**Tamoxigang 53** Roll up, roll up... Anyone with any cancer (or test-waiting) welcome!

[MarthaCostello]

Good evening all,

The old thread had nearly run out when I posted so I have taken the liberty of starting a new one before it fills up completely.

I hope the title is OK - there isn't actually that much room, I was trying to fit in that people should come along even if they haven't been diagnosed yet.

If you're new here welcome to the Tamoxigang thread. This is a great place for anyone with any type of cancer (it originally started out as those taking Tamoxifen for breast cancer, hence the name, but has expanded). Please introduce yourself and make yourself comfortable! You're more than welcome here if you haven't been diagnosed yet too, sometimes people find it helpful to talk through their fears whilst waiting for results. And we will hold your hand until you find out, and hopefully wave you on your way with an all-clear :)

There is almost always someone around to chat, or to answer any questions. Nothing is off-limits here. This is somewhere to offload any fears and frustrations, in a safe place where someone will have been there before.

I hope everyone has been enjoying the gorgeous summery weather

Marshy, I did have the fipple done and then a tittoo afterwards, which I recently had topped up.
It's OK, not brilliant if I'm honest. It is nice to see a bit of a nipple under my nightshirt, but it does shrink & flatten. Also, I found that the tittoo really does fade. Initially it's too much, but it soon wears off.
It is better than the flat skin graft that I was initially left with, though!

Good morning all and thanks for your warm support and kind words. I hope today will be a better day.
Boobz, great to hear from you and hope you will be back with your DC soon. Take care of yourself.
Hope you all have a restful and lovely Sunday.

Hope you had a better day today Royal and had a restful day.

Good to hear from you Boobz. I found the lack of cleavage took a little while to get used to too. Hopefully the swelling will go down soon. A friend took one look at me after my op and complained that I was still bigger than she was. Am now a year on and things have definitely settled down. They don't feel quite so solid as they did but are still nice and perky!

I haven't decided about nipples yet but I have an appointment coming up to discuss having my ovaries out so the nipples will have to wait.

Hope everyone had a good Sunday.

Hope you are recovering well Boobz and Royal I hope you felt better over the weekend. It is a hard burden to bear at times - people are being so positive and supportive but I keep feeling that actually, it's pretty scarey having cancer.

I had my second dose of docetaxel on Fri, so far so good- sore mouth and feeling a bit achey but not quite as bad as last time yet. Think it helps to be prepared and knowing more what to expect this time. Planning to spend the day reading and watching TV- DH taking over the cooking and childcare luckily.

fresta and speedy thank you for asking. I am back to "normal" whatever that means :)
You are right fresta about knowing what to expect now. I can now plan thinsg ahead because of this. I know what days I am okay enough to do certain things and what days I am better off just sat watching tv and giving in to the fatigue.
And yet, ther are stil times when I find myself underestimating the fatigue, when i do a bit more than I should like tempting it and the backlash is so bad. That is what makes me realise I am not ever going to be that same person I was. I tend to prioritise things according to energy levels so as to sustain what energy I have to do things at the top of the list. You are lucky, as am I, that we have DH to tend to the kids. It does help so much to ease the feeling of helplessness.

Glad you are feeling better royal, this journey is full of ups and downs.

Well I finally got hold of my BCN yesterday and results aren't in She has promised me that they will definitely be at my appointment tomorrow....not really sure how she can guarantee that?! But we'll see.

I have gone from super positive, to very anxious over the last few days. Not helped I suppose by her telling me she would let me have the results at the end of last week! I know she was TRYING to be helpful, but I really wish she wouldn't.

Anyway, what will be will be. Sending positive thoughts to all going through treatment xx

Marshy how's the back pain? Hope you are coping okay. Xx

nanny i shall be thinking of you and praying that your results tomorrow are good and that there is nothing to worry about.best of luck!!!

Thanks everyone!

