**Tamoxigang 53** Roll up, roll up... Anyone with any cancer (or test-waiting) welcome!

[MarthaCostello]

Good evening all,

The old thread had nearly run out when I posted so I have taken the liberty of starting a new one before it fills up completely.

I hope the title is OK - there isn't actually that much room, I was trying to fit in that people should come along even if they haven't been diagnosed yet.

If you're new here welcome to the Tamoxigang thread. This is a great place for anyone with any type of cancer (it originally started out as those taking Tamoxifen for breast cancer, hence the name, but has expanded). Please introduce yourself and make yourself comfortable! You're more than welcome here if you haven't been diagnosed yet too, sometimes people find it helpful to talk through their fears whilst waiting for results. And we will hold your hand until you find out, and hopefully wave you on your way with an all-clear :)

There is almost always someone around to chat, or to answer any questions. Nothing is off-limits here. This is somewhere to offload any fears and frustrations, in a safe place where someone will have been there before.

I hope everyone has been enjoying the gorgeous summery weather

I wouldn't worry about why they've changed the appointment panda. I suspect your persistence has done the trick so well done you.

Panda, well done, it will be your persistence that has found the appointment, if you don't ask you don't get!

Hi all,

Firstly thank you for all the support. 😘

So I finally got my results, although still question why my BCN couldn't tell me. But apparently they aren't allowed to give out information!

Anyway, the CT was clear, other than the area on the breastbone that was picked up on the bone scan! So that was good news!

BUT they think it would be best to do a bone biopsy to try and work out what is causing this area!! 😕 It's the only way I will get a proper answer! So sadly I don't have the all clear yet! But the Oncologist did say that even if it did turn out to be cancerous, it is contained in one area, which is good!!

Right now I am feeling relieved, but emotional. I was really hoping that this would be the end of tests and scans for a while 😢 I've been on this journey for 2 years and 4months, and it just seems to be one thing after another!

But I know I should be grateful that I am still here and that they are able to treat it, which I am! But it would be nice to get back to 'normal' at some point! Fingers crossed by the end of January I will finally be able to put all this behind me!! Maybe 2016 will be 'my year' 😃

Sending lots of Love to you all. Xxxxxx

Nanny, my word, they don't give up do they? But we all know that's a good thing, just very frustrating. I think relief is a reasonable emotion for now and I hope you can relax a bit. You are not in a worst case scenario situation at all and I hope they crack on in January with the biopsy. But I know you're disappointed that it's not all over, I hope your patience and fortitude is rewarded very soon with a final clear result, goodness me you deserve it. I hope you get some sleep tonight, hugs to you.

nanng I feel for you I do. It seems to go on and on yes, but at least you are being looked after and not neglected. I suppose they will call you back for a biopsy appointment now then? Try and focus on the fact the news is not BAD. This is what you came back home with: the fact the news is not bad. Today will be over and try to imerse yourself in the festive activity until it is time for that biposy. My strategy is to take each day as it comes!
I pray you will be rewarded in the end with an all clear and get to celebrate in style. Rest now and treat yourself to something nice. You deserve it big time.
All the best.

nanny, I really sympathize with you, the scans and tests do seem endless, but I think a clear ct scan is good news, and the spot on the breastbone you already knew about, so I hope you manage to have some sleep tonight and put it behind you until after Christmas and enjoy treating yourself. Big hugs.

mrs, royal and fresta I do know that today's results were good, and I should be happy! Which I am, but I just wish that I could get a final result on something. Rather than there being another test or another scan required! I know I am being pathetic and there are people in a much worse position than me. Believe me I am trying to see the positives in all this. Xx

I think it's really understandable nanny - in the short time I've been here, you've been kept waiting and messed about so much, and it's only natural that you hoped for some closure today. You're not being pathetic at all (that's my job, you'd have to fight me for it ). Do you know when the next test will be?

I do understand nanny, you can't relax until you know the final results and there is still a lot of fear there. It's not pathetic or ungrateful to feel like this, like all of us, you just want your life back.

Hi nanny
I'm really pleased that you were given no new scary news today, but sad that you need yet more tests. My hospital doesn't give out test results by phone either. I can understand why, but it is hard to wait.

I was discharged yesterday. It was so nice to be back in my own bed, and dh has been great running around after me and making me lovely things to eat. I don't really eat in hospital, and of course no blood tests in the middle of the night is always a bonus. I am covered in bruises and have slept so much since returning home. But home is nice.

Great to hear you are home Mysillydog Hope you are feeling okay. Look after yourself xx 💐🍷🍫

Mysillydog- I am very happy to hear that you are back home and sounds like well looked after as well. I wish you a quick recovery.

Nanny - Glad that your results were mainly good. It is so frustrating that it took so long and I hope that 2016 will be your year.

Panda- Well done for managing to get an earlier appointment. 30th Of December was extremely unreasonable. Sorry about the poor experience with your new psychiatrist. I once have seen a psychologist and it was completely useless. Sometimes you just don't come across the right person.

mysillydog nothing beats being at home and being spoilt:)
nanny you are not being pathetic at all. All you want is to be able to relax and live your life. Don't we all :( i do hope 2016 is a much much better year for us all. I shudder merely thinking about what the summer of this year has been like.
We have been through so much and you nanny have had your share of distress and suffering, so we deserve to be fed up and tired ..and anyways all we ask for is our life back. Its not like we are asking for something glamorous
I have had another sleepless night..and will probably manage to sleep just when the alafm hoes off and it is time towake the DS for school. In one way I am glad for the holidays!!
Take care all

I hope you managed to get back to sleep royal 😘

I actually slept for 5hrs straight 😮 Haven't done that in months! 😉 My lovely bosses have given me the rest of the week off, so I am now on my Christmas break. Heading home to my parents for a bit of TLC! Much needed!!

