel I drink too much wine. Love the feeling of being slightly tiddly of an evening, seems like "grown up" time after a day with the kids, and something to look forward to. DH is just as bad so we're not good for each other really. Also worry that I might have a genetic tendency towards it - I'm adopted and don't know anything about my real family, just the fact that they're Irish, which probably means there are at least a couple of boozers in my background .

I like the idea mentioned earlier in this thread, about having 2 weeks off the booze, to break the habit. Will start that on Monday (out Fri and Sat so can't start yet!).

I don't keep it in the house.

I can't get out in the evenings b/c DH works and the girls are in bed.

Therefore I leave myself no choice but to go w/o it.

It gets easier after a week or so.

Hang in there!

regularMMposter, how awful for you. Sounds like hell in a hand cart and I know it would break me to hand over my beautiful children for someone else to enjoy. Numbing out some of the pain is totally acceptable.

However, its like putting off a phonecall or ripping off a plaster, you are probably going to have to look life right in the eye at some point and face it head on. This will be when you are ready.

IMHO there are two ways to change:

(1) stop drinking completely
(2) cut down

You'll know best which will work for you.

When you are ready to begin plan it, in your head or on paper. You may have to hand over your children to exp but that doesn't mean that he and his gf have control over your life. Can you fill the time they are away with something that will make you feel good? That way, you don't feel like you've been shit on, you feel like he's babysitting for a little while. Then, when your kids come home you are feeling good about yourself and thus they will be delighted to see you.

I by no means mean to lecture you. Its just I spent a long time feeling rough these past few years (not through alcohol) and I have lately begun taking more care of myself and have put myself up the list of things to do. I am feeling really, really good about myself and strong again. I started in a small way but the key is not to stop, just keep building.

When you are down, everything is down. When you take control it has a knock on effect on every part of your life. Only you can do it and only you will know when you are ready. I am glad I wasted no more time feeling crap. Good luck xxx.

p.s. you are not pathetic, you are just fine and you will change.

It's horrible when you can still go to work and function with the most horrific hangover! I used to work my hangover off and drink lots of water. I too am trying to drink less. It's quite easy to stop for a few days and I tend not to drink when I feel like crap as it just makes me feel so much worse. I have found that I sleep better without booze - even a glass of wine can mess up sleep. It's difficult to find wine less than 14%, but worth the effort - if you're going to drink a bottle, you're going to drink a bottle. I think that feeling pissed is quite psychological, and one can feel quite drunk on very little. I too found being pg was a cure for feeling like drinking - bring back those hormones!!

I love wine, I really do. I'd happily drink half a bottle or more every night. Unfortunately so would dh. I am currently not drinking between Monday and Thursday, which I hate, but my liver needs it. The only answer is not to have any wine in the house. If dh wants a drink, he has beer which I loathe.
I find when I feel stressed around the chidren's tea-time I really, really want a glass of wine. If I get past that point it is much easier, I find. I think it is a fact that motherhood drives you to drink!

I'm also a wine head.

But I could easily drink an entire bottle and not just half.

I bought a bottle Saturday, intending to quaff a glass or two w/dinner.

Of course, it was gone by 10PM and I was on the phone to my mother all night gabbing away.

Gosh so many stories.

Well I didnt drink last night. I so nearly did, but I used all the willpower I could manage and resisted. I smoked far too many cigarettes tho. But I went to bed feeling very uptight. It took me ages to go off to sleep and still woke in the early hours. this morning I felt flat but not hungover and was able to tolerate a morning and the toddler gym much better than normal.

But I dont think I can manage 2 nights off in a row. In fact I am almost counting down the time until I can have a drink tonight. Maybe I can manage one night on one night off?

Thinking about all you others who are struggling like me. Keep posting.

Well you managed it last night so you could tonight too.I think if it is that problematic for you you should try and do until the weekend to see how you feel.You may be tempted to drink more tonight as you were 'good' last night.I know it is hard but will be worth it when you start to feel like you are controlling it and not the other way round

i find it easier to take each day as it comes and once the hour comes (when i'd normally reach for wine) and goes it does get easier.

omg noddyholder I have spent all afternoon loking forward to it. I cant not do it now

you can do it, what time do you normally have one?