I got to keep my nipples actually, so that was a bonus and does make my new boobs feel a bit more 'mine'. They took some cells from behind the nipple in the bad boob during surgery and tested them there and then (similar to the sentinel node) - both came back negative so got to keep my nipples and my lymph nodes!

They feel ROCK HARD. Like when I was engorged during my milk coming in when breast feeding, but even more solid, if that's possible! I am starting to think he has gone a size too big, but willing to give benefit of the doubt and see if they settle down.

Drains out tomorrow - woo. They have been mega annoying.

Have been house hunting all day and I think I overdid it (came out of hospital on Sunday) so need to put my feet up now. But we did find a house we loved!

Sorry to hear your results aren't in love - the wait is tortuous. Mrs I am in the UK for another 2 weeks and then back to Rome on the 1st Dec, all being well.

Glad to hear you are doing ok on the dox Fresta.

Can't believe this is all nearly over!

Nanny keeping everything crossed for you and good vibes coming your way. I still have niggling sciatic pain and taking painkillers everyday but improving.

Boobz - nipples are a fab bonus! Boobs will definitely settle down, fear not.

It's blowing a gale here!

Wow Boobz, I admire your stamina - and how exciting to have a new house!

Feeling your pain nanny and fingers stilled firmly crossed and will be virtually holding your hand at your appointment. Do you have someone to go with you?

Royal, I am sure once all your treatment is finished you will be nearer to your usual self, it is still early days

Appalling weather here too, although been snuggled up all day with the aches and pains. An hour long bath has made me feel better though

Thanks for all the support it's very much appreciated.

fresta I go to appointments on my own, have all the way through. I struggle enough dealing with my own emotions, without having to worry about someone else's I've coped up to now, so I'll be okay! Xx

Marshy glad things are improving slightly! Let's hope it continues.

Well I should try and get some sleep!! Easier said than done!

Good luck today Nanny sending best wishes
Great news about the nipples boobz don't overdo things. I did, I almost went on to a post mastectomy high...& regretted it later. Just take your time and get your energy back slowly.

Nanny, I'll be thinking of you today. I truly hope this appointment puts an end to this worry for you.

Thanks for all the kind words of support.

Sadly didn't quite get the 'all clear' that I was hoping for So the worry continues, although I will put it on the back burner, for a few months....or at least try.

My back and hip were fine, the pain is either wear and tear, or the Tamoxifen. But the bone scan did show 2 spots on my chest bone?! Which Oncologist thought might be surgery related, until he realised my surgery wasn't on that side! He didn't seem overly concerned, but then they never do. But he said they will have to re scan in 3 months, just to check things out it just seems never ending.

In the mean time, he suggested I stop the Tamoxifen and see if that sorts out all the other aches and pains (I was going to ask for a break, but he beat me to it)! Of course now I have come away from the appointment I am wandering if they stop the Tamoxifen, to see if the areas of concern change in any way?! But I might be over thinking things.

Anyway, I'm hoping that the break from Tamoxifen will give me a chance to feel human again, and the scan I will deal with nearer the time! Xx

Nanny, a mixed bag you got there. Let us hope those spots are nothing worrying, although nobody can blame you for worrying as anything tends to do so in our situation. Getting a break from Tamoxifen is good and hopefully you will be able to feel the difference in your day to day routine.
Take care.

Nanny, I feel for you really. I hate the watching and waiting approach and can understand your disappointment at not having the all clear. Even if the spots are innocent it will still mess with your head for the next few months as we all know. What a bugger. You seem to have everything going recently, you deserve a break from it all. Hopefully the next three months will be full of activity and distractions.

I wonder if you will feel instantly better with no more tamoxifen? That will be interesting to discover.

Oh Nanny the waiting room is a tough place to be.
Sending much love

Sorry your worry will continue somewhat nanny, but at least it wasn't 'bad' news and hopefully the spots will turn out to be nothing. Hope you feel better off the tamoxifen!

Thanks for all the kind words I really appreciate it, as I know you all know exactly how I feel.

