Tamoxigang cancer support thread 54: A new thread for a new year!

[WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo]

Welcome one and all to the wonderful Tamoxigang thread! May 2016 bring us all health and happiness

If you are new here, then an extra big welcome to the club nobody wants to join. The thread is for people with any type of cancer, and also those who are waiting for results. So don't be shy. We are more than happy to hold your hand while you are waiting for a diagnosis, and we will be here to celebrate or commiserate, whatever your news

No question is too big or too small, someone will usually have an answer, or an idea of where you might find one. You can laugh, cry, shout, swear, and, of course, eat chocolate it is a bit of a safe haven from the mad world of cancer, the head-tilting and talk of bravery, and all the nonsense that comes with this diagnosis :)

So feel free to introduce yourself. And oldies, feel free to re-introduce yourself if you'd like.

We only have one rule here and that is no Googling!

Oh Ron, I'm merely expressing how I feel. I'm not the only one who has been upset. I don't want a fight. I don't think we've come across each other before, I may not have been here for years but I'm not completely new. I have received wonderful help here and I hope I've offered as much support back again. I have never argued with anyone here but I'm finding your posts to me quite upsetting.

Please don't feel bad Leslie! It was a really difficult situation and it would have created a really bad atmosphere on the thread if any accusing had been done without proof.

Boobz I think that style would suit you or a variation. Looks fab, can't wait to get that far although have washed it more often which is bliss! I've mentioned before but Toni and guy are fab and endorsed by Macmillan toniandguy.com/charity/strength-in-style might be worth checking them out? Not ignoring the nanny situation, but tbh was oblivious X

Slow typing again!

wine hi! Sorry your iPad is still misbehaving, and lovely to see you I'm glad you're getting back to new normal.

Boobz hopefully a good hairdresser can advise. Could you pop in for a chat and they can see if it looks ready? That pixie cut looks very nice.

fresta if there's anything you want to know about nanny, I'm happy to answer if I can. I didn't want to bombard everyone with lots of information if people would rather just move on from it.

Waving enthusiastically to Kurri too!

Sorry if I missed anyone/anything, I'm a bit tired and flustered

Don't feel bad Leslie, I think you have done the right thing, I can't recall any of your posts being inappropriate and it would have been wrong to bring it up on the thread initially. If you are reading Sleepy, in hindsight you were right to say what you did and your initial sentiments from your deleted post were correct and echoed by many others. Hope you will return sooon.

I'm off to enjoy my roast lamb which I have been cooking all afternoon now as starving, and the potatoes are just about ready. See you all in a while

Half of me wants to know Leslie, but that's just the gossipy me, the rest of me just wants to move on and forget it. The only thing I'd love to now is how much truth there is in Nannys' post's as it baffles me that anyone could make all that stuff up. You would either have to have a lot of experience of hospitals and breast cancer or do a lot of research!

Leslie please don't feel bad. You handled things sensitively and tactfully for the long term good of this wonderful thread. You only voiced what a number of us were feeling.

I have never seen you be anything but helpful and supportive on here - I especially remember you were very kind to me in the early days of my diagnosis.

Or you would be living with medical people and reading a lot on boards about other peoples' experiences, perhaps. Speculating.

One cannot, for example, be having liver surgery one day...and also on that same day be having a perfectly normal working day followed by a visit to see a friend's child. Many more examples of how things failed to match, on the two boards. As the 'data-hound' of the thread, I couldn't make sense of some of Nanny's stuff at all.

MrsRhodaGilbert

Leslie, as I said a few weeks ago I have always been particularly struck by your kindness and have noticed how much time you give to this thread. I'm particularly impressed as you are so young and your experiences are different to many of ours yet you always offer what help you can. That's why is was so surprised to see you supporting sleepy against nanny, having absolutely no clue that there was anything wrong I just didn't understand. Of course it all now makes sense and I'm sorry that so many of you have been struggling with how to deal with it.

If I've made you feel bad I'm truly sorry, I'm just really having a hard time taking all this in and was getting more and more concerned last week about what was going on. I was also getting a lot of pm's from nanny which clouded the situation for me. You didn't say anything dreadful, just not what I expected you to say but I now know why.