I think it is more of a problem than you think though if it is making you that depressed not to have one.I am sorry but I live with a recovering alcoholic and do have experience of this sorry if I sound harsh xx

Just found this post after being depressed all day because I woke up hungover - again! My drinking has crept up over the past 5 months from a couple of times a week to every night. I know how you feel IAmLost because I know I've got to cut down.

ATM I am impatiently waiting for dcs to finish tea so I can got the shop and buy some alcohol. I am going to make sure it's not as much as last night though. Well done you for not having a drink last night. If you are going to drink tonight could you start later and have less. I know I can't go cold turkey - going to cut it down, then cut down to few nights.

Thankyou for posting this as it was a relief for me to see I'm not alone.

Decided that perhaps my will is not as strong as I thought. Quite happily opened a bottle tonight. Maybe I dont want to cut down after all. Wish I hadnt started the thread now. Feeling and and generally mixed up

Don't feel like that IAmLost. I happily went to the shop and opened my bottle too but just trying to take it slower than last night.

I know I drink for stress relief and also know that I won't be able to stop drinking if I don't address the stress at the same time. Just started counselling, for stress not alcohol, and hoping that will help and I've got to think about eating healthily and exercising.

What things do you think might help to replace the drink for you. I am feed up of feeling tired and unmotivated all day and then looking for the bottle to unwind at night. I know I will feel better if I cut the alcohol down but it is going to take a bit of time and hard work and it seems scary!

relaxation and to relieve loneliness mainly

Alcohol isn't a very good friend, IAmLost. I know what you mean about relaxing though! Hope you're ok. I find I can drink for Britain sometimes. Not tonight though.

sometimes it is the only friend though, IYKWIM. In a metaphorical sense

Sometimes I find it hard to stop. One drink makes me feel quite pissed, then I have another one and I feel even drunker, then I feel relatively sober and have another, knowing that by that time I'm not making much sense and starting to blether, then I have another one because I can't do anything else, then another because I'm not going to be sober enough to do anything but drink more. Oh dear. Such is my drinking. I'm off to bed. I hope you're all right.

Wondering how you are doing today?

I had my day planned out to lead up to a relaxing alcohol free evening. DCs were supposed to be at mil from lunch till after tea. I was going to get a load of housework done, get dcs to bed, cook a really nice meal and have a bath and go to bed. Dcs came back after a couple of hours because a couple of ridge tiles blew off mils house and fil wants to put them back. WTF.. going up a ladder in this weather. So anyway am I going to try to stick to my plans.

If you are planning to stay off the drink I think it's really important you plan what you are going to do instead. You need to feel busy so you don't feel like you are missing out on something.

hi thanks for remembering me. I am fine. Last nigth wasnt too bad, ie I didnt drink tons, but I didnt have any great plans to abstain tonight and thus, I have already opened a bottle.. You are right in that it needs to be planned. I didnt plan for an evening off tonight and so, through habit, I had a drink. How is everyone else? Sorry your day went pear shaped whywhy

hi there " i am lost",

are you at all interested in alternative remedies. i had monumental help from the doctor bach remedies. ironically they are flower remedies preserved in some brandy and my friends at first suggested that i was getting my alcohol kick from the brandy in them - so what if i was! it healed me and helped me look deeper into my ole soul to work out what was wrong with me

(ive also lost three and a half stone thanks to this whole journey so i really am living proof that it works) and no longer crave or need drink like i used to and i was one having it in a coffee cup at work so a real hardcore alcy and now i can drink socially and go weeks and weeks without any

let me know if any of this interests you or strikes a chord and if so i can tell you more or you could check out www.crystalherbs.com and get some info there

there is a way forward, maybe change your name from "i am lost" to "becoming found" !! give a positive outlook to your new start!!

also it seems you arevery guilt ridden - that to me is proof that youre not an alcy, i shoulnt have put alcy in my post earlier, i think labels are really damaging and make us feel worse and worse and then we reach for our crutch more ........and let the drink numb the guilt and so the cycle carries on

i really sense you want to change and thats the first step and believe me you sound so able to do this - i couldnt go a day without a drink for years and years and youve already just done that

so well done and keep believing that you can recover and you will, forget the past and live for now, you can change and you are doing xx