I'm doing okay. Just feeling a little, actually a lot disappointed that I didn't get the all clear. Especially as everyone seemed to think it would be fine, but then I suppose the back and hip area were okay! So they were sort of right.

I am hoping that I can forget about this for the time being and hopefully enjoy the lead up to Christmas with my new charge, although she's too young to know what's going on. Also taking my ex charges out for tea next week so that's something to look forward to. There's nothing I can do to change what they have found, but no point worrying about it now!

I'm sure I will have good days and bad, but I know there is always someone on here willing to listen and who will understand and that's a great support xx

Sorry you didn't get the news youd hoped for, Nanny, but those little spots really could be anything. I had a lesion on the spine that looked like it could be a cancerous tumour and it turned out to be an incidental finding on the scan, nothing to do with my cancer at all. Whenever we have scans they often throw things up that we'd never have known were there if we weren't constantly being investigated. I know it's hard but all we can do is try to live in the present, day to day, week to week and enjoy the little things in life. Every little ache and twinge from now on is going to become sinister and frighten us and most of the time it willbe nothing but it won't stop us from worrying. As you said, put it on the back burner, forget about it and start planning a nice Christmas.

My hair started falling out so I had it all shaved off yesterday as it was making me very itchy. I don't thjnk I'll be wearing my wig as its quite uncomfortable - so that's 200 quid down the drain! I'm quite pleased with my little hats from suburban turban though. I have to cover my head all the time as the kids don't want to see my bald head.
I'm back in for my second lot of chemo today which I'm absolutely dreading but I've stocked up with ginger ale, ginger biscuits and ice; hopefully the different anti sickness meds will stop me from throwing up this time.
On a different note, I went to ikea yesterday and bought a duck down duvet and I slept better last night; I really think that it's more breathable and I definitely didn't get as hot and sweaty during the night as with my old one. It was expensive though but I treated myself for my birthday; I think it was worth the money - it feels lovely.

Anna, first of all happy birthday! Do pamper yourself by all means yes:)
Secondly, I wasted quite a lot of money on a wig that I never wear either and do find the turbans so comfy too. I do not uncover my head at all either cause as you said DC would not like to see me bald. It is amazing how much we adapt and how we manage to deal with things we never in our wildest of dreams thought we would come to face.
Hope the rest of you fine ladies are doing well.

Anna, here's to a much better birthday next year
Have the best birthday that you can this year

Happy Birthday Anna, down duvets are the best, much warmer and breathable!

My side effects are pretty much following the same pattern as last time- fine first 2 days, achey for a couple of days, a bit better next day and achey and indigestion again today. Hopefully will be feeling closer to myself tomorrow. Been feeling a bit sorry for myself today- I'm so worried about the cancer returning to other pats of my body and I haven't even got rid of it yet! My mum came to see me yesterday, she is gutted I've got this, and we have already had so many family losses from cancer she is obviously scared. Can't help thinking that there's a high chance of her outliving me and petrified of putting her through that. . Anyway, planned a nice day with DH tomorrow, need to snap out of this.

Anyone recommend something for oral thrush, furry mouth? I have been using corsodyl mouthwash but it doesn't seem to help much.

fresta the best thing I've found is Nystatin drops (prescription only) your GP should be able to prescribe them. I also have a tongue brush thing which helps a bit with the furriness. I sympathise, I've got oral thrush at the mo too, from antibiotics.

Waving to everyone else

Thanks for all your well wishes. I have been pampering myself; ive spent a lot more money on myself since I was diagnosed although I need to rein that in a bit!
I think we all worry about it returning, or never really going away; that's how it's going to be from now on sadly.
I got back from hospital at 5 and so far I've not been sick so im hoping these new meds have done the trick.

Fresta, is the mouthwash one prescribed by the hospital or just a normal dental type mouthwash. I'm asking because, in the past, when I've used dental mouthwashes they've actually given me oral thrush as they knocked out the good bacteria in my mouth too.