Unwanted pregancy - can someone answer a few questions about termination please?

[nando]

I'm 4 weeks pregnant and have decided to terminate.

I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, but I have a few questions and I can't wait that long to ask.

Could anyone tell me where the procedure will be carried out? Is it at a local hospital (I will be going through the NHS)?

I think I'd prefer to take tablets to end the pregnancy rather than have an invasive procedure. Does anyone who's been through either have an opinion on this? Which is the least unpleasant? If I do opt for the tablets how does it work with regard to timings?

Plesae don't post if purely to have a go or ask me to reconsider.

Sorry that this post is blunt. I have tried to change my posting style to protect my identity.

TIA

Hope you are ok. I had a TOP in feb this year, i was 8 weeks. I had found out at 4 weeks went to my gp who organised it through the NHS local hosp. I was not offered the pill but wouldnt have done it anyway, i needed it to be over and done with as i had very young children to look after. If i was a first time mum i would have had pessaries to soften the cervix first but i wasnt so avoided that bit.

It was all over very quickly, i was in theatre for 15 mins and came round within 5 mins. I went home about an hour later. I bled for a couple of weeks. It was awful but over without any fuss or too much pain. I was only crampy for a day.

Good luck.

Thanks pucca

I've just had a look at the prices on BPAS and there's no way I could afford to go private. Hopefully there won't be a problem with having to wait too long (fingers crossed). At the moment my biggest fear is still being pregnant and waiting for a termination in the new year. It's stupid but I want to get this over and done with this year or I feel like it will be the beginning of another horrible year for me.

I'm feeling really down today. I could have started drinking at 9.15 this morning after dropping DC off at school. I've just read the whole thread again and I want to say sorry to all the people who've posted about taking the tablets after a missed miscarriage, or anyone that's reading after having a miscarriage or anyone that's trying to conceive. I know that abortion would have offended me when I was getting over a miscarriage and I'm really sorry if this thread has made anyone feel angry or sad.

I do have a really good friend that I can talk to who doesn't judge and has been through a termination with an old girlfriend (he's male). He's offered to come with me but I'm not comfortable with that. I'm grateful that I can fall back on him if I need to talk afterwards though.

Thanks largeginandtonic. Your name has made me smile. could do with you at the moment.

I often think that nando, i could do with you too. Have you ever been to nando's, they do wicked chicken!

I would take the male support with you. Its not as if he gets to see anything and you dont see anyone apart from the nurses untill you are with it again.

Im sure things seem desperate at the moment, i managed to get mine hurried up through my gp as i knew that i suffer with terrible morning sickness and the dc and everyone else would know something was going on. It was a wait but not too long, ask your gp as soon as you can.

Im now happily married after an awful begining to the year and im prg again due in may. I hope it shows you that it's amazing how things can turn around. Im around if you want to ask any more questions xxx

lol lg&t - yes, went ages ago. Loved the chicken too.

Aww nmop - I'm so sorry that this thread has made you sad. I'm glad that you know you made the right decision both times. (((hugs)))

Congratulations lg&t {smile] that's really inspiring. Can't see that far forward at the moment but I'm really pleased for you.

I'd love to accept more support from him but it feels odd to have a bloke there who's not the father. I'm more than a bit worried that I'll be a wreck afterwards and he'll feel obliged to stay with me. What I really, really want is my best friend or mum or something - the only problem with that is that I also don't really want them to know about any of it.

Meant

Where are you nando?

sw london

Oh bugger, was going to suggest i help you on the day. Im in Portsmouth though. I told my mum and dad, i could have kept it from them but felt it was too big to sit on. They were great, i know my mum did not agree with it and probably would never have done it herself but she understood my reasons and was very supportive. She knew it was not something i was taking on lightly. Maybe you should tell your mum

I really want to tell my mum but (sighs) she's been through it several times with my sister (she's dependant on drugs and has been involved with abusive relationships) and I really don't want to let her down. I'm feeling angry about it all today. My best friend is lovely but has just had a miscarriage and I don't want to slap her in the face with this. I've thought about asking my sister for support (maybe I'm mad) but she's loyal and she does care, but she's not dependable.

Thanks for thinking that way though lg&t. Means alot to me.

I would def tell your mum, i would feel so hurt if one of my dc felt they couldnt tell me something. Im sure she would be upset to think you were doing this on your own. Your BF might feel like that too. Its worth a try xxx

I don't really know how either of them would react to it. I'm quite sure that my mum would be supportive eventually but not before she'd done the whole 'I must be a terrible mother if both of my daughters have f*cked up their lives' (she's religious, and so am I but not as devout as her).

My best friend would be supportive - I know she would, but I've spent the last couple of months trying to comfort her and sharing our experiences of miscarriage. Telling her that I'm having an abortion feels like I'm kicking her in the guts.

