crippling health anxiety

[Shoegal0305]

Hi all I'm a regular poster. Usually regarding the struggles of being a lone parent with no support. Feel I have to reach out to all my MN help as also suffering from health anxieties.

Got my DS poorly this week with bad tonsillitis so that's not helping. Basically I am convinced I can feel a hard lump to the right side of my back. I'm scared of doctors ....... Quite a heavy drinker if I'm honest ...... I drink as it numbs things. It doesn't interfere with daily life or anything but I do drink over the recommended units per week. Please dont judge me for that it's really lonely sometimes. Anyway stupidly googling symptoms and convinced myself I'm dying so now in a right state. Last year was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst which I've not been discharged from gynae with as consultant said it was a fluid filled 'nothing to worry about' one. Boy did I get in a panic over that so the thought of going again with this lump is terrifying me. I've convinced myself I've got a l tumour on my liver snd I'm dying. It's such a horrible state to be in I literally have nobody here apart from my DS who is poorly I have been cooped up in the house the past 2 days. Please help anyone.........

That should read I HAVE been discharged!!

You're not dying and you haven't got cancer. I'd bet my house on that : )

As you rightly say though, you have health anxiety so the treatment required is a visit to your doctor. I know it's a hard thing to cope with but there's help out there.

There's no point in posters talking with you regarding your imagined terminal illness as the real issue is the HA so see your doctor to discuss that

Thankyou blatant. Thing is health anxiety doesn't allow you to see things rationally. So I still keep feeling this lump. I still keep googling. I can't help it. I just wish I had someone here to tell me everything will be ok xx

Well I'm telling you! Honestly it's fine and the rational side of your brain knows this

I'm so scared.

I can feel a lump. But I'm trying to see if it's the same both sides. I've prodded it that much it's sore.

This is going to pass. At the moment your brain is telling you that you're anxious about this lump. You've prodded it so much that's it's sore and that's making you worried more. Stop looking at things on the Internet for the next hour - promise yourself that you'll do that. Go and busy yourself with making dinner for yourself and ds. If you get anxiety thoughts keep telling yourself it's your mind having anxious thoughts and that they will go away in a while. You can get past this. Being cooped up for 2 days will have fuelled this there's no doubt. But you're OK and you will be OK.

I'm scared of facing the same fears as when I had my cyst, but worse. I faced all of it alone bar one visit where a friend came with me which was appreciated. My biggest fear is having to have a general anaesthetic...... Every time I went for the 3 monthly scans then the consultant apt I was in a right state. Had all bloods etc too they were all ok. Got diagnosed with high blood pressure a few months back so was sent for health MOT, ECG, bloods etc. All came back ok. Surely if something like a tumour present it wouldn't be???

Beryl Thankyou ........ My boy is upstairs in bed he's not well at all do I'm sat all alone letting things get on top of me xx

I can't advise you on medical stuff Shoegal. But I can hear in your posts how wound up you are and that's what I'd like to help you climb down from. Instead of projecting ahead on unlikely scenarios (I know at the moment they don't seem unlikely to you) focus on now. What can you do to feel more relaxed and calm, do you have any techniques? Do you like reading, listening to music. .?

Thankyou Beryl I'm
Literally planning my funeral here so yes feeling very wound up. I'm watching something funny on telly then gonna have a bath. It's such a horrible feeling. A rationale person would maybe be making an appointment to get 'lump' checked but that scares me more than anything. Also lots of folk have someone there to tell them everything you are telling me but I feel so isolated. Xx

You know what my lovely? I could have written your post word for word.
I don't have any constructive advice. I suffer badly with health anxiety. I'm currently working the courage up to visit the doctors with it.
Distraction is key. Please don't google or prod anymore.
People are around for you until it passes.

A bath would be good. But no more lump prodding! (That's my stern voice ). Other people to speak to is good, yes, but having ways to help yourself is also good. I don't have health anxiety but had more generalised anxiety in my past - I know it's horrible. I think you're more rational than you give yourself credit for - you know that this is health anxiety for a start and you're trying to overcome it. Some other help with that would be the best way forward and may stop you feeling as alone with it?

Thank you for both. I do suffer from general anxiety too but it does tend to be worse health wise. You probably wouldn't believe this but I'm actually a health professional! I see a lot of nasty things in my job. It doesn't bother me at all. I cope. Till I'm home alone with the stresses of being a completely lone parent. I have two family members who live 30 miles away, I know they love me but they've never been any support. Ever. Had to take two days off work this week to look after my boy so dreading going back in I struggle enough with shifts I have had to literally turn my working life upside down since becoming a single parent. I only work part time now but it's still really hard. So I'm petrified of something happening to me. Maybe I'm trying to sound rationale as then I'm convincing myself there ISNT a lump and it IS only anxiety? See I'm tying myself in knots again! This is where id be reaching for a bottle of wine but now scared I'll damage myself further........ Xxx

You need to go to your Dr, not about the lump, but about your anxiety - i know as i suffer from generalised anxiety and health anxiety and it is terrible. Medication can help but you need to go to the Dr to ask for it.

I would make an appt to see your GP. Tell him about your health anxiety, previous history of convincing yourself and then discuss the lump. I'm fairly sure the health anxiety is the thing you need to make the most time to talk about. You can get help.

I'm petrified xx

I'm scared it's not just anxiety tho I'm scared there is something wrong. No I've not spoken to anyone about it xx

That is your anxiety talking - it does things to the rational part of your brain and stops you from thinking straight.

Ive just had a poke around at the side of my back - i can feel a hard lump, its one of my ribs! I would be very surprised if you could feel anything from a liver tumour at the back. Also, if you had a tumour that was big enough for you (despite being a health professional i suspect not a dr), with no experience in what you are looking for to find it, on your liver, you would be displaying a whole range of other symptoms by now and you aren't.

I don't mean to sound harsh but i just have been where you are (similar) I was hysterical because i thought my tonsils were tumours, I also have a medical(ish) background. My dad always used to say, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. He was right - add Dr Google into the mix and you are in a world of shit.

The good news is you don't have to live like this - there is help available. If you are scared of going to the Dr, can you take someone with you? Also, you could write down your worries and then you don't have to say anything.

Two good things will come out of a visit to the Dr.

1. He/she will put your mind at rest
2. You can get some medication the HA and you can be put on the waiting list for CBT.

You can take control of this and stop letting anxiety rule your life.

I still get anxious, in fact, most of my life is spent on one level of anxiety or another but im fucked if im going to let it ruin my life - i take medication and probably will do forever, but it works (most of the time).

Oh and i don't want to sound preachy, but do try cutting down on the alcohol, it is an absolute feeder of anxiety. says she watching the clock before she can open her bottle of red

Theoriginal... Thankyou I'm feeling a little better this morning but heard overnight of two folk I know who've died one very young one suddenly so still feeling very anxious, xx

How are you now? I'm very similar to you & medication helped me.