**Tamoxigang 53** Roll up, roll up... Anyone with any cancer (or test-waiting) welcome!

[MarthaCostello]

Good evening all,

The old thread had nearly run out when I posted so I have taken the liberty of starting a new one before it fills up completely.

I hope the title is OK - there isn't actually that much room, I was trying to fit in that people should come along even if they haven't been diagnosed yet.

If you're new here welcome to the Tamoxigang thread. This is a great place for anyone with any type of cancer (it originally started out as those taking Tamoxifen for breast cancer, hence the name, but has expanded). Please introduce yourself and make yourself comfortable! You're more than welcome here if you haven't been diagnosed yet too, sometimes people find it helpful to talk through their fears whilst waiting for results. And we will hold your hand until you find out, and hopefully wave you on your way with an all-clear :)

There is almost always someone around to chat, or to answer any questions. Nothing is off-limits here. This is somewhere to offload any fears and frustrations, in a safe place where someone will have been there before.

I hope everyone has been enjoying the gorgeous summery weather

Welcome Dinster. Hope all goes well with you.

Hi lily, wishing you well today and hoping this session is a bit less severe.

Royal, sorry you're having a rubbish week again. I assume you're getting all the help you can with your stomach issues.

Dinater, how are you doing?

lilly i have one more dose of AC then i have 12 weeks of tax( once every week) if i remember right. I was told Tax is not as tough as AC, but you mention it was fierce. In what way did you find it fierce if i may ask?

mrs hello. Thanks for your wishes. I sometimes feel the meds they are giving are giving me to help with the sickness etc is causing the abdominal discomfort( mainly flatulence , mild aches and general bloatedness).
Sigh. Hopefully if the earlier doese are to go by, i should be getting better within a few days.

Good luck Lily I hope your new chemo goes well

Hope your treatment goes well today, Lily, and that you feel more comfortable soon Royal.

I feel I ought to read some of the small library of information booklets I got sent home with this weekend but I think I might distract myself with sequins and fake tan on Strictly instead. Homework can wait a bit, right?

Royal I think it is the three weekly Tax which is the bad one. I had six cycles of that. I don't think the weekly version is nearly as bad. I get confused because there are references to Taxotere, Docetaxol and Taxol and I am never sure of the differences. Sitting in hospital now, having port flushed and waiting for blood test results and go ahead for chemo.
I've ordered a tuna mayo sarnie for an early lunch!

Lilly you go girl :)

dinster homework can definitely wait !!

I finally got a letter from the hospital today about my hysteroscopy. They found nothing abnormal. All well and good, I suspected I'm still having the odd period. But it doesn't mention anything about the ovarian cyst which they wanted to rescan in four months and says to ask for a referral if I get any more abnormal bleeding, which is the crux of th problem. How do I know what's abnormal and what's ok? I'm going to have to speak to my gp. Yet more time thinking about bloody cancer.

I've just been to the gym, where they were having a Macmillan coffee morning. Sometimes it seems like there's no escaping it. I'm also having absolutely no support from my very difficult parents. All they have wanted to know over the past year are facts and figures, test results, appointment details, they have not once asked me how I'm feeling. Then they tell me about their own ailments, all very normal stuff for their seventies. Mostly I don't think about it but just sometimes it really hurts, a compete lack of parental warmth.

Sorry to have a moan, I know I'm in a much better position than you lily and royal going through chemo at the moment and you dinster, just starting all this. Sometimes I just want to jump off this roundabout and get my old life back. I think I'm missing my youngest dd who started university on Saturday.

Royal
I just double checked with the oncology nurse. Docetaxol and Taxotere are the same drug and was the one I had three weekly whereas weekly Taxol is much less fierce!
Just had my chemo but will be back to hospital in a day or two for a blood transfusion as my Hb is low.

Lily wishing you all the best Hope your HB are secured back to normal soon.

mrs i so feel for you dear...we are all in this and it doesn't matter whether it is the chemo, the rads, the surgery or whatever..it is still all due to the cancer and we are all facing very abnormal circumstances day by day. I guess with parents when they are older they tend to become fixated on their own ailments even though we need them so much.
We are alwayshere for you..moan on for all you wish. Nonody here is going to cover their ears. And of course tou miss your girl! Is she calling you regularly for a chat and to keep you updated on her new life?
Sending you loads of smiles and positive vibes.
Remember you have come so far and have helped so many just by understanding.

Mrs I am so sorry your parents aren't much comfort to you. The only reason I am glad my parents are no longer here is that they would have been devastated had they known about DS2's leukaemia and my cancer. They were both very loving, concerned and would show their feelings in a way that was positive and generous.
At least your parents' traits haven't been passed on to you. Maybe it is just that they were brought up not to show their feelings and are really concerned?
Hope your DD2 is enjoying her first days at university and is making new friends.