As for EX-P (the reason I'm pregnant), well he's off with another woman. If I tell him or ask for any support more than looking after DS while I have the termination, he'll think I've done this on purpose.

I feel so bloody p*ssed off at the moment. I think I might accept the male friends offer. If I feel like I can do it on my own then I will, but if not I'm soooo bloody grateful that he's offered.

Take his offer, im sure it will be fine. Just dont do it by yourself. Hugs to you xxx

Thanks lg*t. I didn't start this thread to chat about my circumstances, but I feel like I've just had 2 tonnes lifted from my shoulders.

I'll look out for your birth announcement in May. Good luck xxx

Glad i could have helped a little, you know where i am if you need me, just ignore the crazy talk from those around me as you search. Am off for a cuppa and a slice of lemon cake, will bring you back some xx

Nando, my only advice to you is to arrange councelling for after the abortion (however you choose to do it). Going through with the physical side of the abortion is relatively easy, and you appear to know what you want (I was exactly the same btw, and still stand by my choice despite now being married to my then partner and having 2 kids by him). However, as simple as it may seem, there will come some point after you have had your abortion, that you will question what you have done. I was fine for 6 months after the event, until my friends and family found out (they were very supportive). From there on I gradually built up a wall of guilt about it all. It took me at least 4 years to "get over" what I had done, and I do not regret my abortion. Too little aftercare of yourself can lead to massive emotional issues later, so good luck in whatever you do, but please look after yourself after the event.

Lg&t - enjoying my lemon cake. Thank you love.

Mrsaek - I'm so sorry to hear that. I really don't think that any woman should feel guilty or ashamed about having an abortion. I could never post this under my normal chatname but I know that if I had known that DS would have a disibility and just how much hard work and heartbreak would go into the first 5 years of his life (he's 5 btw) that I would have had a termination. That doesn't detract from how much I love him now, but when we were going through his diagnosis and living with the reality and thinking of the future, I know and still do that had I known what it was really going to be like, I would have terminated. Please, don't beat me up for saying that (not you Mrsaek, but anyone that's reading). I think that my experinece with DS has made this decision easier for me. It was almost impossible when I was in a relationship, and I know that it would send me over the edge if I was to have another disabled child and have to deal with it all alone.

I will ask for support when I need to tho. Whether it's on here or to r/l friends. Thanks for your post.

Nando, just wanted to say good luck with this process, whatever happens. I had a surgical TOP 2 years ago, and for me the hardest part of it was waiting for it to happen, took about 5 weeks from when i saw my GP to actually having it, and that was awful. I hated feeling pregnant, and the delay was unbearable.

But like you, i knew it was the right decision, and i also told nobody about it. Despite what some other Mners have said, i personally didn't feel any guilt or have any problems afterwards. I was fully recovered within 24 hours ( I had the TOP at 13 weeks) and I have never given it a 2nd thought. It helped that it was a secret so there has been noone to go over it with me when I feel it is gone and over with.

I know everyone has different experiences and stories behind their decisions, and i totally respect everyone's different opinions about doing this, but I just wanted to say that if you are sure and if you are strong then this can be something that you will put behind you and move on from. you will be fine.

Thank you flocci

Ironically I've started bleeding. Just small amounts last night, which happened during both my previous pregnancies, but much heavier now and I've had stomach cramps all day. Boobs stopped hurting a few days ago as well so I think this pregnancy is coming to a nautural end. Oddly I feel a bit empty.

I'm really sorry that so many of you have relived unpleasant experiences on here because of me. Feel ridiculous and fraudulent right now - I thought I'd be relieved. I'm sorry, I don't know whether I'm coming or going right now.

{{hugs}} xxx {{hugs}} Not really sure what to say, but I thought you might need some

nando

I really feel for you at what is a really hard time for you.

Don't tell anyone unless you know they will be completely supportive. I have had 2 top - one when I was a student, I told lots of people thinking I would get support but sometimes did not.

I had another three years ago. No-one knows except DP - and you now! I just wanted to do it alone - even lied about where I was going so my darling mother would have my children.

Both surgical, no complecations, prefered being 'out' for it. Don't read too much, everyones experience is different.

Lots of love

Thank you so much DT and Quotie. I'm in floods of tears right now. EX-P has taken DS out for a few hours and I'm having a few drinks - I really needed them.

When I started bleeding last night I couldn't believe that I was gutted. All I could think of was how this was the end of everything. It's been such a shit year and somehow this pregnancy was keeping me focused on something other than how bloody lonely and unfulfilled I am. I'm sure it's mainly due to hormones, but right now I'd give anything to have EX-P back here and for us to be looking forward to another baby. It's hurting so much that I couldn't even make the decision the terminate this pregnancy - cruel as it is, I think that would have given me some control back. Right now I feel bloody useless and the only person I've got to chat to in real life is the male friend, and he's lovely but I don't think he'd know wtf to say to me about this.