So to be absolutely clear, I think you're great and please don't take anything I said to heart.

Sadly it's impossible to know fresta. A lot of the detail is consistent between the two sites. I will try and summarise the bit that was majorly different on both sites.

On MN she posted that her scans had been mixed up so she had been given the wrong results. A new scan revealed a liver tumour. She also had a brain bleed during chemo. Neither of these was mentioned on the other forum.

In July 2014, nanny posted on MN that she had been in hospital for two weeks following liver surgery on 4th July. On the other site she posted that on 4th July she was visiting a friend's deceased baby in a chapel of rest. She then read a poem at the baby's funeral and was admitted to hospital with a breast infection, during the two weeks she had posted on MN that she was in hospital following her surgery.

Obviously both those stories cannot be true. But apart from that, it's impossible to know how much is true. It may be that she had a breast cancer diagnosis but started to exaggerate for more attention. Or maybe it is all completely made up. I guess someone with a lot of time on their hands could trawl cancer websites and forums to make up a plausible sounding story!

I hope you are enjoying your dinner

Thank you mrsrhod I completely misinterpreted your post you've not made me feel bad, please don't worry.

I imagine it must be a real shock for those who didn't know/suspect. I know she must have problems and I do feel sympathetic, but also cross that our thread is left dealing with this

for all (I hope there's something for everyone there! )

Wtf!? I'm off for an afternoon holiday shopping and all hell breaks loose!

So nanny wasn't entirely truthful? Well, even as one privy only to tier 1 information that doesn't come as a massive surprise. There were always too many exclamation marks for my liking .

The fog has cleared a little now however as those of us not in the know finally understand that much has been going on in the background. I can understand that this would have been difficult to discuss openly on this thread and I don't think anyone should reproach themselves about that and especially not Leslie.

I had pm'd nanny as I was concerned for her. Still am tbh as, whatever the reality something is clearly amiss. I was here when she first started posting. Things have escalated a lot since then.

I can understand how her confabulation would be especially upsetting to those who are in fact dealing with the kind of issues she was describing and I hope they are OK particularly sleepy.

In other news.....hair.....boobz. ....go for the pixie cut - it would look fabulous on you.

Off on holiday for 2 weeks tomorrow getting some Caribbean sun so until my return. ...peace and love xx

Marshy have a wonderful time, don't suppose there's room for me in your suitcase ? This will all have blown over by the time you come back

I guess we will never know how much of nannys story was true, certainly in the early days I was convinced by her which makes me feel a bit daft now. I thought it was just me with suspicions until someone else mentioned it too, just so many things which didn't add up

Ladies my group all received private messages & txts from Sal too. It's so hard to know what is real & what's not but my best example is that she txt me & told me she had a one night stand which resulted in her getting pregnant & she told me there were 4 babies, she told the other girls it was just twins. She lost these babies one at a time. She even sent me scan pics by txt but not one had her name on them or the hospital name. I have found these pictures online. This whole time I was so supportive of her, we all were. She even sent us Xmas presents last year. We were all very close & even now I want to txt her to see if she is ok but I'm staying away from her. I hope she gets the support she needs but I totally understand & feel for all of you that this has upset xxxx
Sam

I'm another naive newbie who had no idea of all the back stories. I wish nanny all the best and hope she gets some RL support. But my heart really goes out to Sleepy and all the others who emotionally invested in her.

My surgery is tomorrow. I have filled in my consent and was surprised to hear that node clearance is more complex than mastectomy. I haven't been able to see dh and dd1 because dd1 has tonsilitis or something similar. Her fever is still running at 38 plus so she is being kept away. I saw dd2 and other members of my family. My heparin pump has a functioning battery so I was able to go downstairs to the hospital cafe and escape the ward. Very few hospitals have the anticoagulation protocols that this one does, but my cardiologist approves of their caution.

I think a pixie cut will look great on Boobz. I will probably aim for something similar but I'm trying hard not to think about chemo because I'm scared of it. One step at a time for me.

Happy good luck choosing the right treatment. I always find it hard when doctors give options because as a lay person it is difficult to know what to do.