Thanks both, you've brought a tear to my eye. I think you're probably right lily in that their own upbringings during the war were not exactly normal and they both have their issues with showing warmth. I have tried very hard to be a different type of parent. I have seen them once in the last 16 months since diagnosis and the subject was totally ignored all day.

My dd is having a good time, she has skyped a few times and we've had calls and texts, all initiated by her. She looks exhausted and isn't eating much but she's happy and doing really well for week one.

Lily, I hope you don't feel too ill this weekend and royal, I hope you start to feel better now.

I hope you are coping Lily, what a pain to have to have chemo again. I hope you are not feeling too sickly.

Hope everyone gets such a good nights sleep that they totally miss the lunar eclipse.

Hello everybody. My next chemo is next week(the last of the 4 AC )and then it will be 12 weekly does of Tax.
The cumulative effect is showing. I do not bounce back so well now and someone a little while back mentioned sleeping difficulties..well i am having massive sleeping difficulties( even chamomile te is not helping anymore) i usually find myself waking and unbke to ge bck to aleep after having slept so well for about 3 to 4 hours. Last night i woke up( bad dream) at 1:30 and could not for the life of me get back to sleep. Just hung up from the hospital and they say this is normal but they could give me some tablest to help me sleep. I m not sure I want to add to the toxic cocktail of medications I already take:(
I also have a mild toothache and am dreading what this may mean. Anybody been to the dentist during chemo?
Hope everybody is coping well with whatever it is we have to cope with!!

royal - I don't think you are supposed to have any invasive dentistry during chemo, though a check up would be OK.
Yes, the chemo seems to get more tiring as it goes on. And I have found that you reach a certain point when you are totally fed up with having it as it seems to go on for ever. Fortunately, eventually, the last session will arrive and then it is time to treat yourself for going through it all!
Sorry about the sleeping/waking. I'm waking up half way through the night at the moment as I still have aching legs, but I then manage to doze off (though it doesn't seem like it at the time).

Hey Royal - I too have had problems going to sleep for the past 3 weeks or so. I am coming up to my last (12th - same as you in that I am doing it weekly) tax on Tuesday. And then that will have been 24 weeks of chemo. Can't decide if it's gone quickly or not.

And then about 5 weeks off before double MX and recon. Hopefully all done and dusted and recovered in time for Christmas!

My last eyelash fell out today. I felt strangely sad.

Hiya Boobz. Congrats on completing the chemo and hope all goes well with the MX and reconstruction. The sleep problem is not what I need and I am so not keen on taking tablets for that:(
Can you tell me what your experimece of the 12 week Tax was like?
My eyebtows are still here, but my lashes are thinning out( i had dark thick lashes so sad is definetly how I will be feeling when they go).
Funny, I dont mind losing the hair on my head as much as I fear losing my eyelashes now...sigh.

The first 5 months of chemo had been totally fine if I am honest - but the last month has been hard. I think this is because I have been commuting from Rome to London however, which when you do weekly really starts to knacker you out! So I think it's been a cumulative thing, rather than it being Tax per se.

I will say that I have finally succumbed to some side effects though - oral thrush, achy pelvis and insomnia, which have all only kicked in like I say in the last 4 weeks or so. I have managed to keep about 60% of hair on my head through cold capping, but eyelashes and eyebrows have given up during these last 4 weeks as well - I feel like I have only just received the "cancer face" which losing those 2 sets of hair does to you, just as I am finishing up!

Oh, I did have a bit of a blub at the chemo ward on tax #2 - felt a bit like pregnancy hormones and was crying but couldn't tell anyone why (I blamed the cold cap at the time but it wasn't that).... apparently you just go a bit loopy on tax but no one had told me that so wasn't expecting to feel so emotional! Was fine by tax #3,

I think the cumulative effect is very real Boobz. I am starting to feel like I am going under and I still have a lot to face in the chemo arena. I have been told the weekly Tax is not as bad as the AC dose dense, but who knows after having done so much what m body will say about it!
Our poor bodies have to go through all this and take in all this toxicity. It is no wonder our emotions and minds are burdened.
I hope you start to feel way better when the whole thing ends soon.
I couldn't imagine commuting as you do. That in itself is one big feat to take.

I've had a good day today. Worked in morning then travelled back for bone injection and blood test at hospital followed by seeing my Oncologist. He was pleased that I had got through the first week of new chemo so well (I've been at work as usual) without any significant side effects - though I have been pretty tired in the evenings.
Then, as we left the hospital, DS2 texted to say he had got his MSc results and had been awarded a Merit.
Was going to celebrate with champagne but DS2 doesn't like it!

Hooray for such a good day Lily!

Waving hello to all

Congratulations to LilysLad ! You must be very proud. Glad the new regime is going well.

I have been enjoying the sunshine today. I got some housework done too, so my house looks slightly less like a tip. I can't believe it's October already!