Also had the sweetest card from my bosses, saying how grateful they are for the wonderful job I am doing with their little one 😀 and that they look forward to spending the next year/years with me 😃 It brought a tear to my eyes, and has calmed me down. As I was feeling slightly scared that I was going to lose my job through all this! But instead they are bending over backwards to be helpful, kind and supportive 😃 Mum boss even offered to come to the biopsy with me to give me some moral support! They really are a lovely family 😃 I feel very blessed right now!

Panda you are far from pathetic. Am right here with all these other lovely ladies to see you through the next few weeks! 😘💐

Nanny, how lovely that you are now able to escape and relax for a while, they sound like a very caring family. You deserve to be looked after.

Royal, I don't know how you're coping with so little sleep. I wouldn't be functioning by now. I wish someone could fix this for you.

Mysillydog, I hope you're recovering nicely now you're home. Take it easy though, I know there's lots to do at this time of year but you need to rest.

Hope everyone else is reasonably ok and coping.

mrs i usually go to bed early, sleep for say 3 to 4hours then wake up and start tossing and turning and when I fall asleep it is time to wake up, but sometimes like the past two nights it is worse than that and so yes it really is hard. I am feeling quite quite crabby today for having had two extra restless nights in a row:(
nanny I am so so glad you are feeling better tody and that you are surrounded with such caring and loving people. You deserve a really good break, so do enjoy it to the max:)
panda we are all here to support each other:)

Hi all, I'm new to this thread. I'd often wondered what Tamoxigang meant

I hope its ok to post here, I had a skin cancer (malignant melanoma) diagnosis a month ago and I had a wide local excision last week. I'm now waiting for the results to see whether the cancer has spread. They said it was caught very early (less than 1mm thick) so they think its unlikely, but I can't help but worry. Especially as I have moles all over and they're all starting to look suspicious to me now. I even found a black dot on my tongue which freaked me out thinking it was a new mole. Turned out to be pen

They said the results will be back in about 6 weeks, so I need to try to put it out of my mind until the new year but I'm finding it quite difficult. It helps to talk about it but I don't want to bore everyone in real life - they're probably getting fed up with me and my ailments!

Hello and welcome, as I'm sure you've guessed tamoxigang is a reference to the tamoxifen that many of us with breast cancer take. But it's a thread for any sort of cancer, so you're in the right place. It's not always easy to talk to your loved ones at a time like this, they are also desperately worried and trying to cope. We all understand the torture of waiting for results so rant away here. We don't have anyone with skin cancer at the moment but the emotions are the same.

I have a good friend being tested for skin cancer at the moment, and she also has a 4-6 week wait for her results. She does not know if her mole is cancerous yet, but she found the excision much more upsetting than she had anticipated. She was amazing when I was in hospital, came to see me lots, cheered me up and made me laugh.

I get my results today. It could be the end of my treatment, or there could be more.

I do hope everything goes well today mysillydog - fingers crossed that you get brilliant news for Xmas!

iwouldgoouttonight - the posters here are fantastic. I haven't been around for long but they are so supportive and patient. I'm sure they will all be fine with you offloading here, it feels like a very safe place to me.

nanny - so good that your employers are being like that. I've been very touched by the people I've told. It's not my way to tell anyone anything, but maybe that's a lesson I need to learn.

I'm sorry that I didn't reply on Wednesday to a couple of people who asked about the psychiatrist - I'm not sure about asking for a new one. I think that would take a long time to process and I wonder if it's best to stay with a not-so-great one that I can at least access, or start from scratch again. I've been thinking more about what he said, and it was really useless. I called my GP yesterday for a chat as she said I could call any time; I was going to ask her who she would recommend as she will know them all as they come to rural practices for clinics. She wasn't there but will hopefully call back today.

I have also asked if I can speak to a psychologist - I did try that before. It didn't work, but needs must!

The psychiatrist I had is on a career break - I wondered if she was maybe doing private practice during that time, but not sure how to find out. Again, I'll ask my GP. A session with her would be so helpful right now.

I've just spoken with my GP - she has agreed to send me to a different psychiatrist. It won't be soon enough for me to speak to someone before Tuesday, but hopefully I'll get someone who can help me through afterwards.

GP also admitted (after a bit of pushing), that she would be 'extremely surprised' if this doesn't turn out to be something. She said that the nipple does seem to have just collapsed, and if it was just a bit inverted and no lump, she'd not be so worried, but the way it has gone and the fact that she found a lump, is a concern. She said I should call her as soon as I find out what I'm dealing with on Tuesday. There was lots of 'now, don't worry' and 'you'll get through' sort of comments, which just don't get it at all do they?

I have three full days before I find out - need to get this work project finished, clear the spare room for my mum coming (that'll be tricky - I don't want to tell anyone until after Xmas), and try and get more of a festive spirit here. My kids don't know but I think they sense something - I'm crying so much, and my partner looks so defeated and tired too.

mysillydog - any word yet?

Not the best news today.

I have several dispersed areas of invasive cancer within a large area of DCIS and both of the lymph nodes they sampled had invasive cells.

I go back in the new year for axial clearance followed by chemo. It hadn't really sunk in that this was happening to me, even after my mastectomy. I kept thinking that it was some kind of a mistake.

I'm so so sorry mysillydog. That is just absolutely shit.

I wish I could say something that would help but you just seem to have been through so much already that I really hoped it would be good news. I hope you have someone with you x