Sandwich hello and welcome to the thread.

That's totally shocking alex, whoever nanny/sal is they obviously have a hell of a lot time on their hands. Maybe they genuinely need help, maybe they just get a kick out of this? The more is revealed the more unsettling it seems. For all we know nanny might even be a man.

Apparently there is a recognised condition similar to munchausen syndrome en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchausen_by_Internet

Marshy, I hope you have a fantastic holiday, well deserved.

Someone was asking about a lumpectomy earlier. I had on in 2014, let me know if I can be of any help.

I have another pelvic scan on Thursday to check if my ovarian cyst is still there and how my womb lining is doing with the tamoxifen.

Marshy have a brilliant holiday. Enjoy the sunshine and maybe bring some back with you!

alex thank you for sharing with us. I hope all of you are OK too

Mysillydog good luck for tomorrow. I hope your dd feels better soon and that she can visit afterwards. Good you've been able to explore the hospital a bit! All the best for a speedy recovery

fresta wow! That is spot on. Very disturbing.

Goodnight everyone

mrsrhod fingers crossed for your results. I hope you don't have to wait long

MrsRhod I am sorry if my posts upset you and knowing you were on the receiving end of manipulative PMs my heart goes out to you. I have seen some of those and without doubt she set out to isolate people and set them against each other in order to deflect (or gain ) attention.

I wouldn't want to vilify her though, I am sure she needs help and support and I do hope she seeks it out. It certainly does not seem to be unique, and at least there was no further exploitation. I suspect she is incapable in her current state of mind of the empathy required to understand the consequences of her actions for others. I do think at least initially there was truth in her posts, I did look at the October 2013 thread recently and it was a different Nanny , less attention seeking and without the exclamation mark habit! She didn't jump the shark until chemo, and especially the brain bleed which she claimed, in a way that was to become typical that her "team" dismissed and carried on regardless. As someone who had traumatic life threatening side effects on chemo (don't worry those on chemo, I have spectacularly wimpy white blood cells, still laying about on the job), though thankfully a team who quickly responded to keeping me safe (and so proof that reduced dose does not equal reduced effectiveness) I found that particularly disturbing and upsetting. Perhaps Sleepy was right, this treatment affects you profoundly. Chemo is very hard and certainly affected my mood towards the end. Or maybe as one of my closest Mumsnet and then RL friends commented it was watching too much "Gray's Anatomy" having spotted at least one plotline in Nanny's posts Who knows?

It is weird this online world, you think you have come very close to people in the course of sharing so much trauma and care and all I can say is that when I have met people IRL, though strange to be confronted with maybe a different flesh and blood, they were exactly who I had come to know and love

Hugs to all who need them.

Oh and boobz my hairdresser gave me several options with my centimetre and a half of hair including a wild sort of punky haircut, all up on end on top. Not at all the pre Cancer me but totally in keeping with the one boobed bandit I had become, I loved it. And after a few years of rebellious hair growing I have gone back to the pixie cut, surprising the number of people I know who have

I apologise for putting my foot in it Leslie, I didn't know what was going on behind the scenes. I would have kept my mouth shut if I hadn't been a bit bonkers this week. Sorry everybody.

Nanny - I am glad that you don't really have stage 4 cancer. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Trolling about cancer and child death is pretty fucked up. I suggest crochet as an alternative hobby; nobody gets hurt and you may end up with a cushion cover.

MrsRhod, it is to your credit that you defended someone you saw as vulnerable and a friend. I hope your scans come out well.

Sandwich thank you - I didn't comment yesterday because of all the drama going on, it sounds really similar to how I feel tbh the only difference if I haven't had any weight loss and my shoulder is really painful on the side my gland is swollen, I know it could be lots of different things but I don't have the energy to do anything when I spk to Dr tomorrow I might have to be pushy as it has been going on 3 months now I think they were hoping it was a virus that would clear up my main concern is getting ds to school so I know he is safe as don't feel like I can look after him properly. Sorry for being on a downer just feeling sorry for myself and I know I have a long way to go yet.

Hope everyone else is ok x x x x

Lozwil- I am sorry to hear how poorly you are feeling. I hope you get closer to an answer today.